Close Encounters
by JinnySkeans
Summary: Her dad warned her about talking to strange boys. She might've tuned out the part where he told her not to move in with them. Whoops. AU
1. Desperate Times, Desperate Measures

It had been a long, hard, agonizing day.

Konoha was notorious for its achingly hot summers, and Sakura had chosen, in her infinite lack of wisdom, to put off the apartment hunting till last minute. In retrospect, this was not her cleverest idea.

Well, she was really paying for it this time. So far, she'd visited eight different apartment complexes today, only to be told by eight different landlords that there were absolutely no vacancies.

_Serves me right for putting this shit off,_ she thought angrily, crossing yet another building off her list.

She'd gotten into Konoha University on a full scholarship. Premed major, just like she'd always wanted. Everyone back home in Suna had been so, so happy for her, and she'd been thrilled for herself. So thrilled, in fact, that she neglected to read her acceptance letter in its entirety.

Specifically, the part at the bottom that stated that due to an unexpectedly high influx of incoming freshmen to the university, there were not enough dormitories available on campus to accommodate everyone.

Therefore, Sakura had enjoyed her summer with her friends, laughing and joking and it wasn't until the first week of August that she realized she needed to find her own damn apartment.

Apparently, though, she wasn't alone; hundreds of new freshmen found themselves scrambling to find roommates and apartments close to campus. Sakura was presented with two decidedly unique problems in that area:

She was the only one of her friends who would be attending Konoha University, she didn't know any of her future classmates yet, and therefore had absolutely no one to stay with;

And she didn't have a license. Couldn't drive. Which meant wherever she chose to live would need to be within walking distance of school.

There were nine apartment complexes that fit both her price range (cheap) and proximity requirements. The only trouble was, eight of those nine were completely booked solid, and by the time she trudged herself through the scorching hot streets of Konoha to the ninth, she was desperate, and had almost no hope for success.

_Next time, you read the fine print, you stupid asshole,_ she scolded herself for the umpteenth time, ringing the bell outside the building to be let inside. _You don't just stop reading at 'Congratulations!' You keep reading and you learn all the details and you don't get fucking left behind and homeless and shit because you're too vainglorious to plan your own future!_

"Shady Leaf Village Apartment Suites, how may I help you?" the cool voice chimed over the intercom.

"Hi, I'm Sakura Haruno," Sakura replied back into the microphone, trying not to sound as winded as she felt after such an unbearable morning. "I called earlier to inquire about a potential vacancy?"

The words sounded practiced to her own ears, and she almost winced at how fake she was coming off, but she would need to keep her temper in check for this building and hope to God they had one stupid apartment left over for her.

"Ah, yes, welcome Miss Haruno. Please come inside, Landlord's Office. Mr. Hatake will be with you shortly."

The door buzzed, unlocked itself, and swung forward to admit her. She quickly ran her fingers through her hair and wiped the smudged mascara clumping in the corners of her eyes to restore some semblance of composure, and stepped inside without much hope at all for her future.

The building was nice. Simple, but clean. The paint on the walls looked new, smelled new, a nice neutral tan color, and the carpets were a rich burgundy color. She headed down the hallway to the door marked "Landlord," and the name "Kakashi Hatake" emblazoned in gold underneath. After a tentative knock, she entered.

The landlord was not present, but to her surprise, there was someone else sitting in front of the desk, fingers threaded beneath his chin. It was a boy with jet black messy hair and dark eyes, about her age; he looked up at her when she opened the door with one eyebrow raised.

_Well helloooo handsome,_ she thought, impressed by his arrogant attitude and perfect bone structure.

"Oh, sorry," she said. "They told me to come into the office to wait for Mr. Hatake, I didn't realize someone else was already here."

The boy said nothing, merely turned away from her as though she hadn't spoken. Rethinking her initially positive first impression of him, she narrowed her eyes slightly and without asking his permission, took the empty seat beside him to wait for the landlord.

If the boy was irritated by her actions, he didn't voice it. Instead, he glared at the empty landlord's chair as though it had said something to personally offend him, and Sakura wondered if she was sitting in the presence of some type of psychopathic serial killer.

It was uncomfortable.

Moments passed in stifling silence. She kept sneaking peeks at the rude gorgeous hottiehot out of the corner of her eye, and saw that he looked decidedly irritated. Perhaps he'd been waiting for much longer than she had.

Apparently "punctuality" wasn't a term in Kakashi Hatake's vocabulary.

Jerk.

_How dare he keep a lady waiting?_ She fumed silently, her arms folded. It was easier and easier to ignore the sexy douchebag sitting beside her, the more she concentrated on her rotten day and this newest inconvenience. _All this shit today, I'm still homeless, and my only hope decides to hang me out to dry like soaking wet laundry and now my metaphors suck ass because I'm tired and I didn't have my morning three cups of coffee so I'm definitely going to be into shock, I believe, from caffeine deprivation and…_

"Stop it."

She blinked and looked around at the boy, who'd spoken. His voice was deep, attractive, but overshadowed by his unbelievable rudeness. He still wasn't looking at her.

"Stop what?" she asked, fighting to keep her tone calm.

"Breathing."

"_Breathing?_"

"Hn. You're breathing too hard. It's annoying."

_Breathing. Too. Hard._

"Oh. I see. I apologize, from the bottom of my heart. You see, you dickhead," (here the boy looked up, surprised, apparently, at her complete abandonment of her temper) "I've had the worst day of my life so far. Okay? This is the ninth fucking building I've had to look at now since apparently, KU accepts students without having enough room to house them all and apparently EVERYONE GOT THE MEMO BUT ME so there are absolutely no rooms left in the city for me to have which means I will be homeless for college if this shit doesn't work out. The landlord's late, my cell phone's dead, and this building looks to be more expensive than I can afford waiting tables but my only other alternative is suicide so if I'm BREATHING TOO HARD for your personal taste, why don't you go find yourself a nice, rusty railroad spike and suck. It. Dry for all I care."

The boy, to his credit, looked appropriately affronted. Sakura was somewhat proud that she'd crammed so many words into that rant without taking a breath, and would have been furious to know that the boy could maintain his apathy throughout, but he couldn't. His dark eyes narrowed angrily and he opened his mouth to say something doubtlessly rude in return, but they were interrupted by the door opening.

"Ah, Mr. Uchiha! I didn't realize you would be bringing your lovely wife with you today!"

Both Sakura and her enemy whirled around to see a man standing in the threshold, silvery gray hair in a mop on top of his head, and most of his face hidden by a surgical mask. Only one eye was visible, crinkled up presumably in a smile.

_A surgical mask?_ Sakura thought, creeped out completely. _What does he need THAT for? Is this building a breeding ground for swine flu, perhaps? Or maybe it's a meth lab, and he's hiding his face to avoid detection by anti-narcotic agencies, or…_

"Wait, excuse me?" She finally registered Mr. Hatake's words, and looked horrified. "I am not his wife! Are you crazy?"

_Nice move, you idiot,_ she thought furiously. _This man is your only hope at avoiding sleeping in the subway station and you call him crazy._

"My mistake," said Kakashi genially as he stepped around them and took a seat at his desk. "I was told I had a meeting today with a Mr…Sasuke Uchiha, if my records are correct?"

The boy beside Sakura nodded once, curtly. His name was Sasuke, then, huh? Nice name.

Dickhead.

"Then who might you be, young lady?" Kakashi asked her kindly.

"My name's Sakura Haruno," she replied, shaking his hand as he offered it to her. "Sorry for the confusion, I called earlier and your receptionist told me to come by whenever to ask about an open apartment?"

"Ah," Kakashi said, opening his laptop and typing something Sakura couldn't see. His lone visible eye swept across the screen before he continued, "Well, there's good news, and there's bad news, kids."

_Shit,_ thought Sakura, glaring at Sasuke to find he was glaring right back at her.

"We do have availability here at Shady Leaf Village."

_Sweet!_ She thought.

"But only one apartment, unfortunately."

_Shit AGAIN._

"I'll take it," Sasuke said shortly.

"Wait a minute!" Sakura snapped indignantly. "I'LL take it! Why do YOU get to have it?"

"I was here first, you nutcase," he hissed.

"I'm a girl, you potential serial killer!" she shot back, furious. "Whatever happened to chivalry?"

"If I may," Kakashi interjected, looking remarkably unruffled considering the cyclone of conflict brewing between his two prospective clients, "the apartment we have available is a two-bedroom. It's not unheard of to share it, as roommates."

There was a beat of silence, then-

"No fucking way," Sasuke snapped.

"I'd rather be homeless!" Sakura snarled.

Kakashi sighed and closed his laptop.

"I'm afraid that might be your only option at this point, Miss Haruno," he said. "You see, Shady Leaf Village is catered primarily to students. Am I correct in assuming that you both are either attending Konoha University presently, or WILL be attending in the fall?"

Sakura nodded; to her irritation, so did Sasuke. Figures, the only Konoha student she knew so far was a complete and utter asshole.

"Then you might have a problem seeking living arrangements elsewhere. Lately, the only availabilities are in the apartment complexes and condos downtown, further from campus and much, much more expensive."

"Why can't you just give it to me and let her work her own shit out?" Sasuke growled.

Sakura _fumed._

"Chivalry's not dead, Sasuke," Kakashi said lightly. "What if I show you both the apartment before you make a decision?"

Sakura glared at Sasuke; he glared right back. But both of them stood up with Kakashi, and followed him down the hallway and outside.

Shady Leaf Village was a considerably large complex, comprised of four buildings with twenty apartments in each. Kakashi led them to the smallest building, which, Sakura realized delightedly, was directly adjacent to the swimming pool.

Rooming with Sasuke was seeming less and less repugnant the more she fell in love with the area.

He had his hands shoved in his pockets as they walked, and was stewing in his own anger. She mused that such a handsome face was wasted on such a rancid personality, as Kakashi unlocked Building C and led them inside.

Apartment C-17 was on the first floor, at the very end of the hall. Kakashi opened the door for them and invited them inside.

"Well, here you go!" he said with a smile (Sakura guessed it was, anyway, she was still plenty weirded out by the face mask.) "Why don't you both take a look around?"

Sakura loved it right away. It was small, simple, clean and bright; the rooms were painted utilitarian white, and each featured wide windows that let in plenty of light. There were two bedrooms of equal size, two bathrooms, a decent-sized living room and a finished kitchen.

Affording a two-bedroom by herself, however, was an issue.

Judging by the look on Sasuke's face, he seemed to be thinking the same thing. He looked at her warily, like he was sizing her up to see how compatible they might be as roommates. At least, that's how she was looking at him.

"So what'll it be, kids?" Kakashi asked, once they were all gathered in the empty living room. "I have a lot of students behind you who'd jump at the chance to stay here, so I suggest you make a decision quickly."

"You won't sell it to me alone, will you?" Sasuke asked, his tone pulsing with annoyance.

"Or me?" Sakura chimed in.

Kakashi chuckled. "Right you are. So do we have a deal? Or will you both be attending the University of Perennial Homelessness?"

Sakura knew she hated Sasuke Uchiha. Loathed him, actually. From his smug attitude to his gorgeous face to his killer body to his rippling muscles to his…she stopped herself right there.

But this was about her future.

And Kakashi was right; there was no way she could afford an apartment downtown. Hell, she couldn't even afford THIS apartment, not without a roommate. And she didn't know anyone at all in Konoha, besides this angry boy with the too-gorgeous face.

"I'm in if you are," Sakura said finally, sensing that this boy might be even more stubborn than she was.

Sasuke looked her up and down with suspicious eyes before folding his arms in surrender.

"Aa," he agreed.

"Excellent!" Kakashi said happily. "Welcome to Shady Leaf Village, then, kids! If you'll come with me, I'll have you both sign your lives over to me…I mean, sign your leases…and we can discuss move-in dates!"

Sakura did not miss Kakashi's slip of tongue, and if the look of outrage on Sasuke's face was any indication, he didn't either. They followed him out of C-17, back to the landlord's building, where Kakashi slapped them both with a forty-page lease agreement full of legal jargon Sakura could hardly decipher.

She got the distinct sense she was signing her soul to the devil, but hell, her education was on the line here.

_I cannot believe I am doing this right now,_ she thought, as she initialed each section individually with a flourish of her pen. _Moving in with a strange boy…an asshole, actually…I met literally twenty minutes ago. Daddy please don't shoot me. Sasuke please don't shoot me._

If Sasuke WAS a serial killer (and she strongly suspected he might be), then she was making herself the easiest possible target. She watched him warily out of the corner of her eye as he scrawled his name on each required line of his lease, and decided to invest in a very good bolt lock for her bedroom door.

If he wanted to kill her, she was not going to make it easy for him.

The signing took longer than the showing had. When she was done, her hand was cramped up and it hurt to reach into her wallet to extract her checkbook, and sign away her security deposit and what was left of her sanity. Sasuke did the same, and to her pleasant surprise, between the two of them, the rent wouldn't be so terrible.

In fact, as long as Sasuke made his payment on time each month and didn't try to slaughter her in her sleep, they really could make this work.

"All right!" Kakashi said, looking over their leases with his lone eye crinkled up. "Everything looks to be in order. Here's your keys. One copy for each of you. Your mailbox is in the mailroom, C-17. You're welcome to move in anytime between now and the end of the month. Any questions?"

Sakura shook her head. So did Sasuke.

"Perfect! It's been a pleasure, kids. Welcome to Shady Leaf Village!"

Well, shit. Sakura glanced at her new roommate, who was staring at the carpet as if willing it to burst into flame.

At least she wasn't homeless.

_What the fuck did I just do?!_

* * *

**note..** Hi everybody! Hope you like this new jawn. Have a great weekend!

xoxo Daisy


	2. Some Assembly Required

Sasuke's grip on the steering wheel was iron-tight as he merged onto the freeway.

It was a three-and-a-half hour drive back to Oto, where he lived, which gave him three-and-a-half hours to reflect on what a stupid fucking idiot he was.

Signing a sports scholarship with Konoha University seemed like such a good idea at the time. It was a fine school, and all of his family members had attended it before him. And in this day and age, and this uncertain economy, you simply don't turn your nose up at a free education.

He hadn't counted, however, on having such a hard time finding a place to live.

One of the unfortunate things about not having any parents meant that he had to figure out a lot of things for himself. Finding college housing was one of those things, since Sasuke hadn't counted on Konoha not having enough rooms for everyone.

Shady Leaf Village Apartment Suites was pretty much a last-ditch resort. He'd had problems all over the city trying to find somewhere he could stay.

This, however, was a problem he could never have predicted.

In the form of a bitchy, temperamental, hysterical _female_, about whom he knew next to nothing, but with whom he would now be living for an entire _year._

Girls were nothing but trouble. He'd learned that early on. And his new roommate, a short, thin harpy with bright pink hair, already looked to be more trouble than she was worth.

The fact that she was a complete knockout only added to his consternation.

How was he supposed to live in such close quarters with someone that five-alarm hot?

Just because he avoided girls didn't mean he wasn't attracted to them. And even if this Sakura Haruno seemed like a certifiable psychopath, he couldn't deny her beauty.

The whole situation was a nightmare. His already foul mood degenerating even further, he swung over into the left lane without looking, cutting the driver behind him off, but he didn't care. If he was having such a shit day, why should anyone else be in a good mood?

* * *

Sasuke planned on putting off moving in his things until the very end of August, but the more he thought about it, the less he liked that idea. Giving his psychotic female roommate all these days of uninterrupted freedom around their apartment (he shuddered at having to call it that) seemed stupid even by his standards. With his luck, she'd claim the better bathroom and bedroom, and booby-trap the rest of the place.

So he packed up his things with the help of his best friend, a psychopath named Naruto, who would be attending Konoha University but had the sense to make sure he had a dorm first, and the pair of them headed down to Shady Leaf Village together that same weekend.

"Sweet digs, jerk!" Naruto whistled, as they headed down the hallway to C-17 with boxes in their arms. "If I knew you were gonna get a place like this, I'd've roomed with you instead of getting that single on campus!"

"Could've saved me a lot of trouble," Sasuke mumbled; he still hadn't divulged the identity of his roommate to anyone, least of all his prying best friend. He paused outside C-17 and rummaged in his pockets, balancing the cardboard box full of his things on one hip. He found the key and with a bit of maneuvering, unlocked the door.

A high-pitched scream nearly knocked him off his feet, and he dropped the box he was holding directly onto his foot. His vision went white as pain ripped through him, and he rounded on the screamer with venom in his blood.

"What the FUCK are you screaming about?" he demanded of Sakura, who was clutching her chest and fanning herself, looking traumatized.

"I thought you were a burglar!" she gasped.

"I LIVE here, you fucking idiot!" he snapped.

The fear abruptly gone from her face, boiling anger took its place as she retorted, "I didn't know it was YOU, asshole!"

"How 'bout the fact that I had a key? That ring any bells for you?"

"Hey, what's goin' on, teme?" Naruto asked, following him inside the apartment. "Who are you yelli-well, HELLO THERE, PINKY!"

Sasuke snorted at Naruto's instant attraction to his infuriating roommate, but something unpleasant coursed through his stomach at the same time. How dare he find Sakura attractive. He was supposed to be his best friend, but he'd fallen for a pair of bright green eyes and pouty pink lips and damn to hell the fact that Sakura Haruno was going to be the death of Sasuke!

To his bizarre amusement, however, Sakura's eyes narrowed abruptly at Naruto's nickname for her.

"Who are you?" she asked coldly.

"Naruto Uzumaki at your service, Pinky!" he said, oblivious as he offered her his hand. "Are you Sasuke's girlfriend? If so you're way too pretty for him!"

"I'd sooner be dead," Sasuke muttered, at the precise moment Sakura hissed, "In his dizziest daydreams."

When Naruto continued to look confused at what was happening inside the barely-furnished apartment, Sakura sighed and relaxed somewhat, apparently sensing that Naruto was not harmless, if not criminally stupid.

"I'm Sakura," she introduced herself, taking his hand and shaking it with a smile. "I'm this dickhead's roommate. Unfortunately."

"His _roommate?_" Naruto gasped, and Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose, battling an imminent migraine. "BASTARD YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU LANDED SUCH A HOT GIRL TO LIVE WITH!"

"Hey, Forehead, what the hell is going on out there?" a second female voice called, and everyone looked towards Sakura's bedroom to see a tall, blonde girl emerge with a frown on her face.

"IS SHE YOUR ROOMMATE TOO?" Naruto shouted at Sasuke. "THIS BLONDE ANGEL? ARE Y'ALLS HAVING SOME DEPRAVED THREESOME SEX ORGY ARRANGEMENT? IS THIS APARTMENT A DEN OF SIN? IF SO I WANT IN!"

"Shut up you moron," said Sasuke darkly. Sakura seemed to have a greater patience for what was happening, however, and sighed.

"That's my best friend, Ino," she introduced the blonde girl, who was giving obvious elevator eyes to Sasuke and making his stomach turn. "Ino, this is my…ugh…roommate. Sasuke. And this is his friend, Naruto. Now that we all know each other…"

"Well," Ino said, striding towards Sasuke in what he supposed was her best attempt at 'seductive,' but really just made him nauseous, "I'd like to get to know THIS one on a more personal basis. How 'bout it, Sasuke?"

He ignored her and directed his attention to Sakura, who looked amused at his discomfort. "Why are you here?" he demanded.

Her eyes narrowed. "I live here, same as you. I was moving my things into my room."

Sasuke looked around the apartment, and his mood plummeted even further. It appeared that Sakura hadn't waited for his permission to move things into the communal spaces: i.e., the living room and kitchen.

The place was almost sickeningly feminine. A light blue sectional sofa was nestled in the corner of the living room on top of a taupe-colored area rug. The girliest table cloth he'd ever seen was thrown across the sloppily-assembled dining room table in the kitchen, obviously put together by some stupid girl who didn't know what she was doing, and when he opened the cupboards, he found scores of pink coffee mugs, plates, and bowls that made him instantly furious.

He whirled around to face her again and snapped, "Take this girly shit out of here."

"Like hell I will!" she shot back. "This is my space, too!"

"I am not living in an apartment with THAT on the wall!" he snarled, pointing at a framed picture of the Eiffel Tower hanging behind the sofa.

"It's the Eiffel Tower!" Sakura screeched. "It's not girly, it's French!"

"You could make the argument that it's a phallic symbol," Naruto said sagely, examining the portrait in question, and Sasuke literally couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. "And that's why Sasuke has a problem with it. Since, you know, phallic-wise, he's just not as impressive as the Eiffel Tower."

Sakura and Ino immediately burst into giggles, and Sasuke silently promised Naruto a slow, agonizing destruction before retorting stiffly, "This is communal space. You can't decide what goes in here without my permission."

Sakura's face was scarlet, her green eyes flaming with incandescent rage, and Sasuke couldn't help but notice how she seemed to be the type of girl who was at her prettiest when she was angry. And this did not bode well for him AT ALL, considering how he couldn't seem to stop making her angry.

"Your PERMISSION?" she screamed, pointing one accusing finger at him like a malediction. "I don't need your PERMISSION for ANYTHING! You are not my FATHER. You are not my BROTHER. You are DAMN SURE NOT MY BOYFRIEND so I _do not answer to you, you fucking cretin._"

Sasuke was visited by a sudden desire to grab her by her long pink ponytail and throw her out the open bay window they were arguing in front of, but decided against it, since they were on the first floor and the height wouldn't be enough to kill her. Instead, he forced himself to breathe through his nose and bit out, "We need to compromise."

This seemed to change Sakura's demeanor entirely. The hellish fire shining in her eyes was extinguished immediately, and she nodded with a sweet smile.

"That's fair," she decided. "Compromising is fair, in the communal areas."

Slightly wrongfooted by her sudden mood change, he continued, "Take that lace tablecloth off the table. And put that shit on your bedroom wall." He pointed to the portrait of the Eiffel Tower somewhat spitefully.

Sakura pouted.

"We need to have _some_ art in the living room," she said, putting her hands on her hips. Sasuke's gaze followed them and the back of his neck _burned._ He had to get over this. For his sanity and Sakura's. "I have a picture of Humphrey Bogart?"

"Fine," he bit out. Anything was better than a girly, frilly picture of the Eiffel Tower, and even he knew that Humphrey Bogart was the world's original badass.

She seemed content with that, and she and Ino disappeared into her bedroom to do God-only-knows-what, thankfully taking the _fucking_ awful table cloth with them. Sasuke exhaled sharply through his nose and prepared himself for the onslaught.

Naruto did not disappoint.

"Well, well, well, Sasuke, you sly dog," his best friend snickered, eyebrows waggling.

"Don't even go there, you dumbass."

"When you told me you had to share the place with a roommate, you neglected to mention that that roommate was a _female…_"

"Let it _go,_ idiot."

"…and that that female was smoking _hot…_"

"I'm warning you."

"…and that she had a balcony you could recite Shakespeare from, an ass you could bounce a quarter of off, and-"

"Out. Get the hell out. Get out of my fucking apartment."

Sasuke grabbed his best friend (soon to be not-so-dearly departed) by the back of his neck and steered him towards the door, overcome with frustration.

_I haven't moved IN yet,_ he thought furiously. _And already the idiot's smitten with the fucking chick who's trying to ruin my life._

Naruto was laughing as he shook off Sasuke's grip.

"All right, all right!" he surrendered, holding his hands up. "Let's just move your shit in, okay? And I won't bring up the fact that I literally watched your eyes watch her ass when she went into her room."

Sasuke stared around at the still-feminine apartment that was giving him fits, and prayed for the strength not to set the whole fucking place on fire.

* * *

Hours passed of exhaustive moving-in procedures. Sasuke eventually found himself holed up in his bedroom, mounting his flat-screen TV on the wall. Naruto was out scouting for a pizza joint in town, and with the girls fucking around in Sakura's room, he found himself enjoying a rare moment of peace on this most auspicious day.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.

He swore under his breath. At least, it _had_ been a peaceful moment.

"What," he growled out.

"It's Sakura," the feminine, slightly-pissed voice replied from the other side of the door.

His entire body tensed and he nearly dropped the television. That little psychopath wasn't coming _near_ his room.

"I'm busy," he ground out in annoyance. "Go away."

"I need your help," she called, ignoring him. "I'm coming in."

"No you're not," he snapped, but she wasn't listening to him. The door flew open and she swept inside in a rush of intoxicating perfume and a thick pink ponytail, hands on her hips. Furious at this point, he forced the TV onto its mount and whirled around to shoot her a filthy look. "What the hell do you want."

She looked irritated, but not with him; in fact, he got the sense that her anger was more self-directed.

"I can't figure out how my bed goes," she mumbled, avoiding his eyes. Sasuke assumed she was the type of girl who could never adequately admit when they were wrong, or confused. Against his will, he was learning things about her.

"What do you want me to do about it," he grumbled. He didn't like this arrangement, alone in his bedroom, alone, with Sakura. Alone. This was dangerous for him, he knew, because while he could freely admit he hated her to his very core, he also found her ridiculously hot.

And being alone in a room with a bed and a hot girl was too much temptation even for him. He turned his back on her with all the intention in the world of straightening his TV when her huff of disgust drew his attention.

"You're serious? I just tell you I need help with manly fix-it-up shit and you ignore it? IS CHIVALRY DEAD I THINK IT MIGHT BE."

"Quiet down, you're too loud," he muttered.

She grabbed his elbow, her fingers small like the rest of her, but her grip was _monstrous._ Immediately the feeling vanished from his arm as she spun him around to face her.

Slightly shocked at this surprising show of strength, Sasuke gaped at his tiny, maddening roommate who glared right back at him with hellfire in her bright green eyes.

"Are you just _incapable_ of working with tools? Is that it?"

Her words were carefully selected, engineered to elicit a primitive competitive instinct within him, and all men, compelling them to rise to every challenge. He knew all of that, but he had to hand it to Sakura; she really knew what she was doing.

"Fine," he ground out. "If you _leave me alone_ after."

Immediately the nasty, vicious expression on her face was replaced with a dazzling smile that made his stomach tighten.

"Thanks!" she said brightly. "Come on, I know it won't take you long."

With all the reluctance in the world, Sasuke followed Sakura down the hallway to the smaller bedroom with the larger closet. She opened the door and he was overwhelmed with Sakura's bizarre personality, hung from the ceilings and walls.

For a girl with bright pink hair, her taste was relatively tame. He might go so far as to say classy, but that was a stretch, considering how much he loathed her. The posters on her wall were of black-and-white movie stars, and she'd managed to hang a string of silver stars above the disassembled pieces of her bed. There was a dresser, a well-stocked closet, a _mountain_ of shoes, and a full-length mirror next to an enormous TV he was astonished she'd finagled into the apartment.

All in all, it wasn't terrible.

But being in here set his hormones on _fire._

He was building something. For a girl. For a _smoking hot_ girl. He was building this smoking hot girl a _bed._

The sexual possibilities rushed through his mind fast enough to make him dizzy, and his mood degenerated even further as a result. To avoid any awkward discussion on the thoughts that were flashing like lightning through his head, he grabbed the alan key and the bed legs and got right to work.

Sakura sat down beside him, her legs folded beneath her in a position that looked extremely uncomfortable, but she didn't seem all that bothered by it. She watched him as he worked, which made him anxious; he didn't like severe scrutiny, least of all from someone he was severely scrutinizing.

Her mouth was set in concentration, her eyes taking in his every move, before she replied, "Um, thank you. For helping me with this. I didn't really want to sleep on the floor all year."

Uncomfortable with her unexpected gratitude, he muttered, "Hn," his utility response for all situations he found awkward. Sakura, if bothered by it, didn't say anything.

It was a queen-sized bed, a decent size, especially if she wanted to share it with someone. His neck _burned_ as he pictured how the plush mattress would feel dipped beneath their weight, and he vaguely wondered if this girl he was ogling/loathing had a boyfriend.

He doubted it. He doubted any respectable boyfriend would let her move in with a guy. And if the female population of the world was to be believed, Sasuke was God's gift to women and the hottest thing to grace the earth since the invention of fire and flames. If HE had a girlfriend, he certainly wouldn't want her rooming with a guy like him.

So she had to be single.

Which pissed him off even more.

He finished the bedframe and flipped it rightside-up before reaching for her boxspring and setting it on top. The mattress was last, and he helped her push the bed into the corner.

"Thanks so much!" she said brightly, with that fucking smile like he was her favorite person. Her sudden mood changes were making his head spin.

"Aa," he replied, dusting off his jeans.

With that, he turned to leave (flee) her bedroom, but in the threshold, she stopped him.

"Wait…"

Sasuke paused.

"Um…I know this arrangement isn't…like, ideal, or whatever," she said a bit hesitantly. He glanced back over his shoulder to see her playing awkwardly with the bangs that framed her face, winding pink curls around her finger and letting them spring free again. Vaguely, he wondered if her hair was as soft as it looked.

"Aa."

"But…I think we could make it work. So I'm not saying we need to start splitting an underwear drawer or anything, but I'd like it if we could be…like, I don't know. Friends, I guess."

He raised an eyebrow skeptically, and she giggled.

"At least friendly," she amended, apparently seeing the fruitlessness of attempting to pursue a friendship with someone as antisocial as he was. "Civil. I can be a pretty easy person to get along with, you know."

Sasuke doubted that fiercely. He'd seen enough of her personality to know that she was temperamental, argumentative, bossy, insecure, and a little bit deranged. All of that clashed violently with the sweet approachability she enacted whenever he did something that pleased her.

She seemed like exactly the type of girl who could get right under his skin if he wasn't careful enough.

But what she was offering was friendship, or at the very least, a mutual armistice. Getting along with this girl was going to be a challenge, but he could agree that it would be easier on both of them if they agreed to be civil to one another. His focus needed to be on school, and that's where he had some common ground with Sakura. He'd seen more than enough medical textbooks in her bookcase to know that, if nothing else, she was an intelligent student.

She offered him her hand with a tentative, almost hopeful smile.

Despite all the misgivings in the world, Sasuke reached out and shook it.

Maybe this wouldn't be such a disaster after all.

"HEY SAKURA!" Ino shouted from the front door. "GET YOUR ASS IN THAT BIKINI, WE HAVE TO CHECK OUT THE POOL BEFORE IT CLOSES!"

And then, flooded with a thousand images of Sakura dressed in a scanty strip of spandex and glistening with pool water and summer sun, he released her hand and stalked back to his room.

Who was he kidding.

This rooming with an unpredictable, gorgeous demonseed from hell had "disaster" written all over it.

* * *

**note..** Dedicated to Ryan Howard's first-inning grand slam. And not to the embarrassing way the Phillies lost tonight :/. Let me know what you think! LOVE YOU LIKE I LOVE GRAND SLAMS AND THE METS GOING AWAY.

xo Daisygirl


	3. Midnight Feast

"Well, Forehead, I gotta hand it to you," Ino said, wiping her sweaty brow and looking around the room with satisfaction. "You lucky, lucky bitch. You wait till the very last second to do anything, and somehow nab a better place to live than I've got. AND with a much sexier roommate."

Sakura blushed and looked away, pretending to sort through her jeans collection when really, her thoughts were pretty much on par with Ino's.

Sasuke was _gorgeous._

It was very, very hard to ignore that aspect of her new living arrangement.

Still, though, Sakura's number one goal _had_ to be school right now. She didn't have time to fritter away ogling her bangable roomie. She needed to worry about landing a job close by, selecting her classes and a whole host of other things.

Her room was coming along nicely. There were still a few odds and ends to take care of, but on the whole, it looked like a room was supposed to look: a full closet, a ton of shoes, some posters and pictures and knickknacks. Anyone looking in would be able to tell that this room belonged to Sakura Haruno for sure.

It wasn't ornately decorated, but it was homey and comfortable. Sakura would be able to both study and relax in her bedroom, and that suited her fine.

"You staying over tonight?" she asked Ino, hopefully to distract her from this Sasuke-is-way-hot rant that was crossing the threshold over into getting-old-way-fast.

"Much as I'd love to test out Sasuke's mattress for you," Ino snickered with a salacious smirk that made Sakura sorely want to smack her, "I gotta head back home. I'm still not packed yet."

"Ino! You accuse me of putting everything off till the last minute, you snitty, bitchy hypocrite."

"Do as I say, not as I do. Oh, and be careful not to let any foreign aircraft land on that wide expanse you call a _forehead._"

"Oh, whatver. I'm still two sizes smaller than you, Hogulous."

Ino glared at her, but soon they both dissolved into giggles.

"Nah, I'm gonna head out now before I get too tired and fall asleep and crash my car into a tree and die in a fiery car wreck and haunt your hot ass and this sweet apartment as retribution for being chiefly responsible for the exhaustion that led to my unfortunate demise," Ino said in one breath, collecting up her purse and sandals and a piece of pizza for the road.

"All right." Sakura hugged her best friend. "Be careful on the way home, Humungo. Call me when you get to your house. AND INO THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT."

Sakura took a deep breath and revealed, "Mom and Daddy know I've got a roommate but they don't know it's a boy and they don't know it's a sexysex boy of hot sex and that I never met him before in my life and if they did, they'd castrate him and they'd make me watch as they sliced open his gorgeous face as punishment for my sneakery and skullduggery and there would be nothing left of Sasuke Uchiha and once they were through with him, they would disembowel me and leave me in an open desert whereupon my entrails would be feasted upon by the Gila monsters and prairie rodents and-"

"I get it!" Ino cut her off, rolling her eyes. "I don't know how long you expect to pull off this charade though, it's not like your parents are never gonna visit you."

"I'll figure it out later!" Sakura snapped. The whole concept was stressful enough without her friend pointing out all the fatal flaws in her ill-conceived plan. "Just get out of here you little rodent. Thank you for helping me, though, I'll help you move in your dorm this week, pinky swear."

"No shit, Pinkberry," Ino returned on the way out. And in a wave of Victoria's Secret perfume and a racy suggestion to the boys trying to put _something_ together in the living room, she was gone.

Sakura exhaled sharply through her nose and lay back on her bed, staring up at the dangling star decorations overhead.

Ino might be an infuriating B.I.T.C.H., but she did have a point.

Sakura was Daddy's Little Girl. The apple of Kizashi Haruno's eye, his pride and joy, the only child and therefore his number one concern in life.

Which meant that, if he found out she was shacking up with a boy she'd met a week before, he would bring down a paternal wrath of hellfire and damnation the likes of which had never been seen or recorded by modern man.

_What am I going to do?!_ She thought, panicking. _Ino's right, it's not like my parents will be fine with NEVER seeing where I live! It's weird enough they didn't demand to see my copy of the lease when I signed it, I can't keep a secret like this forever!_

It didn't matter that there was absolutely nothing romantic going on between her and Sasuke. Hell, they didn't even LIKE each other very much; a mutual resolution to maintain some semblance of communal peace with one another was a pale imitation of friendship, but none of that would matter to Kizashi Haruno, who would probably sense the testosterone in the apartment and set it on fire first, ask questions later.

She groaned and flipped facefirst into her pillows. This was a _nightmare._ She'd been so preoccupied with finding a place to live that she hadn't given any thought as to her father's reaction.

She'd need to keep this secret from her parents for as long as humanly possible.

The question was, though, how long could that possibly be?!

* * *

Sakura couldn't sleep with these fresh new worries on her mind. Every time she closed her eyes, she was visited with a nightmarish vision of her father breaking the door down and snapping Sasuke's gorgeous neck between his meaty claws, and had to roll over.

Around midnight, she abandoned all attempts completely and headed into the kitchen.

"Oh, you guys are still awake?" she asked, seeing Naruto and Sasuke on the floor in the living room, surrounded by what looked to be thirty different videogame systems. Their eyes were glued to Sasuke's (admittedly impressive) flat-screen TV as they engaged one another in a videogame, and neither one of them so much as glanced her way.

"Hey, Sakura!" Naruto said, still staring at the screen like it held the answers to life's mysteries. "We thought you were sleeping! Your friend left. Is she single? Are _you_ single?"

Sakura rolled her eyes and grabbed her purse off the counter.

"Where are you going?" Sasuke demanded, looking away from his game at last.

"To the store, I'm hungry and we need food," she replied, checking to make sure she had cash in her wallet. "You guys want anything?"

"You're not going to the store by yourself at midnight," Sasuke said sharply.

Sakura rolled her eyes again. It was starting to give her a headache.

"Oh come ON! I grew up in _Suna._ Okay? I know how to get down, yafeelme? I'm just gonna grab a few things so I can make Midnight Feast."

"You're cooking, Sakura?" Naruto asked, perking up immediately at the prospect of food. He jumped up from the floor, abandoning his game entirely. "I'll go with you! Come on, dickhead, you're not gonna let us wander around a foreign city unprotected, are you?"

Sakura fully exxpected Sasuke to ignore his best friend's prodding, but to her surprise, he stood up as well, the expression on his (gorgeous) face one of pure, unadulterated aggravation.

"Jesus, you guys don't have to come!" she said. "Seriously. It's literally a two-minute walk."

"Maybe this escaped your attention, Sakura, but you're extremely hot," Naruto said flatly, and against her will, she was flattered. It was hard NOT to be flattered when someone repeatedly complimented your appearance, especially if that someone was a boy as harmless and well-meaning as Naruto Uzumaki. "And when you're extremely hot, you always need to watch out for alley creepers. Don't you ever watch Dateline?"

She sighed.

"Let's just go, before I change my mind."

The three of them headed out of the building, onto the sidewalk. It wasn't awkward at all, not the way Sakura expected it might be, hanging out with two guys she barely knew. Naruto chattered nonstop and seemed to really want to get to know her, which made her feel more comfortable. Even Sasuke's occasional dark, nasty remarks in the background had a disarming quality, and a conversation about their upcoming college orientation carried the three of them all the way to the cornerstore.

But how would it be, when Naruto went back home and she was left alone with Sasuke?

She decided to worry about that when the time came. First finding a place to live, then telling her father about that place…she was becoming quite adept at avoiding the important things till the very last minute.

"So what are you gonna cook, Sakura?" Naruto asked excitedly as they stepped inside the otherwise-abandoned market.

"Well, I'm a vegetarian, so something without meat," she said, perusing the frozen food aisle.

"A VEGETARIAN?" Naruto exclaimed loudly, drawing the attention of the tired-looking cashier, who shot them all a dirty look before returning to his Sudoku. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T EAT MEAT! SAKURA! NO WONDER YOU'RE SO SKINNY!"

"Shut up you troll," snapped Sasuke, his hands shoved in his pockets in the universal symbol of I'm-way-too-good-for-everything-around-me. "Just pick something so we can go."

"I feel the need to remind you," Sakura said hotly, "that no one made you come along."

Sasuke rounded on her so quickly her head spun.

"It's not my fault you needed to leave the place in the middle of the night to find a way to stuff your face," he hissed.

Her blood _boiled._

"Are you calling me fat?" she demanded, feeling white-hot, righteous rage explode through her veins. She found herself more than capable of murder.

"You just had pizza," Sasuke ground out, his (gorgeous) black eyes full of contempt. "And now you want some more fucki-"

"WHAT I EAT IS MY BUSINESS MY BUSINESS NOT YOURS!" Sakura shouted. She did not care one iota that the cashier was full-on staring at them now in the frozen vegetable section. "I WILL EAT WHAT I PLEASE WHEN I PLEASE BECAUSE THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY AND YOU WILL NOT DICTATE TO ME WHAT I WILL PUT IN MY MOUTH!"

Naruto burst out laughing at that moment, drawing both of their attention mid-fight.

"What the hell are you laughing for?" Sasuke demanded.

"You two sound like you're married!" Naruto chuckled, and against her will, Sakura felt her cheeks _burn._ She refused to look at Sasuke to see how he was taking this rather appalling observation, and stuck her hands on her hips instead. "Sakura don't listen to this bastard. Can you make pasta? I really like pasta. Can we have pasta tonight?"

"No," Sakura said stiffly. She knew it was wrong to misdirect her anger at Sasuke onto Naruto, but tough titty. "We can't eat anything apparently. Because Sasuke is the Adolf Hitler of cuisine, apparently. And because Der Fuhrer says so, we are too fat to eat so why don't we just go home."

"Sakura, no!" Naruto sounded horrified, and appealed to Sasuke instead. "Dude, apologize! I'm starving here, fix this shit!"

"Jesus Christ, Sakura, just get something and let's go."

Sakura sensed that was as close to an apology as she was going to get with Sasuke Uchiha, who seemed to have a rather unhealthy level of disgust for the human race as a whole. Making a mental note to poison him with something later that week, she ignored him and reached for a carton of eggs.

"Naruto," she said, without looking at either one of them, "please take Sasuke and wait for me outside. I do not wish to look upon him any longer."

"Oh for the love of fucking Christ," Sasuke muttered under his breath, but Naruto, at least, liked her enough to listen to her.

"You heard her, asshole!" he said cheerfully, grabbing Sasuke by the collar of his shirt and pulling him out of the shop. "Let's go, Midnight Feast is still a go as long as you keep your mouth shut!"

Sakura exhaled sharply once they'd gone. _So much for a peace treaty!_ she thought in annoyance, snatching a bag of diced green peppers from the freezer to pair with the eggs. _We lasted, what? Two hours before he called me FAT and I will END HIM for that, you smarmy rat BASTARD! I will poison your food and when the cops ask me why, I'll just let them know it's because you called me fat that I did it and they will let me off and probably pay me a reward, actually, for doing society a favor and eliminating you once and for all, and…_

_WHATEVER. I need midnight eggs. Fuck this. Revenge is a dish best served cold and I WILL have my revenge._

Content with that, Sakura selected a few more things for Midnight Feast and loaded them into her basket before heading to the checkout.

The guy working the counter was older, and she felt his eyes on her as she loaded her things onto the conveyor belt.

_I always thought 'Checkout' was for food, not females,_ she thought in irritation, pointedly ignoring the way he was obviously giving her the once-over. _Maybe this is what Naruto and Assface were talking about._

"Evenin', sweetheart," the cashier said with a toothy grin.

"Hello," she said, politely but dismissively.

Didn't work.

"You're a pretty thing, aren't you?" he said. It wasn't flattering. "You live around here?"

"No," she said. In her head, she noted never to come back to this store ever again. Creep central. "What's my total?"

"$21.55. You ever been on a motorcycle?"

She fished out her money quickly and paid him. "No," she said, "but I don't think my boyfriend would appreciate me riding one with another guy."

Sakura was single, of course, but pulling the whole 'I've got a boyfriend' card always got her out of jams like this. Sure enough, the cashier looked crestfallen and more than a little awkward as he handed her her change.

"Can't blame a guy for trying!" he said nervously, chuckling.

"Sakura what the hell." She looked up to see Sasuke stalking in the door again, the expression on his face even angrier than when he'd left.

"Sorry to keep you _waiting,_ Your Majesty," she snapped coldly, gathering her bags. "I'm _ready._"

To her surprise, though, Sasuke wasn't even looking at her. His narrowed eyes were directed at the cashier, who seemed, to her horror, to identify Sasuke as the boyfriend she invented.

"This the lucky guy, then?" he asked, gesturing to Sasuke, whose frown only deepened.

"Um," she replied.

And to her complete _shock,_ Sasuke murmured, "Aa. Let's go, Sakura."

_He said YES?_ she thought, shocked, and certain that her shock showed on her face. What the HELL was he thinking, saying yes to that?! He grabbed her wrist (in a totally not-boyfriend way, it felt like she was being arrested) and dragged her out of the corner store with all the gentility and respectfulness of a cave troll.

The second they were on the sidewalk, Sasuke rounded on her.

"We leave you alone for _five minutes_ and you go braindead with a creep like that," he hissed.

Indignant, she snapped back, "What the hell is your problem, you overbearing dragon lady? I didn't go _braindead,_ I had it completely under control till YOU came in like a jealous husband and-"

"What happened?" Naruto asked, looking frightened at her sudden change of temper, and Sasuke's as well, maybe. He did look rather (appetizing) menacing with that boiling anger sprawled across his face like warpaint.

"The cashier hit on her and the idiot didn't know how to handle herself," Sasuke finished before Sakura could explain.

"You bitch, that's not even true!" Sakura yelled, fully aware it was very, very late and she was being very, very loud. Several lights flickered on in the surrounding houses as people woke to investigate the domestic disturbance. "GOD! I'm going home. Why don't you both find a nice hotel to CIRCLE JERK IN and LEAVE ME ALONE."

"But Sakura, what about Midnight Feast?" cried Naruto.

She marched back towards their building, too angry to think straight. "I will enjoy it ALONE," she said coldly.

"WAIT, SAKURA! Don't punish me because Sasuke's a remorseless asshole!"

He chased after her, and judging by the presence of a dark black stormcloud at her back, Sasuke wasn't too far behind. And Sakura?

She fought a smile.

She was nowhere near as pissed as she thought she should be.

Maybe having someone so different to live with would make life interesting. And Sakura _insisted_ on an interesting life.

* * *

In the end, she gave in and cooked enough food for three people. Naruto complained about the lack of meat at first, but Sakura knew she cooked a _delicious_ omelette, and his frustration was forgotten the second he took a bite.

Even Sasuke ate his share, though not without giving her the Death Glare to end all Death Glares the entire time, as if willing her to burst into flame with just his eyes.

She doubted he was aware that when he looked at her like that, he set her on fire anyway.

AND SHE WOULD NEVER TELL HIM.

In a weird way, she pondered, as she sat on the divan section of the couch in her pajamas, a plate of eggs and English muffins on her lap and an episode of the Twilight Zone on TV, with her sulky-faced roommate and his eccentric best friend on the couch and floor along with her, it was kind of nice.

Even if Sasuke WAS overbearing, she got the sense that that was just his nature: to be protective of the people around him. And could she REALLY fault him for being protective?

Well, yes. Because he implied she was fat, and absolutely nothing could save his ass at this point. She would certainly take her revenge on him at some point, but she would lull him into a false sense of security first.

But the protective part was kind of cool, since it diminished her conviction (if only by a few degrees) that he was actually an axe-wielding serial killer. He was slowly disproving her theory, but it was a gradual process and she still wouldn't be surprised to come across a few dismembered limbs here and there.

And his friend, at least, was a sweetheart. Naruto seemed to adore her and it felt like she'd known him for years. She could get used to having him around sometimes.

(As long as he paid for his own food. BOY could he eat.)

For just having met these two idiots, they were certainly more comfortable around one another than Sakura could have expected. Arguments aside, she was starting to feel a little more optimistic about rooming with Sasuke.

Until, of course, she inevitably murdered him.

Because you don't imply, suggest, or hint that a girl is fat without a sincere death wish.

* * *

**note..** Good evening, everyone! The Philles beat the Braves in extra innings because they care about me and want me to be happy, same as I feel for you!

This story as I have it planned is shaping up to be longer than anything I've ever written here. And if you've read anything by me before, you'll know I like long, turbulent romances full of joy and sex and fighting the way life is supposed to be, so hopefully you like what I have plotted out so far! Let me know what you think!

And a side note: I WILL finish all my stories. But I will do it at my own pace, so I ask that you be patient with me if I'm not updating a story as quickly as you'd want. It gets a little disheartening hearing people tell me they want me to work on something I'm stuck on. Thanks for understanding!

xoxo Daisy


	4. Cohabitation Consternation

Sasuke woke up still feeling full from Sakura's stupid fucking Midnight Feast. He'd dozed off on the recliner section of the sofa, and woken up early; Naruto was snoring on the carpet, and Sakura was curled up on the divan underneath a fleece blanket.

Well, two points in her favor, anyways: her kickass couch, and her scrumptious omelette.

He scoffed and stalked into his bathroom. He would actually never compliment her, whether it be in his head or verbally.

He turned the shower on nice and hot, like he wanted it, stripped off his clothes (he hated falling asleep in jeans) and stepped inside, letting the hot water soothe his stiff muscles.

Sakura was annoying already. This was a problem.

It wasn't like he cared about her or anything. To be quite honest, he thought she was kind of a bitch. What with her nasty, suspicious glares at him all the time and the way she always had some smartass comment to make to him, rather than just shut her (pretty) mouth for a few seconds. So yeah, he could safely say he didn't care about her.

But her lack of self-awareness was infuriating. She'd lost complete control of her head last night at the corner store when that cashier had hit on her. Like every other frustratingly pretty girl who didn't realize she was frustratingly pretty, she was ignorant to her own appeal and therefore was going to get herself in trouble at every turn because of it.

And he couldn't tolerate living with a girl as insipidly naïve as Sakura Haruno. Absolutely not. Picturing the parade of male suitors who would be showing up to his doorstep all because his idiot roommate didn't know how to shut a man down was a nightmare. Unacceptable.

One of Sasuke's more annoying personality traits was his physical inability not to look out for those around him. It was why he'd chosen a moron for a best friend; Sasuke functioned more as Naruto's babysitter than his buddy. It was a role he was comfortable with. It was also one of the (countless) reasons he'd never had a girlfriend before: Sasuke couldn't afford to invest all sorts of time and effort into somebody who couldn't be counted on to look out for themselves.

Sakura was going to be his roommate. They'd signed the lease, paid the security deposit. There was no backing out of this anymore, so he decided that things needed to change.

Namely, her annoying fucking naivete about men.

Was he overreacting to what had happened at the corner store? Maybe. The cashier was creepy but harmless, and Sakura had pulled out the old fib of "Sorrry I have a boyfriend" to turn him down. No harm, no foul.

He wasn't exactly sure why he'd reacted so negatively to the situation. It wasn't any of his business if she was flattered by the cashier's flirtatious remarks or not; he wasn't her boyfriend, her father, or even her friend. She could make her own choices.

But something inside him last night had been so very _angry_ at the situation. Most likely, this irrational rage stemmed from his inability to tolerate too much idiocy at a time, and Sakura's ineffectual manner of handling herself more than counted as idiocy. If she was going to live with him for the next year, she'd need to shape up.

She was so annoyingly attractive. WHY did she have to be so pretty? If she wasn't pretty, then guys wouldn't come onto her. If guys didn't come onto her, he wouldn't need to pay so much attention to her all the time. And if he didn't need to pay so much attention to her all the time, she could be nothing more than a fixture in the apartment like a piece of furniture, instead of the thought-consuming aggravation she was already shaping up to be. And it was only day TWO.

He sighed and with all the reluctance in the world, gave the cold water tap a vicious twist.

In his defense, he'd fallen asleep twelve inches away from a girl who didn't seem to own a single pair of shorts that weren't fucking _microscopic._

* * *

After Sasuke's shower, he towel-dried his hair, brushed his teeth, and wrapped a towel around his waist before heading back through the hallway to get changed in his bedroom. He needed to find a job today; classes would be starting soon, and this shitty-high rent wasn't going to pay itself.

He made a plan in his head as he walked to make some coffee, head downtown, start applying, and have his classes selected before dinner. It was a good plan.

At least, it started off that way, until he slammed into a damp, pink wall that came up to his clavicle.

It hurt like fucking hell, and when he went to investigate the source of the collision that nearly knocked him flat on his ass, he was furious to see Sakura, green eyes wide, a red mark on her forehead where she'd crashed into his chest. Her cheeks glowed fiery pink.

He opened his mouth to yell in her face when he realized why she was blushing.

He was shirtless. Completely undressed except for a towel slung haphazardly around his waist, that he now found himself gripping tightly like a lifeline, and Sakura?

Well, apparently they'd both gotten their showers at the same time. In bathrooms equidistant from their respective bedrooms. Because there she stood with a flimsy pink towel wrapped around her (perfect, dripping wet) body.

"PERVERT!" she screamed, at the same time he shouted, "IDIOT!"

Furious at her completely inaccurate insult, he leaned in closer and snapped, "What the hell do you think you're doing, you dingbat? Get some clothes on!"

Her green eyes absolutely _flamed_ as she advanced on him as well, remarkably unfrightened of his towering temper, and she shot back, "EXCUSE ME?! That's EXACTLY what I was trying to do before you came barreling out into the hallway like some fat ogre oaf and ran into me! If you wanted to feel me up, you could've at least taken me to dinner first!"

Sasuke's jaw dropped.

"Feel you _up?_ I'd rather be _dead!_"

As he said it, though, he knew it was a lie. If there was a way he could get his hands on Sakura Haruno, especially when she was like this, barely covered in a towel and wet from her shower with her pretty pink lips curled in a snarl, without her ever remembering it, he'd take it. She was maddening, but she was also fucking _gorgeous._

"AS IF YOU'D BE SO LUCKY!" Sakura shrieked, apparently offended at his (untrue) claim that he didn't want to touch her. "NOT IN A MILLION YEARS COULD YOU PUT YOUR HANDS ON MY GOODIES KEEP ON LOOKIN CUZ THEY STAY IN THE JAR!"

"Get your ass in your room and put some FUCKING clothes on," Sasuke snarled, trying to rein in his temper. He was torn between complete annoyance at her loud expository reactions to what was happening and frustrating arousal at the picture she made, like a tiny, angry sex goddess in that towel that kept SLIPPING down her shoulders.

Sakura, apparently, had had enough. She curled her tiny hand into a fist and, to his shock, actually took a swing at him. Pure reflex had him reaching out to grab her wrist before she could make contact.

That, obviously, was a mistake, because he'd gone and actually touched her, and was holding her smooth skin and thinking about how easy it would be to pull her in the rest of the way and show her all the good things that can happen when you _shut the fuck up for five seconds, _when…

"YOU GUYS ARE NASTY!"

They both whirled around to see Naruto, sleep-tousled and barely awake, staring at both of them with wide, offended eyes. And here, Sasuke realized his unfortunate position.

The scene was downright incriminating. Both he and Sakura were standing alone in the hallway together, wearing towels in equal states of undress, still damp from a shower. And apparently, it looked to the objective outsider, that that shower had been taking together, rather than simultaneously, in separate bathrooms. He also still had Sakura by the wrist and they were inches (INCHES!) away from one another.

Naruto was bound to misinterpret the scene. Hell, Sasuke knew anybody would.

SHIT.

"You couldn't even wait a week before you jumped each other!" whined Naruto. "Do you even know each other's sexual histories? Did you use protection? Are you on the pill, Sakura? Because as a college-age woman, it's important that you practice safe sex and…"

The one good thing about Naruto, Sasuke realized, was his ability to say things that were (inadvertently) a million times more offensive than the things Sasuke said intentionally. Sakura wrenched her slender wrist out of his grasp and spun around to face Naruto, her wet hair slapping Sasuke right across the face, and she snarled, "So help me God if you finish that sentence, I will pull your arm out of its socket and beat you to _death_ with it."

The color promptly drained from Naruto's face, and he took a step backwards in retreat.

"Nothing happened," she snapped. "Ever. This creeptacula ran into the hallway and tried to grope me coming out of my shower, no big deal. I was just on my way to my bedroom to get changed so if you will both EXCUSE me!"

Sasuke couldn't articulate a response. His frustration with her, his disbelief at how she could misconstrue what had happened so completely, his anger at Naruto's stupidass assumption, all of it left him staring after her with his mouth opening and closing on its own as she stomped into her bedroom. The door slammed shut behind her.

Naruto seemed to regain his courage now that the dragon lady was safely in her own room; he turned to Sasuke with his eyebrows waggling.

"So, how was she?" he asked conspiratorially. "I bet she was go-"

Sasuke didn't trust himself not to strangle his best friend in that moment, and felt that it might be something he would regret years and years down the road. He decided he was just going to ignore him completely, and with all the dignity he had left (it wasn't much) he stormed into his own bedroom.

* * *

To her credit, Sakura seemed unable to hold onto a grudge for very long.

When Sasuke was done dressing and getting ready for the day, he found her in the kitchen brewing coffee in their never-before-used cappuccino maker.

"Want some?" she asked brightly, with no sign on her face that she was still upset over their accidental confrontation in the hallway, or that she even remembered it. She passed him a mug before he could answer, and he was immediately suspicious.

_She poisoned it,_ he thought.

She giggled and poured herself some, too. "Oh relax, doofus. I didn't poison it or anything."

Mind-reading witch. Sasuke's eyes narrowed as he surveyed the rim of the cup for powder; there was no oily surface on the cappuccino itself that might hint at some type of poisonous addition, but Sakura was an idiot, but she wasn't stupid. She might have obtained some rare, colorless, odorless substance, and added it in.

Their eyes met, and he was struck by the expression on her face. It was impossibly alluring.

Almost…seductive.

His muscles tensed. What was she _doing_ to him?

She seemed to collect herself, and blushed prettily before sipping hastily from her cup. Now that he'd seen her drink from it, he felt it was safe to taste his own.

"Thanks," he said slowly, cautiously.

"Sure," she replied. "So, I'm gonna try to find a job downtown today. I'll do some grocery shopping on my way back. Is there anything you wanted? I know I only eat boring vegetarian things so if you want something besides that, let me know."

Another suspicious act. Sakura, it seemed, could vacillate between extreme, ruthless anger and overwhelmingly sweet generosity. What a strange asshole.

"Just get whatever," he said blankly. "Uh. Tomatoes. I like tomatoes."

Sakura smiled sweetly and rubbed her fingers together in the international symbol of "If you want tomatoes, then you're going to give me money for them."

Okay. Maybe she wasn't overwhelmingly generous.

Maybe, he realized, as he forked over some cash to her waiting, greedy hands, she was just a money-grubbing, temperamental asshole who was way, WAY too pretty for her own good.

Whatever. She made good coffee.

* * *

Naruto headed back home that afternoon, resolving to return immediately and have Sakura cook for him, while playing Sasuke's videogames and sleeping on his couch. Under no set circumstances was he about to accompany his friend on something as horrifying as a job hunt.

Sasuke couldn't blame him.

But like hell was he going to let him come back, eat his food, play his games, use his couch, and take advantage of his roommate.

Rather, his roommate's cooking ability.

Whatever.

So he made his way alone through the streets of Konoha, looking for a place to make some cash that might be less annoying than other places to make some cash.

It was a good city, as far as he could tell. He and Sakura lived in a decent neighborhood; not a slum by any means, but certainly not as swanky as some of the places in Center City. Konoha was old, so it had the allure of a place with all the trappings of modern society, as well as quaint little coffee shops and playhouses that appealed to the hipster generation.

Sasuke wasn't a hipster, so he didn't give a shit. But it was still nice. Whatever.

It was hot, too. That was accelerating his search a little bit, because even if his apartment was shared with a pint-sized predator with stupid pink hair, it was also air-conditioned. His white button-down shirt was starting to cling to his back with sweat, and he doubted he was going to make a good first impression on anybody if he came in looking like he'd just run away from the cops.

He'd need to find something, and quickly.

A restaurant had a Now Hiring sign posted outside, but Sasuke knew he'd make a shit waiter. He had a harm time taking orders from anyone, let alone kissing any shithead customer's ass. He wouldn't last five minutes in an environment where what he was paid was directly proportional to how polite he was.

He passed it by with an irritated sigh.

A law firm down the street, eight blocks from his apartment, was looking for a receptionist. Sasuke rolled his eyes. Yeah right would he be somebody's fucking SECRETARY. He stalked by without even looking up.

A popular clothing store was hiring as well. But Sasuke pictured himself folding jeans and hanging shirts on hangers for eight hours a day and could blow his brains out just thinking about it.

It seemed hopeless. Sasuke was simply too proud for any of the jobs a normal college student took on. It was in his nature; as an Uchiha, he generally thought that he was better than most things. And why should an Uchiha reduce himself to taking orders from people who were beneath him?

Sasuke was aware that his ego was definitely going to get him knifed one day.

His rent, even when shared with Sakura, was pretty steep. And could he really count on her to pay her half on time, when it seemed she couldn't even be counted on to dress herself properly? No.

So the need to find a job that could work around his school schedule was predominant. Without the money, he'd be homeless. Or worse: Sakura would be able to claim their apartment for herself. And Sasuke could not tolerate the idea of Sakura living victoriously in the place they'd bought together. It made him sick to picture her smug face.

Desperation had him stalking into a grocery store a few blocks away from Shady Leaf Suites, with a Part-time Cashier Wanted sign hanging from the window. At least in a grocery store, there was air conditioning, not a whole lot of managers to answer to, and his coworkers would be in their own separate lanes, where he wouldn't have to talk to them.

He found a manager, a heavyset, cheerful-looking guy named C. Akimichi, and when he asked about the job, Mr. Akimichi shook his hand and gave it to him. No questions asked.

"What's your name, kid?" he asked. "When can you start?"

"Sasuke," Sasuke replied warily. Really? Just like that? "Sasuke Uchiha. Whenever."

"Excellent!" Mr. Akimichi replied happily. "We've been looking for someone under the age of 63 to work a checkout lane. You'd be surprised how backed up things can get when your youngest cashier is in her sixties and can't move the way she used to back in the 19th century, when she was born."

Sasuke smirked.

"So you look young. College?"

"Aa. Konoha. I start next week."

"Okay! Once you have your school schedule, come talk to me so we can work something out for you around it. We'll start you next weekend. Minimum wage to start; you don't look like an idiot, though, so you'll work your way up, sure enough."

"Hn. All right." He paused, not liking to say this next word too often in a day, but he figured it was necessary here. "Thanks."

"Sure thing, Uchihole!"

Sasuke didn't bother to correct him. He shook Mr. Akimichi's hand, sighed, and headed back into the sweltering summer heat.

Well, he'd found a job.

Sasuke Uchiha: grocery store cashier.

He rolled his eyes. Wouldn't his parents be proud.

* * *

Sasuke next headed down to the campus to schedule his classes. He was going into Finance, like his father before him, and met with an academic advisor to plan which courses he was going to take towards that major. It was a short trip, and he had 15 business credits scheduled across five mornings, Monday through Friday.

A brief foray into the campus bookstore, and at outrageous prices, he purchased all of his required textbooks.

He was left then to carry the heavy load back to his apartment. It wasn't that far from campus, but with the aching heat, it felt like a century. And he pondered, as he walked, about how sickeningly unfair it was that his tuition was covered for free, but he still had to pay for his books and apartment.

_If you say free ride,_ he thought angrily, stalking inside Building C laden down with all of his books, _then you should specify how that DOESN'T include a place to stay, or all the tools you need to actually get the fucking education._

All in all, though, it was a pretty successful day. He'd found a job, scheduled his classes, and bought all his textbooks and it wasn't even dinner time yet. With any luck, Sakura wouldn't be home from her job hunt/shopping excursion, and he could lay on Megacouch (what he called it in his head, since it was so big and glorious) and take a nap without any interruptions.

But when he unlocked the door and found Sakura in the kitchen, the radio blaring some shitty indie song he didn't care about while she sang along (and boy was this bitch fucking tone-deaf), he sighed and rolled his eyes. His good luck stream was coming to a screeching halt.

She was completely oblivious to his presence in the apartment. Her music was on too loud and she was cooking something again, something laden down with vegetables if the smell was any indication. In her short shorts and tank top and socks, she looked both beautiful and approachable.

And it fucking ANNOYED him.

_She's so fucking naïve,_ he thought furiously, forbidding his eyes from traveling to her (perfect) ass and long, silky, tan legs. _I could be a fucking robber, or a killer, or a rapist and she's too stupid to even know I'm here. IDIOT._

She clearly needed to be monitored at all times. Like most stupid children, she was frustratingly unable to look out for herself, and without his supervision, she was bound to take candy from a stranger, get into a van, and never be seen or heard from again. He exhaled sharply through his nose and stalked into the kitchen to give the naïve little harpy a piece of his mind, and touched her shoulder.

Here, Sasuke was forced to rethink his opinion of Sakura Haruno.

Because she whirled around in the span of three nanoseconds and punched him so hard in the jaw, his head jerked to the side and he was thrown up against the refrigerator.

"Sasuke!" she squealed, seeing who it was and clapping her hands over her mouth in horror. "Oh my God I'm so sorry, I thought you were a murderer! Why'd you sneak up on me like that? Are you okay?!"

Sasuke was too stunned to be properly furious with her. He rubbed his jaw (it was bruising rapidly beneath his hand) and stared at her with wide eyes like he'd never seen anything like her.

Maybe he was wrong about her.

Because if that (BITCHIN) left hook was any indication, Sakura Haruno could MORE than handle herself.

* * *

**note.. **Good evening, everybody! Hope you're having a nice, stress-free week! But to everyone in med school like me, I bet such a thing doesn't exist.

So I hope you like where this is going. I like the whole tortured-mutual-attraction thing, clearly. Please let me know what you think, especially if you favorite/alert this! This seems to be the story most people are most interested in right now of mine, so thanks for the support and hope you stick around!

Oh yes. About vegetarians eating eggs: I'm a vegetarian and I eat eggs. It's veganism where that's taboo. I think it's really in your personal scope what you consider meat and what you don't: in my personal scope, I don't eat beef or pork or chicken so I gotta get protein somehow! And eggs are perfect. Eat your eggs at midnight, lovies. You'll never regret midnight eggs.

xoxo Daisy


	5. Peas, Ploys, and Kitchen Boys

Two emotions raced through her head, completely at odds, and at war with each other.

One, supreme self-satisfaction. Sasuke's jaw was purpling now, a result of her mighty fist slamming into it with the force of a thousand steam engines crashing into a mountain. It was impossible to deny that part of her, a nasty, wicked part of her, was completely delighted with this delicious occurrence. The look on his face, shock and awe, was priceless.

The other, unfortunately, was horrendous guilt. She hadn't meant to hit him. Reflexes had taken over; creeping up behind her was a mistake. She was easily startled and quick to defend herself. Sometimes, like right now, a bit overenthusiastically.

_How lame,_ she thought. _I can't even enjoy this moment properly!_

"Sasuke!" she shrieked, dropping the spatula onto the floor and running towards him. "You idiot, why'd you sneak up on me? Are you okay? Here, let me see it!"

"You've done enough," he shot back, blood in his mouth garbling his words as he placed his hand gently on his swelling jaw. He hissed in pain.

Impatient, she batted his hand away and backed him up against the counter.

"Don't move," she ordered him. "Just let me look at it. God, you're such a BABY, Sasuke, seriously? Just…just be quiet a second!"

He glared at her beneath a fringe of black bangs, but she ignored it and examined his bruised jaw instead, running her fingers along his face. His skin was smooth and warm, and she fought back a blush that threatened to stain her cheeks an obnoxious pink. Hoping he couldn't read her thoughts, and how quickly they were wandering from doctor mode to pin-you-down-and-rock-your-world mode, she shook her head.

"Never ever ever sneak up on me like that again!" she scolded him. "You nearly gave me a heart attack and now look what you've done to yourself!"

"What I've done to MYSELF?" Sasuke snapped, wincing slightly because of the pain in his jaw. "Are you saying I ran my face into your fist?"

"If you're looking for an apology," she replied coolly, "you won't find one here. I will not apologize for exercising my right as a woman to defend myself from danger."

"Danger?!" Sasuke's eyes widened with anger. "What the fuck danger?! I wanted you to turn your shitty ass music down!"

Sakura's temper rose. "Don't insult my music!" she hissed like a wildcat. "It's not my music's fault you stalk innocent girls and scare them out of their minds! Now go sit down a second, I'll see if we have an ice pack or something."

"Quit bossing me around," he snapped, but he did as he was told all the same. He left the kitchen and sat down on the sofa to sulk, arms folded. Sakura shook her head at him and examined the contents of the freezer.

_Did I remember to bring an ice pack?_ She thought. _I don't think so…maybe Ino did? Nope. No of course not. She probably doesn't even know the function of an ice pack. Well, I need to give him SOMETHING to bring down the swelling, so…Sasuke, hope you like peas._

She grabbed the bag of frozen peas from the freezer and followed him into the living room. He was fuming on the cushions, and when he saw what she was holding in her hands and understood its function, he looked away from it like it had said something to offend him.

"Put it back," he ordered her. "I'm not using that."

"We don't have an ice pack," Sakura replied, trying to keep patient with him considering the fact that it WAS her fault his beautiful face was half caved in. "You need to keep a cold compress on it to bring down the swelling. Quit being such an infant."

"They're _peas._"

"Very good, Sasuke!" she said in an exaggeratedly jubilant manner, and she could tell he was pissed off by the way his frown deepened. "They ARE peas, good job! Now put them on your face. I don't have time to deal with your shit."

"No one asked you to baby me!"

"No one asked you to sneak up on me! Put on the peas!"

Sasuke _refused,_ so she did the only logical thing. She climbed over the side of the sofa, sat in his lap, her knees on either side of his hips, and smashed the bag of peas onto his wounded cheek.

"What the _hell_ are you doing?" He sounded outraged and terrified all at once, but Sakura had excellent strength in her legs, the byproduct of years of softball and tennis, and when he tried to buck her off, she held herself firm, peas against his jaw.

To her surprise, his hands shot out to grab her waist, but he didn't shove her off. He looked very uncomfortable with their position, and it was astonishing to Sakura that he didn't literally throw her ass onto the floor. She battled a thrill of attraction as she felt him warm and strong beneath her legs, and kept the bag in place.

"You won't listen to reason," she chastised him. "So I'm gonna sit here and make you."

"You are _certifiably insa-_"

"How was your day?" she asked him, ignoring whatever he'd been about to say in favor of making conversation. His eyes widened in surprise, and she could tell he had absolutely no idea how to handle her. She fought back a smirk. "I mean, before you got your ass kicked by a girl half your size, that is."

His grip on her waist tightened. His scowl become more pronounced, and a flush of red appeared on the cheek that wasn't covered by a bag of frozen vegetables. Was he _blushing?_

"Fine. Get off on me."

"What?!" Sakura's jaw dropped. She hadn't expected THAT from her new roommate, who seemed entirely devoid of hormones until this instant.

"Get. Off. Of. Me," Sasuke enunciated slowly. His flush darkened and he pushed her off his lap onto the cushion beside him, much gentler than Sakura would have guessed he wanted to. Maybe she'd just heard him wrong, but she could've sworn he said 'get off on me.'

_Wishful thinking,_ she thought with a slight scoff. To her pleasure, though, he took the bag from her and kept it pressed against his jaw. Apparently the temporary relief the cold compress afforded him outweighed his need to be a self-absorbed dickbag from the mountain of dick.

"Did you find a job?" she asked, hopping up off the couch to check on dinner. "And how about school?" she called back, turning down the heat on the stir fry. "Got all your classes?"

"Aa," he replied, voice muffled from the other room. "Grocery store on Price Street."

"Oh, really? That's great! I found one, too. Kurenai's 24-Hour Diner. It's like three blocks away? Yeah she was awesome. Hired me right away. I have to start tomorrow night though. I'll be working nights and weekends, except for Thursdays, since I have night class then."

Sasuke shuffled back into the kitchen, and to her shock, opened the barely-stocked cabinets to collect some plates and cups for them. Keeping one eye on her potatoes, she watched as he set out two places on the cheap kitchen table, complete with silverware. His actions confused her greatly, but maybe it would be easier to be friends with Sasuke than to maintain this nebulous, hostile arrangement that had them getting along one second and knocking each other out the next.

"I'm a vegetarian," she said, even though he already knew, "so I'm sorry if you wanted meat. I don't really know how to prepare meat since I haven't had it in so long, so if you want some, you'll have to figure it out yourself."

"Hn."

Not sure what that was supposed to mean, Sakura lifted the fry pan off the burner and scooped some vegetable stir fry onto the two mismatched plates on the cheap table. She divvied out a portion of mashed potatoes with chives and two cobs of corn, slightly proud of her animal-friendly dinner after such a long day. Job-hunting was brutal.

She sat down in one chair and waited as Sasuke did the same thing. He set down his bag of peas and she was pleased to see that even if his jaw would have a nasty bruise in the morning, it wouldn't swell. He stabbed a pod of peas marinated with garlic sauce with his fork, eyeing it somewhat suspiciously, before taking an experimental bite. Telling herself she didn't care if he liked her cooking or not, she was happier than she thought she should be when he chewed it up, swallowed it, and kept going.

"So, grocery store, huh?" she asked him with a teasing smile, tucking into her own dinner. "You never struck me as the type."

Did she imagine the flush to his ears?

A long hot shower to wash the ache of a long hot day out of her hair, and her most comfortable pajamas (an over-sized T-shirt and boxer shorts) had Sakura smiling on the sofa as she flicked lazily through the channels. She'd lucked into what was sure to be a good-paying job, considering it was at a diner very close to a very large school, surely frequented by hundreds of students every day, and with less effort than she'd thought she'd need to dedicate to it.

It was ten pm, and the window in the living room was cracked open slightly to tempt in an evening breeze. Lame late night TV played on the really awesome TV screen donated by Sasuke, who was in his room doing God-knows-what, and for the first time, Sakura really felt like this apartment could be called home.

Then Sasuke emerged from his bedroom, hair damp, which meant he must've had a shower as well. He sat down beside her on the couch, a full cushion away, and without so much as a warning, snatched the remote right out of her hands.

Immediately, her eyes narrowed in rebellion, but she was so relaxed and hadn't really been watching anything anyways. She'd let it slide this time.

"How's your jaw?" she asked him, as he flicked onto a baseball game and tucked the remote far out of her reach.

"Not swollen," he muttered.

"I'm really sorry about that," she said ruefully. When he raised an eyebrow in suspicion, she smirked. "I'm really, really sorry you felt the need to make me punch you by being scary and silent and approaching people with their backs turned. I'm really sorry your jaw wasn't strong enough to withstand my mighty fist. I'm really sorry you had to wear a bag of peas for an hour. I'm really sorry that-"

He threw a couch pillow at her face, and she laughed.

* * *

When she woke up the next day, she was surprised to find that she'd fallen asleep on the sofa for the second night in a row.

_Am I ever going to actually make it to my bed?_ She thought, annoyed with herself as she sat up and rubbed her eyes. Looking around, she found Sasuke lying on the opposite end of the couch, still sleeping. Their legs had tangled together in the middle of the night, and she blushed, extricating hers from his.

_Well that was awkward. UGH. Get your shit together, Haruno, you have work tonight!_

Hurrying back to her bedroom to get ready for the day, she missed Sasuke's slow burning stare at her back, the flush on her cheeks mirrored on his.

* * *

Okay, so maybe she'd completely misjudged this whole job thing.

Sakura was a hard-working girl by nature. She never did anything by halves, and she wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty. She liked owning everything she had, paying for it herself and taking care of her shit.

But this?

Letting Sasuke foot the bill for their apartment seemed well worth it.

Kurenai's Diner was, as Sakura had expected, a Konoha University hotspot. Even though the semester had yet to begin, many students living off-campus like she was had already arrived, upperclassmen reconnecting with their friends, incoming freshmen trying to make new ones, and at 8 pm, Kurenai's was crazy busy.

No one was assigned to train her. Nope. Instead, she was given a notepad and pen, an apron to keep them in, told to tie up her hair and start taking orders.

Luckily, she was a quick learner, but even so. Her first day on the job, and no one even bothered to introduce themselves as the manager! She was pointed to a section of ten tables by a hassled-looking hostess, and, pasting a confident smile on a nervous face, she got right down to it.

Three hours into the job, between taking orders for families full of screaming infants, impatient parents, jerk teenagers and asshole students, she could safely say she understood why so many women quit their jobs, married young, and stayed home forever.

_This is insanity!_ She thought, pinning her bangs back to air out her sweaty forehead before running a massive order to a table full of sorority girls who apparently could eat their weight in hummus. _Nobody needs this much food! Nobody! There's enough here to feed a family for a month!_

"Here you go, ladies!" she said with a brilliant smile that betrayed none of her inner nastiness. She set the platter down gently on the table (it weighed a ton) and handed out each meal to each girl.

"Can we get more pita?" one of them asked snottily, like Sakura hadn't brought her enough.

She wanted to reply with, _Yeah, on the way to the hospital to treat you for your heart attack_ or something equally awesome, but three hours into her first day, she doubted calling a customer fat would endear her much to Kurenai or the other managers.

So instead, she replied, "Sure thing, coming right up!"

Hustling back to the kitchen, she rang the bell for one of the cooks. A boy about her age appeared in the window, chef's hat lopsided; he had face tattoos, which immediately struck Sakura as fucking AWESOME, and messy brown hair. He was definitely cute.

"Need something, honey?" he asked her, grinning. He looked laidback, which was odd, considering how many orders had been sent back to the kitchen and how crazy busy he and the other cooks must have been.

"Yeah, sorry to bother you," she replied with a smile. "I need some more pita for the table full of heiffers down there, if you don't mind. They need more transfats, and immediately."

As soon as she said it, her eyes widened. _What the hell am I saying?! I can't say shit like that about customers! It's your FIRST DAY, SAKURA! Why don't you just turn in your apron and head back home and let Sasuke make fun of you all night?_

But the boy was laughing.

"I know who you mean, they come in all the time," he replied. "Hang on a second, gorgeous, let me just microwave these up for you."

_Ew, microwaved pita?_ She thought in distaste. _When I make hummus, I make it right! You don't microwave pita._

The boy reappeared in the window a minute later with a plate full of extra pita slices and a grin on his face.

"Here you go, new girl. I'm Kiba, by the way. What's your name?"

"Sakura," she replied. "Thanks for the bread, I'll try not to bother you anymore."

"Well, I have to insist you come back to bother me sometime. About time Kurenai took my advice and hired some eye candy."

Even if Kiba came on a bit too strong, Sakura couldn't help but be a bit flattered as she carried the plate full of extra pita back to the mad cows foaming at the mouth in the corner. (She really needed to improve her attitude.) He was cute, but probably not her type.

She generally went for bad boys. Tall, dark, and handsome. Kind of bossy, but well-meaning deep, deep, DEEP down.

Too bad there was no one like that around here. Right?

* * *

Business slowed down around 11. Sakura was wiping down one of the tables when Ms. Kurenai came up to her, a heavily pregnant woman with insanely beautiful eyes. Sakura's first thought when meeting her was "MILF." Her second thought was, "Please hire me."

"Hi, sweetheart!" Kurenai said with a wide smile, shuffling through the mass of chairs to meet her. "Great work tonight!"

"Really?" Sakura asked, with a relieved little laugh. "I had no idea what I was doing, so…"

"Nah, you're a natural. All this job is, is you're sweet to customers who don't deserve it and you get their orders right. The rest is a breeze."

Sakura was exhausted, but the wad of cash in her apron pocket had her feeling grand about herself at the same time.

"You can go home now, sweetie. Make sure you copy down your schedule for the week from the break room. So happy you signed on, I can tell you're gonna work out marvelously!"

_But no pressure,_ thought Sakura wryly, even as she thanked her new boss and removed her apron. She left the dining area and headed into the break room, tying her apron up on the rack with all the other waitresses'.

The room was not empty. Three other girls who worked there were talking amongst themselves, but when she entered, conversation stopped abruptly. She felt their eyes on her as she jotted down her weekly schedule, and an old, archaic, but very, very fresh insecurity filled her up from inside.

It reminded her of being back in kindergarten, and having all the other girls tease her because of her oversized forehead and bright pink hair. Even with her newfound confidence, Sakura still felt like that lonely little girl sometimes.

Deciding not to succumb to the pressure any longer, she straightened up and walked right up to the girls with a determined smile on her face.

"Hi!" she said brightly. "I'm Sakura. It's nice to meet you!"

To her chagrin, each one of the girls looked at her like she was diseased before giggling and leaving the room without so much as a response. She stared after them, torn between hurt and fury and shock and get-back-here-bitches-and-let-me-beat-your-bodies, before she sighed heavily and shoved her schedule into her pocket.

"Don't let 'em get to you," a voice said from behind her, and she looked around to see the boy from the kitchen, Kiba, staring at her with his arms folded, a smirk on his face. "They hate when we hire pretty girls. You wouldn't wanna be friends with them anyways."

"Oh," Sakura replied, giggling, even though she still felt hurt by their rude dismissal. "If you say so."

"You new in town?" he asked her.

"Yeah. I'm starting at KU next week. I just moved here. To Shady Leaf."

"Really? No kidding. I live there, too."

"Oh, wow! I like it, it's nice. Kakashi seems like a nice guy, anyways."

Kiba rolled his eyes. "If you're not turned off by the whole addicted-to-porn thing," he said. "Who you live with? By yourself?"

"No, I've got a roommate." Sakura thought of Sasuke, and a blush rose to her cheeks that she couldn't quite explain. Maybe she was coming down with something?

"Sweet," Kiba chuckled. "Hot girls always room with hot girls."

Okay, so maybe the whole coming-on-too-strong was an understatement. This was getting a little ridiculous.

"Oh, no. I live with a guy. His name's Sasuke."

"Sasuke?" Kiba repeated. "Sasuke _Uchiha?_"

"Yeah, you know him?" Sakura was surprised. She knew Sasuke was from out of town, like she was, and Kiba seemed like a local.

"Sure. We went to school together for a few years before he moved to Oto. I didn't know he was coming back here for college though. When did y'all start dating?"

Sakura pulled out her ponytail and shook her hair loose just for something to do, because this was the kind of question she didn't really know how to answer without sounding like a slut. She wasn't dating Sasuke. They were sort of friends, but even that was only because they'd had no other alternatives. They were just roommates.

But what kind of girl roomed with a guy she barely knew?

"We're not dating," she said honestly. "Just rooming together. There was only one place available here that we could afford, so we just decided to share it."

Kiba looked amused. He chuckled to himself and shook his head, lost to some private joke. Sakura's eyes narrowed.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, sweetheart. Just that Sasuke Uchiha spent his whole life avoiding chicks like they were the devil…it's weird he'd pick such a cute girl to live with on such short notice. But if you say you're not dating, then how 'bout coming out with me sometime?"

"How 'bout telling me your last name first," she said dryly. He was way too aggressive for her taste, a nice boy, but one suited to be her friend only. She had an idea who she might like to introduce him to, though.

Kiba laughed. "Kiba Inuzuka, darlin. Wanna go get a drink?"

"No, thanks," she replied. "I'm exhausted. But I have a friend you might wanna meet sometime. Thanks for talking to me today, it was really nice of you."

"Sure thing. Here, I'll give you my number. Text me whenever you want. Just try not to fall in love with me."

* * *

Sakura staggered home, yawning, at around midnight. Kiba proved to be a funny guy and one she could easily see becoming fast friends with. It was nice to have someone besides Sasuke in the city to talk to, even if it looked like the whole female friend situation was going to be a problem.

_Rough shift,_ she thought. _I'm starving. I'm gonna make something real quick and get to bed._

No sooner, though, had she unlocked the front door and stepped inside than Sasuke swooped down on her. He had his arms folded and this frightening look in his eye, like a scary mother hen, and he snapped, "Where the hell were you?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Work, you idiot. I told you that."

"You didn't say you'd be this late."

"Do I need to run my every action by you, Daddy?" she asked, annoyed. "Or did you just need somebody to cook for you, you lazy ass? Make your own fucking food! I've been on my feet for the last eight hours with absolutely no one to train me, mind you, and girls are bitches and bitches ain't shit, fuckbitchesgetmoney and…"

"Text me when you get done work from now on," Sasuke interrupted her hotly. "You can't walk around here by yourself."

His real reason for wanting to know what had taken her so long became clear, and her eyes widened. _Wow._

"You were worried about me," she said, amazed.

He looked away, rolling his eyes and stalking into the living room. "Don't flatter yourself. If someone kills you on the way home, I have to pay double rent."

Sakura giggled. She flopped onto the couch beside him and turned the TV to an infomercial, ignoring Sasuke's irritated protests.

She never made it back to bed that night.

Waking up the next morning, her head resting on Sasuke's shoulder while he slept, she made a mental note to just hock the damn thing. What good was a bed if she wasn't getting any use out of it anyways?

* * *

**note..** Hey, y'all :) Hope you liked this chapter. This is a fun story for me to write.

So how was it? (Also: please don't favorite or alert without an occasional review. It's lame. It's for lamebrains. And you're not lamebrains.)

HOLLA AT ME.

xoxo Daisy :)


	6. Toasted

Sasuke lived off of bagels.

This was true of most any college student, especially the ones that rented their own flats, like he was doing; bagels were notoriously simple to prepare, came in a variety of different flavors (he was partial to poppy seed himself), and above all else, they were cheap.

It was pretty much what he ate for breakfast every day. Sakura liked to cook, though, which meant he could count on a half-decent meal on occasion, if she felt like sharing. But this morning, she was still on the couch asleep, curled up like a cat on the cushions. He'd fallen asleep there, too, and grumbled to himself how annoying it was to have made sleeping on the couch with his infuriating roommate a habit.

Turning away from Sakura, whose shirt was riding up on her stomach and offering him a rather appealing view, he stomped into the kitchen, rubbing his sleepy eyes as he reached into the refrigerator for a bagel. They were out of poppy seed flavor, unfortunately, so he grabbed an onion bagel from the bag, sliced it in half, and stuck the two pieces in the two toaster slots.

Yawning, he pressed the button. What happened next, happened very, very quickly.

The fuse blew. In a shower of sparks, in a hail of hellfire and damnation, the toaster exploded.

"Shit!" Sasuke shouted, jumping backwards and nearly falling on his ass as he watched the toaster shooting sparks, clouds of smoke erupting from the two slots. There must have been an electricial wiring problem, but there was no time to think straight at that point. To make it stop sparking and smoking and very nearly catching fire, he'd need to unplug it. Hesitantly, he reached for the cord.

"DON'T YOU DARE, YOU MORON!" a high-pitched voice screamed into his ear, temporarily deafening him. He whirled around to find Sakura latched onto the arm he was holding out towards the cord, green eyes wide and unusually alert for how early it was in the morning. "YOU'LL ELECTROCUTE YOURSELF!"

"KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN, IDIOT!" he shouted back, as the toaster began shaking ominously on the countertop. "We have to unplug the damn thing, it's gonna blow!"

"Then use rubber gloves or something!" Sakura yelled. "Rubber blocks electricity, it's like condoms for your hands!"

Half-terrified of the explosive mess his toaster was making all over his life, half-furious at the loud little monster screaming in his ear, Sasuke had to admit she had a point. Touching a cord with his bare hands that looked to be about seconds from bursting into flame was not only stupid, it was most likely suicidal. And he did not want to imagine how much fun Sakura would have in their place all by herself, were he to kill himself unplugging a toaster.

He ripped open one of the utensil drawers under the sink as the toaster continued to vomit sparks and wispy tongues of flame, hunting for a pair of rubber dish gloves. The acrid stench of scorched bagel rent the air, adding insult to injury; not only was he risking his life now to save his apartment from burning to the ground, he'd wasted a perfectly good bagel and now had to smell its wheaty carcass.

"Hurry up, asshole!" Sakura squealed, clinging to his arm and hiding behind him as they watched the toaster vibrating like mad, skittering back and forth across the granite countertop.

"Quiet, woman!" he hissed, finally finding a pair of unused yellow rubber gloves buried underneath the spatulas. Quickly he pulled them on, ignoring how feminine they were, and before he could talk himself out of it, snatched the cord and ripped the plug out of the wall.

Instantly, with no current, the toaster quieted down. Smoke continued to belch from inside, filling the kitchen, but the flames were extinguished and no more sparks threatened to electrocute the shit out of him from the cord. He exhaled sharply in relief, Sakura sagging against his back, before he ripped off the gloves and threw them into the trash can.

"What the hell were you trying to do?" Sakura snapped, over her fear and fully ready to embrace her anger. "Burn the whole fucking building down? Moron!"

"I just put a fucking bagel in!" he shot back. Geez, couldn't she cut him a break? He'd nearly killed himself trying to make his own breakfast. He didn't need her nagging and scolding to add to his plate. "It's not my fault this place has shitty wiring!"

"I was sleeping so well," Sakura whined. "I have work tonight, you insensitive ass!"

"Tch. Whatever."

With that, he threw the whole toaster in the trash and opened the small window above the table to air out some of the smoke. Then he stalked into his bedroom to get changed. It seemed a trip to the store was in order.

"Where the hell are you going?" Sakura demanded, right on his heels. "The kitchen's a mess, you can't just leave it like that!"

"Hn. To get a new toaster. Stay out of my room."

"Oh, you're going shopping?" she exclaimed, perking right up, like some type of manic-depressive sorcerer. "I wanna come, too!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but didn't protest. There _were_ some household items they still needed to buy, like trashcans for the bathrooms, scissors, new curtainrods. And Sasuke _hated_ shopping, so maybe bringing Sakura along would speed up the process.

"Whatever," he muttered. "Beat it, I'm changing."

He shut the door behind him.

* * *

Sasuke had to wonder what the fucking hell he'd been thinking, agreeing to this.

"We can't _afford_ that brand of toaster!" Sakura was hissing in his ear, like some deranged viper, her pink ponytail flopping back and forth like a pendulum as she shook her head. "I don't know or care what kind of place you were raised in, asshole, but we have to stick to a BUDGET!"

He'd thought allowing Sakura to accompany him on this shopping trip might accelerate the process.

"What fucking budget are you sticking to buying two fucking tablecloths!" he shot back, fully aware that people were staring at them as they screamed at one another in the Home Appliances aisle.

What a stupid, naïve, childishly optimistic dream that had been.

No, instead of reducing the time he'd have to spend locked in retail hell, Sakura's presence on the trip was serving as the catalyst to an aneurysm. They couldn't agree on _anything._ Not even the brand of fucking toaster they were buying.

"We need them!" Sakura yelled, holding the two hideous tablecloths in her hands like they were her precious children. "One for now and one for the holidays, or don't you even care about embodying and expressing the spirit of Christmas? Scrooge! You are a Scrooge and a Grinch and a Burgermeister and I will NOT have you ruin Christmas, I will not, sir!"

"Christmas," Sasuke bit out furiously, "is four months away. Put. It. Back."

"NEVER!" Sakura snarled. "Because if I do, then come Christmastime, Walmart'll be all sold out of this beauteous tablecloth. And we'll have to have one of those plastic ones left over from Halloween, and when company comes over, we will be thrown out of Christmas for our inability to prepare!"

"You belong in an asylum," Sasuke snapped. "You do. You should be locked up with other crazy people. And when they find out what the fuck's wrong with your head, they should figure out a way to eradicate it for future generations."

"Oh, yeah? Well kiss my ass, and I'll see you in hell! Burning! BURNING LIKE YOU BURNED THE TOASTER AND ALMOST THE APARTMENT!"

It had been hours now. Four hours spent meandering slowly through each of Walmart's many, many aisles, arguing over the necessity of each item going into the cart (that she was making HIM push. Him! Like a woman!) and they still hadn't decided on a toaster, the exact thing they'd come to buy in the first place. But no, like every other woman in history, Sakura had gotten caught up in the feminine euphoria of shopping, and kept throwing needless, useless, worthless shit in the cart as they went.

"I wish I HAD burned it," he hissed. "With you inside it!"

"AND HERE COME THE DEATH THREATS!" Sakura shrieked, throwing her arms up dramatically. The attention they were receiving was fast evolving from irritating to terrifying, with the way she kept carrying on. "A natural progression for any serial killer, to move from mere looks and glares and mumbles to full on death threats! TAKE A PICTURE OF MY GORGEOUS FACE WHILE YOU CAN, PATRONS OF WALMART! MAKE SURE YOU GET MY GOOD ANGLE SO I LOOK SLAMMIN ON THE BACK OF THE MILK CARTON WHEN I GO MISSING!"

Sasuke grabbed her elbow and tugged her arm down.

"Now listen to me," he whispered, making sure to inject as much lethal animosity into his voice was he was physically able. "Either you put those shitty tablecloths back where you found them and shut the fuck up, or I'll…"

"Or you'll what, kid?" a third voice interrupted them, and they both whirled around to find the head of Walmart security glaring at him, arms folded. "What's wrong with you, threatening a lady?"

Sakura smirked smugly, hands on her hips, and Sasuke resisted the urge to smack her as he let go of her arm.

"You think that's a _lady?_" Sasuke snapped at the security guard, too infuriated by the day's events to remember that he was bitching at somebody who could arrest him if he had a mind to. "She's no lady. She's a _psychopath_ with the _shittiest taste in tablecloths_ I've ever seen!"

"Hey!" the security guard snapped. "That's no way to talk to a lady! You're outta here, you little punk!"

"Wha-"

That was all he had time to say, as the security guard twisted one of his arms fiercely behind his back and started dragging him out of the aisle. He could have easily broken out of the fireman's hold, but to hit a security guard, one of these useless Walmart rent-a-cops, on security camera, would get him thrown directly into jail. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200, do not buy a new motherfucking toaster.

He threw Sakura, who was holding his wallet with the single most malicious expression he'd ever seen on a human being in his life, one final look at purest loathing before the guard wrestled him all the way to the exit doors. Without any further ado, he was thrown the hell out into the rain, the guard even yelling a cliché toss-the-hooligan-out-on-his-ass phrase after him, "AND STAY OUT!"

What on fucking EARTH had he EVER done to deserve a day like this one? He'd woken up half-cuddling with his worst nightmare, tried to make a bagel only to nearly electrocute himself and incinerate the apartment he would be working as a fucking _cashier_ to afford, gotten conned into coming on this useless shopping trip and fighting with his worst nightmare for four hours about _every single piece of Walmart inventory,_ forcibly ejected from the stupid store thanks to a misunderstanding and an overweight security guard with an obvious partiality for pretty faces, and what was more? His worst nightmare was still inside.

With his _credit cards._

It was pouring. Their apartment was twenty miles away from Walmart, and since they'd come by bus, he'd need busfare to head back home. Unfortunately, his money was inside his wallet, along with his housekeys, all of which was still in Sakura's greedy, money-grubbing fingers and far out of his reach. Soaked through with rain, he'd have no choice but to wait for her to come out of the store. Gravely, he knew he would have to strangle her the second she came outside, immediately return everything she was undoubtedly going to purchase with his own credit cards, and throw her stupid (perfect) body in the Dumpster behind Walmart.

_You drove me to this, Sakura! _He thought furiously, unable to process how unbelievably badly this day was going. He paced back and forth like a drenched cat, hissing mad and plotting all sorts of revenge. _You have no one to blame but yourself for what I do to you when I get my hands on you!_

Irate, he stalked over to the bus stop, taking a furious seat underneath the shade to wait.

The automatic doors slid open behind him and to his complete and utter shock, Sakura emerged with a few plastic bags in her hands, cool as a cucumber. He'd fully expected her to spend another four hours wandering aimlessly aisle to aisle, buying up everything she could afford with his money, if only to make him wait in the rain a little longer. But here she was, and with a smile on her face at that!

"Hey!" she said brightly, taking a seat beside him. "Crazy in there, huh? Here's your wallet."

He snatched it out of her hands, hissing, "_How much did you spend?_"

"Not a lot," she replied, showing him what was in the bags. "Geez, it's pouring out here! I decided to compromise. I put back the holiday tablecloth. And I got the expensive toaster even though it's no different than the other toaster."

Sasuke was bemused at her unexpected generosity. She showed him two receipts; that she'd paid for half of their purchases with her money, and half with his. Right down the middle. Even steven.

"They're not the same toaster," he muttered, the wind taken out of his sails. "This one has slots for hot dogs."

"You know I don't eat meat," Sakura sniffed haughtily. "Why the hell should I be interested in hot dog slots on a toaster?"

Sakura made absolutely no apologies to him for her complicity in having him thrown out of the Konoha Walmart. But when the bus pulled up and the doors swung open to admit them, he found that he was about half as pissed off at her as he felt like he should have been. She was back to chatting amiably with him like nothing had happened, and now that he had a brand new toaster in the bag he was holding, it was more difficult to summon the energy to be properly furious with her.

Besides, he mused to himself as they headed back home, now he knew her weakness.

The next time she pissed him off, he'd hold her down and make her eat hot dogs.

* * *

It was still raining when they got back home, the refreshing kind of rain that breaks up an agonizing heat wave like the one Konoha had been experiencing. When they stepped inside, the entire apartment smelled fresh like the storm brewing outside, since they'd left the windows open to air out their smoky kitchen. Sasuke immediately got to work setting up the new toaster, still starving from his lack of bagel breakfast, while Sakura hopped up onto a chair to start in on the new curtainrods.

"Man, these old ones are shitty," she cursed to herself, and Sasuke looked up to see her tiny frame balanced precariously on their rickety dining room table chair. Inherent protective instincts flaring to life at the most inconvenient of times (since right now, he'd really enjoy seeing her topple off her perch and fall right onto her ass), he hurried over to steady her, his hands at her waist.

"You idiot!" he scolded. "What the hell are you doing?"

She looked down at him, her cheeks flushed, and a strange heat started to pool in his stomach. Then her eyes narrowed.

"I'm TRYING to hang these curtains on this stupid curtain rod!" she snapped back. "Do you mind?"

"If you're too short, you wait till I'm done and I'll do it," he growled. "You're gonna kill yourself like this. Get down."

"I will not," she shot back. "I am a woman and I need to retain my independence, and…HEY! TAKE YOUR EGREGIOUS HANDS OFF OF ME, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" He ignored her protests, lifting her insultingly easily off her perch on the chair and placing her back down on the floor.

Sasuke knew it had to have wounded her pride, but after what she'd put him through that day, he couldn't help but feel like she deserved it. Not bothering to hide his smirk, he snatched the curtain rod out of her hands, took a primal enjoyment in the scandalized look on her face, reached up and hung the curtains easily in a few seconds.

"I suppose you think this makes your life worthwhile," she hissed, folding her arms and looking away from him.

He chuckled darkly to himself before popping a fresh Everything bagel into the new toaster. It smoked slightly, as new toasters are wont to do, but a minute later, a freshly-toasted bagel popped up as a reward for all of his efforts. At least it had only been the old toaster with bad wiring, rather than the whole kitchen.

He spread a thin layer of cream cheese over each half of the bagel and was about to take a bite when one half was ripped out of his hands.

"God, thank you. I'm starving!" Sakura sighed, and murderous, scandalized eyes watched as she took that most coveted first bite. He felt his jaw drop. _You've got to be kidding me!_

"Oh don't look at me like that," she snapped. "You still have half. And I cooked for you already, don't you think you owe me? And I'm the one being a good sport about it, you know. I made you midnight omelettes and delicious stir fry. You stuck a bagel in a toaster. That's the extent of your culinary mastery. I should be angry at you, but I'm not. So let's just enjoy this bagel and order some fucking takeout, yafeelme?"

Sasuke was irate, but she did have a point.

So he stood with her in the kitchen, sharing the only bagel left in the refrigerator in a weirdly comfortable silence.

* * *

"All right, I'm leaving," Sakura said, glancing at her phone to tell time. She packed up the rest of their Chinese leftovers and put them in the fridge. "I work till midnight tonight, so I'll see you tomorrow."

"No," Sasuke said sharply. "Don't leave there until I come get you."

Sakura raised her eyebrows.

See, this was one of the biggest problems living with such a shockingly hot female presented. Especially when that shockingly hot female was so blissfully, egregiously unaware of how shockingly hot she actually was. She stood out everywhere she went, she smiled at everything and stupidly trusted each and every person she encountered.

And she wanted to be allowed to walk around at night by herself? It was out of the question. She might very well be some type of succubus dispatched from hell to destroy him, but she was also his roommate and a woman. And _unfortunately_ his mother had made sure he knew the proper way to treat women.

"Uh, okay," Sakura finally said, shrugging. "Suit yourself. Just don't be late! I'll reward you with many muffins and treats stolen from behind the counter. Oh, that's right, I forgot! Your old friend Kiba works with me."

"Kiba?" Sasuke repeated. He remembered Kiba. They'd been friends back in the day, before Sasuke had moved away to Oto.

"Yeah, he's one of the cooks over at Kurenai's. We were talking last night, he said he remembers you."

Sasuke wasn't sure what came over him. There was suddenly a sick feeling rushing through his stomach, and he was inexplicably angry. Oh, come on, there was absolutely no way he was bothered by Sakura talking to Kiba! What the hell did he care who she fraternized with?

He wasn't her brother, her father, or her boyfriend. Sakura was at perfect liberty to do whatever in the world she liked with whichever oversexed feral slutburger she worked with.

"Hn," he replied.

"All right. Have fun. See you tonight." With that, she danced out the door.

* * *

At promptly midnight, Sasuke arrived outside Kurenai's Diner with his arms folded, eyes on the streets. It wasn't a terrible neighborhood, but it wasn't a good one either. There were groups of guys standing together on the corner, in the shadows. Imagining Sakura walking home by herself, too naïve and stupid not to take candy from strangers, made him grit his teeth.

The door to the diner swung open and out came Sakura, laughing breezily and chatting with a tall guy with brown hair. Sasuke recognized Kiba immediately from the tattoos on his face, and that sick feeling in his stomach intensified. Maybe he was allergic to dogs.

The possibility that he was _jealous_ of Kiba and his seemingly effortless interaction with Sakura never once crossed his mind.

"Oh, hey, Sasuke!" Sakura said happily, like he was an afterthought. "You remember Kiba, right?"

"Hey man," Kiba said, grinning, holding out his hand. Sasuke took it reluctantly and they did that dap thing guys do when greeting one another. "So you're back in Konoha, huh? Pretty sweet. And you landed the prettiest roommate in the city!"

Sasuke's lip curled, but beyond that, he said nothing.

"Okay, okay, I get it!" Sakura laughed. "I'll see you this weekend, Kiba, I gotta get home."

"Sure thing, babe. See you guys at school, welcome back, man."

"Aa," Sasuke replied, and when they were far enough away from Kiba, he demanded, "Why are you seeing him this weekend?"

_Oh for crying out loud, I sound like a jealous husband!_

"You sound like a jealous husband!" Sakura exclaimed, pulling out her hair tie and letting her long pink hair fall freely down her back. "We work together Saturday morning. Happy?"

"Hn. He's bad news."

"Excuse me! He's not bad news, he's the second nicest guy I've met in Konoha after Naruto!"

Sasuke's nerves prickled, but he supposed he deserved that.

They walked the rest of the way in companionable silence. The air was still fresh after the rainstorm, the temperatures cooler and there was even a light breeze pulling through his hair. If every night was this pleasant, he wouldn't mind picking up Sakura from her late night shifts at work. Provided, of course, she kept her pretty mouth shut.

Besides. He'd need to make sure that _dogbreath_ knew every possible interpretation of the phrase "Look but don't touch," and that he kept his mangy hands to himself.

The implications of this possessiveness were completely lost on him. Jealous? Of Kiba?

Not a chance.

* * *

**note..** Hey guys! Few things. First off, I met an old lady last night at my bar and she was telling me how she and her partner of 55 years finally came out to their families. I told her how awesome that was to have been with the person you love for so long, and that I hoped to reach that milestone with my husband. (We got married this summer :)) When I showed her a picture of him, she told me how gorgeous he was and that I should count myself lucky being born in the 90's, because an interracial relationship when she was growing up would have been unheard of. And it made me really appreciate where we're at as a country: one that accepts love in all its forms. I LOVE YOU PHILADELPHIA!

And...some dumb bitch copied this story. Renamed it 'The Close Encounter' with all kinds of stupid capitalization and posted it under Kiba/Sakura in the filter. A bunch of readers told me about it this morning. SO. LAME. She still hasn't taken it down!

Please. Please, readers do not copy someone else's work. The lamest of all the lamebrains. It's pathetic. Think of your own ideas, or appreciate someone else's. Don't rip them off word for word. GOD.

Anyways. How'd I do? Please don't favorite/alert without dropping by to let me know every now and then. Love you, non-copying legitimate writers.

DAISY.


	7. Infested!

Sakura snuggled deep into her blankets, a happy smile on her face.

School was starting in the morning. Her first day of college! She was terribly, terribly excited, and chose to celebrate by sleeping in her bed for once. Her big, beautiful bed Sasuke helped build for her, with the cotton bedsheets that were breathable in the heat, but solid enough to keep her warm if she started to get chilly, and the mountain of comforters and pillows and this really, really awesome afghan her grandmother had knitted for her that she'd kept since she was a baby. Freshly showered and wearing her favorite pajamas, an old Aerosmith T-shirt and boxers, she could safely say she was in for a perfect night.

It was quiet in their apartment for once. Usually they wound up passing out together in the living room, infomercials, baseball games, or The Daily Show still blaring on the TV. But on the eve of their first day of classes, they both felt it was a good idea to skip TV and go to sleep early. Sasuke was down the hall in his bedroom, the door closed.

Sakura curled up like a cat beneath her blankets and closed her eyes. _You are my precious gem,_ she thought fondly, stroking her mattress with all the adoration of a lover. _And if I could fuck you, I would. And there would be gladness._

Warm where she lay and perfectly at peace with the world at the moment, she felt herself drifting in that happy space between sleep and wakefulness. Her alarm was set so she could shower and make herself devastatingly beautiful before her first college lecture, her backpack was packed with all the required books and blank notebooks and brand new pens, the really expensive kind with the liquidy tip that left really satisfying marks on the paper, and…

_Scratch, scratch, scratch._

Hmm. That was weird…

_Scratch, scratch, scratch._

She frowned and opened one eye to peer about her dark bedroom, trying to identify the source of the noise. The window was cracked open; she figured a gust of wind was rustling a paper or something on her desk. Sighing, she resettled herself on her mountain of pillows and shut her eyes again.

_Scratch, scratch, scratch._

The noise was getting louder. And now Sakura was starting to get nervous. Mysterious noises at night often meant there was some type of serial killer prowling around hoping to snare a victim. Louder still. And closer.

Whimpering, she sat up and looked around, calling out in a small voice, "Sasuke? Shut up and go to sleep!"

She was going for aggressive, but came off squeaky and terrified. There was no answer, except the scratching became louder. Whatever was causing it was now inside her room.

Given the circumstances, Sakura handled the situation quite well.

She threw off the covers, bolted out of bed, and screamed at the top of her lungs, _"SASUKEEEE!" _before running at lightspeed out of her bedroom down the hall.

In her socked feet, she tripped over the area rug in the hallway and, still screaming, collapsed in an undignified heap outside Sasuke's door. To his credit, he woke up pretty quickly, and threw open his bedroom door with an admirable amount of awareness.

"Sakura?" he exclaimed, peering down at her in confusion. "What the hell are you doing?"

"The serial killer!" Sakura squealed, bursting into tears as she pulled herself to her feet and seized the front of Sasuke's T-shirt. "The serial killer, Sasuke!" She shook him to relay the urgency. "The scratching of the serial killer! It's _happening!_"

Vaguely, she noted how handsome he looked in his white T-shirt and a pair of blue cotton pajama pants, his hair sleep-tousled and messier than usual. She decided to compartmentalize that bit of information, and would think about his midnight good-lookingness if she survived the night. But now, convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was an axe murderer skulking around her bedroom thirsting for her blood, was not the time.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he snapped, his hands gripping her wrists in a vain attempt to pry her off his shirt. "Get your ass back to bed. You had a fucking nightmare."

"I'M LIVING THE NIGHTMARE, SASUKE!" she screeched. "I'M LIVING IT! _THERE IS A KILLER IN MY ROOM!_"

He rolled his eyes so obnoxiously, it had to have been painful.

"Just listen!" she yelled. "Damn it, Sasuke, just listen to the scratching in my room! As he drags his axe across the rug!"

She could tell by the furious look in his eyes that he was only doing this to humor her, but he made his way down the hall all the same, unhurried and laboring under the arrogant delusion that there wasn't someone in Sakura's room who would sever his pretty head from his pretty body. Sakura pushed him along, cowering behind him, firmly comfortable with the knowledge that she would have plenty of time to get out of the apartment while the killer was killing Sasuke.

"Fucking ridiculous," Sasuke was muttering under his breath, and Sakura glared up at him as they headed towards her bedroom. "Useless, childish, ridiculous fucking bullshit every goddamn day."

_Scratch, scratch, scratch._

"Tell me you heard that!" Sakura wailed, shaking the arm she was holding onto. "Sasuke tell me you heard that!"

"Heard what, you imbecile?" he snapped nastily, but she was too frightened to be properly offended.

"The scratching! The scratching, you asshole! Tell me you heard the motherfucking _scratching!_"

_Scratch, scratch, scratch._

Sasuke stiffened, like a dog smelling a rabbit, and Sakura silently patted herself on the back. "I did hear something," he mumbled. "What the hell was that?"

"It's the killer!" Sakura near sobbed. "Don't you see? It's happening, it's happening right now."

"Sakura shut _up,_" he snapped. "There's something in your room, understand? Keep your voice down."

She bit her lip and reluctantly followed when Sasuke peered inside her dark bedroom. He looked to the left, and right, and when the scratching sounded again, louder this time than ever, he cussed under his breath.

"It's not a killer," he said shortly, slowly backing out of the room.

"Then what is it?" Sakura asked shrilly.

Then, from out of the shadows, the source of the scratching revealed itself. Twelve inches high, a long furry tail held at attention behind it, and a soulless, evil look in pitch black eyes, it raised itself on its hindlegs and let out a bloodcurdling screech.

Sakura didn't think. Terror paralyzed her brainwaves, and she jumped onto Sasuke's back and held on like a baby koala, screaming, "A FUCKING SQUIRREL! NO! NO, THAT'S SO MUCH WORSE THAN A KILLER! SHOOT IT, SASUKE!"

"Are you crazy?" he demanded, staggering a little under her furious writhing. "I'm not shooting a fucking squirrel!"

"YOU HAVE TO! YOU HAVE TO SHOOT IT AND THEN HANG IT OUTSIDE AS A WARNING TO OTHER SQUIRRELS! SASUKE IT'S TOUCHING ALL MY THINGS!"

The squirrel did not appear frightened to Sakura's untrained eye. If anything, it looked decidedly smug, as it took off at a run for her bed.

"NOT MY BED, YOU BASTARD!" Sakura screamed, punching Sasuke's back in distress. "NOOOO!"

Sasuke grabbed her wrists, twisted, and threw her off of him. "Call Kakashi," he ordered. "A fucking rodent infestation, I'll _kill him_ for not telling us about it when we signed our lease. I'll try and trap it or something."

"Don't get any blood on my shoe collection!" she snapped threateningly, terrified, but not to the degree of not caring about what happened to her shoes. "For every drop of blood I find on my shoes, I will kill you." Content that he would kill the squirrel and spare her possessions, she took off at a run down the hallway, barricading herself in Sasuke's bathroom with a cell phone in her hand.

She stood on top of Sasuke's toilet and, with shaky fingers, managed to dial the landlord's number. His lazy, easy-going voice answered on the third ring.

"Shady Leaf Apartment Suites, this is Kakashi speaking, how may I…"

"SQUIRRELS!" Sakura screamed, furious and terrified and incoherent at this point. "SQUIRRELS IN MY APARTMENT! I'LL HAVE YOUR ASS FOR THIS!"

"Who may I ask is calling?" Kakashi asked mildly, sounding supremely unconcerned with Sakura's distress, which only ignited her fiery temper.

"I'M THE FUCKING LIZARD KING!" she bellowed. "IT IS THE REAPING! C-17! COME TO C-17!"

"C-17? Ah, Miss Haruno! How's the new place?"

"INFESTED!" she howled. "INFESTED, YOU RAT BASTARD! IS THIS WHY YOU WEAR THE MASK? BECAUSE OF THE INFESTATION?!"

"Infestation?"

"There is a squirrel! In my room, touching my things, _raping my sense of security!_ Put me through to the Pentagon!"

"A squirrel?" Kakashi chuckled. "I see. I'll send over the maintenance man, he'll be there in a jiffy. Good evening!"

"Don't you hang up on me, you pancreas, don't you dare-!"

The click of the receiver on the other end sent her nearly into hysterics, compounded by the sound of running footsteps down the hallway, and furious pounding on the door.

"The hell you doing in my bathroom?" Sasuke demanded from the other side, jiggling the doorknob to no success, since she'd locked that shit up tight.

"Mine was too near the squirrel!" she explained. "Did you catch it? Is it dead? Is its mangy carcass on display to intimidate any others?"

"Not…exactly," Sasuke replied curtly, sounding pissed off with himself. "Let me in here."

"Like hell! You'll let the squirrel in and it'll…"

"It bit me, you psycho bitch!" he snapped back. "Open the goddamn door!"

"NO WAY! YOU'LL INFECT ME WITH YOUR RABIES!"

"SAKURA. I will break the fucking door down, so help me God! I need fucking medicine."

"GO AWAY, YOU RABID ANIMAL! GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN PEACE!"

"SAKURA!"

He was yelling at her. Sasuke didn't seem like the kind of person to yell, which scared her all the more. It had to have been very bad out there for him to lose control like this. Could she really leave her fellow soldier alone at the frontlines? To die a horrid death he didn't deserve?

Vaguely, she remembered the way he'd called her fat the other night. A twisted, evil smirk conquered her lips, temporarily outweighing her fear, and she hissed, "It's no more than you deserve, is it? You make fun of what I eat; I'll stand here safe and sound in your stupid bathroom and let them eat you and in the morning, when the cops come to collect what's left of your bones, I'll…"

BOOM!

Sakura's jaw _dropped._

Sasuke stood in the threshold of the bathroom, fuming like a caged tiger. The crumpled wooden remains of the door lay on the linoleum tiles, and he lowered the leg he'd kicked it down with in ill-contained rage.

"Give me. The fucking. Medicine," he snarled at her. "Or I'll throw you out into the hallway and laugh as they tear you apart!"

Sakura was torn between sheer amazement at Sasuke's display of machismo and overall badassery, and mind-numbing terror. He looked more than capable of murder at the moment, given her refusal to let him inside his own bathroom, and after that show of impressive strength, she had no doubt in her mind that he could easily make good on his threat.

"Put the door back up!" she said shrilly. "I'll clean that bite, but you put the door up immediately!"

To her relief, he nodded curtly and picked up the door he'd kicked down, replacing it haphazardly between the frame again. She rummaged quickly through Sasuke's medicine cabinet, doubting very much that she would find a topical cream to cure rabies amid the aftershave and mouthwash; behind her, she heard him mutter, "Like hell am I paying to have this door fixed."

He pushed his laundry hamper in front of the door to act as a barricade before turning on the faucet. He held his forearm underneath the spray, and turning around, Sakura gasped to see the water turn brown with blood.

"He really did bite you!" she exclaimed. She hurried over with antiseptic cream and batted his hand away from the tiny puncture on his arm that was leaking a surprising amount of blood. "Fucking monster…what happened in there?"

"Family," Sasuke bit out.

"Huh?"

"It wasn't just one squirrel. It had a family. Attacked me, all at once. In _formation._ Someone trained those motherfuckers."

Sasuke sounded very much like he was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, but Sakura chose to keep her mouth shut. When the blood stopped running, she treated the cut with antiseptic, ignoring Sasuke's babyish hiss of pain, and placed a bandaid over top.

"You'll have to go to the hospital at some point," she informed him gravely. "For a rabies shot."

"Like hell."

"I'm not kidding! The only way to treat rabies is _before_ the symptoms set in."

"Be quiet. You ruined my whole goddamn night."

"You'll get lockjaw, Sasuke! And I'll be forced to humiliate you further by throwing things into your mouth because you don't be able to stop me! And then you'll die a foamy, undignified death and I'll turn your room into a multimedia center!"

"You're gonna be a great fucking wife someday, aren't you?" Sasuke snapped meanly. "Crazy bitch. Did you call Kakashi?"

"He said he'd have the maintenance man come around," she told him, cataloguing every insult he slung her way, so she could pay him back later when she was sure he wasn't rabid. "We'll wait in here…we're safe in here. I hope."

So they sat together in Sasuke's bathroom, Sasuke on the back of the toilet, Sakura on the rim of the tub, waiting for the maintenance man to come and save them. It was rather like being in prison; Sakura eyed Sasuke warily, hoping he wouldn't start foaming at the mouth, and Sasuke glared at her, clearly blaming her for the way this night was going. Minutes dragged on into hours, and Sakura didn't realize she'd fallen asleep until Sasuke was rudely poking her in the forehead to wake her up.

"Maintenance guy's here," he muttered.

"Huh?" she asked stupidly, before exclaiming, "Oh!" and jumping to her feet. Her neck was stiff from sleeping against the shower wall all night long, and she was dizzy for a moment before collecting herself. She followed Sasuke out of the bathroom into the hallway.

The maintenance man, a friendly-looking guy named Iruka with a scar running across his nose, was emerging from her bedroom with a cage in his hand. He smiled at her genially and said, "Good morning, Miss. Caught the sucker and his babies…they won't be bothering you again."

Sakura stared at the cage he was holding. Through the bars, two tiny claws emerged, holding onto the metal; the squirrel looked her dead in the eyes, and even though she'd never seen a squirrel so close in her entire life, she read the message loud and clear: "I will come back for you, bitch. I will come back and when I do, I am going to fuck you up."

"What took so long?" Sasuke demanded angrily. "It's almost seven am, we called hours ago!"

Iruka sighed. "You guys must be new here. Well, you'll find that Kakashi, even if he's a decent guy, is always a little…late when it comes to the important things. He called me a few minutes ago."

"_What?_" snarled Sasuke, but Sakura sighed heavily in defeat.

"Thanks," she told Iruka sincerely. "For saving our lives. Sorry, we're just a little bit…high-strung at the moment. Classes start in like an hour, and this isn't how we expected to spend the night before."

Iruka chuckled on the way out. "No problem, Miss. Good luck at school, kids."

He let himself out, and Sakura shoved past Sasuke towards her own bathroom. What a night.

"Where are _you_ going?" he demanded, just to pick a fight, but she shook her head.

"Go to the hospital," she ordered him, slamming the door shut between them. "You need a rabies shot. I'm already afraid of you cutting my head off in my sleep; you don't need to add infecting me with rabies to my list of things to worry about."

Her first class started at 8 am, she'd slept horrifically, and now she would never be able to sleep in her bedroom ever again. That squirrel and his bitchass fucking family would be back, and they would find their way in again. And they would exact most painful revenge on her for her hand in their expulsion.

List of things to buy: a deadbolt to keep murderous Sasuke at bay. New hinges for the door he'd kicked down in his anger. And a pile of acorns to offer the squirrel as a peace offering, hoping that, when he inevitably returned to deliver his punishment, he might show her leniency.

* * *

**note..** to anyone who's ever dealt with the horror of a rodent in your house, i give you this chapter.

please no favoriting/following without a review every once in awhile.

how'd i do?

happy thursday!

xoxo day-zee-jawn.


	8. Maybe Rabies

Well, his first day at college was a bust.

He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, if any. Because of Sakura's stubbornness and his determination to get as far away from the squirrel crime family as he possibly could, he'd kicked the door in, which meant with some clever maneuvering, the squirrels would be able to slip inside and finish the job of devouring him. Anytime he tried to doze off, like Sakura was doing in the bathtub, his fear would keep him awake, and he would remind himself to be constantly vigilant, his sleepy gaze locked on the door to anticipate an attack.

If Kakashi thought for one minute that he was going to pay for the cost of a new bathroom door, he was out of his mind.

The bite on his finger was starting to make him nervous as well. Sakura's irritating warning that he needed to be tested for rabies wouldn't get out of his head, and made concentrating on his very first lectures ultimately impossible. He sat in the back, knowing he looked disheveled and unprepared, scrawled some untidy notes that made no sense to him and was out the door determined to go home and finally get some sleep.

When he got back, Sakura was still gone. He didn't really know what her schedule was going to be like; in passing, she mentioned that she was taking premed courses, which meant that she was going to be busy studying most of the time. His classes were relatively simple by comparison; he'd peeked at her textbooks one day out of curiosity, and didn't envy her the intense struggle she was about to put herself through.

Still, it might get her out of his hair for awhile.

Her dire warnings that he was definitely positive for rabies persisted as he laid down on his bed, and made it impossible for him to relax. Tired as he was, his eyes kept darting to the tightly-wrapped wound on his finger.

_Damn it,_ he thought in annoyance, sitting up again a half hour later when sleeping proved to be futile. He stomped over to his desk, sat down, and turned his laptop on to do some research. How bad could rabies be, anyways?

* * *

An hour or so of intense Internet-based research on the diagnosis and treatment of rabies, Sasuke had successfully traumatized himself enough to get up and make an appointment with the school doctor. Picturing a grisly, undignified end for himself, consisting largely of foaming at the mouth and an inability to control his jaw, he knew that such a death was beneath him.

If he had to die, it had to be doing something awesome.

Not days and days after being mauled by a freak squirrel and his well-trained family.

He'd shoved his shoes on and was making his way to the door when Sakura came home. She looked tired, too, but as pretty as always, and sometimes if he wasn't ready to see her, she could be fairly distracting. It wasn't his fault that he was a young, healthy teenage boy and she happened to be a young, gorgeous teenage girl who knew how to dress well. His eyes drank her in before he could stop himself, before he forced himself to look away. No good could come from checking out Sakura Haruno. Ever.

"Hey, Sasuke," she said. "Did you go to the hospital yet? If not I'm taking you right now. The longer the disease stays inside you, the more potent it becomes."

She tossed her backpack on the floor, and Sasuke eyed it pointedly. Like hell was he going to live like a farm animal and let her toss her things wherever she wanted to.

"I'll take that as a no," she said coolly. "Come on. We're going right now."

"Hn. I have an appointment with the school doctor." When she didn't immediately pick up her backpack, he glared at her, but that was about as effective as it always was: ineffective.

"Good! Come on. I'll go with you."

"Tch. Why."

"So i can be certain you actually _went,_" she snapped. "You think I trust you to do what you say you're gonna do? Not with my life on the line. You might be cool with dying a really horrific foamy death, but like hell am I gonna let you infect ME with it before you do!"

"You're so fucking annoying, I can't believe I haven't killed you yet," he said nastily, but she was already pushing him out the door.

* * *

The Konoha University doctor was a witchy blonde woman named Tsunade, with enormous breasts and a towering temper.

Bringing Sakura along had been a mistake, because apparently the two had quite a bit in common. Minus the giant tits.

"Could you just make sure he's not rabid?" Sakura asked, sitting next to the examination table he was forced on. "Because I can't have him gnawing on my furniture or my skin later."

He shot her a glare that was positively murderous, but Tsunade found his bitch roommate _funny,_ and was giggling.

"All right, you heard her, kid," she said to him. "Take off your shirt."

"I got bit on my finger," Sasuke ground out, narrowing his eyes at the doctor. "Why do I have to take my shirt off."

"Look, I don't have all day," Tsunade snapped. "When you're as esteemed in the medical field as I am, you can question my orders. Till then, take your shirt off. Unless you have a third nipple or bitch tits or something else you don't want us to see."

Sakura had the gall to laugh. Part of him hoped he WAS rabid, if only for the satisfaction of ripping her throat out with his teeth and having an excuse to do it.

Furious with the whole fucking situation, he grabbed the hem of his T-shirt and tugged it over his head.

Here, he was rewarded with something unexpected; Sakura _blushing._ Besides the disastrous run-in they'd had the other day wearing only their towels, this was the first time she was seeing him shirtless. And Sasuke knew he was a fairly impressive specimen; between working out all the time and really good Uchiha genes, it was no secret that he was, to use the professional term, _jacked as shit._

But seeing Sakura react to this piece of information about him was devilishly rewarding. She was such a head case and drove him insane. It was only fair that he ruffle her feathers a little bit.

Her green eyes lingered a little long on his abs, and he didn't bother hiding his smirk. At least he wasn't the only one checking out his roommate on occasion.

"So, Sakura," Tsunade said conversationally, as she prepped her exam tools in a clinical, efficient fashion. "You're in the premed program at the university."

"Yes, ma'am," Sakura replied, quickly averting her eyes from Sasuke's chest and pulling herself together. "I just started today."

"Your high school biology teacher is an old colleague of mine," Tsunade continued. "He wrote your letter of recommendation."

"You read that?"

Tsunade chuckled as she washed her hands in the sanitizing station. "I'm in charge of the medical program here," she said. "I teach an advanced class to a very select group of students on occasion, but I haven't taken on any students in a few years now. In the meantime, I make sure none of you morons die of alcohol poisoning. Or rabies."

Sasuke glared.

"Anyway, your teacher had nothing but wonderful things to say about you. First in your class, highly ambitious, hard-working…you impressed him, Sakura. He's not an easy man to impress."

"Wow, thanks!" Sakura said, positively glowing at all the praise, and Sasuke, shirtless and furious on the exam table, was left to question why he was even there in the first place.

"Hmm. Well, impress me like you did him, and we'll see what we can do about fast-tracking you to my elite program."

"That'd be awesome!"

"Well, start now. Take his blood pressure."

Sasuke stiffened as Sakura gleefully took an armcuff and a pump from Dr. Tsunade. "No way is she gonna work on me," he snapped. "She's an idiot!"

"Not according to her SATs," Dr. Tsunade replied, clearly amused. She crossed her arms over her giant bosom and gestured for Sakura to proceed. "Tight around his upper arm, Sakura. Count the pumps in your head and take your time with the release. What's normal blood pressure?"

"120 over 70," Sakura answered. Sasuke hated her. "Come on, Sasuke, it's not a big deal!"

Furious, but slightly intimidated by the beady-eyed glare the doctor was shooting him behind Sakura's head, he stretched out his right arm for Sakura.

He didn't like this at all. Partially because he'd seen Sakura struggle with the buttons on the microwave at home on a daily basis, and wasn't too fond of the idea of her cutting off the circulation in his arm with whatever the hell she was holding. But mostly because he didn't like the idea of being shirtless, helpless, and powerless while she ran her hands all over him.

He was attracted to his roommate, that much was certain. He didn't need to aggravate his condition by letting her touch him with those small, soft fingers of hers.

She wrapped the cuff around his upper arm and secured it in place with Velcro. She seemed to know what she was doing where that was concerned, at least, and she squeezed the pump in her hand a few times until the band wrapped tight around his bicep. The constriction was uncomfortable until she gradually released the pressure, green eyes locked on the meter.

"120 over 70," she reported, beaming, and she smiled at him. "You've got perfect blood pressure!"

"Hn," he mumbled. She didn't have to smile like that, did she? All pretty and proud of herself. Annoying. She untied the cuff and handed it back to Dr. Tsunade, who looked pleased as she recorded the number on her clipboard.

"Very good," she said. "I'm impressed. Let's keep going. He's looking a bit…_flushed,_ isn't he?"

Sasuke shot her a very dirty look, and Dr. Tsunade only grinned. Was he that obvious? The thought was terrifying. Sakura, knowing he was attracted to her? She would be a _nightmare._ They'd only been living together for a few _days._

"You think it's a fever, Dr. Tsunade?" Sakura asked, and far from looking concerned or worried, she looked excited. Sasuke resented the hell out of this. He was shaping up to be her guinea pig, and she'd only been studying medicine for one _day._ He hadn't signed up for this.

"Could be," the doctor replied offhand. "Check his temperature."

Sasuke was forced to sit still while Sakura brushed his black bangs away from his face, her fingers cool and soft on his overheated skin, before running an electronic thermometer across his forehead. He carefully avoided her gaze, knowing he couldn't handle seeing her so close to him when he was in such a vulnerable position.

"98.6 degrees!" she said happily. "No fever. You just look like you're burning up, Sasuke!"

"Do. I. Have. Rabies?" he bit out angrily.

Instead of being given a clean bill of health, however, Sasuke was forced to sit in submission while Dr. Tsunade showed Sakura a host of other exam techniques. He had his ears checked, his eyes, nose, and mouth, by a rather deranged-looking Sakura who appeared to be enjoying this madness with every bit of her being. She tested his reflexes, hitting his knee a hell of a lot harder than necessary, felt the glands in his neck for any abnormalities, and eventually made him lay down flat on the exam table so she could check his muscles.

"You'll want to feel right along the abdomen," Dr. Tsunade instructed, her frigid hands pressing into his muscles. "Like this. Check for any contusions, irregularities…"

"What the hell does she know about irregularities?" Sasuke demanded, feeling completely vulnerable where he lay. "She's been studying for _six hours._"

"Quiet," Sakura snapped meanly. Then her hands replaced Tsunade's, and the difference was immediately known. Her fingers were much smaller, much gentler than the crazy old woman's, and massaging so close to the hemline of his jeans had his brain shortcircuiting in a manner of seconds. She was nuts, she was crazy, she was sadistic and a powermad tyrant, but she was also completely _beautiful,_ and her fingers were like magic.

"Feels good?" Tsunade asked Sakura, and Sasuke ground his teeth together at the double entendre.

"Seems good to me," Sakura replied, her voice a squeak, and Sasuke ventured to dare she was at least marginally affected by what was happening. He couldn't see her face from this angle, but he doubted he would find her without a blush if he could.

"Okay. Well, he doesn't have rabies," Tsunade said flatly. "Sit up, kid. Put your shirt back on."

Sasuke sat up angrily, eyes flashing as he glared at the doctor. "Excuse me? I don't have rabies?"

"'Course you don't," Tsunade replied coolly. "The squirrels on Konoha's campus are nonrabid."

"You're not even going to test me?"

"Why would I test you when everyone around here knows our squirrels are nonrabid? Waste of a shot."

"_If you knew they were nonrabid the whole time,_" Sasuke hissed like a viper, "_why did you go through this whole exam?_"

"Because, you paranoid little brat," Tsunade returned, "this exam was Sakura's audition, and I'm pleased to say you passed," she added with a warm smile in his deranged roommate's direction. "I'll want you to run clinic duty with me around your school and work schedule. A year training with me, and next year you'll be in my elite program, and after that I'll see that you get into whatever medical school you want."

"REALLY?" Sakura squealed, her voice piercing, and Sasuke seized his T-shirt with molten fury coursing through him. "THANK YOU SO MUCH, DR. TSUNADE!"

The old bat chuckled warmly and washed her hands again. "No problem. I'll email you the details; just know that I do not accept anyone into my program without a solid 4.0 GPA, so make sure you study hard this year, understand?"

"Yes, ma'am! I really appreciate this, thank you so much for the op-"

That was all Sasuke cared to listen to. Once his shirt was on and he was sure he'd just been played, he stalked out of the exam room without waiting for Sakura.

* * *

Sasuke slept for a couple of hours after his ordeal. When he woke up, it was dark, and he felt ill-rested and ill at ease.

At least he didn't have rabies.

Groaning, he pulled himself out of bed. His stomach was rumbling, reminding him he hadn't eaten anything all day, and he stalked unhappily into the kitchen to get something to eat.

Sakura was cooking again, singing along to some horrible indie song as she flipped what looked like French toast in the frypan. Her hair was tied up on top of her head as she bobbed along to the horrible beat, and when he cleared his throat to announce his presence, she turned to him and smiled brightly.

"Morning, sleepyhead!" she said. "Sit down, I made dinner."

"You made breakfast."

"It's 7 pm. It doesn't matter what it is, it's dinner."

"Whatever."

He was too hungry to argue with her, and collapsed onto the sofa. He regretted his nap; he didn't feel much better, and now he wouldn't be able to sleep until late, which meant he would still be tired in the morning. A clean bill of health didn't seem worth all this mess.

"You want bacon?" Sakura asked from the kitchen.

"Bacon? You don't eat meat."

"No, but I can tell you want some. It's turkey bacon. A little bit healthier."

Sasuke smirked, the prospect of meat in his stomach for once already improving his mood. "PETA isn't gonna kick you out for that?"

"You think you're funny," Sakura muttered. "Too bad you're an anus. I made sure this bacon came from a factory that kills pigs humanely, and…"

"Whatever, Sakura," he cut her off, unwilling to hear some vegetarian rage rant about the evils of consuming meat. "Yeah, I want some."

"Sure thing, ungrateful asshole," she snapped. "And be nice; Kiba's coming over in a little bit to fix the door."

Sasuke wasn't sure why that pissed him off so much, but it did.

"You think I can't fix the damn door?" he demanded.

Sakura rolled her eyes as she slapped some bacon onto the griddle. "Oh come on, don't turn this into some blown-out-of-proportion pissing contest. You were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you up, and we need the door fixed. I was texting him earlier and…"

"Texting him?" Sasuke snapped, on his feet and fully aware he sounded like a jealous husband. "So you can text Kiba to come fix the door, but you can't walk two feet down the hallway, wake me up, and have me do it?"

Sakura raised an eyebrow.

"If I had known you'd be so excited about it, then yeah I would've asked you. But Kiba lives in A building and really doesn't mind, so…"

As if on cue, the doorbell rang. Sasuke glared at her, but she merely sighed and went to answer it.

What the hell was she thinking? That he didn't know how to fix a door? That he was _incapable_ of a simple home repair? This was an offense to his manhood, to his masculinity, to his very nature, and he would not allow it. If she thought for one second that _Kiba _was manlier than he was? She was high.

"Hi!" he heard her say brightly, and he could just picture the beaming smile on her face. His teeth ground together and he seized the plate of food she'd prepared for him, determined to hate it. "Thanks for coming over, I really appreciate it."

"No problem, baby," replied a deep male voice, and Sasuke wasn't sure why, but he was _seething._ Who did he think he was, calling her 'baby'?

Not, of course, that he was jealous or anything. Because that would be absurd. But who the hell called a girl 'baby' after knowing her all of two days?

"If you want something to eat first, I made French toast and bacon," Sakura was saying. "Before it gets cold."

"Ain't nothing better than a girl who knows her way around the kitchen," Kiba chuckled, and they both entered the kitchen.

Sasuke remembered Kiba from school. He wasn't overly fond of the kid (even less at this point than usual, given the way he kept eye-humping his roommate) but he didn't particularly dislike him either. He looked about the same as he used to, only taller and with face tattoos. (Begrudgingly, Sasuke had to concede how completely badass a face tattoo was.)

"Hey, man!" Kiba said with a wolfish grin, and he stuck his hand out for Sasuke. Catching Sakura's threatening glare over Kiba's shoulder, he sighed and met Kiba for the dap. "Long time, no see! I didn't know you came back to Konoha, why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Hn. Didn't think anyone remembered me."

Kiba laughed. "Yeah, right. God, once Karin finds out, she's gonna be _revolting._ Anyway, Sakura brought me over to fix the door. Heard you guys had a squirrel problem last night?"

There was a smirk on Kiba's face that Sasuke resented, a mocking smirk; this was definitely a challenge to his masculinity, absolutely beyond a shadow of a doubt. He felt his muscles flex and was weighing the pros and cons of throwing Kiba out of his apartment by the throat when Sakura intervened.

"Yeah, it was terrible," she sighed. "Neither of us got any sleep…I really appreciate your help."

"No problem! I really appreciate having a female coworker who's actually easy on the eyes."

Sasuke snorted into his bacon. Could she really be that brainless, as to fall for the shallow flattery of someone like Kiba?

Her giggle confirmed that yes, yes she could.

* * *

Kiba couldn't fix the door alone. Sasuke was smugly satisfied with that, and deigned to help; between the two of them, they managed to get the hinges back on. There was no saving the doorframe, which was badly splintered and would need to be replaced and repainted, but at least it now retained the function of a door, and he didn't have to worry about Sakura sneaking in during his shower to do something terrible to him.

"You busy?" Kiba asked Sakura, after the deed was done and the three of them found themselves in the kitchen. "I can take you out for a drink if you want…or you can come by my place. See the man cave."

Sasuke seethed, but Sakura smiled and shook her head.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I have a ton of homework to do. Plus dishes and shit. I'll see you tomorrow at work, thank you so much for your help!"

"Sure thing, sweetheart," Kiba replied, kissing her on the cheek and simultaneously infuriating Sasuke from the inside out, for reasons he chose not to examine. "See you then. Nice knowing you're back, Uchiha! Come party with us sometime! As long as you bring Sakura."

"Hn," Sasuke spat.

The second Kiba was out the door, Sasuke rounded on his roommate.

"What's he kissing you for?" he demanded.

Sakura looked bemused. "He kissed me? On the cheek, Sasuke, it's not a big deal!"

"If you haven't figured out he's trying to hook up with you, you're dumber than you look." Sure, it was unnecessarily mean, but he succeeded in his intention: getting Sakura's attention. Her happy green eyes flashed fire, and she glared at him.

"Not that it is ANY of your business," she snapped, "but I'm not interested in Kiba like that! And again I say, not that it is ANY of your business, but I know exactly what he wants from me! _WHICH AGAIN IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!_"

At least, even if she was spitting venom, he knew he was first in her mind at the moment. He did not know why he needed to be the guy she was thinking about all the time, even negatively, but the feeling was there, and he couldn't shake it. He didn't want her calling Kiba up for help fixing things. He didn't want her spending time with Kiba when she could be watching a baseball game with him. He didn't want her cooking for Kiba or anyone else, for that matter, not when she'd specifically bought baon just for him.

It was a childish, selfish possessiveness but he did not care. All he knew was that he wanted Sakura fighting with him and cooking for him and hanging out with him and asking him for help. Not anyone else.

The possible implications of this were entirely lost on him.

"Grow up!" Sasuke demanded. "You're naïve."

"AND YOU'RE A CROTCH PIGEON!" she bellowed. "You're not my father, you have absolutely no right to get on my case like this, I hope you choke on that bacon, I hope it greases up your intestines and they fall out of your ass!"

Sasuke's jaw dropped.

Sakura seemed to recover from her tantrum pretty quickly, though, and started washing the dishes. "I'm gonna do some homework in a little while," she said conversationally, like she hadn't just been screaming at him, "but after that, wanna watch the Daily Show? It looks really good tonight."

Bemused, thoroughly unable to keep up with her rapid mood swings, Sasuke only nodded dumbly, and sat back down on the sofa.

As far as arguments went, he had no idea if that one was a win or a loss.

* * *

Sure enough, 2 am rolled around and Sasuke was as alert as ever. Nothing interesting was on TV at the moment, and Sakura, his sole source of entertainment lately, was passed out on the sofa, her legs thrown across his lap.

He didn't have any homework that night, which was good, nor did he have any classes the next day, which was better. He made a mental note to head down to the grocery store and get his schedule. Soccer tryouts were a week away as well. Between all of that, hopefully he would be too busy to let Sakura stress him out anymore than she already was.

Accusatory eyes shot to the girl curled up on the other end of the sofa. Angrily, he wondered how someone so atrocious had to be so _pretty._ Even with her makeup washed off and her hair pulled back off her face, in an oversized Aerosmith T-shirt and boxers, she was far and away the prettiest girl he'd ever seen.

All the more reason she had to grow the hell up and learn about the world already. She was playing a dangerous game leading on a guy like Kiba Inuzuka, not to mention the way she'd gone braindead in front of that cashier the other night. Girls who looked like Sakura needed to be able to handle themselves in situations like that, and Sakura appeared to have little to no savvy about the opposite sex.

And it frustrated him.

Because that meant it fell on his shoulders to look out for her.

He fumed silently for awhile longer, before his gaze drifted inevitably south. She didn't have the gigantic breasts of Dr. Tsunade, but they were still an appreciable size. Her stomach looked flat and whenever her shirt rode up, he saw the barest traces of muscles on the taut skin. And the legs she'd thrown haphazardly across his lap were killer as well.

He felt his cheeks burn, and refused to consider the most obvious conclusion: that he liked Sakura.

Abruptly, he shook his head. That was an impossibility. She was deranged, she was neurotic and she was a batshit crazy harpy monster bitch. There was absolutely no way he liked her like that.

Nope. She was just a very, very, very attractive friend (and he could admit that he considered her a friend; you didn't fight a war against a squirrel army without forming a close bond), and even if he was attracted to her, that didn't necessarily mean anything deeper than that.

After all, he'd seen the way she'd blushed that afternoon in the exam room. Her flushed, stuttering schoolgirl-with-a-crush demeanor confirmed that even if she denied it, she found him attractive, too. And that was dangerous: two sexy people living in such close proximity to one another. Acting on it?

Nope. No way.

Glaring at Sakura and then laying back against the comfortable sofa, he stared up at the dark ceiling and thought privately that rabies seemed like a much more manageable annoyance than the presence of this infuriating girl in his life.

At least there was a cure for rabies. There didn't seem to be a solution for Sakura.

* * *

**note..** hi, everyone! we're in lockdown thanks to that big bitch sandy (who i love) so i don't have much else to do at this point but write...i'm having a good time with this one and i hope you are, too, since it's shaping up to be a long, long, long one.

no promises, but i might have my catch you later sequel up tonight. depends how much motivation i have. let me know what you think! i'm hearing from less and less of you lately. IS IT SOMETHING I DID?!

lolz nah. y'alls is just busy. AND I FEEL THAT, YO.

still, though. HOW'D I DO?

love you! stay safe this week :) congratulations, giants!

xoxo Daisy


	9. Triumvirate of Fugly and a New Ally

Sasuke's bad mood persisted throughout the rest of the week. Sakura wondered if maybe she shouldn't have pushed him so far about the whole rabies thing, but soon she was too wrapped up in her own life to worry too much about her surly roommate's feminine mood swings.

Dr. Tsunade's offer to join her for clinic duty was something out of a fantasy; who _hadn't_ heard of her? She was Konoha's most famous, most successful, most prolific physician, and she had a reputation as a stern, no-nonsense woman with impossibly high standards. She took few students and even fewer apprentices, but everyone she taught made it big in the medical field.

It also meant, of course, that nearly all of her free time was sapped with what was essentially a nonpaid internship, but the experience she was going to gain learning as a first-year college student under the best doctor in the city was worth it.

At least, she hoped so. Walking to her night shift after a long day of hard classes, she was exhausted already.

She found herself juggling a five-class schedule (daunting by anyone's standards), a part-time job, tennis (part of her scholarship, so she was pretty much required to play), and now this internship with Dr. Tsunade. She would need to maintain a 4.0 GPA, play excellent tennis or risk losing her funding, and try not to get fired at work just to keep her head above water this semester.

Oh, yeah, and so she wouldn't be homeless.

She didn't like worrying about the Triumvirate of Fugly (her coworkers Ami, Tayuya, and Kin, who each seemed to despise her without much cause), because in the scheme of things, it seemed like a really childish, useless thing to get so worked up about.

But as she walked home with a silent, moody Sasuke after her third shift enduring a number of nasty stares and mean whispers, she found herself really, embarrassingly bothered by it.

_I have so many other things to fucking worry about,_ she thought, uncharacteristically quiet as they headed back to Shady Leaf Village. _Why am I stressing over three useless, irrelevant bitties I didn't even want to be friends with in the first place?_

"What's your problem?" Sasuke demanded, jerking her out of her thoughts. She loooked up at him as they walked side by side, and saw that he was peering at her from beneath his messy black hair. A deep frown wrinkled his brow, and with his hands in his pockets and that detached, aloof attitude that made him such a headcase to live with, she felt a thrill of attraction course through her and promptly looked away.

"Just a stupid girl thing," she replied nonchalantly. "Don't worry about it."

"I wasn't worrying," he snapped.

"Then pipe down, you dingus, you're on my nerves!" she shot back, her temper always so high whenever he was around.

Then, worried she might have crossed the line, she sighed and added, "I work with three girls who really just hate me. I don't know. I know it's really immature or whatever to worry about it, but I don't know what I did to make them _despise_ me."

Predictably, Sasuke scoffed. Annoyed, she started walking a little bit faster.

"See, that's why I don't even bother with you!" she sniped at him over her shoulder.

She heard his sigh of irritation and he took a few strides to keep up with her. She cursed his astronomical height and her pathetic shortness, and he snapped, "Do you even like them?"

"Of course not, that's not the point!"

"Then what IS the point? People you don't like, don't like you, and you have a problem with it?"

"Yes I have a problem with it!" Sakura became aware that they were now full-on yelling at each other in the middle of downtown, but couldn't bring herself to care. Something about Sasuke made her lose control of her emotions so fucking easily, it wasn't even funny. She was never as high-strung and, frankly, _nut ass_ as she was around him, and she had yet to find a discernible reason for it. "I didn't _do_ anything to them to deserve them being mean to me!"

"You sound seven years old," Sasuke snapped ruthlessly, and Sakura, to her _horror,_ felt tears spring to her eyes. Sasuke's words triggered memories of being seven, friendless, mercilessly teased and so horribly, horribly lonely. Hastily she looked away, because like hell would she let Sasuke Uchiha see her _cry,_ but damn if that didn't hit her right where it hurt the most:

Her self-confidence.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Sasuke swore, and Sakura realized he must've noticed she was crying. "Damn it, Sakura, what do you even _care?_ Not everyone in the world has to like you."

He was right, of course, but that didn't make her feel any better. Growing up with cripplingly low self-esteem, even grown-up, put-together, well-liked Sakura Haruno was as insecure as little shy, lonely Sakura Haruno from the sunny Suna playground when faced with the reality that she wasn't going to be universally liked. She knew she put entirely too much value into what other people thought about her, but she had no idea how she was supposed to reverse that.

The stress she was under (after only a _week_ of her full college schedule), coupled with the insecurity she felt after yet another shift with the Triumvirate, had her on the verge of breaking down. Sasuke must have seen it in her face, the way her lip was quivering pathetically, because he let out a long-suffering sigh and didn't even look surprised when she threw herself into his arms and burst into tears.

To his credit, he didn't throw her off of him into the way of an incoming car. Instead, he just stood there, kind of awkwardly, his arms rigid at his sides while she sobbed like a baby into his shirt.

"MY LIFE IS SO DIFFICULT!" she screamed.

"Keep your voice down, you banshee," Sasuke hissed, apparently caring more about the strange looks they were getting from passersby more than she did in her distress.

"WHAT'S THE POINT OF BEING QUIET WHEN _NOBODY LIKES ME?!_"

"Jesus fucking Christ."

"It's true! It's true, Sasuke! They absolutely despise me and I did NOTHING to them! I'm nice, aren't I? I'm real fucking nice, I'm a fucking _sweetheart_, yafeelme? But _Ami _and _Tayuya_ and _Kin_ don't care. And besides Ino and some bitties back home, only _boys_ want to be my friend here!"

Sasuke stiffened even harder, if that was possible, and ground out, "Who."

"ALL THESE BOYS IN MY CLASSES AND AT WORK AND SHIT! EXCEPT YOU! BECAUSE YOU HATE ME, TOO!" Sakura gasped for breath, releasing all of her pent-up rage on the sidewalk, slightly sweaty and unkempt from her shift, her makeup smeared, her hair messy. She was aware this was not her most dignified performance, but it simply didn't occur to her to be bothered by it. "You despise me more than anything! And it's because I make you get rabies shots and I lock myself in your bathroom and and and…WAHHHHHH!"

Words failed her, and she clung to Sasuke tighter, wrapping herself around him like a baby sloth. She did take a break from her wallowing, however, to note that Sasuke smelled impossibly _good_ up close. His body was rock-hard, too, and she found herself enjoying a really excellent fantasy, sprung back to the beginning of the week when she'd run her hands over his bare chest checking for rabies or some shit, and…

"Calm. Down. You. Fucking. Psychopath."

She bit her lip and pulled back a little; she saw herself reflected in his coal black eyes, lip quivering, sniffling like a toddler, and Sasuke, in his infinite sweetness, restrained himself from full-on shouting in her face the way she knew he wanted to. Instead, he said, his tone careful and measured, "Let's just go home. Get your ass in a shower. This ain't worth even talking about."

In a bizarre, inexplicable turn of events, Sakura found herself strangely comforted by his words. He wasn't saccharine sweet, reassuring her that she was pretty and popular and everyone liked her, the way her other friends would have. If anything, he looked irritated that something so small affected her in such a huge way, and dismissed her worries as silly with little more than a glare and a few carefully-chosen words.

Sakura looked up at his handsome face, into his fathomless eyes, full of irritation and impatience and a whole host of other things she couldn't name, and felt a thrill of…_something_ course through her stomach. A warmth, but not the lustful kind like she usually felt around Sasuke, the kind that told her loud and clear to pin him to the nearest flat surface and have her way with him.

It was a softer kind of warmth, a magnetism she couldn't explain or define, but suddenly she found the prospect of letting him go a little bit disheartening.

"Are you saying I stink?" she asked with a frown, but no more tears. A return to their usual banter. With all the reluctance in the world, she pulled away from him, restoring a friendly distance again, with her hands on her hips in a challenging gesture. "Because if you are, I swear to God I won't rest until I catch a squirrel that IS rabid, and let it loose on you in your bed."

Sasuke smirked. The moment was over, but they were back to being sort-of friends. And as they headed the rest of the way home, their nasty, witty rapport restored, Sakura forgot about the Triumvirate of Fugly altogether.

* * *

Friday night found Sakura and Sasuke having a typical argument about an atypical subject.

"It's dark out," Sasuke snapped. "I told you, you're not going anywhere by yourself."

"It's _tennis tryouts,_ you _beluga!_" Sakura shot right back, tying her hair in a sleek ponytail. "I don't need a bodyguard! Why do you always think I need a goddamn fucking bodyguard? Remember when I kicked your ass in the kitchen? That's exactly what I would do if anyone tried to grab me, you know that!"

"You're naïve," he told her nastily. "You'd walk right by a frathouse and go inside when they told you to and no one would ever hear from you again. Not that I'd particularly mind it," he added spitefully.

"God, _whatever!_" Sakura moaned. She checked her reflection in the mirror, satisfied with the way her old tennis skirt fit her. White, tight, and easy to maneuver in. "Spend your fucking Friday night creeping on the girls' tennis tryout. Weirdo. Weird creep loser. WHATEVER. Let's go. If you make me late, I'll shove this tennis racket right up your…"

"You should be locked up," Sasuke interrupted, striding towards the door.

Did he really think she couldn't handle herself? Apparently so, because Naruto had called earlier wanting him to go to the same frat party he was so worried about her attending, and he'd blown him off. What normal eighteen-year-old boy didn't want to go to a college party and let mad bitches hang all over him, or whatever?

Not that _anything_ Sasuke did constituted as _normal._ Going for two-hour runs before dawn and eating a diet of mainly tomatoes and rice, she sometimes wondered if he was a closet anorexic.

"Why aren't you out partying tonight?" she asked him, nudging his side with her racket as they headed over to the Konoha tennis courts. "It's Friday. Isn't that what guys do, or whatever?"

"Maybe some guys," Sasuke scoffed. "I hate parties."

Sakura giggled. "Well, you're gonna have to get over that. I plan on having a great many parties at our place."

"No," he said flatly.

"It'll be fun! I'll invite some of my friends…at least, once I make friends of the girl variety…and…"

"Shouldn't you be focusing on trying out?" he sighed. "Instead of plotting ways to make me miserable."

"I'm not really worried," she admitted. "I think I'll be fine. Tennis helped get me in here in the first place."

"Arrogant," he scoffed.

"Not _arrogant,_ jerk. Confident. I'm not gonna flounce in there like I own the place or anything. I just think I'll do a good job. You've never seen me play or anything, so pipe down. Aren't you playing sports this year or something?"

"Soccer. And baseball."

"Baseball's hot," Sakura said, then blushed and looked away, not wanting to see whatever atrocious smirk of satisfaction crossed Sasuke's face at that. "I never really was into soccer much. Like I know it takes an incredible amount of talent, and the things soccer players do are pretty amazing…I just do not care about it. Even a little bit. What position do you play?"

Sasuke didn't look impressed at her low opinion of his sport, but he answered anyway. "Attacking midfielder, usually."

"That doesn't surprise me," Sakura quipped, rolling her eyes. "That you'd be involved in something that requires you to attack people."

"Cute, Sakura."

"Thanks."

A few moments of companionable silence passed as they made their way across campus. It was still relatively quiet; around 7 pm, it was between dinner hours at the dining hall and party hours at the different houses, so besides the occasional straggler, the quad was pretty empty. It really was a lovely campus, lined with trees on all sides, the buildings ancient-looking. Konoha was a very old school, something that attracted Sakura in the first place. The buildings looked like castles, made of stone with ivy winding up the walls.

"Why are you dressed like that."

Sakura looked up when Sasuke spoke, to see him staring distastefully at her ensemble. She rolled her eyes.

"What's wrong with it? This is my high school practice uniform."

"Did you play in a prostitute league?"

"You think prostitutes wear this? First off, excuse me, there ain't nothin wrong with prostitution. World's oldest profession. If the government had any sense, they'd legalize it, tax it, make money off of it, while making sure there were zones for it and that the people hooking would be protected, and…"

"Don't turn this isn't something political."

"…and secondly, you've got to be the biggest prude I've ever met. Seriously. Are you a virgin?"

It occurred to her that she and Sasuke never really discussed things like that before. But there was no way he could be…right? Not with abs like his, and a face that looked like it was carved from marble, and those steamy bedroom eyes that…

"None of your business," he said curtly, and she noticed his ears were red. Gleefully, she let out a squeal of delight.

"You ARE!" she gasped. "Sasuke that's _adorable!_"

"Tch," he scoffed. "As if you have anymore experience than I do."

"How do YOU know I don't?" she demanded.

He let out a bark of laughter and stopped walking; she did, too, full-on glaring at him at this point. "Jesus Sakura. Look at you."

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean? Why do you automatically think I have no experience?"

"You're too _wholesome,_" he informed her flatly. "Innocent. Everything about you says you're this naïve, sheltered little daddy's girl who's waiting for marriage."

"That's not true!" Sakura protested, stomping her foot in the grass. "I'm not waiting for _marriage,_ just for someone _special._ And I am SO not sheltered!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and kept walking. "Name one thing you did without Daddy's approval."

Without missing a beat, she caught up to him and snapped, "I moved in with a perfect stranger and never told him. A perfect _male_ stranger who may have Nazi sympathies and no compunctions about killing innocent girls in their sleep!"

She walked faster, unwilling to talk to him anymore. The _nerve._ Did he really think she was _naïve?_ Too _wholesome_ to keep up with the other girls?

So she hadn't had sex yet. Big deal. It wasn't like she hadn't had any opportunities, just that she was a little old-fashioned; she wanted her first time to be with someone she loved, and she simply hadn't fallen in love with anyone yet. When the moment came, she wasn't going to let it pass her by, but she wasn't going to rush it, either.

Whoever she allowed to enter the sacred temple that was her rocking body, would have to be really, really special. One of a kind, actually. A good person. Smart. Fun. Good-looking and clean, of course, and it wasn't a shallow thing. Sakura was just of the opinion that you couldn't get it poppin with a guy you weren't physically attracted to.

And there weren't many guys out there who fulfilled her requirements.

She shook her head abruptly and focused on her impending tryout. She was letting Sasuke rile her up again like he was so good at doing, when she should really be concentrating on showing the coaches what she could do and that she was good enough for varsity.

She gripped her racket hard, sorely tempted to throw it in Sasuke's _virginal_ face, and stormed onto the tennis courts, uncaring as to where Sasuke went while she tried out.

Jerk. Sexless, hypocritical, virgin jerk of no sex.

* * *

"All right, girls!" the coach said, a tall, muscular man with a beard and a cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth. "Gather 'round, listen up!"

Sakura and the other girls (there were a lot more than she'd been expecting) obeyed quickly, all of them in different tennis outfits, holding rackets of different sizes. She was more excited than nervous; she loved playing tennis almost as much as she loved playing softball, and thrived on competition. So much of her life lately was work and school and arguing with her roommate. It would be good for her to have an outlet to release all of her pent-up physical aggression.

"Thanks, everyone, for coming out tonight," the coach went on. "I'm Asuma; I'll be your coach this season. Glad to see so many of you interested in coming out. I know a lot of you are here on scholarship, but that doesn't guarantee you a place on our team this year. We've got openings for singles _and_ doubles this season, so the other assistant coaches and I are gonna evaluate your skills and decide where we wanna put you if we're interested. Sound good?"

"Yes, sir," the girls all chorused.

Sakura played doubles in high school with Ino, but having a different partner was bound to feel almost like a betrayal of her best friend. She hoped that if she impressed the coaches today, they'd see fit to let her play singles.

There was definitely something exciting about a one-on-one competition, something she hadn't gotten a chance to do when she had a partner.

Asuma divided them up in pairs; Sakura was placed up against a tall, curvy redhead with athletic goggles who had at least a full head on her height-wise and maybe ten or fifteen pounds, but a quick analysis of the way she walked to her spot revealed that she favored her right and probably wouldn't be as fast.

"Serving!" the redhead called, tossing the little green tennis ball up into the air and taking a mighty swing.

Sakura smirked to herself, eyes locked on the ball, and when it came catapulting over the side…

WHAM!

She put it exactly where she wanted it; on the redhead's corner, just under her racket as it sailed past her.

"Nice shot!" the girl called, looking impressed as she adjusted her goggles. "I'm more impressed by your outfit, though!"

"Thanks!" Sakura called back. "Ready?" She tossed the new ball up into the air and smashed it over the net again, in the same spot as before.

"Very nice, Miss Haruno," Coach Asuma said from behind her. She turned around and smiled brightly, blushing at the praise.

"Thank you, Coach!"

She played a few more matches with the redhead, and when they stopped to break, immediately introduced herself, hoping to make her first female friend at Konoha University.

"You played great!" she said, with her friendliest smile. "I'm Sakura, by the way."

"Karin," the girl replied, smiling in return, and they shook hands. "Are you a freshman?"

"Yeah, hope it's not that obvious, though." They grabbed a cup of water from the Gatorade dispenser and tossed it back while the coaches reviewed their evaluations and the other girls milled around in anticipation. "Are you?"

"Unfortunately. You on campus?"

"No, I live in an apartment with my roommate." Sakura spared a withering glare in Sasuke's direction; he was sitting on the bleachers, hands in his pockets like he was too good for everyone. "I almost didn't have anywhere to stay at _all._ Where are you staying?"

"I live at home, with my parents," Karin replied, fanning herself. "And commute. Kind of lame, but I'm saving some money, anyways. And my mom still does my laundry."

Sakura laughed. "Sweet."

Karin seemed pretty cool, and by far the nicest girl she'd met since starting at Konoha. They chatted a bit longer, exchanging shallow details about each other's lives, before Coach Asuma gathered all the girls around him again to reveal the results of their tryouts.

"All right, listen up," he said. "First off, I want to thank all of you for coming out tonight and giving it your all. Lot of talent this year, I'm impressed. So we have three openings for our singles division. And they're gonna go to…Sakura, Karin, and Tenten. C'mon up, girls, give 'em a round of applause."

Sakura, glowing, high-fived Karin as they joined Asuma in the middle of the group, along with another very tall girl with long, dark brown hair tied in buns on either side of her head, and a sweet smile on her face.

The other girls clapped mildly as Asuma rattled off the four pairs of girls he'd chosen for the doubles competition, relegating everyone left over to the alternate squad.

"Practice starts Monday at four," Asuma went on. "Show up an hour early for your uniform fitting. Bring the results of your most recent physical and we'll go from there. Questions?"

"No, sir," the girls replied in unison.

"All right. Good job, girls. Dismissed!"

"Whew!" Karin giggled. "I was worried for nothing, I guess. So awesome, Konoha's tennis games are televised sometimes! Always wanted to be famous."

"I'll settle for earning my scholarship!" Sakura chimed in. "And, yeah, a shower, too."

"Samesies. Are you going to the party at the Theta house tonight?"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "I doubt my _roommate_ would let me go. He's a little bit…of a giant fucking asshole."

"Ooooooh," Karin snickered. "A 'he?' Yeah, I've got a boy for a roommate, too. He's called Suigetsu. My _boyfriend._"

"Your parents let your boyfriend live with you? That's awesome. My dad doesn't even know about Sasuke."

"Yeah, they're pretty cool with…wait. What? Who?"

"Oh, Sasuke. My roommate." Sakura pointed to the bleachers where Sasuke was impatiently waiting for her. "He's that guy right there…the brooding one who looks like the incubus? Like really hot but a big fat dickhead on the inside…"

Karin grabbed Sakura's shoulders and wheeled her around to face her, reddish eyes wide behind her athletic goggles. Shaking her somewhat, she hissed, "_Your roommate is Sasuke Uchiha?!_"

"You…know him?" Sakura asked, bemused at Karin's reaction.

"WHO DOESN'T?" she bellowed. "DAYUM, Sakura! I had the _biggest_ crush on him when he went to Konoha…then he up and disappeared for no reason and now he's back and he didn't even tell me! God, he's even more beautiful now than when he left. Like a delicious vampire."

"I hate vampires."

"Oh whatever! You're dating Sasuke _Uchiha?!_ Well, makes sense. You're fucking gorgeous and so is he. Can I come to your apartment and see where he lives? Can I touch his things? Don't tell Suigetsu."

"Um…"

"Oh God. Oh my God. I can't even believe. Come to the frat party, Sakura! And bring Sasuke with you! So everyone can bask in your mutual hotness!"

Sakura sighed, and shrugged. Karin appeared to have lost touch with all reality, but she had a kickass hairstyle and a wicked serve, so as far as Sakura was concerned, she was all right.

"Okay. Here, let me get your number, I'll give you mine…text me and we'll meet you there. The Theta house…that's the one near the strip club, right?"

"Mhmm. This is fucking awesome. I'm friends with the girl who's living with _Sasuke Uchiha._"

A bit affronted that she was fascinating mostly because of Sasuke, Sakura gave Karin her phone number and waved before joining her surly roommate on the bleachers.

"I made it!" she said happily, beaming. "First string, _bitches._"

He smirked, looking a little bit flushed.

"You okay? You look hot."

"I'm fine," he said gruffly. "Let's get outta here."

"Yeah…I have an idea. A compromise, actually."

"Whatever it is, no. I'm going to bed."

"Sasuke! It's our first weekend of college. It's Friday night. And it's _eight o'clock._ The night is young and so are we, and whatever."

"Sakura…"

"I wanna go to the frat party at the Theta house tonight."

"No."

"I don't need your permission, but you and I both know you won't let me go alone. So why don't we go get pretty and…"

"Damn it, Sakura…"

"Your old friend Karin invited us. It's rude to ignore an invitation. So why don't you stop pretending like you'll be okay sitting home while I'm out surrounding myself with drunk frat boys all by myself, and agree to come with me? It could be fun. Nothing would happen to me if _you_ came."

Sasuke sighed sharply. "Karin did, huh."

"Yeah, she was my opponent. Pretty cool. Little psychotic."

"Tch. She's always been crazy."

"Please, Sasuke? Come on."

"Fine," he muttered, and she beamed up at him.

"Great! Thanks, Sasuke, I promise I'll make you many bacons tomorrow morning in gratitude. Let's go home and take a shower!"

At his slow smirk and raised eyebrows, she blushed furiously and exclaimed, "No, no no no, that's not what I meant! I mean separately. Separate showers. Not together. Yafeelme? Because I ain't no hollaback girl."

As they headed back to their apartment together, Sakura regaling Sasuke with a boastful account of her triumphant audition, she found herself really looking forward to this party, if only for the chance to see Sasuke out of his element.

Things were really looking up for her. Tennis, work, school, and internship…

And the opportunity to see if Sasuke would have a heart attack if she danced up on him…

Yeah. Not a bad week.

* * *

**note..** Kind of a set-up chapter this time...but I think you might like what happens at the frat party :) next chaptah, of course.

Holla at me! I love hearing from you guys. Reviews keep me going, yafeelme?

Are there any boys reading this story? CURIOSITY.

xoxoxo daisy

HOW DID I DO? :)


	10. I Am The Law

Sasuke glared at Sakura's bedroom door. Part of him hoped that if he did so long enough, it would catch fire, and his annoying roommate would incinerate and then he would have peace.

She played him like a harp, every single time. She knew he wouldn't let her go to the frat party alone, regardless of how much he wanted to avoid that area of campus tonight. And the worst part was, he couldn't even do anything about it. It was like fighting his own nature; Sakura was a handful, but he couldn't let anything happen to her.

When he explained that to Naruto earlier in the week, his best friend's explanation had been asinine and absurd, as always.

"You like her, asshole!" he'd laughed.

Naruto was so far off-base it wasn't even funny. Sasuke did not _like_ Sakura. He was attracted to her, but that meant nothing. She was very, very pretty, and he'd noticed, but that didn't mean he liked her.

He despised her, mostly. They were friends sometimes, unless she was being particularly ridiculous, but beyond that, he could barely tolerate her. She was flighty, emotional, impulsive. Unpredictable as fuck, and frustratingly naïve. Spontaneous as a motherfucker and full of such irrational anger, he wondered how no one had thought to have her assassinated.

She was also his roommate, unfortunately. And a pretty good cook, even if she didn't eat meat, which meant he didn't eat meat mostly. She'd promised him bacon in the morning, though. And that bitch was going to keep her promise. You don't lie about bacon.

"What's taking so long?" he demanded.

Fucking women. Yet another thing he despised about Sakura Haruno, her numbing preoccupation with her looks. She was already frustratingly beautiful. He didn't understand the appeal of spending so much time in front of a mirror, trying to enhance it.

"Shut the fuck up!" she called back. "Didn't realize you were _that_ eager to go!"

He growled under his breath. He was an _Uchiha,_ damn it. Why did she disrespect him at every turn? So many women would KILL for the chance to so much as speak to him, let alone live with him, and not only did she address him with all the reverence and adoration she would show a feral raccoon, she proceeded to abuse his protective nature and manipulate him into being her bodyguard on a daily basis.

"Just gimme a sec, I'm trying to decide what shoes to wear…"

It was a college party. It wasn't a cotillion. He was dressed appropriately: jeans and a T-shirt. He couldn't understand what was so difficult about putting on jeans and a T-shirt, but it seemed to have Sakura completely stumped.

"Sasuke!" she screeched. "Should I wear pumps or sandals?!"

"I don't care!" he shouted. "Damn it, Sakura!"

"Okay, pumps! Thanks, Sasuke!"

Then, her door opened, and he rounded on her with all the intent in the world of telling her to fuck off and go to the party alone. Until he saw what she was wearing.

The dress, if it could be called that, because it looked more like a cream-colored sock she'd squeezed herself into, was very, very short and very, very tight, defining the perfect figure she sometimes hid behind over-sized sweaters and loose-fitting tank tops. She'd paired it with a very, very tall pair of very, very red heels that made her tall enough to reach his nose. Her hair was curly and wild, and her makeup was very, very dark and concentrated at her eyes, which popped electric green.

Overall, very, very…_not happening._

"Go change," he said immediately.

Far from being offended at his dismissive reaction, she smirked, as if pissing him off was exactly what she was going for to begin with.

"Okay, A+ on the outfit," she mused to herself. "I'll show _you_ I'm the "wholesome, wait-till-marriage" type, you judgmental dick. Let's go!"

"Go. Change."

Sasuke prided himself on his self-control, but this was ridiculous. Sakura was dressed like sex on legs, about to head in naïve and unassuming to a frat house. She was turning _him_ on already; he could barely imagine the way the other, less-inhibited guys who saw her tonight would react.

She was going to give him a heart attack.

"Why?" she asked, eyes narrowed, smirk smoldering. "Is it turning you on, Sasuke?"

_YES!_ His mind screamed.

"No," he said, and then a horrible idea came to mind. An evil smirk of his own twisted his lips and he replied with, "But that dress makes you look fat." A bold-faced lie.

The reaction was immediate and predictable. Sakura let out a scream of horror and rage, flinging herself back into her bedroom and slamming the door shut behind her. Not two minutes later, she reemerged, wearing a pair of short shorts, a loose sweater, and boots, covering herself much more effectively than the tiny piece of spandex masquerading as a dress had.

She still looked fucking gorgeous, of course, but at least he would be able to slow his heartrate enough to tolerate the evening.

"Don't think I don't know what you did just there," she hissed up at him, snatching her cell phone and shoving it into her pocket. "That's great, Sasuke. Just great. Give a girl an _eating disorder_ just to get your way. That's fine, though. Because I will poison you, I promise. Let's go before I change my mind about my dress and put it back on and have lots of sex and babies _without you._"

A heart attack was definitely on the horizon for Sasuke Uchiha. No joke.

* * *

The party was…exactly what Sasuke expected it would be.

The Theta house was packed to bursting with drunk college coeds. The lawn was festooned with trash already, and he deduced that they could only have been partying for about an hour to have caused such immediate chaos. Music blared from the open windows and doors, and he glared at Sakura as she pranced inside like she owned the place.

Everyone's reaction to her was completely predictable. The mistrustful stares from jealous girlfriends, as their boyfriends turned around to give her the once-over. And she wondered why she was having such a hard time making friends here of the female variety, strutting around like a peacock and giving every girl a mile around a big reason to feel intimidated. And this was Sakura dressed _casually._

What Sasuke _hadn't_ anticipated, however, was everyone's reaction to _him._

It was a classic misstep, forgetting his own unfair physical attractiveness, and its appeal to the opposite sex. He'd been so concentrated on keeping everything male ten feet away from his annoyingly pretty roommate that he'd completely forgotten to prepare himself for the same thing.

In an instant, Sakura was separated from him by a gaggle of girls, smelling of cheap perfume and even cheaper liquor, stars in their eyes as they tried to coax him to dance.

As if he would. He ground his teeth together and tried to sidestep them, cursing his good looks not for the first time, but college girls were much more aggressive than the high school girls he was used to avoiding. He couldn't hit them, unfortunately, which meant he had to try and slink around them, because Sakura, looking pissed at him for some reason, had vanished into the kitchen, presumably to find Karin.

This whole thing was _completely unfair._

He'd worked hard all fucking week, hadn't he? Studied hard, worked out, avoided rabies, etc. And he had work in the morning, training at a _grocery store_ of all things! Not to mention soccer tryouts were coming up and he had to live with the most frustrating human being ever spawned. ALL HE'D WANTED was an early night in, some food, maybe a baseball game, and sleep.

But no. Thanks to Sakura, he found himself forced into a foul-smelling frat house for the duration of the evening, his only motivation for going in the first place dancing off somewhere he couldn't find her. And now, a band of groupies coiled themselves around him like eight serpents, and he couldn't break free.

"SASUKE?!"

The voice that shouted was painfully familiar, and he grimaced. Years it had been since he'd seen her, but damn if that odious shriek wasn't exactly as horrifying as he remembered.

Sure enough, a redheaded missile catapulted out of the woodwork, darted expertly through the gang of girls like one of those target-locking torpedoes, and flung her arms around his neck.

"YOU'RE HERE!" she screeched.

"Karin," Sasuke choked, trying to pull her off of him. "Damn it, let go of me!"

She pulled back and beamed up at him behind familiar thick black glasses, and Sasuke readed himself for a love confession four years in the making. Despite never feeling anything for Karin besides a reluctant friendship, she never seemed to pick up on the fact that her attraction was decidedly _unrequited._ He grimaced, preparing himself for the inevitable, when…

"You remember Suigetsu, right?" she said excitedly. "My boyfriend?"

Oh. Well, that was a good thing. She reached behind her and grabbed Suigetsu out of nowhere, who shook Sasuke's hand enthusiastically.

"Hey, man!" he said. "Welcome back! I didn't know you were coming to KU!"

"He's got the _hottest roommate!_" Karin squealed to Suigetsu, and Sasuke was shocked. Karin's job all throughout school was to flail about him. But it seemed she'd found someone she found even more attractive than she found him, which was ludicrous, because no one on the planet was more attractive than Sasuke Uchiha.

Except, maybe, his _nutcase of a roommate._

Suigetsu glared at her. "What'd I fuckin tell you about talking about other guys?" he demanded.

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"His roommate isn't a guy, dick," Karin hissed like a harpy. "HEY! SAKURA!"

Well, sometimes Karin's volume was good for something; Sasuke couldn't find Sakura through the crowd of people, the loud music and conversation, but not two seconds after she'd screamed did Sakura reappear in front of them, carrying two unopened cans of beer and looking proud of herself.

"Hey!" she said happily, seeing Karin. "I was looking for you. But I found this instead." She held up the beer, handing one over to Sasuke.

"Isn't she like…hot enough to be a movie star?" Karin asked Suigetsu, nudging him with her elbow.

Sasuke found this especially creepy. His middle school stalker seemed to have found a new target to obsess over…and it happened to be his frustrating, _female_ roommate. The beer in his hand suddenly felt like a godsend, and he would have thanked Sakura if it wasn't her fault he was here among this madness in the first place.

"I'll say!" Suigetsu whistled, and Sasuke glared. "What's your name, honey? I'm Suigetsu."

"Sakura," she replied with a smile. "You're Karin's boyfriend?"

"Sure am, when she ain't on my nerves. And you're hooking up with Sasuke, huh?"

She giggled and shook her head, and Sasuke looked to see if she was blushing, but he couldn't tell in the darkness of the room. "Nah, we just live together. Only one apartment left in the entire city, and we had to share it."

"It's destiny!" Karin decreed dreamily. "It was fate that brought the two sexiest people in the universe together, and fate that will force you both to fall in love and get down already!"

The upside to this _fucking shitshow_, Sasuke reasoned, drinking half the can in one swallow, was that Karin's relative nutassness seemed to have repelled the gang of Sasuke adorers. And that was the only upside. He wanted to go home.

"Sasuke!" another, equally annoying voice shouted. He looked up angrily to see Naruto making his way through the other students, halfway to bombed already and grinning ear to ear. "Thought you weren't coming, dude!"

"Didn't plan on it," Sasuke replied smoothly, glaring at Sakura, who giggled, pleased with herself.

"You look really pretty, Sakura!" Naruto said. To Sasuke's fury, she glowed at the compliment.

"Thanks, Naruto! I had this really awesome dress on earlier, but Sasuke here was kind enough to tell me _it made me look fat,_ so…"

"YOU DON'T TELL A GIRL SHE'S FAT!" roared the combined voices of Naruto, Suigetsu, and Karin.

Sasuke sighed.

* * *

He left Sakura to the dubious care of Karin, who was introducing her to some girls she knew from high school, and headed outside at Suigetsu's insistence to check out his new car. Sasuke, a Volkswagen man at heart, was unimpressed with the crisp white Honda parked outside the frat house, but anything was better than being inside the steaming hot, sweat-soaked den of destruction Sakura was so bent on seeing.

Did she have to be so pretty? Really. If she wasn't pretty, then he wouldn't need to devote so much of his time and energy to ensuring that she spent every day safe and unmolested. Not to mention, she wouldn't serve as a constant distraction with her swinging hips and fairy smiles and that _incredible-smelling_ hair. They'd only lived together for a few _days._ How the hell was he supposed to survive an entire year with someone as frustrating, incomprehensible, and absurdly _pretty_ as Sakura Haruno?

"Fucking gorgeous, right?" Suigetsu asked outside.

He scoffed and responded without thinking. "If you're into _pink,_" he sniffed.

"Uh…dude, the Honda is white…"

Realizing that he'd completely misinterpreted Suigetsu's question, and nearly showed his hand all at once, he downed another beer quickly out of pure frustration.

They'd been there an hour already and Sasuke was running out of patience. He was outside with Suigetsu, Naruto, Shikamaru and Neji, pretending to care about the ugly white Honda just to avoid the pretty pink distraction inside.

No, enough was enough. He'd put an hour into this nonsense, two if you counted the time he spent waiting for Sakura to sexify herself like a video tramp. That was compromise enough; whether she wanted to go or not, she was going. He'd prefer not having to carry her out over his shoulder, but he wasn't above it at the same time.

"Dude, where you going?" Naruto asked, seeing him start back inside.

"To get the girl," he shot back, realizing too late how that sounded. The other guys started snickering, and he felt the back of his neck blaze in anger and embarrassment.

"Not before you take some shots with us!" Naruto said decisively. He dragged Sasuke back to where they were standing by the street, and handed out shotglasses and a bottle of Jaeger.

Sasuke, already having had five or six beers, knew this was a Bad Idea. Beer before liquor makes you sicker, and all that. But he accepted the shot anyway, tossing it back like a champ, and had a few more with the other guys. Enough so that his brain was sufficiently fuzzy, and he knew he'd have an absolutely wretched hangover the next day.

Now fed up, pissed off, AND drunk off his ass, he stomped up the steps to the Theta house and back inside.

This time, it wasn't difficult to find Sakura at _all._ She seemed to have made friends quickly, not only with Karin but with the other tall girl who'd made the tennis team and a girl with black hair he recognized vaguely as Neji's cousin; all of them were embroiled in a fierce game of pong while pretty much the whole house cheered them on.

He growled and stalked over to her just as she won the game; ignoring the whoops of the frat guys celebrating her victory, he grabbed her arm.

Unexpectedly, her face lit up in a happy, brilliant smile and she exclaimed, "Sasuke! I did it, I won!"

She threw her arms around his neck in joy. He staggered back a bit, his balance already off-kilter thanks to all the Jaeger in his blood. "I won the game and I have girlfriends now. Aren't they pretty? That's Tenten and Hinata and Karin. Karin wants to touch your things. Not, like, your _thing,_" she giggled hysterically, "but your stuff. Belongings. I'm not supposed to tell you or Suigetsu, though."

Sakura was _bombed._ If he was drunk, she was six or seven sheets to the wind, and it appeared, to his _horror,_ that Sakura was an _affectionate_ drunk. Picturing her throwing herself at every guy in the house, the way he knew she would if he wasn't there, he realized the need to head home was crucial.

"Let's go," he insisted, pulling her away from the game. "You're drunk."

"And you're sexy," she retorted without missing a beat. It caught him off-guard, to say the least; he knew Sakura found him attractive, but to hear her admit it so off the cuff? Maybe it just felt monumental because he was drinking. "Come dance with me!"

"No."

"Sasuke! I wanna dance with somebody I wanna feel the heat with somebody!"

"I said _no._"

"Fine. Then I'll dance with someone else."

His grip on her arm tightened and he pulled her to him. "You will not. Let's go."

"There you go pretending like you don't fucking wanna dance with me," Sakura giggled. "But I told myself I'd see what you'd do if I danced up on you, so come here." She tugged him with surprising strength towards the middle of the room, where everyone was dancing to some horrible song he'd never heard before.

She was a witch. He knew she had to have been a witch, and she'd cast a spell on him that made him get drunk and act completely out of character. But when she turned around, her back to his chest, and grinded her hips into his…most valuable player?

Any protest he'd been planning to make died in his throat. He stood there, stiff and awkward, eyes wide as she 'danced up on him,' before she grabbed his hands and placed them at her hips.

"Dance WITH me, Sasuke!" she ordered, and to his _shock,_ his hips moved of their own accord, along with hers. Dancing. Sasuke Uchiha, _dancing_ with a college girl at a college party.

How much Jaeger did he have, exactly? Enough to know this was fucking absurd, but not enough to stop it.

Damn if she didn't feel good between his legs, though. She moved like a girl who knew what she was doing, even drunk as she was, which, he could tell, was much, much drunker than him, since she was much, much smaller and much, much lighter. And all this was happening much, much too quickly for him to keep up, and all he could concentrate on was the heat brewing in his stomach and the way his fingers gripped her waist like vices, pulling her back closer.

She stiffened a little, and he wondered if he'd gone too far; then, she turned to face him, red-rimmed eyes wide and glassy in shock and drunkenness, and a disbelieving smile tilted her lips.

"Oh, no," she whispered. "Oh, this is horrible. This is so terribly _inconvenient._"

What the hell was she babbling about? Sakura often had full conversations with herself, something he found sufficiently creepy on a day-to-day basis, but never had she done so in _public._ He scoffed and glared at her, but succeeded only in noting how pretty her red-stained lips looked in the dim lights of the party.

Talk about _inconvenient._ Not even a week under his belt with this pink-haired predator of a roommate and he had the urge to do the _unthinkable._

He knew it was the alcohol amplifying his muted desires, knew this wouldn't be an issue if he wasn't drinking, but damn if he didn't want to pull in his nutcase roommate and _kiss her._

She was so close. And she wouldn't remember it if he did it, probably. Light little thing like her was bound to have absolutely no tolerance for the stuff in the morning; he could lie, if she asked about it. Say she was dreaming the whole thing and she should only BE so lucky that an eligible Uchiha saw fit to kiss someone like her. He could lie, if she remembered.

As he tried to talk himself into just doing it, just planting one on her pretty lips and seeing if the reality compared to the fantasy, he saw that Sakura was drawing closer, too. And she was still talking to herself.

"Why did this have to happen now?" she asked herself. "Of all the times, of all the people, why now? Why _you?_"

Definitely creepy, but her hand on his stomach was the farthest thing from. He was a centimeter away from heaven/hell when…

"COPS!"

Sasuke froze; so did Sakura. The only thing scarier than making out with your drunk frenemy roommate who was definitely psychotic was the cops busting a frat party you were at. They were both decidedly underage, and this would have a decidedly horrific consequence on their futures if they were caught, and they would be decidedly KICKED THE FUCK OUT of college, and Sasuke, less drunk than Sakura, sprang into action.

As the crowd of college students moved to the back door in terror, screaming and shouting and shoving their friends out of the way to reach safety first, Sasuke seized Sakura by the wrist.

"Come on!" he snapped, hoping he sounded more like an action hero than a frightened little boy with a squeaky voice. Sakura tried to follow but tripped over her boots and nearly faceplanted on the vomit-soaked carpet, saved at the last second by grabbing Sasuke's arm. "Damn it, you drunk harpy, if you get me arrested I'll have your _ass!_"

Resenting the fact that every single thing that came out of his mouth lately betrayed his infuriating attraction, he did exactly what he wanted to avoid doing in the first place; flipped Sakura neatly over his shoulder, her ass…ets dizzyingly close to his face, and took off for the back door.

"What are you doing?" she squealed, legs thrashing by his head as she fought to right herself again. "Put me down, you crazed gorilla! Down, I say!"

"You'll only slow me down," he hissed. He kicked open the back door and took off like a shot, just as the police swarmed inside from the front. "Shit, hurry up, Sakura!"

"You're carrying me, how can I hurry up?" she cried.

"You can lose weight!" he snapped meanly, even though she weighed practically nothing.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" she roared, thrashing her legs even harder and nearly sending him sprawling into the bushes. "I'M NOT FAT! YOU'RE FAT, YOU MAD HIPPO!"

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Sasuke shouted, darting across the backyard towards the wooden fence that separated them from misdemeanor forgiveness. Then, as he felt the glow of a police light on his back, he showed his true colors, and let Sakura drop to the grass in an undignified thump. He couldn't scale the fence with her on his back anyway. Every man for himself.

"HOW COULD YOU?" Sakura howled, as he hauled himself up on top of the fence. "NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND, SASUKE UCHIHA!"

"Don't use my name!" he hissed furiously, as the cops started filing into the backyard. Sakura skittered to her feet, loosing a squeal of horror as they closed in on her, and Sasuke felt a stab of guilt. He'd betrayed his roommate, his friend, left her to suffer alone while the sharks descended…even if she fucking deserved it, he couldn't leave _anyone_ to such a fate. He stuck his arm out to her and snapped, "Give me your hand!"

"Stop in the name of the law!" one of the cops ordered.

"I AM THE LAW!" Sakura screamed, seizing Sasuke's hand, and with a great effort, he pulled her up and over the fence; they both landed on the other side on their feet, took one look at each other, and ran hell-for-leather down the street, while the cops struggled to scale the fence in hot pursuit.

Sasuke registered, briefly, that as they ran side by side, zigzagging a drunken pattern towards what he hoped was their apartment, Sakura was _laughing._ He chanced a glance over at her and saw that the wind was flying through her hair as she pumped her arms and legs fast enough to keep up even with him, the expression on her face was gleeful. She looked like she was having the time of her life.

"What a rush!" she laughed. "Wasn't that _awesome?_"

Sasuke could have scoffed it off, called her crazy. What kind of moron thought it was _fun,_ risking college expulsion for a few hours of drunken revelry and the clumsiest police chase in the history of the world?

He could have scoffed.

But he was too busy enjoying every fucking second of this madness to even pretend that he didn't.

What wasn't fun came hours later, Sasuke hugging his toilet bowl like a teddy bear, puking his guts out while Sakura held his hair back for him. He couldn't even properly enjoy her soft, warm fingers sifting across his scalp around the deluge of vomit that _wouldn't stop coming_, and enjoyed it even less when he heard her sympathetic whisper.

"Aw, poor baby. Why didn't you tell me you have no tolerance for alcohol?"

* * *

**note..** based on how i nearly was kicked out of college when the cops raided a party i was at. my glorious husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, had to save me by pulling me over a fence. and like sasuke, very nearly left me for dead to save his own ass. YOU FIND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE WHEN THE COPS COME, Y'ALL.

anyway, i hope you liked it, and aren't mad that i didn't have them hook up yet. but hey...this story takes place over the course of a year. what fun would it be if i had them hook up in the first week? :)

xoxoxo let me know what you think, please. i love hearing from you!

daisy :)


	11. Matchmaker Matchmaker

The bacon sizzled in the frypan, droplets of oil spitting out and coming threateningly close to her skin, but her thoughts were elsewhere.

Normally, Sakura would resent having to cook a meat product. She'd seen the PETA commercials, she'd read The Jungle, she knew the horrors of meat-packing plants and how nothing was ever really killed humanely enough for her to be comfortable consuming it. But her brain was a bit fuzzy from last night, and she was so distracted with trying to sort out what the hell happened that she ignored her vegetarian instincts.

_This couldn't have happened at a worse time,_ she thought miserably. _And it's such a joke, too. So completely, ridiculously cliché. We've lived together for less than two weeks, and already I'm sunk._

It started with her inexplicable desire to dance with Sasuke Uchiha. She told herself it was just to see how uncomfortable he would be with feminine attention (she knew enough about him to know that getting it popping with college girls simply wasn't on his radar). Of course, that was until he was right behind her with that rock-hard body of his, driving her fucking _crazy._ She could lie about it, of course, but her main motivation certainly was not to frustrate Sasuke.

Then, seeing how instantly popular Sasuke was with all the girls last night at the party, she'd experienced a burning, intense jealousy she really hadn't been prepared for. She could tell herself that it was because she'd struggled at first to make female friends, while Sasuke seemed to attract them everywhere he went, but that would be a lie. She'd seen those girls come onto Sasuke and it felt like molten lava replaced the blood in her veins. Jealousy had churned in her stomach like too much vodka.

It didn't hurt that he was attractive. She could freely admit she was physically attracted to him, because that didn't have to mean anything. She was pretty sure he was physically attracted to her right back. That didn't mean they were in love. It meant that they were both sexy people living in close quarters, and nothing more than that.

Till, of course, they'd almost kissed each other last night.

Sakura was not entirely naïve, and she knew that she was pretty bombed last night, but there was no mistaking that very, very close encounter. She remembered Sasuke's hands around her waist, pulling her closer, remembered that dark, forbidding look of need in his bleary eyes, remembered feeling like her stomach was about to fall out of her ass in nerves and anticipation…

It was really, terribly inconvenient timing, considering they had an entire year left on their lease. This wasn't in the forecast for her freshman year of college, which, up to this point, had gone exactly the way she wanted it to go. (Find a place to stay, pick classes, make friends, get a job, find an internship, score a spot on the tennis team.)

Nowhere on that list did it say 'develop a crush on a hot roommate.'

It was shallow. She knew this was a very shallow crush, considering she really didn't know all that much about Sasuke, besides his pathetically low alcohol tolerance and his preference for tomatoes in everything. She didn't know Sasuke deep down, and he didn't know her.

But it was present. The tug of attraction between them was strong, at least on her end, and she knew she would have to be careful. First, you liked someone. Then you like-liked someone. Then, if you weren't cautious, you'd fall head over your ass in love with them.

And Sakura didn't know much about Sasuke Uchiha, but she did know that he was not someone she should be falling in love with.

"Hn," a deep, gravelly voice growled behind her. "Where's bacon."

She blushed, not entirely prepared for his presence while her thoughts were focused so exclusively on him, and said a little too loudly, "It's almost done, right here!"

"Keep your voice down, woman," he groaned, slumping into his seat at the kitchen table. She looked behind her to see his head in his hands, black hair messier than usual, shielding his eyes from the sunlight. All the signs of a killer hangover.

She giggled in spite of herself and transferred the crispiest bacon in the entire country from the frypan to his plate.

"Eat," she ordered. "Then take some medicine. I have to go to work."

"Hn. Me, too."

He looked like a child then, lifting his head slowly from his hands so he could reach for the bacon, eyes glassy, deep sleepless circles underneath them. She was filled with a rush of fondness for him that instantly repulsed her. Where was her uncontrollable impulse to insult him for his well-deserved hangover? His womanlike intolerance for alcohol? The way his hair stuck up around his ears to make him look like he'd stuck his finger in an electrical socket?

"This is possibly the worst thing that could have ever happened to anybody," she muttered to herself as she snatched a carton of orange juice out of the fridge.

"It's fucking creepy how you talk to yourself," Sasuke snapped from the table. Apparently his raging hangover wasn't bad enough to block _his_ impulse to be a giant dick to her.

"It's the only way I get decent conversation around here," she spat right back, feeling much more like herself. "I live with white trash."

"White trash is drinking orange juice right out of the carton like a hick," Sasuke hissed as she lifted the carton to her lips. Ignoring him, she took a mighty swig, and made sure to backwash just to amuse herself.

"We're out of coffee," she said. "Make sure you pick up some on your way home."

"_You're_ out of coffee," he snapped back childishly. "Don't fucking boss me around."

"You work at a grocery store, you nincompoop! How hard would it be to grab some goddamn coffee beans? Ooh, and a candy bar, please. Surprise me. _Not Heath. God help you if you bring me home a Heath bar._"

He didn't dignify that with an answer, and Sakura threw him a victorious smirk before hurrying into the bathroom. A nice, quick, cold shower would clear her mind of attractively infuriating roommates of the boy variety.

An image of an attractively infuriating roommate of the boy variety taking a shower _with_ her, however, did nothing to calm her nerves.

* * *

It was busy at Kurenai's Diner that morning. Of course it was, considering Sakura was feeling sluggish from the hard partying the night before. Most of her coworkers, who were all of college age and all of whom made an appearance at some party or other the previous night, however, were in the same boat. And Kurenai, who didn't scold any of them for taking orders wrong or breaking a plate or fifty, seemed to understand.

"What can I get for you?" she asked a group of guys in Konoha T-shirts, trying to smile, but it was impossible to summon a convincing amount of ass-kissing sweetness.

"How 'bout your number?" one of them quipped, and they all laughed, minus Sakura, who was really in no mood.

"Afraid that's not on the menu," she said stiffly. "What do you want."

Sakura's customer service reflected how well she was treated by that customer in return. If she was spoken to politely, given a nice tip and no trouble, she was sweet as a cinnamon roll. If she was bitched at, barked at, complained to, complained _about,_ or most especially, _hit on,_ she didn't see why she should have to so much as pretend to be a good waitress.

Especially when the come-ons just weren't cutting it.

"I already told you," the guy repeated with a grin that she guessed was supposed to win her over, but really made her stomach turn.

"Let me tell you a little bit about my night," she said silkily, slamming her order pad down on the table and making all of them jump. She leaned in close to the guy, whose panicked face betrayed his true cowardly nature, and she murmured, "I had a wonderful time drinking everything on the planet before finding out that my _one true enemy,_ the scariest, most frustrating human being _in the world,_ is also the boy I have developed my first college crush on. Okay? So on top of that Hindenberg disaster, now I am here with a pretty sizable hangover and a no tolerance policy for stupid boys with stupid pick-up lines so let's try this again. _What the fuck do you want to eat and make it snappy._"

"P-P-P-Pancakes, p-p-please," he stammered automatically, eyes wide, lip quivering.

"Th-Th-Thank you very m-m-much," she mocked with a smile. "And for the rest of you fine gentlemen?"

"Pancakes," they chorused pathetically.

"Lovely," she said. "Be right back with your p-p-pancakes."

She stalked into the kitchen, where Kiba met her through the window, looking a bit nauseous but still smirking at her.

"Morning, beautiful," he said. "What d'you need?"

"Five short stacks, please," she said. "And a flamethrower."

"What for?" he chuckled.

"Those guys over there at Table 14. I think I struck the fear of God into them, but I'd like to roast them into fearing Satan as well."

"You're not making any sense."

"I know, I know. I got wasted last night and I'm paying for it now."

Kiba laughed. "I know. I saw you at the Theta house. I thought about going up to you and saying hi, but you were with Uchiha."

Sakura turned scarlet, felt the heat rush to her cheeks and hoped it wasn't as obvious to Kiba as it was to her.

"Um."

"Yeah. Thought you guys were just roommates?" he teased. "You broke my heart, Sakura."

"We ARE just roommates!" she said, her voice shrill. "Just…just get me the pancakes, Kiba!"

His laughter ringing in her ears, she stalked back to the dining room to take her next table.

Another group of guys. All of them smirking at her. All of them no doubt full of ridiculous pick-up lines just to exacerbate her terrible mood.

This was shaping up to be a very long, very annoying day.

* * *

She headed home around 4 pm, any plans she might've had to go out again that night thoroughly scrapped with her exhaustion. Tips were decent, though, considering she'd bullied most of her customers into compensating her well. That was the one upside to this day.

She staggered inside and collapsed on the sofa. Sasuke was probably still at work, because the apartment was empty. It was curiously lonely without him; she'd grown so accustomed to his constant dirty looks and mean mumbling under his breath that experiencing a few minutes of complete quiet felt odd.

_I'm so boring,_ she thought, groaning as she threw an arm lazily across her eyes. _It's Saturday. I'm eighteen. I'm in COLLEGE. This is supposed to be the time of my life. Instead I'm covered in creamed chip beef and too tired to shower it off._

Minutes ticked by slowly, and Sakura pointedly avoided thinking anymore about her roommate. She liked him. She would admit it to herself, and to absolutely no one else, ever. She resolved to suppress her true feelings on the subject for the rest of her natural-born life, leading eventually to an aneurysm or at the very least, a stomach ulcer, but _deny, deny, deny_ became her solemn creed.

The door flew open with a loud bang, and she let out a scream of surprise and sat bolt upright, hands cocked into fists.

"Oh, it's you," she exhaled sharply, seeing Sasuke stalking through the door like a rather large, scary hawk, looking more pissed off than usual. "Jesus, who comes banging inside like that? Fucking gorilla. Were you raised in a zoo?"

Sasuke just cocked an eyebrow at the way her fists were raised, before snorting.

"That's how you'd defend yourself against an intruder?" he sneered, before pushing her legs off the end of the sofa and plopping down beside her. "Impressive."

"Oh, excuse me, but I seem to remember my fists doing quite a number on you," she hissed. "What's _your_ problem?"

In a rare conciliatory moment, Sasuke sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sorry," he muttered, like the word was doused in lava on his tongue, but Sakura had to give him credit for trying. "My job sucks ass."

"Oh, right, how'd it go?"

"Didn't I just tell you?" he snapped.

"It's a conversation starter, dick!" she shot back angrily. "God, just tell me how it went! It's like talking to a feral barncat."

In response, he tossed a stretch of hunter green fabric at her face. She pulled it off her with a scowl and held it aloft to examine it, before bursting into a peal of laughter.

"It's an _apron!_" she said giddily, glowing at the embarrassed frown on Sasuke's handsome face. "Oh this is fantastic. You have to wear an _apron?_"

"Shut up," he scowled, glaring at the feminine garment. "I don't know why I have to wear it. I'm just standing there _hour after hour_ ringing people out."

"What did you think working at a grocery store was going to entail?" she quipped. "Honestly. Be thankful you're not on your feet all day running around dealing with a bunch of disgusting douchebags."

Sasuke did not look happy at her remark, and Sakura knew him well enough to change the subject.

"So. You have any plans for tonight?" she asked.

"Hn. The idiot invited himself over."

"Oh, Naruto? That's nice. Ino texted me earlier, she wants me to visit her next weekend."

"She doesn't go to Konoha?"

"Shows how much interest you take in my personal life," she said dryly. "No, she's living at home this year. Going to Sunaversity."

"Is that some stupid local portmanteau of 'Suna' and 'university?'"

"Clearly it's not stupid, since you figured it out on your own. But yeah. Suna University, if you really have to nitpick. She wanted to come to Konoha. I think she'll end up transferring next year."

"Great," Sasuke said sarcastically.

"It will be," Sakura insisted. "She's in this stupid on-again, off-again relationship with a guy she's too good for, and…"

"Does it look like I care?"

Sakura's bad mood from earlier did not improve with the addition of Sasuke's bad mood, and both of them wisely chose to keep their mouths shut for a few minutes. It was tense, but not awkward on the overstuffed couch, until the tense atmosphere was broken by the cheerful chirping of Sakura's ringtone. She glanced at the screen to see a text from Kiba.

"Movie tonight? I promise I'll try and keep my hands to myself ;)"

Hmm. She knew Kiba was a shameless flirt and everything, but what was the harm in seeing a movie? He had to know by now she wasn't interested. Besides, it would give her ample time away from Sasuke to sort out her thoughts about him. Not to mention, she had _plans_ for Kiba she didn't think he would mind too much.

"Sure," she texted back quickly. "You pick. What time should I be ready?"

He told her in response to be ready at eight, and they could walk down to the local theater. Pleased that she had plans for tonight, she put her phone away and stood up, stretching.

"I'm gonna go to the movies," she told Sasuke. "With Kiba. Have fun with your boyfriend."

Sasuke scowled, and she couldn't tell if he was displeased with her plans for the evening, or her implication that he and Naruto were in a gay relationship. Either way, the look was adorable.

With that, she flounced into the bathroom to get ready for her not-date, trying (and failing) not to let Sasuke's apparent jealousy go right the fuck to her head.

* * *

When Sakura emerged from her bedroom a couple hours later, dressed and ready, she found Naruto in the living room with Sasuke, video game controllers in their hands and some loud, terrible game on the TV screen. She rolled her eyes.

"Hey, Naruto," she said with a smile, slipping into the living room to grab her purse.

"Hi, Sakura!" he said brightly, tearing his attention away from the game, to Sasuke's annoyance. "Wow, you look really pretty! Are you going to a party? Can I come?"

"No party," she replied. It was impossible not to be flattered by Naruto's harmless compliments. The brown leather shorts and coral top she was wearing weren't her fanciest outfit, and the lazy way she'd scrunched her hair wasn't her most elaborate hairstyle, and the minimal makeup she'd applied definitely wasn't meant to dazzle, but hearing she looked pretty from an impartial source didn't hurt her ego. "Just a movie."

"Ooh, a movie? What movie? Can I come?"

"I don't know what movie, it's Kiba's choice."

"You're going with _Kiba?_ I thought you and Asshole were getting it in, though!"

Sakura took 'Asshole' to mean 'Sasuke,' and quickly rummaged through her purse so they wouldn't see the fierce way she was blushing. Just imagining Sasuke's reaction to Naruto's dumbass statement was too mortifying for words.

"That would be incorrect," she said stiffly, seizing a lipgloss just for something to grab that wasn't Naruto's throat. She swiped a light coat across her lips and threw it back into her purse. "And I'm not dating Kiba, either."

"She's also too naïve to realize he's into her," Sasuke remarked scathingly from the sofa. His terrible mood seemed to have worsened, now that his videogame opponent was more interested in hanging out with her and Kiba.

"You'll have to forgive him," she said to Naruto apologetically. "He seems to come from this backwards 18th-century era, where boys and girls only hang out when they are in the process of courting one another for the express and singular purpose of producing viable offspring in an exclusive marriage-type situation. Frankly, I'm astonished he doesn't arrange a chaperone for the two of us whenever we walk to work together."

"You talk out of your ass," Sasuke snapped. "And you're not wearing enough clothes. What else is new."

Unless Sasuke Uchiha was preparing for a long career in fashion, and judging by the way his wardrobe seemed to consist of nothing but V-neck T-shirts and dark jeans, she doubted it, she really couldn't see his obsession with criticizing every single thing she wore.

"I want you to know," she told him solemnly, "that one day soon, you won't wake up. And the reason will be because I killed you in your sleep."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and returned his attention to his videogame.

"So can I come, Sakura?" Naruto asked hopefully.

She almost said yes. There was no harm in bringing him along, or Sasuke for that matter, who was decent company every now and then. Then, she remembered her self-imposed mission: find a good boyfriend for her best friend. And having Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumbass Fucking Roommate along for the ride would only distract her from that.

"Not tonight," she said, and at the crestfallen expression on his face, she added quickly, "but I won't be gone all night, so when I get back, let's do something."

"Like what?" Naruto asked excitedly. "What can we do? _Midnight Feast?!_"

She sighed. "Whatever. You can pick. I'll go along with it."

"You're gonna regret that," Sasuke muttered, while Naruto pumped his fist into the air.

A knock at the door caught Sakura's attention. "All right, I'm leaving," she said, shoving her phone and lipgloss back into her purse and sliding into a pair of sandals. "Don't destroy anything while I'm gone. Have fun, Naruto! Sasuke, I hope you die! Okay, bye!"

She opened the door and found Kiba leaning in the threshold, smirk on his face, hair artfully mussed.

"Hey, beautiful," he said.

"Did you plan that whole pose?" she asked him, laughing. "The whole James Dean 'hey, there', look-at-me-leaning-in-this-doorway-even-though-I-don't-live-here thing?"

"Depends. Did it work?"

"Like a dream," she giggled. "Come on, rebel without a cause. Show me a good time. I have a proposition to discuss with you."

"Sounds sexual," he quipped.

"Could be, if you play your cards right," she replied, winking. She didn't notice Sasuke's furious glare from the sofa, or Naruto's all-knowing smirk, as she pulled the door shut behind her and headed out with Kiba.

* * *

"So let me get this straight," Kiba said on the walk home. "You want me to take your friend Ino out on a date?"

"Yup," she said with a firm nod.

"That's a new one. I'm interested in dating _you,_ and you go out of your way to find a replacement girl for me?"

"Kiba," she sighed, pausing with her frozen yogurt halfway to her lips. "I am a neurotic, school-obsessed, self-centered, completely obnoxious, outrageously overdramatic bundle of hormones and you want nothing to do with that."

"Should I add 'romantically unavailable' to the list?" he joked, elbowing her lightly in the side.

"Huh?"

"Please. Like I didn't notice Uchiha glaring at us like a mother hen over your shoulder. He's got a thing for you. I'm guessing…you've got a thing for him, too?"

Sakura bit her lip, but figured there was no harm in confiding in someone impartial to the situation.

"A little bit," she admitted. "But it's not serious, okay! It's just…kind of fucking with my head. And anyway, that's not the point. Like I was saying, I want you to date my best friend. Her name's Ino Yamanaka, she goes to Suna U. I think you two would hit it off. I think she needs someone like you."

"I don't know, babe." Kiba sighed, stretching his arms behind his head. "She'd have to be just as cute as you are for me to even consider it."

Sakura whipped out her cell phone and showed the picture on the background to him, pointing to the tall, busty blonde with her arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Kiba whistled low under his breath.

"All right, I'll do it," he said, smirking. "But I hope you realize you owe me for this _huge_ imposition."

"Whatever times a million," Sakura scoffed, but then she smiled sweetly up at him. "Thanks for taking me out tonight, though. I had a great time."

They reached their apartment complex, and Kiba walked her all the way to the door before dropping her off inside. When she went to close the door on him, though, he quick planted a kiss on her cheek which made her blush all the way to the roots of her hair.

"See you at work, beautiful," he said. "And give me that chick's number. I'll see what I can do."

"Okay, thanks, Kiba," she replied brightly, and with a casual wave, he headed towards his own apartment in A building.

Kiba Inuzuka. Cute, sweet, funny, sexy…he'd paid for both of them without so much as a second thought, he kept her laughing, paid her compliments, was an all-around awesome guy.

Ino would be _thrilled._

Prancing inside, she tossed her purse on the kitchen counter and went to greet the boys in the living room, only to find both of them fast asleep on the sofa together. Naruto was snoring loudly, his legs thrown akimbo over the back of the couch, drool pooling from his mouth onto his arm. Sasuke slept with a bit more dignity in a seated position on the floor, his arms folded, his head tipped forward, shoulders moving as he breathed.

Apparently, they'd tuckered themselves out waiting up for her.

A rush of fondness for both of the stupid idiots bloomed in her heart; she was a big ball of love thanks to what was about to be an absolutely perfect matchmaking venture between her new school friend and her best friend from home, and seeing such an endearing sight made her melt. Deciding to let them sleep, she tiptoed to the closet, fetched two blankets, and went to tuck them both in.

She kissed Naruto on the forehead, and he smiled in his sleep and cuddled up under the blanket she'd thrown across him. Giggling at the childish reaction, she turned to Sasuke; she laid the other blanket neatly around his shoulders, then, before she could stop herself, kissed his forehead, too. He didn't react at all, which meant she'd gotten away with it, so she mentally patted herself on the back before turning towards her bedroom.

She completely missed the way Sasuke's eyes snapped open and settled accusingly on her back; he hadn't been asleep, and he damn sure hadn't missed the flirty interaction with Kiba before he'd left. Whatever Dogbreath had going on with Sakura, Sasuke resented it, completely and thoroughly.

He also resented the blush that snaked across his skin at the feel of Sakura's soft pretty lips.

If she thought a forehead kiss was going to bail her out of a world of trouble, she had another thing coming.

* * *

**note..** so sakura realizes she's got a crush on sasuke, and sasuke, like a dumbass, is completely misinterpreting her vibe with kiba, who she wants ino to go out with. I LOVELOVELOVE misinterpretations.

okay, maybe y'all can help me. i am 22, and apparently 22 is very old, because i have no idea what today's colloquialisms mean. can someone please tell me:

1) what does 'feels' mean? like 'this chapter gave me many feels.'

2) what does UST stand for? (all i can come up with is united states of tara.)

3) what does it mean when someone says emo!sasuke or kickass!sakura? like, why do people use exclamation points?

if someone could explain these things to me, because apparently i am ancient, i would really appreciate it. also, obviously, your thoughts on this chapter. kind of a filler, i get it, but it sets up a lot of what i hope will be hilarious interaction in the next few chapters. thanks so much for your feedback!

xoxo daisy (happy hump day!)


	12. I've Made A Huge Mistake

Sakura had many, many, many annoying habits.

Sasuke could name a few of them off the top of his head: her love of cooking things when he was trying to sleep. The way she bit her fingernails down to almost the skin, then spit out the nails wherever she felt like. How she always drank orange juice right out of the jug like a hillbilly. The terrifying way she had full-on conversations with herself.

Perhaps, though, one of the _most_ annoying habits she had was the way she couldn't talk to anyone on the phone without walking all over the apartment.

He was sitting on the couch one afternoon, minding his own damn business and trying to study for a quiz in one of his classes the next day. A textbook rested in his lap and he was going over it with a highlighter, like a good student. But he couldn't fucking _concentrate,_ because Sakura's loud, grating voice on the phone pervaded his brain and made it impossible for him to absorb any of the material.

"What do you mean, you can't come?" she was whining from the kitchen, and he shot her a filthy glare that she didn't even notice. "Ino! I had big plans for when you get here!"

Boring. What a boring conversation he had no interest in. Attempting to remotivate himself, he reread the same line on polemics before Sakura moved from the kitchen into the living room, volume increasing.

"You can't just take your dad's car instead? Tits! Okay, fine, what if I come see _you?_"

Sasuke inwardly smirked. The prospect of an entire weekend without any near-arrests, possible rabies outbreaks, and overall nonsensical fuckery was too good to pass up. Silently, he willed Sakura to go back home for a few days, and give him some much-deserved peace.

"Um, I'll have to see if I can take off work...oh, and of course, I'll have to see if Kiba can take off work, too…"

Sasuke's highlighter froze a centimeter from the page, and a deep frown settled between his brows.

_What._

Sakura's friendship with Kiba was becoming more and more annoying. There was that incredibly annoying date last Saturday, where he was expected to just sit there like a puppy waiting for her to come home. There was the whole business of stopping by unannounced every day since then, and the subsequent creepy giggling of Sakura that rankled him like you wouldn't believe. And now, they were going away together? For the weekend?

How dare she leave him all by himself? Who the hell did she think she was?

He snapped his book shut and settled for glaring at her as she paced up and down the hallways, making plans with her best friend.

The nerve. The _nerve._

"What do you mean, who's Kiba?" Sakura laughed. "I've only been talking about him to you _nonstop._"

The motherfucking NERVE.

"Oh my God you're just gonna love him. Ino he's fucking awesome. He's really funny, and sweet, and nice, and a smartass…and _yes,_ he's absolutely _gorgeous._"

How long was he supposed to listen to this crap? Just because the asshole had _face tattoos_ didn't mean he was any better than Sasuke was. He couldn't even fix a door by himself, and Sasuke was sure he had at least two inches on the kid.

_Whatever happened to 'nothing going on between me and Kiba, Sasuke?'_ he thought, pissed as shit that Sakura seemed to have rapidly changed her mind about dating her coworker, something she'd expressly denied to him the week before, when he asked her about it.

"Hang on, Ino. Let me text Kiba and see if he's free to come with me this weekend. I'll call you right back. Bye, bitch."

With that, she flopped down at the end of the sofa next to Sasuke, thumbs darting like mad across the screen of her phone. She turned to him and smiled.

"Hey, Sasuke!" she said, unusually friendly for some reason. Perhaps a guilty conscience? "How'd your tryouts go?"

He thought back to his soccer tryouts earlier that day; to absolutely no surprise, because he was a fucking Uchiha, he kicked ass in every category and was made starting midfielder, no questions asked.

"Fine," he muttered.

"Great! We'll both be really busy, then. I have a night practice tonight. Boo. I think I need a new tennis racket, too. I'm really beating the shit out of mine lately."

"Why are you going to Suna," he asked, without really asking.

"You were listening in on my private conversation?" she whined. "YUCK. But yeah. Well, I'm going if Kiba can get us both off work, I'm asking him now. I want him to meet Ino."

Ino was Sakura's best friend. And she already wanted her best friend to meet the guy she was seeing. That was a big step, and the more Sasuke found out about this, the less he liked it.

Sakura having a boyfriend would be disastrous. She was already completely insane, and didn't need the pressures of a guy involved. Not to mention, their walls were ridiculously thin, and he could hear absolutely everything she did in her bedroom without having to try; a guy like Kiba didn't seem like the type to keep certain…intimate situations quiet, and like hell would Sasuke listen to loud, animalistic sex in his own apartment, when he wasn't participating!

No. This would be chaos. Anarchy. A cacophony, a swirling vortex of _nightmare_ if the relationship between Sakura and Kiba was to continue, and at the end of it, who would be left cleaning up after everything? Certainly not Sasuke fucking Uchiha.

"Isn't it too soon?" he ground out. They had only been on one date, after all. Introducing the boyfriend to the best friend seemed pretty hasty.

Sakura frowned in confusion. "Uh, no…I want them to meet right away. Establish a really good friendship. How can a relationship last if there's no friendship?"

Of course. Sakura would want her boyfriend and her best friend to get along. Things were moving so quickly already, and Sasuke really wasn't sure why he was so averse to this, but he _was._ And he was a guy who trusted his instincts.

"Why aren't you going if Kiba isn't going?"

"It would kind of defeat the purpose of going, if I went alone," she said. "What's with you? All these questions. What's up, Detective Stabler?"

Ignoring that, he returned his focus to his book, not wanting to give her anymore satisfaction than he already (inadvertently) had. But he wasn't reading, instead he was shooting his roommate inconspicuous glances as she awaited Kiba's response. Then, a big smile lit up her face.

"He got us off!" she exclaimed.

Sasuke figured he had never hated four words more in his entire life, because it was impossible not to think of the sexual context.

"All right, great! Guess you have the apartment to yourself this weekend, Sasuke!"

She hopped off the sofa and called Ino back; he heard her happy voice tell her friend the good news about their oh-so-special romantic weekend getaway before she flounced into her bedroom, and only then did he realize that he'd highlighted every single word on page 142 by mistake.

* * *

"I don't get it, man," Naruto said from the front seat, his voice barely intelligible around the chips he was tossing into his mouth. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm all for a road trip…especially if you're paying the gas…but what's in Suna that we need to see this weekend?"

Sasuke clenched his teeth and merged onto the freeway. How much could he tell Naruto without sounding like an overly-suspicious husband? It was bad enough that Naruto already had it in his head that there was a love connection between the two roommates; he knew exactly what this looked like.

But subtly stalking Sakura and Kiba back to Sakura's hometown was _not_ a jealous gesture.

Not in the slightest.

He was just being the protective roommate, that's all. Nothing more than that. Plain, black and white, cut and dry. He was looking out for the silly female paying half his rent, because she was stupid enough to get into a truck with a guy she barely knew and hightail it off campus for the weekend. And Sasuke was many things (jerk, dickhead, asshole) but he was not about to let an innocent girl strut around the world putting herself in unnecessary danger.

"You look like a crazy person," Naruto said. "What's going on?"

"Shut up, idiot," Sasuke snapped, mean for no apparent reason. "I need to concentrate."

The blue pick-up truck Kiba was driving blended in irritatingly well on the road, and with the sun going down, it was getting more and more difficult to keep the taillights in his sight. If he lost track of the truck, he was screwed. He had no idea where to look in Suna for Sakura or Ino, and he couldn't let the trail go cold.

"Concentrate on what? You're fucking psycho, dude. Why'd I even come on this trip. Hey, pull over or somethin, I gotta take a leak."

"No," Sasuke ground out.

Stopping was out of the question, and judging by the scandalized look on his best friend's face from the passenger seat, he would have some explaining to do.

But how could he _possibly_ explain the situation between he and Sakura? He already could make sense of it himself.

"Hey," Naruto said, frowning, squinting ahead. "Isn't that…is that Inuzuka's truck, dude?"

Sasuke's lip curled. He had hoped Naruto wouldn't catch on, and that he could blame this impromptu bro trip on just a weekend whim, but the idiot was more observant than he thought he would be. His fingers dug deeper into the leather of the steering wheel, and he muttered, "Aa."

"Why are we following…Kiba's truck?" Naruto asked dumbly.

Okay, maybe he wasn't all that observant.

"Not Kiba," he growled. "_Sakura._ She's bringing him home with her."

"And you're so fucking jealous, you had to stalk them all the way here?" Naruto laughed. The look on his face was horrible. A shit-eating grin, eyes bright like Christmas had come early. Sasuke knew that this was incriminating, and he readied himself for the absolute worst of Naruto. "DUDE. Why don't you just tell her you like her?"

"I don't, you zygote!" he hissed, accelerating a bit when the truck looked like it was picking up speed. "Why does everyone fucking say that."

"Because it's true! You already admitted that you think she's slamming hot…"

"I did not _admit_ that…"

"And you don't let her go anywhere by herself at night…"

"That means nothing…"

"And you're jealous as shit when she hangs out with other dudes!"

"I'm not jealous!"

"Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke," sighed Naruto, like he was talking to an infant, and Sasuke considered slamming on the brakes just to watch his best friend's dumb blonde head smack up against the windshield. "Maybe if you were a little nicer to Sakura, she would hang out with you more!"

It was two more hours till Suna, and Sasuke fought every impulse he had to turn right around and go back home. The decision to bring Naruto was looking more and more like a fatal mistake, and he had to wonder what he'd done in a previous life to deserve this.

Maybe, in another place, in another time, he'd committed some grave injustice against Sakura. Maybe he'd done something awful to her, like…he'd broken her heart, abandoned her, then attempted (on more than one occasion) to murder her in cold blood…

He shook his head.

Nope. That would be ridiculous.

* * *

When Kiba pulled up to a little white house on a pretty street, Sasuke realized that he'd survived the voyage. Naruto had spent the last two hours alternately stuffing his face with potato chips and abusing Sasuke verbally on his romantic ineptitude, and he couldn't tell which was worse: the spray of crumbs in his ear, or the deluge of verbal nonsense pointing to this nonexistent love affair between himself and the girl he was stalking. Both left him feeling sufficiently ill, or maybe it was just the sticky heat of Suna.

"Keep your head down!" he hissed to Naruto, who showed every sign of wanting to get out of the car.

"What do you mean?" he whined. "I have to pee, still. I held it in since Konoha, man! Why can't you just tell Sakura we're here? Where are we supposed to stay tonight? Did you even think that through?"

"Shut up!" Sasuke snapped. He parked behind a minivan a few yards behind Kiba, and watched as Sakura hopped out of the van. He'd expected her to have pulled out all the stops for a romantic weekend vacation like she usually did with a lot of free time on her hands: she messed around with her hair, fussed over her wardrobe, doted over her reflection like some narcissistic mermaid. To his surprise, though, she was wearing yoga pants and a T-shirt, her hair up on top of her head in a messy bun, and not a stitch of makeup on her face.

That was really odd. If this was some grand romantic vacation, why wouldn't she try and look her cutest? Or at least dress the part? Why show up to her best friend's house with some guy she barely knew, looking like she was ready for bed?

Maybe…

Of course!

Maybe she _was_ ready for bed! He almost blew a gasket when he realized Sakura's true intent.

Yoga pants were notoriously easy to slip out of, so she was trying to make quick work of getting naked. The T-shirt was loose, which meant it wouldn't be difficult to remove. Her hair was put up out of her face, obviously, to give Kiba ample room to leave hickeys all over her perfect neck, and she'd skipped makeup because it just sweated off when things got hot and heavy anyways.

"So they're going to Ino's house?" Naruto asked, both of them peering out of the window as Kiba and Sakura scaled the front porch steps, rang the doorbell, and Ino answered. They exchanged brief greetings and introductions before disappearing inside "Why would they be taking a trip to Ino's house…unless…TITS, SASUKE, they're having a _threesome!_"

"A _what?_" Sasuke demanded, eyes wide.

"_Sakura brought Kiba home with her so they could have a threesome with Ino!_" Naruto howled. "Aw, dude, he's so fucking _lucky,_ they're both so _hot!_"

Enough. Sasuke had had quite enough of this. There was an innocent (demented) girl's virtue on the line here. Appearances be damned. He couldn't allow this _debauchery_ to continue one more minute. He threw the car door open and stalked out, Naruto right on his heels. Adrenaline and righteous masculine rage guiding his every movement, he stormed up the porch steps and inside Ino's house without so much as a knock.

"SAKURA!" he shouted.

A shocked Sakura, a stunned Ino, and a stupid-looking Kiba whirled around to face him from the living room, where they had just sat down on the sofa. Sasuke stood in the threshold, certain his eyes were way too crazy to be considered normal, breathing heavily like he'd just won a marathon, Naruto on his heels.

"_Sasuke?!_" Sakura gasped, jumping to her feet. "What the _hell_ are you doing here?"

"I let you outta my sight for two seconds, and you pull a stunt like this?" Sasuke was frighteningly aware of the fact that he sounded like an overprotective father, but there was no stopping him. His anger, always so close to the surface, bubbled over and there was nothing left to do but drag Sakura back to Konoha by her fluffy pink hairbun.

"Naruto, can you translate or something?" Sakura snapped. "Why are you both here? Did you follow me or something?"

"You're damn right we followed you, young lady!" Naruto shouted. "What do you think you're doing, having a threesome and _not inviting us?_"

Sasuke smacked Naruto on the back of the head, while Sakura's jaw dropped.

"A threesome?" she echoed. Behind her, Kiba and Ino started laughing.

"Dude, I fucking _wish!_" Kiba chortled.

Sakura's face turned bright red, and she glared up at Sasuke in most hideous embarrassment. "Come with me," she hissed darkly, seizing his wrist and dragging him out of the living room, down the hall to Ino's family kitchen. Once there, she put her hands on her hips and demanded, "A _threesome?!_"

"You told me you weren't into Kiba," Sasuke hissed accusingly. He knew he was completely, entirely wrong in this whole situation, but he needed some answers, damn it.

"I'm not!" she snapped. "Which for the umpteenth time is NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS!"

"If you're not into Kiba, then why are you having a threesome with him?" Naruto demanded. "I'm way stronger than Kiba is, you know. I could definitely handle you and Ino at the same time. And you'd be pleased as shit, you know?"

Sakura blinked before ignoring that completely.

"I'm not here to have a threesome, you apes," she snarled. "I was _trying_ to set Kiba up with Ino!"

Sasuke's jaw dropped as he realized his collossal miscalculation.

All that talking-up Sakura had been doing lately…the way she'd gushed about Kiba to Ino over the phone…the way she'd teased him about maybe getting lucky this weekend…the way she was dressed like she was in for the night, while Ino seemed to have pulled out all the stops to look as flashy as possible…

_Oh holy fuck,_ he thought, horrified at his own stupidity. _This whole time…she was trying to hook Ino and Kiba up together. She was never into him._

"Wait, HUH?" Naruto demanded.

She threw her hands up over her head in annoyance, then stomped over to the freezer and snagged a bottle of rum that was chilling in the door. Taking a healthy swig right out of the bottle, she snapped, "Yes, you _ogre._ Ino just broke up with her on-again, off-again boyfriend last weekend. Kankurou. Big giant dickhead asshole. Not good enough for her, and whatever. So I met Kiba and thought that he was absolutely everything she needed, and I brought him here to see if I could get somethin poppin for 'em. Took off work and everything. That's why I couldn't go without Kiba, it would defeat the purpose!"

Sasuke exhaled sharply through his nose. Great. Just great. He'd called off work _and_ soccer practice for this, just to look like an ass, and a lovesick _sap_, on top of it, and there wasn't even any legitimate threat. Just a series of unfortunate, disastrous miscommunications.

Naruto visibly deflated.

"Why wouldn't you set Ino up with _me?_" he whined, while Sasuke snatched the bottle of rum from Sakura's hands and took a liberal gulp of his own. "I'm the total package, _believe it!_"

"I do believe it," Sakura replied, amused against her will. "But I always pictured you with somebody a little…gentler than Ino. Ino needs someone more…not you."

"Aw, Sakura, that's mean! After I came all this way to save you from a threesome!"

Sasuke was spared the embarrassment of explaining his (purely honest, completely noble) intentions to Sakura thanks to the intervention of a loud, slurping noise from the living room. All three of them froze at the noise, and Sakura put her finger to her lips to shush them. Tiptoeing on socked feet, she peered down the hallway; curious, Sasuke did the same thing, along with Naruto.

And all three of them found Kiba making out voraciously with Ino on the sofa.

It had taken ten _seconds._

Sakura stifled a gleeful shriek with difficulty. "I did it!" she laughed. "I fucking did it, yo!"

* * *

They never got back onto the subject of Sasuke and Naruto's questionable heroism, thanks to their good friend Admiral Nelson. The benefit to Ino living at home with parents who were always away on business was the overabundance of free alcohol, and two bottles later found all five of them sprawled around the living room, drunk off their asses and waxing philosophical, as the inebriated are wont to do every now and then.

"Would you ever consider a threesome, Forehead?" Ino asked, her voice louder than usual. She was lying on Kiba's lap while the others were slumped on the floor, Sakura between her stupid boys.

"Oh, sure," she said quickly.

Sasuke refused to acknowledge that as 'hot,' but Naruto apparently had no problems voicing his opinion.

"AW YEAH!"

"It couldn't be with my husband or boyfriend, though," Sakura clarified, slurring mightily. "I would have to be the threesomer. Or like, the third wheel. You know. I'm too jealous to let another bitty come in and take what's mine yafeelme. I'd have to be the greedy taker."

Somehow, that didn't surprise Sasuke.

"I'd do it, too," Ino agreed. "Would you spice up my future marriage, Forehead? By like, joining me in sexy matrimony? And my husband?"

"Can I come?" Kiba demanded. "Because I can totally marry you, Ino. You're just as hot as Sakura said you were. So you guys had this lesbi-honest thing goin on before."

"It was Sasuke's idea," Sakura giggled. "Him and Naruto. So let's make this happen, yeah?"

Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose, but chuckled with the rest of them nonetheless.

He'd blame it on the alcohol, but something inside him told him it was the pretty girl lying next to him, unattached and available and his own personal headache to keep all to himself.

Either way, he passed out on Ino's floor in a good mood.

* * *

**note..** so there's one thing cleared up!

this chapter's going out to 'immapiratte' for giving me my first ever flame on this bad boy. got so irritated with it, i wrote the whole damn chapter tonight. YOUR HATRED SUSTAINS ME. lolz. jk.

thank you everyone for clarifying those terms for me last chapter. i don't plan on using any of them myself, but at least i'm not trying to fill in the blanks anymore.

let me know what you think! i love you guys so much.

xoxo daisy :)


	13. Family Ties

Sakura couldn't quite remember when Movie Night started happening. It was probably around the same time as Poker Night, and Potluck Night, and Game Night, all on different nights, but always held in their apartment.

Sakura and Sasuke, though they complained about it until they were blue in the face, had the most space between them, compared to their friends, who were all crammed like sardines in a can in their tiny dorm rooms. They also had cable, a well-stocked fridge, and thanks to Sasuke, a decent-sized television set. This made their apartment the Holy Grail of hangouts, whether they liked it or not.

And Sakura absolutely loved having company. She didn't like to be alone for too long, preferring the noise and distraction of friends, and Sasuke, though she cared about him deeply, was just as busy as she was, and on the rare instances that they were home together over the last month or so, they were both so focused on studying and homework that remembering to have fun fell by the wayside.

That was, of course, until they started having people over to hang out. It started with just Naruto, popping up on a daily basis to raid their refrigerator. Kiba came, too, and Sakura noticed, to her surprise, that Sasuke's dislike of her coworker considerably lessened after he started a long-distance relationship with Ino; then, Tenten and Karin from tennis started coming over, along with Hinata, who never spoke much around Naruto; Suigetsu, his best friend Juugo, and a few guys she and Sasuke had met in classes, Shikamaru, Sai (who looked so much like Sasuke that she was certain they were related), and Chouji.

Soon, Sakura's fears about never making friends at Konoha University were dashed to bits as she and Sasuke found themselves the accidental ringleaders of the most popular students in the freshman class.

Which had as many drawbacks as it did payoffs, especially when midterms came around in October.

"Get outta here, you freeloader," Sasuke hissed one afternoon, when he came home from school to find Naruto laying on his stomach on the carpet, playing Halo with the volume up as loud as it would go.

"No way, asshole! Sakura let me in!"

Sasuke glared at her where she sat at the kitchen table, a biology textbook open in front of her, and she looked at him apologetically.

"I opened the door without checking," she admitted. "And he rammed himself in and he won't leave."

"What'd I tell you about looking in the peephole first?" he demanded.

"I don't have time to argue with you!" she snapped. "I have a midterm at 8 am tomorrow and all I can focus on is the fact that Naruto's using a _sniper rifle_ to lay down suppressive fire. Of all weapons."

Sasuke sighed, tossed his backpack on the sofa, and yanked the television cord out of the wall so hard that sparks flew. Remembering the toaster fiasco, Sakura wished he would show a little restraint, but he didn't seem to notice. Naruto let out a keening howl of despair.

"WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?" he wailed.

Sasuke didn't answer. He seized his best friend by the collar of his hoodie, yanked him up into a headlock, and dragged him wheezing and crying to the front door.

"Ease up, Sasuke, you'll strangle him," Sakura said mildly, returning to her studying without any stupid video games to distract her.

"Go bother Inuzuka for awhile," Sasuke snapped, throwing Naruto into the hallway. "Playtime is over."

Then he slammed the door shut and locked it.

"Nicely done," Sakura commented.

"This is getting ridiculous."

"I know. It's fine any other time, but at midterms? I don't want anyone within a thousand feet of this place. And think about how stressful _finals_ is gonna be."

"I don't understand why they all come to _our_ place." He joined her at the table, opening his political science textbook and readying his infamous blue highlighter.

"We have an apartment, they're all in dorms. You've seen Naruto's place. It's like living in a shoebox."

"Inuzuka lives a building over, why don't they eat all _his_ food?"

"We have a two-bedroom, he's got a single? I don't know. But I don't want anyone over tonight."

"I locked the door."

She giggled and pulled out her cell phone. "Okay, I'll put out the word, then. Wednesday night Poker Night is officially canceled…oh, shit."

"What?" Sasuke asked, not looking up from his text.

"I got a text from my dad."

"Hn. So?"

"He wants to come see the place sometime," Sakura revealed nervously, reading her father's message.

"Again. So?"

"Well…he doesn't know I live with a boy," she said.

Sasuke snorted with laughter. "You've lived here for how many months now, and he still doesn't know about me?"

"Well how am I supposed to tell him?" she demanded. "Hey, Daddy. I know you typically shoot anything male within a hundred feet of me, and I maybe should've mentioned this before, but I moved in with a guy I met the day I came looking for apartments."

Sasuke chuckled darkly. "So I'm your dirty little secret, huh, Haruno?"

Sakura felt herself blush fiercely, and hid it by ducking to respond to her father's text. Gnawing on her lip, she reflected on the way things were changing over the last few weeks. She and Sasuke were definitely becoming closer friends, which was to be expected, given their proximity to each other; he was the person she hung out with the most. She enjoyed his company, and their arguments, though frequent, were decreasing in animosity, and most of the time, their interactions were relatively pleasant.

And there was also the matter of her being really, really into him, but that was neither here nor there.

Unfortunately, the crush she had been hoping would dwindle away into nothing had only intensified over time. She found herself flirting with him, and inadvertently shutting down any guys who attempted to flirt with her. She and Sasuke weren't together by any stretch of the imagination, so why did it feel like infidelity to giggle when another boy told her she was pretty?

She didn't know if Sasuke was aware of her feelings for him, but he did seem to flirt back more and more lately. She refused to dig too deep into that, and settled for keeping herself busy. Between five classes, a job, tennis, a boatload of friends, and her internship, it was easy.

She shook off that thought for the moment and returned to her far more pressing worry:

Kizashi Haruno coming here would mean Sasuke's death. That much, she knew for sure. Her father wouldn't so much as hesitate in bringing down the boom, so to speak, and Sakura liked Sasuke a bit too much to let that happen. Maybe two months ago she would have been perfectly comfortable with having her father take him out, but now that she had a girly crush on him that didn't look like it was going anywhere? Ugh.

She'd have to stall her dad.

But how long could she pull that off? Parents Day was coming up, and her mom and dad would want to come visit her, to come and see what kind of place she'd managed to buy and what kind of person she was living with. How was she supposed to tell them that she was living with a _boy?_ One she didn't even _know?_

This had disaster written all over it. Not to mention, Sasuke's parents would be coming as well, most likely, and she wasn't entirely sure how they would feel about her.

"Well, what about your parents?" she asked. "They'll be here for Parents Day this weekend, right?"

Sasuke, to her surprise, stiffened. All traces of humor vanished from his face, and his jaw tightened.

"No," he said icily. He returned to his text and Sakura felt the temperature in the room drop about a thousand degrees.

_Did I say something wrong?_ she thought, backtracking. _I don't think so…I just asked about Parents Day…_

A startling thought occurred to her, as they both thumbed through their notes in a very tense silence:

She knew absolutely nothing about Sasuke's family.

They'd lived together for months now. It was mid-October, and she was finally getting comfortable calling Sasuke a friend without any of the "he might kill me" attached to it. She told him everything (except that she liked him, because there would be no living it down if he ever found out) and counted herself as one of his closest friends, but now that she really thought about it, she realized that she'd never even _asked_ about his family.

That was a pretty horrendous oversight for someone who called herself a friend. She'd always just assumed his situation was the same as hers: two loving but very busy parents who didn't really have time to come visit frequently. And how self-centered was that, to not even _ask?_

Judging by the sour look on his face and the animosity barely concealed in his eyes, she could guess that the subject of his family was a sensitive one. Not entirely sure how to proceed, but wanting to make up for her ignorance, she attempted, "Why not?"

"Because they're dead," Sasuke said curtly.

Sakura's eyes widened in shock, and her heart ached for him. No wonder he'd reacted so badly.

_How could I not have known that about him? Sasuke knows my favorite store to shop at, what size shoe I am, all my allergies…and I didn't even know this. God, I'm such a bad friend._

"I'm sorry to hear that," she said gently.

"I don't need your pity," he shot back, his eyes angry and defensive, but Sakura saw right through him. He was obviously used to having to take care of himself, which explained why (with the exception of the toaster) he knew his way around the kitchen better than the average guy, why he never missed a rent payment and kept up on his share of the bills without being asked, why his laundry was always impeccably clean and folded neatly. He didn't want anyone's pity, but that didn't mean he'd moved on from whatever had happened to his family.

"And you're not getting it," she replied, careful to keep her voice nonconfrontational for once. Sasuke regarded her warily, like a cornered animal, and she was certain that the rush of affection she felt for him in that moment was the farthest thing from pity. "But if you ever want to talk about it…I'm here."

The silence that stretched after that was a little awkward, but decidedly less tense. Sakura returned to reviewing her biology terms, while the familiar swipe of Sasuke's highlighter acted as the only background noise she could tune out.

A half hour later, Sasuke remarked, "They died in a car accident. My parents and my brother."

And for the next few hours, they sat across from each other with textbooks and notes in between them, and they traded stories about their families, and Sakura learned more about Sasuke Uchiha that night than she had in the months they'd been living together.

It felt like turning a corner, somehow. Like their bond, formed reluctantly at first, was strengthening, and Sakura realized just how shallow her interest in Sasuke had been all along.

_I told myself I liked him,_ she thought, _without seeing exactly what he is. I didn't know almost anything about him besides the shallow things we shared with each other before this. But now, seeing him for who he is, and knowing all these things about him that make him an entirely different person than who I thought he was?_

She smiled secretly to herself.

_I think I can safely say I like him for real._

* * *

Sakura looked at her reflection in the mirror, and groaned.

This was going to be the day she died. So it would make sense to dress fabulously, so that when the coroner came to identify her body, he might say something along the lines of, "Well, she's dead, yo, but at least she went out with a sexy bang."

Or whatever it was that coroners wrote in their reports.

Her parents were on their way to her apartment at this very moment, and with every minute that passed, she felt the sand in the hourglass of her life trickling unfairly quickly. They would find out at last that in their sparse communication over the last couple of months, she'd left out one huge detail about her nameless roommate:

The fact that he was a boy.

She hadn't exactly _lied_ about Sasuke. She just hadn't told the truth. Either way, she'd sealed his fate.

When she told him about her worries, and asked him to hide for the next weekend or so, he told her she was stupid.

"They're gonna find out eventually," he said flatly. "Half the shit in this apartment is mine. They take one step down the hall, they're gonna know a guy lives here. Just come clean with it."

"You just don't understand my dad," she moaned. "He _hates_ boys around me."

"What father doesn't." Sasuke stabbed into his midnight eggs carelessly, unaware that his time was running out.

So that was a bust, but in the end, he did have a point. There was no way she could hide all of Sasuke's things and pretend like she lived in the two-bedroom apartment alone. It was better to admit it now and beg for mercy, rather than have her parents show up one day unexpectedly and find out on their own. She did not want to imagine the consequences of that. Her father would probably set the whole building on fire with her still inside.

She ran a hand through perfectly straightened pink hair and released an anguished scream through closed lips.

The doorbell rang, and Sakura's heartbeat came to a halt. This was it, the hour of her demise.

"C-Coming!" she squeaked out. She took one last look at herself in a classic Sakura Haruno outfit, skinny jeans, pumps, and a loose sweater, and prayed that there would be stores in heaven that sold really excellent jeans for cheap, before darting out of her bedroom and towards the front door.

"Just do it," Sasuke snapped from the kitchen. "Coward."

"This is the hour of your death, I hope you realize that," she hissed.

Then, biting back tears of terror, she opened the door with shaking hands.

She was promptly engulfed in a bear hug by her father, who cried out, "Sakura, my little angel!" and spun her around in circles. Her fear vanished as she hugged him as tight as she could, forgetting, in her infinite shortsightedness, just how much she had missed her parents. Her conversation with Sasuke earlier in the week about family made her realize she'd been taking her own for granted. Even if they were going to murder her, she was very, very happy to see them.

"Hi, Daddy!" she squealed, as he finally let her down and beamed at her. Her mother took his place next, her tall frame dwarfing her daughter's as she hugged her tightly. "Hi, Mom! I missed you guys!"

"We missed you too, Princess!" Kizashi boomed, his loud voice reverberating throughout the living room. "Nice place, Sakura, you did well! Give us a tour. Where's the roommate?"

Sakura gulped audibly before inviting her parents inside. _Please don't kill me,_ she thought in dread. _And if you must, make it quick._

"Well…um…this is the living room…and my bedroom's down the hall, next to my bathroom, and here's the kitchen, and this is Sasuke my roommate, and the laundry room is in the same building just a few doors down and we have a pool out back, and…"

"Slow down," Kizashi ordered, his eyes snapping to the boy in the kitchen, and Sakura's jaw dropped in horror. She'd been hoping to sneak the whole I-have-a-male-roommate revelation in quickly in the hopes that Kizashi might not notice, but his boy radar was as effective as it had ever been. "Your roommate is a _what?_"

"Well, I never really got around to telling you guys," she said hesitantly, "and it's _completely fine_ because there is _nothing going on between us at all,_ and there was nowhere else to stay in Konoha except this place and we got here at the same time and he saved me from squirrels, you know. And he walks me to and from work and he yells at me if I don't have enough clothes on and we didn't get arrested and we're really good friends now and he didn't even burn the apartment down when the toaster blew up so I think maybe you should give him a chance. That's…that's him."

"Hello," Sasuke said, his voice quiet, but, to Sakura's _shock,_ respectful. She had never known he was capable of anything other than disdain or detachment, but here he was looking almost like a hopeful boyfriend putting on his well-behaved cap as he stuck his hand out for Kizashi to shake. "My name's Sasuke. It's nice to meet you."

Kizashi didn't move. His eyes were wide, his enormous body shook with ill-suppressed rage, and it was Mebuki who broke the tense silence.

"Nice to meet you, too, dear," she said, shaking the hand he was holding out and smiling. "I'm Mebuki Haruno. This is my husband, Kizashi."

_Go, Mom!_ Thought Sakura, hoping that maybe Mebuki's instantly warm reception of Sasuke might ameliorate her husband's reaction, but judging by the way Kizashi's face was rapidly turning purple, no such luck.

_Well, it's been nice knowing you, Sasuke,_ she thought, heaving a sigh of defeat. _Guess I won't know how I did on my midterms. My tombstone's gonna be so pathetic: Here Lies Sakura Haruno. She was dumb, and she never listened, and she didn't even finish half a semester of college. What a bonehead._

"Sakura," Kizashi said quietly.

"Y-Yes, Daddy?" she squeaked, betraying her cowardice as she ducked behind Sasuke, hoping he would be the first to fall and give her a little time to escape.

"Do you mind explaining to me…why we come here expecting to see our daughter living with a girl her own age, and instead…WE FIND YOU SHACKING UP IN SIN WITH A BOY WHO MARCHED RIGHT OUT OF _GQ MAGAZINE?!_"

Shit, meet fan.

* * *

**note..** heyhihello :)

had to have a little serious moment to show that sakura's crush took a turn into serious town. i think you guys will like the next chapter ;)

i want to thank you all for all the feedback. you've been amazing, and i hope you keep with me on this bad boy. i really appreciate hearing what you guys think. and i love you all desperately.

xoxo daisy :)


	14. Meet the Parents

Sasuke's first impression of Sakura's parents was completely different than what he had prepared himself for.

She was very thin and petite with subtle curves, and that pink hair had to be a hereditary trait, as far as he was concerned. As such, he'd expected her to have equally diminutive parents, perhaps an identical-looking mother with soft features and petal pink hair just like hers, and a thin, reserved, unimposing father.

But he'd totally missed the mark. Sakura's mother Mebuki was very tall, her face not necessarily unattractive, but it didn't boast any of the soft beauty of her daughter's. Instead her features were taut and severe, lines around the corners of her mouth, and her hair, far from the flowery pink he'd been anticipating, was blonde. And her father, on the other hand, was even taller than Sasuke was, thickly muscular and with a temper that looked to rival his daughter's. Nothing like the tiny people he'd been picturing in his head.

His second impression was that her mother liked him. It was obvious in the warm smile on her harsh-looking face, in the affectionate handshake she gave him; this didn't necessarily surprise him. Women generally approved of him regardless of his attitude.

And his third impression was that Sakura's father Kizashi absolutely fucking despised him.

They stood across from each other, Sasuke's hand extended in what he thought was a very polite gesture, while Mr. Haruno slowly purpled with incandescent rage; Sasuke tried to look at it from his perspective, and realized that his living situation with Sakura was suspect at best, and a father's worst nightmare at worst. His only child, the apple of his eye, shacking up with a tall, dark, and handsome stranger she'd only known for ten minutes before signing a lease with him? He knew how it looked.

"Sasuke's not a GQ model," Sakura argued weakly. "He's…look, Daddy, I know this looks terrible but we're just _friends._"

"_You think I was born yesterday?_" Kizashi thundered, his eyes wide; he looked demented. Sasuke lowered his hand, realizing he was likelier to be throttled if he kept it out, and glanced at Sakura. She looked distressed. "You think I don't know what this is? You see my innocent, impressionable young daughter and you put the moves on her, don't you?"

"Daddy!" Sakura squealed, and Sasuke suppressed a derisive snort with difficulty. "It's not like that! We just…look, I'll explain it. How 'bout you sit down, Daddy? I know about your high blood pressure."

"_SIT?! I want to murder the little…_"

"Sit down," Mrs. Haruno said sharply, and Sasuke suddenly saw the family resemblance. Though she looked nothing like Sakura at first, there was the same underlying feminine ferocity that made Sakura such a formidable foe when the mood caught her right. Both Haruno women could effortlessly vacillate between sweet and charming to pissed-the-fuck-off and downright menacing in the span of a second. "I'm sure Sakura has an explanation. Though I admit, I'd love to hear it," she added, glaring at her daughter, who sighed. "You, too, Sasuke."

Wanting nothing more than to retreat to the safety of his bedroom, Sasuke met Sakura's imploring gaze and narrowed his eyes at her, silently demanding a _pile_ of bacon for his troubles when this was all over, and he joined the Haruno family in the living room. Kizashi sat on the overstuffed couch flanked by his wife and daughter, while Sasuke, feeling increasingly like a war criminal facing a tribunal, swallowd his pride and sat on the armchair opposite them to field more insulting questions.

_How'd I get drafted into this mess?_ He thought angrily. He refused to admit that Sakura's father intimidated him, even to himself, but there _was_ something a little unnerving about a guy closer to seven feet than six positively salivating for his blood. _I'm not her boyfriend so why are they reading me the riot act? After I helped her clean this place to impress them. Jesus. This bitch OWES ME._

"Now," said Mebuki pleasantly, with a quelling hand on her husband's arm, while Kizashi stared flaming daggers into Sasuke's skull. "Let's hear it. How'd this arrangement happen?"

"It's really simple," Sakura replied quickly. Apparently, she'd sensed that she had an ally in her mother, and was eager to convert her completely. "There was only one apartment I could afford left in pretty much the whole city; all the openings downtown at the swankier places were way too expensive, and I didn't know anyone in Konoha to share. Sasuke and I met by accident at our landlord's office. All he had left was this two-bedroom, and for whatever mysterious reason, he wouldn't let either one of us take it without the other."

"I want his name and social security number," Kizashi said immediately. "Your landlord's."

"Daddy you're not gonna kill him."

"I didn't say I'd kill him, I said I wanted his name and social security number. My reasons are my own. Now skip to the part where this punk is a sexual deviant who takes advantage of you."

"Daddy!"

"Shut up!" Mebuki hissed. "Go 'head, Sakura."

Sasuke sighed.

"Well I knew you guys would hate the idea of me moving in with a boy I barely knew, but really, it's worked out pretty well for us so far."

"How?"

"We split the rent, so it's not nearly as expensive as it would have been getting a place by myself. We both have jobs, you know I'm a waitress nights and weekends, and he works at a grocery store, and we make more than enough to pay our bills…"

"It wasn't an ideal arrangement at first," Sasuke spoke up quietly, at Mebuki's inquisitive stare. "Neither one of us wanted to do it. But she's right. It's working out."

"You're a student as well, Sasuke?" Mebuki asked.

"Yes, ma'am," he murmured. He was an asshole, for sure, but unfortunately, his mother had drilled manners into him as a child, and even if it shocked everyone who knew him, he WAS capable of holding a polite conversation when he had to. And blatantly disrespecting the parents of his roommate for the next ten months didn't seem like the best idea. "A freshman."

"And you make the rent payments on time?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And you see to it that our daughter is safe and happy?"

Thinking of his efforts in removing the squirrel that nearly killed them both, and allowing Sakura to sob all over him when she was frustrated at work, and choking down her vegetables even though he _just wanted a fucking steak_, he felt confident in nodding to affirm.

"It's a really weird, but really good arrangement," Sakura chimed in. "We're friends, and we get along pretty well," Sasuke thought that was stretching the truth _well_ past the threshold of believability, "and…yeah. It's a good situation all around, even if it wasn't ideal how it came about. We're really lucky to have found this place."

"So you're just friends, huh?" Kizashi snarled, apparently having kept quiet as long as he possibly could. He was physically shaking as he glared at Sasuke, who met his gaze and tried not to let his uneasiness show on his face, like a baby deer. "I'm supposed to believe that this kid who looks like a fucking _movie star_ moved in with my daughter and there's no hanky-panky going on?"

_Hanky-panky?_ Sasuke thought, stifling a snort of laughter.

"There really isn't!" Sakura insisted.

"Bullshit! You think I'm stupid, girl? You think I don't know _exactly_ how a teenage boy's mind works? I was eighteen once, too, remember? And you know what I remember every time I looked at a beautiful girl?"

"Oh, God, _yuck!_" Sakura groaned. "Please for the love of all that's holy don't tell me."

Sasuke fought to stay apathetic, but it was difficult, mainly because Kizashi's accusations were hitting a little close to home. He and Sakura were technically, officially, and honestly just friends on the surface, but to say he wasn't attracted to her would be a huge lie. He _did_ have thoughts of a decidedly non-platonic nature when he looked at her sometimes.

She was like an infection. Slowly eating away at him from the inside out, until she'd taken him over completely.

And it wasn't just the fact that she was a bona fide ten, either, although it helped. Her personality was winning him over little by little; now that she was friendlier to him, showed him a bit more of her sweet and caring side as compared to her batshit crazy wild harpy side that she'd delivered on a daily basis when they'd first moved in, it was easier to open up to her. They still fought, of course, but they did get along a lot letter than they used to.

He could truthfully say he considered her one of his closest friends now. Second only to Naruto. Living with someone for two months had a way of bringing unlikely comrades together.

But lately, calling them friends felt a little…dishonest. Not that he was lying, but that he was leaving out a significant part of the truth. His growing attachment to her was something he'd rather avoid thinking about, hoping it might dissolve on its own, but seeing her father waltz in and point it out right away didn't make him feel very good about it.

"I'm telling you it isn't like that!" Sakura shouted, losing her temper at last. "He's just a friend! See, this is why I didn't tell you from the beginning who I was living with, I knew you'd fly right off the handle and jump to conclusions. When have I ever done _anything_ to give you guys a reason not to trust me?"

Kizashi faltered, and in that brief moment of weakness, Sasuke knew the fight was over. He'd been on the losing end of many a fight with Sakura by now to recognize the signs of defeat, even prematurely.

"I kept a 4.0 my entire life," Sakura began listing off her many accomplishments. "I study hard and I work my ass off. I've held down a job since my fourteenth birthday. I pay my bills on time, I'm doing well in my classes, I'm keeping up on tennis and an internship with the best doctor in the _universe_, and I'm a good friend and a good daughter. Why can't you just trust my judgment that living with Sasuke is the best thing for me to do right now?"

"Well put, Sakura," Mebuki said with a smile. "She's right, sweetheart. Though I wish you'd've told us the truth earlier, you have a very good point. As far as daughters go, Kizashi, ours is trustworthy."

Sasuke remembered Sakura screaming in a drunken rage, "I AM THE LAW!" at the police officers who were seconds from arresting her before he pulled her drunk ass over a fence, and decided to hold onto that information for the time being.

Kizashi bit his lip, then sighed gustily, all the wind released from his lungs and all the fight drained out of him. He must have recognized the futility of arguing not only with Sakura, but with her mother as well; Sasuke relaxed a tiny bit before he was directly addressed again.

"All right," said Kizashi gruffly. "Now…now let's say for one minute that I go along with this…this _insanity._ You can bet your ass I'm gonna find out everything there is to know about you, boy. I won't have my innocent daughter living with some closet criminal for the next year, understand?"

"Yes, sir," Sasuke sighed.

"All right. Your age, and your birthday."

"18. July 23rd."

"City you're from."

"I was raised in Konoha, but I moved to Oto in middle school. Came back for college."

"Major."

"Prelaw."

"Minor."

"Criminology."

"Any sports?"

"Yes, sir. Soccer and baseball."

"Baseball, huh?" Kizashi looked thoughtful at that. "I can't stand soccer. Too much running around. But baseball? Sport of champions. What position?"

"Pitcher."

Sasuke could tell that he was slowly but surely winning Sakura's father over with his answers. Judging by the smile on Sakura's face, both grateful and slightly shocked, he knew that the matter of getting her father's approval was definitely an attainable task.

The question, though, was why it _mattered_ so much to him.

Normally, he wouldn't care one iota if someone liked him or not, even if it was his roommate's parents. He didn't need anyone's approval. The opinions of others couldn't have been less important to him.

Again, those were _normal_ circumstances.

And it was his huge misfortune to fall into this situation with the _least_ normal girl in the history of creation.

Everything Sakura did was ass backwards. From her stupid vegetarian ways to the bizarre, confusing forehead kisses she left on people when she thought they were sleeping, from the way she could transform from a screaming, argumentative witch into the sweetest, funniest, most charming girl he'd ever met, she twisted his every conception of the female race into something complex and indecipherable. He couldn't figure her out anymore than he could figure out the strange feelings she was eliciting from him.

Namely, this ridiculous attachment to her that didn't look like it was going anywhere anytime soon.

So the fact that he craved the approval of her parents, when normally he couldn't have given two animal shits about the subject, was just another mystery to add to his growing list of things he couldn't fucking understand in his life.

But it was there all the same. For whatever reason, he had to make an effort to win over the Harunos, and he was doing exactly that.

After Kizashi forced him to recite his complete medical history along with a list of his fears, Mebuki put a halt to the Spanish Inquisition taking place in the living room.

"Enough," she sighed. "All right, I'm sold. I think you're a nice boy, Sasuke." (Sakura snorted into her hand, and Sasuke promised her a silent, swift revenge later in the day.) "And I think that you're a good fit for Sakura's roommate. Thank you for taking care of her. Lord knows she's a handful!"

"Mom!" Sakura whined, while Sasuke smirked. At least someone understood his eternal struggle, having to deal with her bullshit on a daily basis.

"It's getting late," Mebuki said, glancing at her watch. "Come on, Sakura, show us around campus…your father has to be on a plane to Ame in the morning for a business meeting, so we'll need to leave before it gets too late."

"All right," Sakura said, standing up. "You wanna come, Sasuke?"

"Hn. No thanks. I have homework." He didn't really, but after being read the riot act for the last hour, he could definitely use a break.

She knew he was lying, he could tell, but the secretive, grateful smile she threw him told him she wasn't about to say anything.

Kizashi shook his hand on the way out the door, with a gruff grin on his face.

"I misjudged ya, kid," he said warmly. "Anyone who can keep my daughter safe and in line is all right by me. But mark my words…" Here, his voice shifted to something dark, threatening, and reminiscent to Sasuke of hellfire and damnation, "…if I hear even the _slightest_ rumor that you do something to my daughter that I wouldn't approve of? I'll slice you up with a blunt butterknife so there's nothing left of your pretty boy face but skull fragments."

Visited with a particularly vivid visual, Sasuke suppressed a shudder and shook Kizashi's hand nonetheless. "Aa. Yes, sir. Nice to meet you."

Mebuki's farewell was a tad nicer. She hugged him tightly, like she'd known him for years, and beamed up at him.

"Lovely to meet you, Sasuke!" she said kindly. "We'll stop by again sometime, maybe take you guys out to dinner. I know you must not be getting enough meat in your diet living with my picky daughter all this time…and if you don't have any plans over the holidays, you're more than welcome to stay at our house. We'd love to have you."

He knew it was an invitation he would most likely decline, but that she'd even offered meant a great deal to him. It had been so long since he'd had anyone to spend the holidays with. Just the idea of sitting at a family table for Christmas made his heart ache in longing, and the smile he managed for Mebuki wasn't faked at all.

She'd known him for an _hour_, and was already welcoming him into her family.

Glancing at Sakura, who had known him for ten _minutes_ before doing the same thing, he was glad that in this case, even if they looked _nothing_ alike, the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

Was it presumptuous of him, to feel like part of the Haruno family already?

* * *

Sakura got home that night around nine; he heard her stumble in the front door, tripping as she often did over the welcome mat she felt the need to place in the threshold.

"Sasuke, I'm home!" she called.

He didn't want to admit it, but he liked the sound of that. After living alone for so long, it was kind of nice having someone to come home to, or in this case, being the someone that someone else came home to.

"I'm in the hall," he called back, redirecting his attention to the shelf he was attempting to hang.

She danced over to greet him, kicking off her shoes as she came.

"That went…so much better than I thought it would," she giggled, watching him work. "Do you totally hate me? I know that had to have been rough for you."

Thinking again of Kizashi's welcoming handshake, and Mebuki's readiness to include him in their holiday plans, 'rough' wasn't exactly the word he'd use, but he'd let her sweat it out a little.

"Aa."

"I really appreciate it, Sasuke. You have no idea. Thank you so much. I know my dad's fucking crazy."

"At least now I know where you get it from," he snarked, but she just laughed it off.

"Yeah, for what it's worth, they're crazy about you."

"Huh?"

"Well my mom absolutely adored you from the second she met you, but my dad? The whole time I was showing him around campus, he wouldn't shut up about you. It was almost creepy. He's like…in love with you, I think."

"Can't blame him."

"I think it's your endearing sense of humility that makes you so attractive," Sakura quipped, and at that point, not even Sasuke could deny the fact that they were most definitely flirting. Tamping down the thrill of _something_ that threatened in his stomach, he hammered the nail in place on the wall, then mounted the shelf on top of it.

"That's straight, yeah?"

"Yeah. Stop deflecting me, Sasuke, what did you think of them?"

"They're parents," he shrugged, heading back to the living room now that the hallway was one shelf richer, Sakura on his heels. They sat down together on the couch, as he seized the remote.

"Well, fair enough. But seriously. I know it's normally like, your style to be a giant asshole and rude and a really just terrible person, but I could tell you were trying. And that means a lot to me."

He didn't have time to feel offended by her carelessly-hurled insults, because just as he opened his mouth to tell her what a jerk she was, she leaned up and kissed him sweetly on the cheek.

Certain his cheeks were on fire, he busied himself with finding something suitable to watch, content to never, ever discuss that happening for the rest of his life. The _something_ in his stomach that flared up whenever she was around ignited into something _else,_ and he became hyperaware of her presence.

_What the hell is she doing, kissing people like that?_

It was bad enough that he couldn't make heads or tails of his feelings towards her. It was bad enough that her father wasn't entirely convinced that nothing was going on between the two of them.

Glancing over at Sakura out of the corner of his eye, her face relaxed and happy as they tucked into late night TV together for the umpteenth time, two sort-of kisses and an almost-kiss between them, he realized that he wasn't entirely convinced either.

Something was different. Something was changing. And he was _absolutely_ going to find out what.

* * *

**note..** heyhowdyhey, everyone. :) merry almost christmas!

why is neji dead. why.

side note: okay, let me just call a spade a spade. whoever anonymous reviewer bertina is, (i keep deleting your reviews because i'm not interested in your ffnet drama-starting) please knock it the hell off. to my understanding, you have a problem with people having anything but glowing praise for the stories that you like, and while i'm flattered you enjoy my writing, you don't need to spam other writers' review boards telling them about it. you know who and what i'm talking about, and just know that i have a pretty deep contempt for cyber bullies, and that's what you are right now. so stick to reviewing someone's story, not their personal character as diagnosed by you from the anonymity of the interwebz. thank you.

TO EVERYONE ELSE: you have no idea how much i appreciate all the love and support you guys have given me, for this story especially. it keeps me going (and i have got a LOT of ideas on where to take this next. halloween's coming up in konoha, you know. ;) you guys make it fun to write this. thank you thank you thank you, and as always, let me know what you think :)

xoxo daisy :)


	15. In Vino Veritas

Sakura was on a mission.

She approached many things in her life like they were missions. She analyzed the data beforehand. Configured any possible, likely, unlikely, probable, improbable, inconceivable outcomes. Considered outside variables that might affect the final result. Weighed her options. Proceeded with extreme caution, and kept constantly vigilant.

This mission, however, would require particular finesse.

Running a vacuum throughout the immaculately clean (for once) apartment, she considered how to approach Sasuke with the news that they were going to be throwing a Halloween party at the end of the week.

_It's going to take a lot of convincing,_ she thought, heaving a sigh as she unplugged the vacuum from the wall and admired her handiwork. _He hates parties, and he hates company…but we have the biggest place, so…_

She was buttering him up all week little by little. Cooking his favorite things (even mixing in a little meat, though it killed her spirit to do so), cleaning the apartment without asking (barking) that he help her, quizzing him on vocabulary terms for his criminology class without whining that it was a shocking waste of her time. She bit her tongue lately on a good many arguments, and kept things as peaceful in the apartment as she could to give him absolutely no reason to say no.

_Oh, who am I kidding?_ she thought with a groan. _Sasuke's favorite hobby is saying no. He's got it down to a science. He says no to questions I haven't even asked yet._

Remembering his swift veto on her idea to have a pool party a few weeks ago, his blatant refusal to participate in Oiled-down Tarp Sledding Night, and his prompt rejection of her learning to drive his car, Sakura knew that she had the most anti-fun roommate in existence. And the idea of him agreeing to host a costume party on Halloween, a holiday he despised as evidenced by the way he snarled at the pumpkin she brought home for them to carve, was a longshot at best, and downright foolishness at worst.

Sighing, she glanced outside; it was getting dark, which meant that he would be home soon from his shift at the grocery store. He was always in a particularly foul mood right after work, so maybe it wasn't the best time to break the news…no, she would have dinner ready for him when he got back, and she would hand him the remote, and do the dishes…then pump him full of alcohol.

_It's perfect!_ she thought, giggling. _We've still got a bottle of Russian Standard left over from Neji's house party last weekend…I'll get him drunk, then ask the question, and he'll have no choice but to agree in his drunkenness! It's FOOLPROOF!_

Bolstered by this newfound confidence, Sakura tossed the vacuum back into the closet and danced into the kitchen to get started on dinner.

* * *

If Sasuke was suspicious about her desire to get shitfaced drunk on a Tuesday night, he didn't show it.

Predictably, he came home in a vicious state of mind. He threw his green work apron onto the floor as soon as he got inside, and even though she would normally chew him out for being a lazy sack of ass, she instead greeted him with a beaming smile, picked up the apron, and said, "Hey, Sasuke! How was your day?"

Everything about this was carefully planned, right down to her wardrobe. Sasuke was largely asexual as far as she was concerned, but like any man, he had a wandering eye, and she knew he appreciated seeing a little skin every now and then. She saw absolutely nothing wrong with wearing a very, very low-cut tank top and very, very short pajama shorts, and she did not miss the way his eyes lingered on her legs before he stomped grumpily into the kitchen.

"It sucked."

Sakura folded his apron and set it on a shelf in the closet before following him. He looked slightly surprised to see dinner already waiting for him, and grunted a little before sitting at the table to eat.

"Thanks," he mumbled, like it cost him something expensive in his soul to invoke manners.

"No problem!" she said brightly. "And…a little something for after dinner?"

He glanced up with a raised eyebrow and saw what she was holding: a completely full bottle of Russian Standard vodka. She held his gaze and made sure to keep her expression innocent, and he gave a stiff nod in acquiescence. _Score!_ she thought delightedly, sitting down across from him.

After dinner, she gestured to the sofa and he sat down expectantly; she grabbed the first non-alcoholic liquid she could find in the fridge for a chaser, which happened to be Fruit Punch Kool-aid, two glasses, and followed.

"Any reason you're getting smashed on a Tuesday?" he asked, but his tone was curious, not suspicious. Which meant she could breathe easy for a little while.

_Just so I can get you hammered enough to agree to host a costume party for all of our asshole friends this weekend,_ she thought.

"Bored," she replied instead. She would need to stay sober for this, even though her favorite vodka was beckoning; if she got drunk with Sasuke, then she would likely forget what she was trying to ask him. Or worse: botch it completely, and have her friends hate her.

"Alcoholic," he muttered, but he took the bottle from her hands and poured himself a liberal amount of vodka all the same, foregoing any chaser.

Unconsciously, Sakura found this to be very attractive: Sasuke got sick off of alcohol, but he drank it like a man. Naruto preferred girlish cocktails, Neji needed something sugary sweet as a chaser, even Kiba couldn't put away liquor without some feminine addition to dilute it. But everything Sasuke did was masculine, right down to the way he knocked back straight vodka on a Tuesday night.

Blushing a little at her own thoughts, she was so distracted that she didn't see Sasuke move to fill her cup, too, until he was doing it. Sitting on the couch with him, their legs touching, Sasuke holding her glass with one hand and pouring vodka with the other, she couldn't deny that there was something decidedly intimate about the moment. She was more aware of him than usual, more aware of his fiery scent and warmth, and suddenly she felt more than a little drunk already, without even having any of the alcohol.

_Remember your mission!_ she thought in a panic. _Keep focused! For your friends, you must do this!_

"Drink," Sasuke muttered from next to her, knocking back his entire glass in one swallow.

"Okay," she replied immediately, doing the exact same thing.

_Oh who am I kidding?_ she thought, surrendering to her basest instincts completely. _Sasuke's so conditioned to say no to people that he'd do it in his SLEEP. No amount of alcohol in the world will earn his compliance with anything._

_ I'll just have to think of something else._

_ After I recover from this future hangover. To bad decisions!_

_ Sorry, guys._

* * *

"This was a bad idea," Sakura murmured dazedly, her head lolling on Sasuke's shoulder.

Glasses completely neglected at this point, they were drinking themselves to the bottom of the bottle, more on a mission to get the job done, rather than the desire to become even drunker. Any more, and Sakura knew she'd be in the hospital…holding Sasuke's hand while he had his stomach pumped, since he couldn't hold liquor like she could.

"Hn," he agreed, and then he chuckled, and Sakura felt the rumble in her chest as he did so. Everything he did was attractive, even more so when she was drunk, and she didn't trust herself right now not to close the distance between them, and have her way with him right on the sofa.

"Like…I have a lot of bad ideas. But this? This was especially stupid."

"You're slurring."

"And you're sexy!" she shot back like an insult, realizing too late what she had said. Sasuke's smirk was _heinous_ as he pressed the bottle into her hands. "Shit. Well, the bag's out of the cat now, ain't it?"

"You have that backwards."

"Whatever."

"But keep going."

"You're sexy and I know it."

They both laughed, a testament to their inebriation, because Sasuke was capable of rumbling chuckles and derisive snickers, but rarely, very rarely, did he _laugh._ This was very dangerous territory.

"Don't think I don't notice you think I'm sexy too," she added, going for a probing glare and pulling off a squinty-eyed grimace.

"I also think you're crazy," he snorted.

"But you didn't deny the other part!"

"What other part."

"That I'm sexy!"

Here, the joking, teasing tide seemed to shift. Sasuke's eyes, which had wandered more than once to the generous amount of skin she was showing, dropped from her face to her legs again and right back. She flushed, feeling exposed under his shameless stare, and drank some more just for something to do.

"That's what makes you so annoying," Sasuke mused to himself, leaning back on the cushions. He had yet to throw her off his shoulder, so she had yet to move.

"What does?"

"If you weren't so beautiful, you wouldn't be so annoying to me."

Even though what he was giving was the primal definition of a backhanded compliment, Sakura couldn't help but feel intensely, gleefully flattered. Any guy could call a girl hot, or sexy, or cute, but that wasn't what Sasuke, even drunk, stoic Sasuke, used for her.

"You think I'm _beautiful?_"

"Aa," he replied, with no hesitation. "And it's annoying. Because you don't realize the effect you have on guys."

Emboldened by the liquor in her bloodstream and Sasuke saying _exactly_ the right things, Sakura summoned a courage she would never have been capable of tapping into sober. She lifted her head slowly off Sasuke's shoulder and twisted her body so she was facing him. His silver-black eyes shifted to meet hers, lazily but still somehow very focused, even though with how much he was drinking, he should have been on the floor already.

"Even you?" she asked softly, eyes glassy as they traced the strong angle of his jaw, the slope of his nose, the shape of his thin lips.

Sasuke sat up slightly, and when he reached for the vodka in her hands, his fingers lingered deliberately on hers, his touch like fire scorching her skin from the inside out.

"Especially me," he murmured.

The hot insinuation sent a spike of desire coursing through her stomach, pooling between her thighs. She was going to kiss him, she knew, the resolve strengthening as she drew closer and closer to Sasuke, and he didn't shift away. His gaze was locked on her mouth, his expression intense even if his movements were a little more halting and sloppy than usual, and she reached her hand out to curl through his hair when…

_DING, DONG._

"Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me," she swore under her breath, drawing back from Sasuke as though burned. The look on his face was comical, one of shock, confusion, and irritation, but she couldn't bear to look at him a moment longer. Not after she'd nearly crossed, no, _incinerated_ a very important line between them.

They were roommates. They were friends. They couldn't be anything more than that, it just wasn't going to be possible. And now was not the time to pursue it, either, not when they were both shit-faced drunk and not in their right minds.

The doorbell ringing, infuriating as it was, couldn't have come at a more opportune time.

"I'll get it," Sakura mumbled unnecessarily, jumping off the couch and stumbling towards the door. She tripped a little on the little area rug and shouted, "Who the hell is it and what the hell do you want?"

"It's Kiba, doll!" called her uninvited (unwelcome) visitor. "Did you get Uchiha to agree to it?"

"Agree to what?" Sasuke demanded; Sakura whirled around dizzily and saw him standing directly behind her, the color high in his pale cheeks, and every inch of his face full of suspicion.

And Sakura said the only thing she could think of in a time of such high stress.

"_Fuck._"

* * *

"You must be some kind of a miracle worker, Sakura." Kiba thumbed through the various costumes hanging on the wall of the Halloween store, chuckling to himself. "Getting Uchiha to agree to a have a party for all of us."

"Yeah, well, you better appreciate it," Sakura snapped back irritably. "Do you have any idea what it cost me? He's making me do his laundry. Like, his soccer jerseys and shit. And there's just so much _sweat._ And I have to do this until _Christmas._"

"You're a real martyr!" Kiba laughed. "Why didn't you just give him a peek what's under those little jeans of yours, huh? He'd've done anything you wanted."

Sakura punched him in the arm, and she knew that her punches packed, well, a punch, as evidenced by Kiba's girlish wince.

"You've got a girlfriend now," she reminded him severely. "And being that that girlfriend is my best friend and I know just how batshit fucking crazy she is, I'd appreciate it if you kept the lascivious comments to a _minimum._"

"Stop using words I don't know, woman. You and Ino are exactly the same."

Sakura sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. The hangover was both expected and deserved, but that didn't mean she had to enjoy it. Kiba taking her costume shopping was a welcome distraction from Sasuke's dangerous glares, but the harsh lights of the Halloween store were doing nothing to soothe her headache.

She'd been absolutely _hammered_ last night, but not enough to forget what had very nearly happened between herself and Sasuke. His admission that he found her beautiful, even if said admission wasn't meant as a compliment…his cryptic response as to whether or not he was affected by her…the smell of fire and wine on his skin as they grew closer to one another…

_I would've kissed him,_ she thought, examining a sexy nurse costume with distaste before moving onto the next aisle. Kiba was prattling on beside her, but she wasn't paying attention to him, her thoughts absorbed in the bizarre turn last night had taken. _And I think he would've kissed me back!_

It was impossible not to be just a _little_ excited by that thought. She liked Sasuke, after all, and the possibility that her feelings might be reciprocated was too tempting to discard completely.

_Don't do that,_ she chastised herself harshly. _Getting your hopes up like that. He was drunk, and you were just there. It meant nothing. It could've been anyone else, he wasn't even thinking._

"I got my costume, sweetheart!" Kiba declared, rousing her from her thoughts. She jumped and looked up at him, seeing that he held a wolf's costume in his hands. "Ino had this idea where she'd be Little Red Riding Hood, and I'd be the Big Bad Wolf, and…"

"God you're so whipped!" Sakura laughed, forcing thoughts of Sasuke out of her mind. "You both fucking owe me. Like, huge. I totally made this happen. I am ultimate matchmaker."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. What're _you_ gonna be? You've been touching every costume and making faces at 'em all…"

"Oh. Uh, I'll be this." Without looking, she snatched a costume from its pack off the wall and shoved it under her arm. "Let's pay for these and get out of here. I have a killer headache."

She felt kind of bad for being such a bitch to Kiba when he'd really done nothing to deserve it, but she was under quite a bit of stress at the moment.

Even more so, when she got back home and pulled her costume out of its wrapping.

_Sasuke's gonna kill me,_ she thought with a groan. In her hands was a 1940's Vargas girl outfit, microscopic and sexy and slutty and the exact kind of thing Sasuke would scream at her for wearing.

Then, a wicked smile twisted her features as she fingered the barely-there fabric of the 1940's pinup costume she'd selected by accident. There wasn't anything terribly wrong with _flirting_ with Sasuke, was there?

_Maybe I'm being too pessimistic about this,_ she thought, considering the costume again. _Maybe I keep trying to talk myself out of the notion that Sasuke's into me. Maybe he really is, and this is something I should pursue._

On a whim, she locked herself inside her bedroom, stripped her regular clothes off, and tried the costume on just to see how she felt about it. The tiny shorts fit perfectly, and so did the polka-dotted corset. She admired herself in the mirror, and thought about Sasuke's subtle reactions to her wardrobe the previous night. There was nothing as empowering as getting a boy to really _react_, and the odds of Sasuke seeing her in this and _not_ reacting were slim to none.

_And I've got JUST the heels to wear with this,_ she thought, smirking at her reflection. _Happy Halloween, Sasuke!_

* * *

**note..** miss me? :)_  
_

my husband surprised me last week with a trip to disney world for christmas. i came home from work all dirty and gross and tired, and he handed me the plane tickets, told me to pack my shit, and we left literally two hours later. obviously, i fucking love him. it was wonderful, christmas in disney with a bunch of our friends, and by far the best present i've ever gotten. :) i'm not going to apologize for my temporary hiatus because this was literally the most perfect week of my life, besides my honeymoon.

anyway. what'd you think?

xoxo daisy


	16. Pin-ups and Pucker-ups

Not in a million, billion years could Sasuke understand how all this happened.

_Last time I get drunk with her,_ he thought bitterly, glaring at the swarm of people inside his apartment. _Fucking Sakura._

It felt like a blur. They'd gotten drunk on Tuesday, she'd used her witchcraft and sorcery to get him to agree to all these Halloween shenanigans, and now he found himself forced, inexorably, inside his own apartment with the majority of the Konoha University freshman class.

In _costume._

Of course, no amount of arm twisting could get Sasuke motherfucking Uchiha to don a Halloween costume. Sakura was lucky he hadn't torched the apartment at this point; like hell was he going to play dress up. He was a grownass man.

But he felt more like a housemaid. In his own place. Cleaning up after a bunch of other grownass men and women dressed up like sluts and superheroes. His compulsive nature afforded him no peace as he followed around his unwanted guests, cleaning up paper plates and red Solo cups and leaky glass bottles of cheap vodka. Obscene jack-o-lanterns decorated the kitchen and hallways, Halloween decorations strewn from the ceilings all the way to the floors; he figured he'd never hated a holiday more.

And Sakura, the so-called host of the party, was over at Tenten's "getting ready." Leaving him here, alone, with music blasting, every electrical appliance in his kitchen being used to mix drinks, and the screaming, grinding, noisy, messy mass of college students to be responsible for.

_No way we don't get kicked out,_ he thought angrily, picturing the furious reactions of their neighbors. The bass of the music was absolutely deafening, and despite the frigid weather outside, people had worked their way out to the pool. _Where the hell is she?_

"SICK party, dude!" a piercing voice shouted right by his ear, and, snarling, Sasuke whirled around to find Kiba's arm slung familiarly across his shoulders. Kiba was drunk and dressed, predictably, like a wolf, complete with a stupid nose and ears and everything. "Fucking sweet, man. Where's Sakura?"

"Good question," Sasuke bit out. "Get off me."

"Let him breathe, Kiba!" Ino laughed, appearing out of nowhere; she was dressed like Little Red Hiding Ho in the tiniest cape Sasuke had ever seen. He rolled his eyes but was at least grateful she pulled her boyfriend off his shoulders. "Sakura just texted me, Sasuke. Tenten's having some kind of problem with her costume so Sakura was helping her with it. They're on their way now, should be here in a few minutes."

"Looking for someone?" another feminine voice sang, and Sasuke looked up.

Then his blood pressure rose.

Then his eyes widened.

Then his jaw dropped.

Sakura, on cue, made her grand entrance into her own party, an hour and a half late. Flanked by her girlfriends from the tennis team, she sauntered casually inside, and Sasuke swore, _swore_ there was a lull in the music, the conversation, the dancing, the making out all over his furniture.

If Ino was wearing very little, then Sakura was wearing practically nothing at all. It was the kind of ridiculously (sexy) provocative ensemble he'd only ever seen in tattoos on old sailors' arms.

_A pin-up,_ he thought, wide eyes betraying every instinct he had to look away. _My roommate's a fucking pin-up. This is rock fucking bottom._

Her long, slender legs were semi-concealed in fishnet stockings, six-inch scarlet heels elevating her all the way up to his nose. Her waist looked tinier than normal in the tight corset she'd squeezed herself into, and the high-waisted, microscopic shorts she was wearing fit her like a condom. Her makeup was concentrated at her lips and upper eyes, cheeks as pink as her hair, which was styled into bouncy curls at her shoulders, the entire thing offset by the tiny white costume sailor's hat resting on the crown of her head.

And if Sasuke's first reaction was shock, his second was _horror._

"Hey, Sasuke," she said brightly, apparently blind to the way every single guy in their apartment was staring at her with awe and enrapture. "Sorry I kept you waiting. I was trying to put chopsticks into Tenten's hair…she's dressed up like a ninja, see her? But I fucked it up because I was drinking beforehand and it took like two hours to untangle the whole mess, and yeah. Sorry to leave you here with all this. I promise I'll make it up to you. Scout's honor, or whatever."

Sasuke heard zero words.

Instead, he found himself torn between two evils: horror at Sakura's provocative Halloween costume, and delight with it. Because this wanton little minx might very well be the death of him, but _Christ_ could she fill out a pin-up costume like she was made for it.

His eyes were glued to the generous amount of cleavage on display, and fuzzy memories of their almost-kiss (ones he'd forcibly suppressed, dismissing them as the wistful fancification of his own drunkenness) came rushing back to the forefront of his mind.

"Why aren't you wearing a costume, lame-o?" she asked, jerking him back to reality. His gaze snapped to her mouth instead, and if she noticed the way he'd been ogling her like a horny schoolboy, it didn't show on those painted red lips. "It's a _Halloween_ party."

"I'm not a child," he ground out stiffly. Before he could stop himself, he snatched a half-empty bottle of vodka from the kitchen counter behind him, and took a healthy swig. He was going to need to be a lot drunker than this to deal with this…this _situation._

"You know, Sasuke," Sakura said silkily, and when he turned around, he was shocked to find her pressed almost against him. In the heels she was wearing, she was tall enough to reach up to his nose, and when he looked down at her, he saw that her bright green eyes were half-lidded. A tiny smirk lifted her scarlet lips as she finished, "I'm not a child either…far from it."

_Son. Of. A. Bitch._

Sasuke's brain shut down, and he felt himself surrendering to his attraction. Not for the first time in the short weeks he'd known her, his hands twitched towards her waist. The dwindling inches between them never felt so crossable.

_She's drunk,_ he thought dazedly, watching as she stumbled a little before giggling, righting herself, and taking the bottle of vodka from his hand. She downed a considerable swallow, the gesture frighteningly arousing, and Sasuke knew his self-control was rapidly diminishing. Much more of this, and he'd either go mad or go to town on his frustrating roommate.

Each prospective outcome was equally frightening.

"You told me you think I'm beautiful," Sakura murmured to him, her voice low and husky. All of a sudden, it was just the two of them in the kitchen; everyone else, the fifty-odd freshmen crowded into their apartment, vanished into thin air, along with the loud music and thunderous bass. Suddenly, Sasuke was aware of nothing in the world except the drunk pin-up who split his rent and his vodka.

"I did not," he countered uselessly, but he remembered the moment as vividly as if it had happened five minutes ago.

"Yes you did," she insisted, with the sexiest smirk he'd ever seen on a human being. "You think I'm _beautiful._"

"So what?" he snapped. "It doesn't make you any less of a pain in the ass."

"You said that, too. Why don't you just kiss me, Sasuke? I know you want to."

_SO WHAT?!_ he thought, and to his _horror,_ he realized his hands were already on her waist. Traitorous, vile, betraying fingers latched onto the corset-covered contours of her flawless physique, and he didn't even have alcohol to blame this time. _Oh for fucking shit sake…_

"It's all over your face!" Sakura giggled, the color high in her cheeks thanks to her inebriation. Her hips ground slightly against his, and she smelled like cinnamon and vodka. "I wanna kiss you, too, you know. And it's okay because I'm drunk."

"That's…that's exactly why it's _not_ okay," Sasuke bit out, his voice sounding strangled and hoarse. Sakura had just admitted it: she was drunk. Under no circumstances could he kiss her now, not when she wasn't in her right mind.

_So. Fucking. UNFAIR._

She slid her hands up his chest, ignoring him completely, but he snatched them away. He couldn't keep going, no matter how much he might want to. Sakura would never forgive him if he took advantage of her while she was drunk; he'd have a hard time forgiving himself.

"Just…not right now," he muttered. "Not…while you're drunk."

She looked slightly crestfallen for a moment, before her eyes widened again in hope.

"But…another time?" she asked sweetly.

Before he could respond, however, Ino's piercing voice erupted from the living room.

"TIME FOR BODY SHOTS!"

Sakura's face lit up like he hadn't just shot her down (albeit, with only the noblest intentions), and she grabbed his hand instead.

"Okay, that you HAVE to agree to!" she giggled.

A slow smirk unfurled across Sasuke's lips, as he found himself quite agreeing.

* * *

Never in a million years did Sasuke Uchiha think he would be taking body shots with a sexy pink-haired pin-up in his living room on Halloween.

Never in a _billion_ years did he think he would _enjoy _it.

While their friends, ranging from Naruto (dressed like a king) to Ino and Kiba (the world's sluttiest Red Riding Hood and Big Bad Wolf), all watched and cheered and clapped and carried on, Sasuke (drunk at last) sat back on the sofa while Sakura licked the salt from his neck. Sloppy in her movements thanks to her inebriation, but laughing hysterically all at the same time, she plucked the lemon from his mouth with hers, their lips touching ever so briefly, and he wondered if that counted as a kiss.

"All right, man!" Naruto laughed, clapping him hard on the back. "You got _Sakura_ to take a body shot off you!"

"You can die happy, bro!" Kiba chortled.

Sasuke privately agreed, but settled for shooting them both vicious glares.

"I just…I can't decide which one of you is prettier!" Karin wailed. Karin always was a weepy drunk, and she'd sobbed off most of her slutty cat makeup, and looked just like a messy slut at this point. "It's…it's like trying to pick between…Mozart and Beethoven."

"I'm _definitely_ prettier!" Sakura insisted loudly. "Turn up the music, this is my jam!"

It was getting a bit too hot in the crowded living room, and Sasuke couldn't disagree more with Sakura's music taste, so he took that opportunity to sneak outside. Autumn was in full swing in Konoha, and at night, the temperatures were cold, but on his overheated skin and sweaty forehead, the sudden chill felt amazing.

Taking a deep breath, he headed down to the pool where a few of the other kids still lingered. It was way too cold for a swim, but sitting by the water gave him a chance to clear his head.

Even drunk, he knew he couldn't fight his feelings any longer.

_I like her,_ he thought, finally surrendering, however privately, to this long-stifled attraction. _And maybe it's more than just as someone I'd fuck. I don't fucking know. But I like the crazy bitch._

_So what happens now?_

Did he bite the bullet, and go for it? Surrender any resistance completely, and tell her how he felt about her? How would that change things between them? Would she respond in kind, return his wayward affections, or was she only attracted to him sexually?

What would their dynamic be, if Sasuke finally admitted the obvious?

_I don't know,_ he thought, with a heavy sigh. _And we still have nine months of our lease together. That's a long time to walk on eggshells and live in insane awkwardness._

If they didn't live together, maybe this wouldn't be so complicated. He could take her on a date, a proper one, pick her up at her place and drop her off after, restore some comfortable distance between them so things wouldn't go too far too fast.

Instead, they slept ten feet away from each other. They did almost everything together if they weren't in class or at work. She was his best friend next to Naruto, not to mention, his roommate. If things went south, he would not only lose her as a friend, but it would make their living arrangement hell on earth.

Could he risk those things? This early in their lease, in their _friendship?_

_I don't know,_ he thought, being honest with himself. _I don't know if the reward is worth the risk._

"Hey, Sasuke."

A light, feminine voice broke his concentration, and he looked up; to his surprise, Ino sat down beside him, looking remarkably steady for having consumed as much tequila as she had that evening. She fanned herself with one hand, and passed a water bottle to him with the other.

"Thanks," he muttered.

"It's fucking hot in there," she said. "And Kiba's so handsy when he's drunk. In a good way."

"I don't need to hear that."

She laughed. "I know, I know."

Sasuke wasn't zoned for female friends, with one startling pink exception, but Ino was all right by him. Not only had she succeeded in commandeering a serious rival for Sakura's attention in scooping up Kiba, but she was a very good friend to Sakura all the time. When Sakura was having a bad day and he couldn't be counted upon to cheer her up, what with his stoic personality, he knew Ino would be there for her to pick up the slack.

She was fucking crazy just like the rest of her gender, but he could tolerate her more than most.

A few minutes companionable silence passed between them by the pool, before Ino broke the silence.

"I know you like her, you know."

Sasuke stiffened. He considered denying it, but Ino spoke with that frightening feminine certainty, that sort of all-knowing clairvoyance that eluded the entirety of the male gender and was relegated exclusively to women. He remembered his mom speaking to him with that tone when he'd lied about getting into a fight with a boy at school, and knew he had no real defense against it.

"I won't tell her," Ino promised. "That's up to you. But you can be honest with me, Sasuke. I've known Sakura our whole lives."

He hesitated, then sighed.

"It doesn't matter. Nothing's gonna happen."

"Well of course it won't, not with an attitude like that!" she said dismissively.

Sasuke bristled at the implication behind her words, that he was a coward, or a quitter, and rounded on her. "Use your head! We live together. She's my best friend. If shit goes downhill, we're both fucked."

"Pussy." Let it never be said that Ino pulled punches. "You're so afraid of everything that could go wrong with a relationship with Sakura that you don't even consider all the things that can go right! You know she's into you, don't you? Head over heels, even."

"Did…she say anything?"

Ino chuckled and leaned back on her hands. "Not in so many words, but I'm her best friend. Bitch can't hide shit from me."

"Hn."

"Well, your secret's safe with me, for now. But if you want my advice?"

"No."

"Go for it. Wait till your ducks are all in a row or whatever but go for it. And be nice to her. She's nice to you when you're not a big asshole, and if you ask her politely, she's less inclined to turn you down."

"Tch."

"Seriously. You guys would be amazing together."

"I didn't ask for your help," he said grumpily.

She giggled and elbowed him lightly in the side. "That's the beauty of having people like me and Sakura as your friends, Sasuke; you don't have to."

He didn't like his feelings exposed and read back to him like that, but something in the way she spoke to him made him trust her to keep his secret. He didn't want Sakura to know how he felt about her until he was ready to tell her himself, and even if he'd rather _nobody_ knew about this at the moment, there were definitely worse people to tell.

Like fucking _Naruto._

"It's getting cold as shit out here," Ino said, stumbling to her feet. "Jesus. I'm gonna head back to Kiba's place, go make sure Sakura eats something or she'll be sick all day tomorrow."

"I know," he snapped. Like he didn't already know exactly how to take care of a hung over Sakura.

Ignoring Ino's friendly goodbye wave, he stomped back inside his apartment, content to forget that this conversation ever existed.

* * *

It was a curious sight he returned to: three princesses were sprawled out on the carpet with a lizard and Jason Voorhees between them, all of them soaked in tequila and out cold. Neji and Tenten were making out in Sakura's bathroom, Shikamaru sleeping on the floor of Sasuke's. Hinata, whom Sasuke had never known to touch a drop of alcohol in her life, was unconscious on his bed, the wings on her fairy costume ripped, her arms wrapped tightly around Naruto, who was drooling all over the pillows. Sasuke glared at him before stomping to the front door and throwing it open.

"Everybody out," he barked.

He figured Naruto and Hinata could stay, but like hell were the rest of them spending the entire night in his place. It already smelled like puke and bad decisions, and he was convinced they were going to be evicted first thing in the morning. If this was to be his last night in C-17, it wasn't going to be shared with a bunch of drunk freshmen he barely knew.

One by one, they filed out, Neji and Tenten (both dressed like ninjas) making a rather comical walk of shame. When it was just himself, Naruto and Hinata on his bed, and Sakura in her room, he shut the door and locked it up tight. The mess, which touched every single inch of his typically-immaculate apartment, would have to be dealt with in the morning.

He didn't feel like moving Naruto and Hinata from his bed in a show of uncharacteristic mercy. He instead resolved to sleep on the couch, but just as he went to lay down, he spotted something that looked suspiciously like vomit on the middle cushion. No way could he sleep there.

The door to Sakura's bedroom swung open, and she came tottering out. The pin-up makeup and costume had been removed, and she was wearing sweatpants and a tank top, her tight curls loose and messy. The look was impossibly arousing as she smiled shakily at him.

"Can you…um…I know this is gross but can you hold my hair?"

Sasuke sighed. It wasn't like he did this for anybody else, but Sakura had done it for him in the past. With a curt nod, he helped her into the bathroom, waited while she bent over, and pinned her curly pink hair back with his hands while she emptied her stomach of _gallons_ of vodka.

When she was done, he grabbed her a water bottle and a sleeve of Saltines while she brushed her teeth, and led her tottering into her bed.

"Drink some," he ordered, his voice surprisingly gentle considering his foul mood.

"'Kay," she returned compliantly, as she obeyed him.

"Get some sleep," he mumbled, turning to leave her room, but she stopped him, her little hand winding around his wrist.

"No, wait…Suigetsu puked on the couch and Naruto stole your bed," she protested. "Just…just stay here tonight. No big deal."

"Here? In your room?" _Fuck you, Suigetsu. You're cleaning that shit tomorrow._

"There's room for you," she said with a sweet smile, scooting over a bit on her generously-sized mattress and patting the space next to her in invitation. It looked alluringly comfortable, but Sasuke still hesitated; this didn't seem like a good idea with both of them so hammered. "Don't worry. We sleep together on the couch all the time, this ain't any different. Lay down."

He sighed, and slid into bed next to her. Immediately, she handed the water bottle to him, and commanded, "You drink, too. Come on."

If she hadn't brushed her teeth after vomiting everything in her stomach, he'd've refused, but he needed the water same as she did. He set the empty bottle on her nightstand and turned off the light, plunging them both into complete darkness.

It was quiet for once, except for the light sound of Sakura's breathing and his own heart, which was pounding a bit harder than usual. He shuddered to think on the condition of his liver after three months at KU, with a pint-sized alcoholic for a roommate, but all of that was hard to concentrate on when Sakura snuggled under her blankets, tucking herself beneath his chin.

"You're warm," she mumbled happily. "Thanks for letting us have the party here, S'suke."

"You owe me so fucking much for this," he muttered, drowning in her feminine scent.

"I'm letting you sleep here tonight, aren't I? Have a little mercy, Sasuke. I know you had fun. You were going crazy when I took those shots off you."

Remembering how he'd gone head-to-toe numb when she gave him those impressive body shots, he was inclined to agree, but like hell would he admit that to _her._

"I'm going crazy, too."

"Hn. Why."

He was so close to sleep now. Four am, and all was quiet for once. He was exhausted, and wanted nothing more to sleep, and…

"Because we keep getting interrupted, whenever I think you're gonna kiss me."

His eyes shot open.

"So…so I'm just…oh, fuck it, Sasuke, this is as good a time as any."

And Sasuke was shocked, _shocked_, by the feel of soft, warm lips pressed lightly against his.

* * *

**note..** hahahaha.

what'd you think?

xoxo daisy.


	17. Oops, We Did It Again

_I like you, I like you, I like you,_ was the only thing rushing through Sakura's head.

She couldn't explain how it happened, exactly, but all of a sudden she found herself straddling Sasuke's waist, legs thrown across either side of his hips, while she moved her lips feverishly against his in what had to be the most spontaneous makeout moment of her life.

_I like you, I like you, shit, you stupid boy, why do I like you so much?_

Sasuke was, understandably, shocked; yes, they'd taken body shots and yes, he'd admitted he found her attractive and yes, there were many, many moments throughout the few short months they'd known each other that she suspected he might want exactly what she was doing right now, but in her head, it was always Sasuke who made the first move. Sasuke who kissed her when she wasn't ready for it. Sasuke who had balls enough to act on his attraction and expect her to keep up.

When it became clear to her, however, that having balls simply wasn't Sasuke's _way,_ she decided to take matters into her own hands, consequences be damned. She could always chalk it up to her inebriation, even if she was technically closer to sober than drunk at this point.

Sasuke was frozen beneath her for a few seconds before he began to respond. Gleefully, she registered his hands locking like shackles around her waist, pulling her down on top of him as close as they could get. For someone who'd admitted to having no romantic experience, he certainly seemed to know exactly what he was doing; he matched her every move with a challenging one of his own, driving her crazy and throwing on every switch she never realized she had.

_This is a terrible idea,_ she thought dreamily, sliding her hips instinctively against Sasuke's and enjoying the hell out of his ragged groan. _We're roommates. We're friends. We're JUST friends. We shouldn't be doing this. We're too drunk to be doing this. We're gonna regret this in the morning and shit, I have a tennis tournament in Kusa and there's no way I won't be hung over for it and Sasuke's gonna flip the fuck out when he remembers this tomorrow and and and GOD he's really good at this!_

As far as bad ideas went, this one didn't taste half bad.

She pulled back for a moment to catch her breath, maybe to say something logical, like, "Hey, let's stop and think this through because we're not sober enough to handle this rationally," but Sasuke took that moment to flip them both over so he was on top. The look in his eyes was pure _fire_ as he leaned back in, sealing his lips against her throat in a place Sakura never even realized she was sensitive. The girlish moan of arousal that escaped her lips was both mortifying and incontainable, and Sasuke's faint, masculine chuckle against her pulse point drove her crazy.

His hands slipped lightly underneath her tank top, skimming across her stomach and igniting an inferno inside her she didn't know she was capable of feeling. That was the problem with Sasuke; being around him amplified _everything._ Even on a regular day, when he was near her, it felt like her senses were heightened, like she could feel everything stronger, see everything clearer, hear everything sharper. She was deeply attuned to him, and even if she couldn't explain this bizarre connection, she was morbidly fascinated by it. Wanted to test it, push it, push him, see how far he would go before he stopped her.

And Sasuke at four am, marginally drunk and completely without reservations at this point, didn't show any signs of stopping.

_We SHOULD stop, though,_ she thought, as Sasuke's touches became more insistent, closer to her sweatpants than her tank top. For someone so irritatingly averse to hooking up with her while she was inebriated, he certainly didn't seem to have any compunctions about it now. _I know where this is going. It starts with 'S' and ends with 'baby I can't afford and don't want right now.' I gotta stop this._

But how could she, when every single thing Sasuke did felt like fucking magic? Ending things right now, when there was a hellstorm brewing in her stomach and it felt like every inch of her skin was a magnet to his, felt borderline sacrilegious. She'd wanted this, wanted him, for so long now, it felt like. What was the harm in pushing just a little further? In the quiet of her bedroom, alone under the cotton covers, there was no one to really stop them, if she kept her mouth shut…and they could deal with the consequences of a one-night stand some other time, and…

Sasuke pulled back from where he was attacking her neck with his lips, leaning back so he rested on his knees, hovering over her on the suddenly-tiny mattress. His hair was messy from her wild, exploring hands, his T-shirt riding up on his torso, exposing more than a sliver of his washboard abs. The look in his eyes drove her _wild,_ as she registered that this was the single sexiest thing she'd ever witnessed in eighteen years; completely lost for words for _once in her life,_ she watched as Sasuke fumbled with the right thing to say.

"I…I can't do this right now," he ground out hoarsely, like it took all the willpower in the world to do what he was doing.

Sakura flinched. Okay, yeah, she was about to say pretty much the same thing, but it still felt like rejection. Like a bubbling sickness in her stomach (one she could safely say had nothing to do with how much vodka she'd vomited a few minutes ago), with the frightening threat of tears lingering in the back of her mind; she didn't want to feel this, not from him, not from Sasuke. This whole thing was a mistake, she should never have kissed him.

Or let him kiss her back. Let him try and deny it all he wanted, but he'd kissed her back. Definitely. She hadn't built _that_ up in her mind, at least.

"You…aren't into me, are you," she breathed. _Don't cry, don't cry, don't you dare cry!_

Sasuke frowned, like he didn't know how to answer that question. Running a hand through his tousled black hair, he sighed heavily.

"This isn't…this isn't the right time," he said slowly, weighing the words. She resented the fact that he was trying to let her down gently. She felt anger, irrational anger building up inside her, taking her arousal's place like a wrecking ball on her perfect Halloween party.

"Not the right time, huh?" she snapped, and without one shred of guilt, she shoved him off of her with much more force than necessary before rolling out of bed.

How could she possibly have felt all those wonderful emotions just _seconds_ ago? Elation, joy, attraction, _victory…_all to have it suddenly snatched out from under her when she least expected it? It wasn't right. It wasn't _fair._ How could he get her hopes up like that, if he was only ever going to dash them down again?

"Calm down," he snapped from behind her, while she straightened out the tank top he'd nearly negotiated her out of. "What the hell is your problem?"

Oh, no. No _way_ was he going to push her right now. No _way_ was he going to act like this whole thing was her fault. No way in hell. Furious, Sakura spun on her heel to find him already standing, towering over her in a show of impressive masculinity, but all she wanted to do was drive her knee between his legs so he'd never have the right to look masculine ever again.

"_My_ problem?" she hissed. "_You're_ my problem!"

"What the hell did I do?" he demanded. "Jesus, Sakura, get back in bed. You need to sleep."

"Don't tell me what I _need,_ asshole, I'm a grownass woman, I'll decide what I _need._ And what I _need_ is for you to get the hell out of my room, I don't want your ick boy germs diseasing my bedsheets."

"Sure as hell weren't acting that way a second ago, were you?" he said cattily, sending her temper soaring through the roof. How _dare_ he throw this whole thing back in her face?!

"Biggest mistake I ever made," she vowed under her breath. She threw open the door for him and pointed him out. "Get out. Get the _hell_ out and forget tonight ever happened!"

"I'm not gonna forget," Sasuke said coldly, his voice like ice. He folded his arms and didn't budge an inch. "And neither are you, so get your ass back in bed."

"Why? So you can work me up again and then yank the rug out from under me? If you don't want me, just say so. Don't jerk me around, I'm not that kind of girl."

"Don't want you?" Sasuke echoed bemusedly. "What the…oh, for crying out _loud,_ Sakura! You're missing the fucking point. Again."

She _loathed_ the way he talked down to her, like she was some needy, irrational, senseless overreacter, even if that was exactly what she felt like at the moment. Would it _kill_ him to catch her up to speed on this back and forth, cat-and-mouse nonsense bullshit? Did he want her, or didn't he? And why did he keep changing his mind? She was starting to get whiplash from his rapid mood swings, and less and less willing to tolerate the harrowing give-and-take.

"No, you know what? I know _exactly_ what the point is, Sasuke. That's the _problem,_ I know what the fucking point is! You're a coward. You're a coward and a bonehead and nothing I do or say is ever gonna change that, so I might as well stop trying."

"Coward?" he repeated, his eyes narrowing in a specially-honed, artfully-crafted Uchiha fury she'd only seen a handful of times before, usually when she drank the last of the tea without replacing it. A chill rocketed down her spine, but like hell would she let him know how intimidating he could be when he wanted to be.

"Yeah, coward! That's the difference between us, Sasuke, is I'm not gonna pretend like there's nothing going on between us. I'm attracted to you and I'm acting on it. You're attracted to me and stifling it. And then you take it too far and just when I think I know what's going on in your head, you change the rules on me! I'm sick of it!"

This conversation (blowout) was a long time coming. They'd danced around their mutual attraction for way too long, and whenever you suppressed something, tamped it down and pretended it didn't exist, it had an unfortunate way of manifesting itself into something huge and uncontrollable. Sasuke and Sakura had ignored their budding connection, and the tension built between them like lava rising through the magma chambers of a volcano. Sooner or later, it had to explode.

And like Vesuvius erupting and burying Pompeii beneath a fiery hailstorm of ash and destruction, so too did their _agonizing _sexual tension.

"How the hell am I supposed to let you know what's going on in _my_ head when _I _don't even know?" Sasuke snapped, raising his deep voice to an almost-yell. Sasuke didn't usually yell; it was more in his style to glare at something, mutter something sinister under his breath and count on his intimidating personal aura to get his way. Rarely, did he raise his voice. This was clearly a moment of severe stress for him.

Good. At least they were both riled up.

"Damn it, Sakura, you're fucking crazy! A lunatic like every other fucking woman out there. You expect answers when you want them, before anyone even knew you were asking a _question._ You want everything done on your terms in your time frame, even if you're fucking drunk and I'm just looking _out_ for you, goddamn it! Jesus, shut your mouth for two fucking seconds and give me a chance to _think!_"

Sasuke looked angry, but she sensed the anger was more self-directed. He never liked to be slow on the uptake with things, and in this department, this hazy more-than-friends, less-than-lovers cloud they found themselves lost in, he was clearly woefully inept at figuring out what to do, how he was feeling. Seeing a slightly vulnerable side to Sasuke Uchiha softened something in her, cooled the feminine rage that threatened to burn her where she stood.

Hesitating, she said quietly, "Think about _what?_ I'm not trying to be this crazy bitch whore right now, you know. I'm just…trying to play catch-up. Every time I think I've got you figured out, you change something on me. You're all over me one second, then telling me we can't do anything, then flirting with me then screaming at me then making out with me then telling me we gotta stop and…I'm _sorry,_ okay? I'm just trying to figure out where you're at."

"So am I," he admitted. With a heavy sigh, he sat down on the edge of her mattress, pinching the bridge of his nose, presumably to battle off a headache.

She sighed, too, and sat down beside him. "I think," she said, trying to be fair about this, "we both had too much to drink. And you're right. This ain't the place or the time to be doing…whatever we're doing. I'm sorry. I know I get crazy when I'm drunk."

"You're crazy every minute of your life," he replied, without missing a beat.

Sakura giggled, and sensed the uselessness in trying to continue this important conversation while they were both marginally intoxicated. "All right. Come on, let's get some sleep. I have a tournament first thing tomorrow. And I know Coach is gonna _assassinate_ me for showing up with a hangover."

They weren't fixing anything tonight; she wasn't going to get the answers she needed, because it simply wasn't the right time. It wasn't a confirmation of his feelings for her, it wasn't acceptance, but it also wasn't rejection. It was a delay. Postponing all the heavy decision making about where this tenuous…_whatever_ was heading, if anywhere, until such a time as they could sort out their thoughts and feelings rationally, without liquor and lust to cloud their judgment.

And that was as good as she could hope for, right now.

She laid back down and pulled the covers up over her shoulders, tossing her long hair behind her on the pillow. Sasuke did the same thing, and to her surprise, he threw one arm lazily, casually across her stomach; she felt his hard, strong body behind her, his heat warming her up quicker than her shoddy cotton blankets could ever hope to, and blushed all the way to the roots of her hair.

Making out was one thing, fighting about it was another, but _spooning?_

_Mixed-signal-sending dickhead,_ she thought in irritation, but her annoyance was quickly overshadowed by an intense feeling of fondness for the confusing douchebag who sort-of held her.

"I never said I didn't want you," he murmured in her ear, his voice deep and gravelly and _impossibly_ attractive. "I said I _can't _right now_._ Learn the difference and save yourself a lot of screaming."

"Shut up, Sasuke." But she fell asleep with a smile on her face, Sasuke's warm strong body resting against hers. _It's a start, maybe. I don't know. But at least it's not an ending._

* * *

"Why does morning have to be so _bright?_" Sakura moaned, holding her head.

She had her first match, against this monster girl from Kusa College, in ten minutes, but she felt more like dying than serving a killer shot. Instead, she sat on the bench, trying not to succumb to this _pounding_ migraine that she _knew_ she deserved.

"Drank too much last night, huh?" Tenten giggled from beside her, bouncing a tennis ball lightly on her racket just for something to do. "I knew you would."

"I know for a _fact_ you were just as hammered as I was," Sakura snapped. "How the hell are you so fucking cheerful, huh?"

"Easy." Tenten smirked, catching the yellow ball in midair. "I got laid."

"Lucky bitch. I saw most of it, honestly. You two weren't very discreet."

"Well, I was drunk, which means nothing I did or said can be used against me. Ever."

"Word."

"What about you and _Sasuke,_ huh?" Tenten snickered, elbowing Sakura in the ribs. "You two looked pretty cozy together all night long. That body shot he took off of you? Dayum."

Sakura blushed, and sighed, taking a sip of water and hoping to hell she wouldn't throw it up all over her upcoming opponent.

"What aren't you telling me?" Tenten demanded.

Over the past few weeks, Sakura and Tenten had formed a very close friendship, playing for the same team and having the same core group of friends. There was very little Sakura could hide from her new gal pal, and being that she had absolutely no poker face, Tenten saw right through her.

"Okay, you can't tell _anybody,_" she said severely, eyes darting around to make sure none of the other girls were listening in. "Swear."

"I swear, I swear!"

"Swear on something holy. Swear on…on a stack of Cosmos."

"Bitch, I swear on Cosmo. Dish, girl, dish!"

"Okay. Last night…we kind of…hooked up."

Tenten's brown eyes widened in shock and delight, and she restrained herself from squealing with great difficulty. "You _did?_ Oh I fucking _knew_ it. I mean like we took bets on it and everything, Neji thought for sure you guys were doing it already and just keeping it a secret…not like anyone would even know, since y'alls two live together and shit, and…"

"We didn't hook up _all_ the way," Sakura clarified. "Just kind of…made out. Fooled around a little bit. I think maybe we would have, but Sasuke stopped, since we were drunk."

"That's so _sweet!_ He didn't want to take advantage of you!"

"Yeah? Well I wanted to take advantage of him." She sighed dejectedly. "Now I have no fucking idea what he wants from me. He's so back and forth."

"Well what did he say? Did he tell you he likes you?"

"No. He's not that kind of guy to just out and out admit it. He told me he thinks I'm beautiful, though, and that it wasn't that he didn't _want_ me last night, just that he didn't want to do it when we were drunk."

Now that she was looking at it in hindsight, stone cold sober, she realized that Sasuke's actions the previous night in stopping things before they went too far weren't signs of an all-out rejection. He really was doing the noble thing, in his obnoxious, self-righteous, douchebag way. Without alcohol to fan the flames of contention between them, she begrudgingly had to acknowledge that she'd been a bit unfair to him, freaking out when he'd only ever gone at things with the best intentions.

"Well he _clearly_ likes you, doofus. Sasuke's not the type to just make out with girls at random. I went to school with him, remember? He was a fucking _monk_ and he had mad bitties to choose from back then. Still does. But he's so fucking _specific_ apparently. I wouldn't worry about it too much."

"Well I can't help it, Tenten. I like him…it's starting to get really serious for me, too. Like before I used to just think he was sexy, but now…"

"Now, you legit like him. Nothing wrong with that."

"There's _everything_ wrong with that! I like him, and I think he might just wanna bang me. And that's not what I'm looking for."

"Who says you guys can't mess around for awhile and let feelings come into play later?"

"Yeah, nothing wrong with that, but it's complicated since he's my roommate. It's not like I can just bail on him if things get bad between us, or too awkward, or whatever. We have to live together for the next like, nine months at least. It makes everything so much more…_difficult._"

"Yeah, I see where you're coming from. But I really wouldn't stress out trying to figure out if he likes you or not. Believe me, he does. Just give him time to come to terms with it. Stay friends till you know what's going on and take things slow; you guys would be _amazing_ together if you just gave it a chance."

Sakura couldn't help but feel marginally better about this. Who said they needed to have this big, definitive, all-or-nothing decision about where things were going? Who said they needed to know _exactly_ where they were headed before making any moves?

_Nothing needs to change between us,_ she thought, _except at its own pace. We can just see where things go. I shouldn't force him into deciding what to do, and he shouldn't push me further than I can take…it can just be casual. Let things happen when they're gonna happen and see where the pieces fall._

Her head still hurt, but there was less tension behind her eyes when she stood up to face her Kusa opponent. She would head back to Konoha tomorrow morning with the team after the tournament here, and from there on out, whatever happened between she and Sasuke, good or bad, she would let happen.

_No point in worrying. We'll just see._

* * *

"My cousin just texted me," Naruto said that evening, lounging in the common room on the freshman quad with the guys. Referring to Karin, he added, "The Konoha girls _smoked_ Kusa."

Sasuke smirked, picturing the lethal picture little Sakura in her tiny white tennis skirt made, and wasn't a bit surprised. He turned the page in the textbook he was studying and didn't respond.

"Oh, and _speaking_ of smoking hot Konoha girls…"

"We weren't."

"Well we are now. You _know_ me and Hinata were sleeping like, a _foot_ away from you and Sakura last night, right?"

Sasuke froze, feeling something like ice take over in his veins. _Shit, shit, shit. I forgot they were in my bedroom last night…_

"So." Naruto grinned as he leaned across the coffee table, blue eyes dancing with malicious glee. "Y'mind explaining what the _hell's_ going on between you two? As your best friend, I demand to know."

Well, shit.

* * *

**note..** hey, y'all. nobody kill me. i don't like stories where they kiss and suddenly everything's magic. it's not realistic. i like stories where they kiss and enjoy it and regret it and let it complicate things because that's what love is. a real fucking mess, most of the time, but beautiful every minute.

let me know what you think, yeah? and thanks, always, for all the love. i love you back, every last one of you. :)

xoxo daisy :)


	18. Stick Shifty Situation

Things gradually cooled down between Sasuke and Sakura over the next few weeks, both of them mutually deciding to take their time.

He was glad for that; after such a penultimate confrontation the night of the Halloween party, it was good to take a step back and reevaluate. There was no sense in rushing into anything, making a rash, hasty decision. Now they could take their time, move forward at their own pace, see where things went.

A bit anticlimactic, yeah, but with so much time left on their lease, there would be plenty of opportunities to plan for the future, whatever it might hold for them.

One such opportunity…well, Sasuke preferred to think of it as a test. A test not only of their friendship, but of his strength and werewithal as a man.

Because although Sakura had become much less annoying to him over the past few months, she still retained vestiges of that uncontrollable bitch harpy that made his life such a trial when they first met. Namely, when she wanted something.

It was a chilly November afternoon when Sakura decided she wanted something from Sasuke.

He was on his way back from school; classes had been especially aggravating that day. It was the kind of day when everything seemed to go wrong, right from the get-go, the kind of day where all of his professors must have conferred in a secret meeting early this morning, plotting to make his life as difficult as possible, compounding essays and exams and dissertations and all sorts of shit he wasn't interested in doing over the weekend, but now it seemed like he had no choice. And with soccer playoffs coming up, and Mr. Akimichi giving him more shifts at the grocery store lately, a ton of weekend homework was not exactly high on Sasuke's priority list.

Annoyed, he heaved a heavy sigh and started up the walkway to Building C. He was just at the door when his name was called from the parking lot.

"Hey! Sasuke! _Sasuke!_ Come here!"

He sighed again and turned to see Sakura, waving frantically at him from beside the oldest, ugliest truck he'd ever laid eyes on. Frowning, he went to join her.

"What the hell is that?" he asked in revulsion.

The joy in her eyes didn't dim in the slightest as she ran a hand lovingly over the rusty hood of the oldest, ugliest truck he'd ever laid eyes on, like it was a white cat and she was a movie villain.

"It's my new car!" she revealed, beaming. "Isn't it _fantastic?_"

"It's the oldest, ugliest truck I've ever laid eyes on," he replied without missing a beat. "Sakura don't mean to tell me you spent _money_ on that piece of shit."

Her minty eyes widened like he'd uttered some unforgivable slur. "_Excuse_ me? It's not a piece of _shit._ It's got class, and dignity. It's _distinguished._ I wouldn't expect someone who drives a _Volkswagen_ to know the meaning of that."

He ignored her jab at his love of Volkswagens, and examined the truck slowly. Besides being old and ugly, it was a hideous shade of green. The bumper was loose on the back, the upholstery inside was torn and fraying, the rear windows were knocked out and boarded up with cardboard and duct tape instead, and the whole thing seemed to be emitting a very strange odor.

Sakura looked at it like it was made of gold.

And he looked at her like she was full of shit.

"You got taken for a ride," he said harshly. "Sell it back. Get your money back."

"I did _not!_ You haven't even _driven_ it!"

"This is exactly why women shouldn't fuck with cars without a man present. You leave with money and come home like a fucking idiot with a handful of magic beans."

"ARE YOU SAYING THAT BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT CARS?!"

"Yeah." Unwilling to deal with typical female automobile stupidity, Sasuke shouldered his backpack and turned on his heel to head inside. _She's lucky she's cute,_ he thought, irritated.

"Wait!" she called after him, and he was unsurprised to feel her witchy-strong fingers wrap around his arm to stop him. "I need you to teach me how to drive it!"

"You can't even fucking _drive?_ Jesus, Sakura. How'd you get it here, then?"

"The guy who sold it to me dropped it off for me," she replied innocently.

"What guy?"

"Some guy."

"_What_ guy. You don't just buy shit off perfect strangers."

"I think his name was Genma."

"Genma _Shiranui?_"

"Yeah, you know him?" She looked surprised. "He's a few years older than we are, how do _you_ know him?"

Sasuke scowled. This day was just getting worse. "He's one of the soccer coaches," he muttered.

"Well, you don't look happy about it…"

Genma was known for his excellent defense back when he played in college, but more so for his relentless pursuit of attractive women. Somehow, it didn't surprise him that he'd struck a deal with Sakura, who was both frustratingly pretty and a fucking naïve stupid idiot, who would look at this piece of shit truck and find something _dignified_ about it. Still, knowing that Sakura was fraternizing with cradle-robbing creepazoids like Genma didn't sit well with him.

"Whatever. You still can't drive it."

"I can _drive,_" Sakura snapped, her expression one of some pretty overzealous offense. "I can't drive _stick._"

"It's _manual?_"

"What does _that_ mean? Are you deaf? I said it's a stick shift."

"That's what manual _is,_ you bonehead. You bought a manual-transmission, piece of shit fugly-ass truck from some jerk you never even _met_ before and you can't even fucking _drive it._"

"I didn't know boys said 'fugly,'" Sakura giggled, clearly amused. Sasuke remembered vividly how much he wanted to feed her to the squirrel family that terrible night, and wondered if he could get away with running her over. Surely her murder at the hands of the Volkswagen she'd so ruthlessly attacked would be justified. "Anyway, Sasuke, please? I got this gorgeous hunk of…"

"Scrap metal."

"…truck for really cheap, and I just need somebody to teach me how to drive it. I know your stupid, loud-ass, annoying-ass Jetta is a stick shift and you can drive that, so please?"

"This _thing_ is a death trap." Sasuke kicked the hubcap on the driver's side tire to prove a point; the hubcap promptly flew off, rolling out into the parking lot.

"You are _paying_ for that!" Sakura hissed. "Sasuke, come on! You _so_ owe me!"

"I don't owe you shit!" he snapped, indignant.

"Oh, really?" Sakura said coldly. "Then maybe I'll just give Mr. Akimichi a phone call, and tell him where you _really_ were last weekend when you said you missed work _volunteering at the children's hospital._"

Sasuke froze, then his eyes narrowed.

"He'd never believe it," he shot back. "Besides, going to Suigetsu's Biannual Ugly Sweater All-Night Extravaganzabash was _your_ idea."

"Sasuke!" she whined, stamping her foot. She actually stamped her foot, like they did on TV. There was nothing this girl wouldn't resort to. "Come on! I can't drive this beautiful…"

"_Turd._"

"…truck without you!"

"We live in a city, Sakura!" Maybe logic would win her over. She was a smart girl, if not prone to fits of insane irrationality. Appealing to her sensible side might work better than telling her flat-out what an imbecile she was. "What do you need a _truck_ for? I haven't touched my Jetta in months!"

"So I can go on road trips," she said innocently. "Just because you're a big boring dumbo and you just want to stay around campus all day and night doesn't mean I do."

"I'm not _boring,_ I'm _busy._ And so are you!"

"Yeah, but it's almost Thanksgiving break! I want to go on a trip somewhere. And if you don't teach me, I'll have to teach myself. And who _knows_ what could happen when I get out on the freeway, not knowing what these weird knobbies mean and how they work…"

"Not gonna work," Sasuke said flatly. Oh, well. Let her work on this herself. He knew Sakura. She would eventually get bored with it, head in where it was warm, and open the books like the little nerd she was on the inside. "I'll be inside."

He made it within two steps of the front door to Building C when Sakura played her trump card.

"Okay, fine. I guess I'll call up Genma again. See if he can come back and give me a private lesson or two."

Knowing full well he was being manipulated, Sasuke froze in place, loathing himself inside and out for his weakness in the face of her ferocious feminine wiles, before turning around and snatching the keys dangling from her fingers.

"Get in," he growled.

Sakura's smile was victorious.

He hated her.

* * *

"You're gonna get us both killed," Sasuke snarled ten minutes later.

"This is _your_ fault!" Sakura wailed. "Why didn't you tell me it was gonna be this hard?"

Sasuke's stomach turned violently as, for the sixtieth time in their jaunt around the block, Sakura slammed her foot on the brake hard enough to nearly send him through the windshield. Remembering the toxic-looking breakfast shake she'd made for him that morning with all-new revulsion, he focused on not vomiting and seized the gearshift from her.

"That's _it,_" he said sharply. "You're not ready for this. Fucking females. Pull back into the parking lot before you kill someone."

"Is now _really_ the time you wanna pull the mysoginistic card with me?" she demanded, one hand tight around the steering wheel, the other a vice grip on the clutch, green eyes wide with frustration and panic. "When I can crash this shit right into a building? If you think I'm above murder-suicide just to rid the world of your fucking pessimism, think the fuck again!"

His head pounded, fucking _throbbed,_ and with an all-new appreciation for husbands who murdered their wives, he turned the wheel forcibly into the parking lot of their apartment complex. The ancient tires screeched on the road, but only half as loud as Sakura.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING. WE CAN'T STOP NOW. I MUST DRIVE. I MUST!"

It was dark now. Taking a few laps around the block had taken hours, _hours,_ and Sasuke's patience was worn thin. And he took a few seconds to muse on the fact that he was most attracted to his frustrating roommate when she was at her most annoying. Right now, screaming and hollering and demanding, swerving and cutting people off and cursing other drivers out and screeching in his ear, giving him the worst headache and nausea known to mankind, all he could _really_ focus on was how pretty she looked in her new white coat.

And how fucked up was that?

"Calm down," he ground out, jerking the gearshift from her and forcing her to park in a spot. "You can't drive this piece of shit, Sakura. It's a death trap."

"It's _distinguished!_"

"There's no fucking reasoning with you," he finally sighed. "Jesus. Okay. Try again."

"Okay!" she said cheerfully, reaching for the gearshift to pull out of the space, but he stopped her, his hand on top of hers. Confused green eyes shifted to his face. "What's the hold-up?"

"Listen to the engine," he said quietly. "It's different than an automatic transmission. You need to listen to the sounds the engine makes."

"Um, okay."

A quick glance at her face revealed that she was blushing. Bemused, he then realized he was essentially holding her hand, and it apparently was affecting her. A tiny smirk lifted his lips as he recognized his sudden power, and he deliberately dragged his thumb across her knuckles.

"This is a good place to start," he murmured, continuing while Sakura's blush darkened. "This spot. It's level ground. Now turn the car off."

She obeyed, but she fumbled a little with the key in the ignition. His smirk widened.

"Turn it on."

She obeyed again, without any of the usual fussiness at being bossed around.

"Now just think," he said, his hand sliding from the gearshift to her knee. Scandalized, she looked up at him but he skillfully avoided her gaze. "Put one foot on the brake. This one, on the clutch." He tapped her knee but didn't remove his hand, and he felt her muscles flex under his fingers on reflex. During their impromptu makeout session on Halloween, he hadn't quite gotten the chance to properly appreciate her slender, gorgeous legs before they'd abandoned their activity, but now he wished he had. Sakura's legs were beautiful to look at it, and now he knew that even under her skinny jeans, they felt amazing.

"You're pressing too hard," Sasuke murmured, making sure to speak directly into her ear.

She tried, and failed, to play off her resulting shiver as a coughing fit.

_All this time I thought she had me wrapped around HER finger,_ he thought victoriously. _But she's just as weak as I am._ Suddenly, his busy weekend didn't seem so bleak, not with this fountain of new information that he planned to fully exploit.

"Now move into first gear."

"Which…which one's that again?"

"Take your foot off the brake. Then use the clutch…" Here he squeezed her knee. "…till you feel something _shift._ That's the engagement point."

"I feel a shift," he heard her mutter under her breath, and it took everything he had in him not to laugh. "Which one's first gear?"

"This one." He guided her right hand back to the gearshift and moved it into position. Sakura, however, was flustered beyond all reasoning, released the clutch too quickly, and the car stalled a few feet from where she had parked.

"You need to take your time," Sasuke said quietly, determined to see how far he could push her with these double entendres. "Going too fast isn't gonna work. But if you take things _slowly…_"

"Oh that's _it!_" Sakura finally snapped, parking the car and ripping the keys from the ignition. "Thanks for the lesson, Sasuke, really, but I think it'd be better if I saw how you drove first."

"Like hell I'm driving this scrap heap."

"No, I mean let's take your car out, so I can see an experienced driver in action."

She said the words so innocently, so innocuously, that Sasuke didn't suspect her of anything. Really, he'd been dying to get a chance to take his Jetta out for a spin, after so many months of it sitting parked and useless in the parking lot. City kids had little to no need for cars, except when chasing their more-than-a-friend roommate across the countryside to possibly break up any potential threesomes he wasn't invited to.

He should have known better.

"All right. See how I ease into second gear from first when I'm already moving?" he was saying, when Sakura decided she was done listening.

On the _highway._

"I see," she breathed in his ear, and he felt everything inside him tighten like a coil about to spring. "So I just have to go nice and _slow…_"

He felt her hand slide across the console and rest not-so-innocently on his thigh, decidedly close to his…most valuable player. His breath caught in his throat and he had to remind himself he was driving on an open road with other cars, and that if he didn't pull himself together, he and Sakura were about to die a fiery, metallic death.

_Not a bad way to go,_ he thought when she squeezed his thigh muscle suggestively.

"Pay attention to the lesson," Sasuke hissed. "Fucking tease."

"Who's teasing?" Sakura asked with a girlish giggle. She squeezed his thigh again before dragging her fingers up his stomach, across his chest, brushing the dark hair away from his neck. He let out a shudder and nearly crashed the Jetta when he felt soft, warm lips press lightly against his throat. "I'm learning here," she murmured huskily. "Don't stop, keep going."

_Shit,_ he thought, eyes almost, _almost_ rolling back in his head at the _unbelievably good_ sensation of Sakura kissing his neck. Her scent was overpowering all of a sudden, and his normally flawless driving focus was skewered six ways to Sunday. Let it never be said that Sakura Haruno wasn't a bold creature.

It took inhuman effort to drive safely back to Shady Leaf Apartment Suites, with Sakura leaning over the console and pressing dirty, sinful kisses against his throat, his jaw, the corner of his mouth. He did everything in his power not to let her affect him, knowing she was doing this in revenge, to get back at him for his shameless seduction in her shit truck, but he wasn't a fucking _monk._ And at the moment, an insanely hot girl was all the fuck over him, in his beloved car, her lips as soft as rose petals and her intent dirty and delightful. And there was only so much, biologically, he could do to counteract his _insane_ attraction to her.

He swung into a parking spot in front of their building, slammed the brake, and turned to glare at her. She was easily the most frustrating being on the face of the earth, but she was also one of the prettiest, and she'd gotten right the fuck under his skin.

He still wanted to feed her to something large, carnivorous, and starving, but he also wanted to throw her in the backseat of his Jetta and take the fuck truck to pound town. It was a very difficult decision he was faced with.

"You look frazzled, Sasuke," she remarked with a knowing smile he wanted to kiss right off her mouth. "Something the matter?"

"Nothing at all," he ground out, determined not to give her the satisfaction of knowing she'd aroused him. As if there was any doubt. "Lesson's over. Get inside."

"Sure thing," she said with a giggle. She leaned in to kiss his cheek, the punctuation mark on whatever the _hell_ this half-lesson, half-sexy-game-playing session this had been, but he caught her in time, moving so his lips captured hers.

It lasted only a second, and Sakura drew back quickly in surprise, apparently unprepared for it. Sasuke just smirked and decided they could call _that_ round a tie, before he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car.

This whole taking-it-slow thing seemed to be working out so far.

* * *

"Honestly, Sakura, there wasn't anything you could've done. It was its time to go."

"It had so much more to live for!" she wailed. "Oh, Sasuke, why does this happen? Why do bad things happen to good people?"

"Oh for God's sake. It's your own fault, damn it. You bought a lemon from a sheisty-ass creep. If you had taken me with you when you went to pick it out, I could've told you the fucking engine was fried."

Three days into Sakura's stick-shift driving lessons and with no further instances of unexpected sexiness, Sakura's beloved truck, lovingly nicknamed Big Dub Diesel, crapped out in the middle of a lesson on the side of the road. Sasuke, handy with cars and handier with insults, was there to tell her exactly how stupid she was to buy such a hunk of junk, and exactly how much it would cost to fix:

Too much.

It was time to lay Big Dub Diesel to rest.

"But I had so many _plans!_" she sobbed, throwing her arms around his neck as they stood waiting for a cab on the side of the road. Tears soaked his jacket, and Sasuke, thoroughly uncomfortable, would be lying if he said he didn't care if Sakura was crying. She might be frightfully irritating and downright scary sometimes, but he still fucking liked the girl. And no guy ever wanted to see his girl cry, even if she fucking deserved to, for being a stupid idiot. "What about Thanksgiving road trip?"

"It's…I don't know. Sorry. C'mon, stop crying."

"But…but all my holiday _plans!_"

"Er." Like he had any idea how to comfort a crying girl.

"Maybe…" she said slowly, hopefully. "Maybe we could…have Thanksgiving at our place?"

"If it'll make you calm down, sure," he blurted out without thinking.

The result was instantaneous. Sakura drew back from her pathetic hug, tears dried, victorious smile on her face. "Then it's settled!" she declared, clapping her hands together. "Next week, we're having Thanksgiving at our apartment! And _everyone's_ invited!"

She thought of that _way_ too quickly. Sasuke looked at his befuddling roommate as she flagged down their taxi with a winning smile, and couldn't help but wonder if he'd been had somehow.

Tch. Yeah right. As if _Sakura_ had the ability to pull one over on _him._

* * *

"Oh my God, Ino, it was fucking _amazing! _You should've been there."

"How the hell did you get Sasuke to agree to have _Thanksgiving_ at your _apartment,_ Forehead? After Halloween, I thought for sure he'd never host a single thing again!"

"Oh! Well, I met one of his soccer coaches the other day who had this really awful truck he was taking to the scrap heap. It was gonna crap out any day. So I had an idea, and I borrowed it, and gave him the money I got at the scrap metal place after it died…I told Sasuke I bought it for myself and could he please teach me to drive stick in it…"

"Forehead you've been driving stick since junior year!"

"EXACTLY, Ino. But he didn't know that. Boys are all fucking sexist, they think girls don't know their way around cars…anyways, when it died, I pretended to be really upset and shit that I wouldn't be able to go on a Thanksgiving road trip and could I please have Thanksgiving at our place instead. And he agreed. Because he's Sasuke, and he's a softie on the inside. Also he's a big fat gullible asshole and I have _no regrets._"

"I have to say, you pink bitch, this is the most elaborate scheme you've ever concocted."

"I know. There should be _monuments_ erected in my honor, yafeelme. Anyway, I gotta go. I told Stupidface I would make tomato soup tonight. Talk to you later, Fatty. See you at Thanksgiving."

"You, too, Big Head. Nice job."

* * *

**note..** hey y'all. how am i doing?

i feel the need to point this out, not just in this story but in EVERY story...you aren't supposed to like or agree with the characters' decisions every single time. it isn't realistic. sometimes, a character is written intentionally flawed. like making an obviously-wrong choice, or doing something you yourself wouldn't do. you aren't supposed to like sakura 100% of this story, nor are you supposed to like sasuke 100%. who the hell is 100% likable in real life? nobody. and if they were, they'd be boring as shit. the most interesting thing about humans is how fucking different we are, all the mistakes we make, all the bad choices and how we turn it around. it's what makes us such a beautiful species, the diversity. so if you get annoyed by sakura, or frustrated by sasuke at any point in this story, then i've done my job as a writer.

but i digress. as always, i adore the love i receive from you all, and i'm glad so many of you have stuck with me. there are some people who have reviewed every single chapter along the way on this bad boy, and i can't tell you how much i appreciate it. you guys know me by now, that i'm not a serious writer or looking to improve so i'm not interested in concrit (if anything, i get hung up on it and it drives me nuts), but all the love you've shown me all this time keeps me inspired and wanting to write whenever i can to return that love the best way i can. yafeelme? i fucking love y'all.

have a good week. three weeks till baseball, thank christ. i'm over this hockey thing. flyers can't win shit.

xoxo daisy :)


	19. The Calm Before the Storm

So she'd suckered Sasuke into having Thanksgiving at their place.

Sakura smiled as she hung up with Ino, and relaxed against her pillows, staring up at the ceiling. There was satisfaction in her victory, but there was a reason for what she had done, and the sneaky way she'd gone about it.

_Thanksgiving is a time meant to be spent with your family,_ she thought, lazily weaving her loose pink hair into a French braid. _And yeah, my parents invited Sasuke to come stay with us for Thanksgiving, but we're not dating or anything…he might think it's too much, too soon to have holidays with my family. And he doesn't have anyone to go home to, if I went to Suna over break alone._

Sakura knew she was manipulative, sneaky, deceptive and that her methods drove Sasuke to madness. But she also happened to be in possession of a heart, which, for better or worse, was often bigger than her head. And even if she'd gone about it all in a roundabout, frankly _absurd_ way, her reasons for wanting Thanksgiving at C-17 were entirely noble.

Her eyes softened as she thought about her more-than-a-friend, less-than-a-boyfriend roommate. So much of his terrible attitude was explained by his tragic past, and even if he was every bit the pillar of strength he acted like he was, her heart ached for how lonely he must have been since his parents died. More than anything, she wanted to do this for him. She wanted Sasuke to have a proper family Thanksgiving. And here, with all their friends, was the only way she could make sure he had it.

_It's gonna be great,_ she thought. _The two of us, Kiba and Ino, Naruto of course, maybe Hinata…Tenten, Neji, Shikamaru, Karin, Suigetsu…I mean, yeah, cooking's gonna be a nightmare since sure as shit, I don't know how to cook a turkey and I doubt I could convince anyone to have vegetarian Thanksgiving, but how hard can it be? I'm rocking a 4.0 in the hardest educational program Konoha University has to offer. I can handle this._

Come hell or highwater, Sasuke Uchiha was going to have a wonderful Thanksgiving this year. She would make sure of it. _I may be a militant, conniving, manipulative bitch,_ she thought with a smile, _but sometimes, I use my powers for good._

* * *

"You sure your parents are okay with you staying here for Thanksgiving?" Sasuke asked skeptically, snatching a can of stewed tomatoes from the shelf and tossing it into the cart Sakura was pushing.

Waiting until the day before Thanksgiving to do the Thanksgiving shopping was not their brightest idea, but Sakura knew it couldn't be helped. They were both so grossly busy with school and sports and work and everything that this was the only time they had to do it. Pickings were slim at Akimichi's, and the competition was fierce, but Sakura knew that she and Sasuke were scary enough to come out on top with the best food left over.

"Yeah," Sakura said evasively. Technically, Mebuki and Kizashi Haruno weren't terribly pleased that their only child wasn't coming home for the holidays, but she'd explained in an email to her mother why she needed to stay at KU. Abandoning Sasuke for Thanksgiving felt criminal. Even if her parents had invited him to visit (her dad to an almost creepy degree, he seemed to have developed quite the bro crush on him), she knew Sasuke wouldn't feel very comfortable filling a seat at the Haruno table. Maybe if they started dating before Christmas, he'd feel less awkward about it, but for now, it felt like too much, too soon.

And besides, she didn't want to take Sasuke away from his real family: Naruto would never hear of it.

"You're making stewed tomatoes, right?" Sasuke asked.

"You're asking a lot of questions tonight," Sakura snapped. "And no, not for Thanksgiving I'm not."

"Hn. Then I'll make them."

"They are not a Thanksgiving food. Now settle down and fly straight, Sasukins. We have to buy enough food to feed everyone and we're working on a budget here."

He rolled his eyes and shoved his hands grumpily in his pockets. The put-out, childish expression on his face was so adorable, though, that her resolve immediately crumbled to ash.

She'd make stewed tomatoes for him if that would make him happy.

This whole having legitimate feelings for a boy thing was turning her soft.

"What about turkey?" he muttered. "You have to make a turkey."

"I don't know how to cook turkey, Sasuke. You know I'm a vegetarian."

"Sakura. You can't have _Thanksgiving_ without a turkey."

"But…"

"It's already dead," he said flatly. "It's a waste not to eat it."

"But…"

"You don't have to eat it. But you're gonna cook it. Go get the potatoes, I'll pick one out."

Sakura sighed as he made a beeline for the frozen meats. Okay, yes, you _did_ need a turkey and she really wanted to give Sasuke a proper meal for Thanksgiving. But did _everything_ he liked have to compromise her morals? Just picturing the way the poor turkey was raised specifically for slaughter made her stomach turn.

_Why can't the centerpiece of Thanksgiving be a fruit salad?_ she thought, wheeling her cart towards the vegetables.

The shelves were really bare, but at least they would get a decent employee discount, since Sasuke worked there. She fished out a bag of potatoes and placed it in the cart, mentally groaning at how steep the price would be even with 20% off. Feeding 10 people wasn't going to be cheap, especially when most of those people were boys. Karin and Suigetsu were coming, along with Naruto, Ino, Kiba, Hinata, Tenten, Shikamaru, and Neji. Naruto alone could polish off the entire bag if she fried them the way he liked. Wincing, she picked up another bag.

_I'm gonna be up all night cooking this shit,_ she thought, whining a little before catching herself. _Whatever. It's worth it if Sasuke has a good Thanksgiving._

She met up with Sasuke at the checkout. In his arms was a thirty-pound turkey and he looked pleased with himself, if the tiny smirk on his face was any indication.

"Last one they had," he said smugly.

"Great," she said sarcastically. "_You_ are gonna cook that thing. While I have a vigil for it. Think about how many millions of turkeys are slaughtered specifically for this meal, and…"

He ignored her, setting the turkey down triumphantly on the checkout counter.

She glared at him, but said nothing. _It'll be worth it. It'll be worth it. It'll be worth it._

* * *

At least Sasuke had the decency to help her get everything ready for tomorrow. After a quick stop at the liquor store, where they made off like hardcore alcoholics with several bottles of vodka and rum, they carried the groceries inside their apartment; not for the first time, Sakura was pleased they lived on the first floor, since they had a _lot to carry. Their neighbors had clearly started cooking already. She could smell turkey in the hallways, and her stomach ached in revulsion._

"All right," Sakura said with a heavy sigh, once they were inside and all the groceries were loaded onto the counter. "Let's see. We're not exactly _equipped_ to host a big dinner like this, so we'll need to move the furniture around…"

"Hn, Neji has some extra card tables from poker nights," Sasuke mumbled.

"Oh, so we can do like a buffet line? That's a good idea, can you go pick them up from his apartment? I'll move the couch."

"You're not moving that couch by yourself," Sasuke said firmly, in that no-nonsense, paternal voice he used when he disapproved of what she was saying. "Come on, take the cushions off."

He was pushy about it, but he was also very thoughtful. An exercise in contradictions, and for as much as his overbearing nature rankled on her nerves, she also adored him for it. Deciding not to shoot off at the mouth at him for being himself, she merely obeyed while he pushed their enormous sofa into a corner of the room to make room for the tables. Seeing the way his muscles strained as he moved the heavy couch, she was glad he'd stopped her and done it himself.

"I'll take care of the turkey when I get back," he said, shrugging his jacket back on. "You can get started on the rest."

"Okay," she said, with a sincere smile. He was being far more helpful than usual. Typically, he would completely ignore her while she was cooking, eat the end result, and occasionally clean up after himself, but tonight, he was making a clear effort.

_He's trying not to show it,_ she thought, full of fondness for him at the moment, _but I think he's really excited about this!_

Sasuke returned a few minutes later with three foldaway card tables under his arm from Neji's place. Sakura decided to start cooking things that could be reheated in the morning, so as to minimize the work she'd have to do tomorrow. Vegetables didn't take long, and a rum and Coke helped everything much faster.

"Want a drink?" she asked, pouring herself a refill. Sasuke looked up at her and smirked.

"What do you think."

When she went to pour him one, though, he stopped her, taking the bottle of rum out of her hands and drinking from it straight.

"Don't go getting drunk," she said sternly. "You're in charge of the turkey, remember? If you get drunk and fuck it up, it's on you. And we'll have fruit salad instead."

She turned back to the counter where she was peeling potatoes (a _mountain_ of potatoes, all for her fat hungry friends) and figured he would return to the living room, since there was so much to clean before company arrived tomorrow.

She was surprised, however, to feel him right behind her, _inches_ behind her, his breath fanning against her ear and the back of her neck.

"Thank you, Sakura," he said quietly, in a rare moment of sincerity.

She froze, and to her _horror,_ tears sprang to her eyes. _He knows I'm doing this for him,_ she thought dizzily. _Oh, Sasuke, you big idiot. You're welcome._

She felt his fingers move to her waist, the distance between his chest and her back almost evaporated. Instantly a pang of desire exploded through her stomach and her breath hitched in her throat. There was no way his movement wasn't entirely deliberate, and one swallow of rum wasn't enough to get him drunk no matter what kind of a lightweight he was, so she couldn't blame it on that.

_It's not a big surprise,_ Sakura tried to reason with herself, as Sasuke's hands moved slowly from her waist up her sides and back down. _We made out before, didn't we? And we flirt all the time. And we decided to see where things went. It's not a big surprise, and…OH FUCK ME, SASUKE. SERIOUSLY._

His lips were on her neck the next instant, black messy hair tumbling down her shoulder as he pulled her even closer. Her fingers fumbled on the potato peeler until she dropped it completely, gripping the counter instead as his hips brushed against her ass. _Shit, shit, we are NEVER gonna get this thing together in time!_

It felt _amazing_ when he kissed her neck, but really she wanted to feel his mouth on hers. Spinning slowly back around until they were facing each other, Sakura was greeted with the sight of a fully turned-on Sasuke Uchiha. His eyes, dark and silvery, were heated and locked on her face, his breathing heavier than usual. His arms boxed her in against the counter, and the silent question on his lips was answered when she kissed him freely on the mouth.

It didn't start out like the fiercely intense makeout session it had been on Halloween. There was a softness to it, a sweetness, and she lifted her arms to wrap around his neck.

Sasuke's hands locked on her waist and he lifted her up onto the counter, knocking the potatoes aside to make room for her. Her legs wrapped immediately around him and he deepened the kiss, groaning heavily into her mouth.

This was progress, wasn't it? Proof that they were leaning towards lovers instead of just friends. He kissed like a rock star and when his hand moved from an innocent position on her side to a not-that-innocent position underneath her sweater, she found herself thinking of what would happen if she just dragged him into her bedroom and ordered him to finish what he started on Halloween.

_He's so gorgeous,_ she thought dreamily, as he kissed her jaw, her neck, her collarbone, and ignited an inferno inside of her she didn't think she would be able to put out again. _And so sweet in his arrogant pushy dickhead way. And and and…_

He drew back, his eyes boring into hers. "Sakura," he breathed, and even his _voice_ made her weak in the knees. But just as he was about to finish his sentence, their terribly loud doorbell rang, not only breaking the tension between them, but shattering the mood completely.

_Shit shit SHIT!_ Sakura thought in horror, as Sasuke pulled back from her as though scalded. His expression changed completely, from thoroughly aroused to entirely incensed. Furious, he abandoned her in the kitchen, breathing heavily from her perch on the countertop, to answer the door.

"What?" she heard him bark as the door was thrown open.

_Damn it! Things were going so WELL! We keep getting interrupted, or second guess ourselves, and…UGH. Why are we so bad at this?_

"Hey, Sasuke!" she heard Ino, and she perked up in spite of herself. Ino wasn't supposed to come until tomorrow, but she was here early. "Where's Forehead? We thought you guys might need some help with all the cooking."

"In here, Ino!" Sakura called, fanning herself to cool herself off.

Ino pranced inside with Kiba towed along behind her, took one look at her best friend propped up on the countertop, and froze, a horrible smirk lifting her painted red lips.

"And what, may I ask, are _you_ doing?" Ino snickered.

Legs akimbo, face flushed, lips swollen, it was entirely obvious _exactly_ what Sakura had been doing. Still, she smirked right back and held up her abandoned potato peeler.

"Peeling potatoes," she said innocently, hopping off the countertop. "Pipe down and help Sasuke with the turkey, I refuse to touch it."

Even if their timing was absolutely revolting, Sakura was begrudgingly glad that Ino and Kiba popped up unannounced. They were both bizarrely helpful; Ino knew how to cook a turkey so Sasuke was relieved of that particular duty, and he and Kiba focused instead on getting everything ready for the football marathon that would be happening after the meal, leaving Sakura time to devote to all the side dishes she could bang out early. Time flew, and everything that could be ready for the following day, was.

At around midnight, Ino left with Kiba, and Sakura knew she could make another attempt to get something cooking with Sasuke (besides their delicious meal) now that they were alone, but the moment was gone. He avoided her eyes, but the smirk that was closer to a smile on his face reassured her all the same that it wasn't a _no,_ it was a _not right now._

Baby steps.

Tired and with a glass of wine in her hand, she dropped onto the sofa, her heart soaring when Sasuke sat next to her. The apartment didn't smell _that_ bad, even if the aroma of the baking turkey was sort of nauseating. Things were clean, the tables were set up, football snacks were ready to go, the liquor was chilling in the freezer and everything was set to run smooth as silk for tomorrow.

She leaned on Sasuke's shoulder, dozing off with a smile on her face.

What could possibly go wrong tomorrow?

Nothing.

It was going to be a _perfect_ Thanksgiving.

* * *

Of course, it was only about twenty minutes into Thanksgiving itself when everything decided to go _ape fuck wrong._

* * *

**note..** thanks everyone for all the reviews :) they make me happy and glowing and want to write more and write faster and shit. i really want a story with 1000+ reviews and this one seems like it could be it thanks to all of you, and i really appreciate it.

so you guys see sakura wasn't being an unholy bitch for no reason. ;)_  
_

next chapter: thanksgiving fuckery in the jinnyskeans vein. and i realize the naruto family probably wouldn't celebrate an american holiday like thanksgiving, but i am going to take a bit of creative liberty and if you don't like it, then don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you.

i kid, i kid. i love you :)

xoxo daisy :)


	20. Turkey Trouble

If you don't like how I included Thanksgiving, as stated before, that's fine. You don't have to. But I do not want to hear about it.

I want you instead to put aside your biases, and enjoy this super-sized Chapter 20. I love you all to pieces.

* * *

Sasuke knew, before he even opened his eyes, that something was very, very wrong.

First off, his neck was stiff from sleeping on the couch _again._ And Sakura, despite being maybe a hundred pounds soaking wet, had a very dense head and she'd chosen to sleep directly on his collarbone that evening, so his entire body was sore. Nothing a quick hot shower and a few stretches wouldn't fix, though, so why did he have this feeling?

Oh. That's right. The burning smell.

"S'kura," he mumbled groggily.

"Shuddup," she mumbled back, snuggling closer. "I'm tired."

"S'kura, somethin's burnin."

It was like someone had lit a fire underneath her, the way she rocketed off the couch and flung herself into the kitchen. Dazedly, he heard her scrambling around, cussing colorfully, glass breaking (nothing out of the ordinary there, that was how Sakura cooked every single day.) He debated if it was even worth getting off the couch to investigate.

He and Sakura had horrible luck living with one another. It would only make sense that Thanksgiving would be next on the list of inevitable fuck-ups.

It was still early. He had plenty of time to get a workout in, maybe even shower. Their guests (free-loading asshole friends who didn't feel like going home for the holidays) would be arriving around 1:30, with the meal to be served at 2:00. When he questioned Sakura the night before about why Thanksgiving dinner was served so early, she merely glared at him from her carrot slicing and told him to mind his own beeswax. But that left plenty of time to fix whatever culinary disaster was happening in the kitchen, right?

A strange scratching noise coming from the hallway caught his attention. He chalked it up to post-traumatic stress disorder caused by the squirrel incident a few months ago, but whenever he heard anything that resembled a squirrel roaming free in his apartment, his heartrate picked up a bit.

_There's no way,_ he thought, dismissing his momentary panic as fear-induced nonsense. _They caught that little fucker. No way it would come back here. I'm being a pussy._

"I'm going to the gym," he called to Sakura, determined to work out until he wasn't feeling like so much of a pansy.

"Okay, Sasuke!" she called back, with a panicky laugh. "Okay, have a great time! Take your time!"

He frowned in suspicion and stood up off the sofa, stomping into the kitchen to see what was going on. "What do you mean, take my time?"

She stopped him at the door, waving her hands frantically so he wouldn't see what was happening in the kitchen. "I mean…I mean you've been looking a bit…um, obese lately, Sasuke. And it's not healthy, really it's not, not with all the mountains of meat you're gonna eat today. So you should go to the gym. And you should work out for two hours, maybe three, so you lose weight."

"Are you saying I'm fat?" he demanded.

"Yes I am," she replied quickly. "Very, very gross, so you should go to the gym now. Oh and spend as much time as you can there, because I can't have you scaring away our guests with your big body."

Sasuke wasn't sure exactly why she was ushering him out the door with some fake-ass excuse (he knew as well as anybody did that he was completely and entirely jacked, and he knew that Sakura was more than aware of that, too) but he guessed that he didn't want to know. Whatever was happening in the kitchen had to be nothing more than ridiculous if Sakura was trying to hide it from him. And on his first Thanksgiving in more than a decade with a makeshift family, the last thing he wanted was for anything major to go wrong. He'd give Sakura a chance to fix whatever she'd ruined.

Oh, and make her pay double later for calling him fat.

"Hn. I'll be back in an hour."

"No you'll need more time than that."

"Don't push it, Sakura."

* * *

Once Sasuke was safely out the door on the way to the gym, Sakura proceeded to hyperventilate.

_This is AWFUL,_ she thought, panicking as she paced back and forth in the kitchen, entirely unaware of how to proceed. _This is literally the worst thing that could have happened. Why am I so STUPID? Why did I allow that poor dead bird to be brought into my apartment in the first place? Why did I let INO AND SASUKE cook it once it was here?_

Sitting innocuously on the counter, issuing copious amounts of black smoke, was the tiniest, ugliest, blackest, burntest turkey she had ever seen.

Poking the charred remains of a once-massive holiday turkey with a fork, she wanted to cry. _They left the heat on too high,_ she thought in horror. _I can't serve this, I'd be the laughingstock of everyone in the universe. Not to mention my guests would choke on it and die. And everything's CLOSED on Thanksgiving, and…_

_Focus, Sakura! You're a very, very smart girl. You can do this. You can figure this out. This is nothing. Okay. Think. How can we salvage this horrific turkey?_

An oddly familiar scratching noise from the hallway interrupted her thoughts. Irritated, she slammed the kitchen door shut and returned to her thinking.

_Wait, I got it! I can ask Kiba! Kurenai's Diner is still open today, maybe he can run over and grab something from work!_

Quickly, she ripped her cell phone from her purse and called Kiba. He answered groggily on the last ring.

"H'llo?"

"Kiba! Kiba it's Sakura, listen to me, this is important, this is _so_ important!"

"Whazwrong."

"It's the turkey!" she cried in despair. "Your dumbass girlfriend left the heat on too high and it scorched the damn thing. I need you to go get turkey. Pronto. ASAP. PDQ!"

"I don't think Dairy Queen's open on Thanksgiving."

"What? No, not DQ, you imbecile! Focus! I need you to go to Kurenai's, and buy one of her turkeys off of her."

"I don't think she'd sell them…"

"Then steal one, you idiot! Or Thanksgiving will be ruined! And it's all that slutty girlfriend of yours' fault!"

"Okay, okay!"

Breathing hard, Sakura hung up and glared at the still-smoking embers of the worst ever turkey. "You bastard," she hissed. "This is why I don't eat meat. It ruins your life the second it has an opportunity."

With that she threw the damn thing in the trashcan and got to work on her vegetables. Nice, innocent, friendly vegetables that never hurt anybody.

The scratching sound got louder, but Sakura was too busy to notice.

* * *

When Sasuke returned from the gym later, he expected to find his apartment burned to the ground. Instead, he was greeted with the pleasant surprise of nearly every single thing Sakura was cooking the night before laid out on the borrowed card tables in warmers. It smelled amazing. There was corn on the cob, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, stuffing, filling, carrots, peas, fresh-baked dinner rolls, and an array of desserts next to an array of bottles of alcohol.

Not bad, for two hours. He was impressed.

The only thing missing was the turkey.

"Hey!" Sakura said with a relieved smile. She was clearly in the middle of getting ready; her hair wasn't dry yet and she had a mascara wand in one hand and a hairbrush in the other as she fluttered around the apartment. "Hurry up, get a shower, everyone will be here soon!"

There was none of the terrible stress on her face that had been there when he first left, which he felt was a good sign. Perhaps leaving Sakura to her own devices when things were going wrong, rather than trying to find out for himself exactly what those things were, was a good idea.

But where was that fucking turkey?

"Hurry!" she yelled. "You're all sweaty and gross!"

Sasuke had just enough time to shower and change into something Sakura deemed presentable (jeans and a button-down) before the guests started filtering in.

First came Naruto, naturally, wearing a sweater with a turkey on it and the biggest shit-eating grin he'd ever seen in his life. Sasuke knew exactly why the little jerk looked so pleased with himself: he was getting a free meal, unlimited use of Sasuke's flat-screen, and none of the clean-up.

"Hey, Sasuke!" he said cheerfully. "I woulda brought somethin but I didn't feel like it."

"Asshole," Sasuke muttered, while Sakura, dressed impeccably in a sweaterdress and tights rushed to the door with a happy smile for Naruto that Sasuke knew he didn't deserve.

"Hi, Naruto!" she said happily, kissing him on the cheek. "Hope you're hungry!"

"Never a problem, Sakura!" he laughed.

After Naruto came Neji and his cousin Hinata, who had the decency to bring a pie. But Sasuke wondered why the hell, of all the pies at the store, they decided on _pecan._ He considered turning them away until they came back with a pie people actually wanted to ingest, but of course Sakura was playing charming hostess, and accepted the pie with a happy 'thank you.'

Karin and Suigetsu arrived next with a caramel cheesecake. Sasuke figured that was an acceptable thing to bring to his apartment for the holidays, and allowed them inside without so much as a glare.

Tenten arrived on her own with a camera (to immortalize this wonderful holiday) followed closely by Chouji (whom Sasuke did not remember inviting, at all) and Shino (whom Sasuke did not remember, period.) Then, came Shikamaru, Chouji's best friend, along with Sai, a creepy kid Sasuke would not have permitted into his apartment under any circumstances, and Lee, one of Neji's friends who had a pretty terrifying obsession with Sakura and Spandex.

Realizing what was going on, he cast a nervous glance at Sakura, whose smile was frozen as she stared back in horror.

_More people are coming than expected,_ Sasuke realized, his eyes shooting to the food set up in the living room, food that once looked like it might be more than enough to feed everyone in their party, was now looking particularly scarce.

The doorbell rang again, and Sasuke answered the door to find three girls he briefly recognized as Sakura's coworkers standing in the threshold.

"Hey, Sasukeee," one of them cooed.

"Do I know you?" he snapped rudely.

"Oh, hell no," Sakura chimed in, seeing who had arrived. Apparently her charming hostess streak only extended so far. "Hell no. Fuck outta here, you thirsty bitches. Fuck outta here."

Without another word, she slammed the door shut, muttering under her breath, "_Where_ is Kiba?"

"Is this gonna be a problem?" Sasuke asked her quietly, both of them looking into the overcrowded living room. People were already fighting over seats; Naruto was crying on the floor, having been forcibly ejected from his spot on the sofa by a no-nonsense Shikamaru.

"Um…no!" Sakura said, with a smile that convinced nobody, least of all Sasuke. "Nope! It's gonna be a _perfect_ Thanksgiving, don't you worry! Once Kiba and Ino get here, we can start, and it'll be fine!"

Another knock came at the door, and Sakura bit her lip before answering.

It wasn't Kiba. Instead, of all people, _Kakashi_ showed up with his face mask on and a tiny book in his hand.

"Hello," he said pleasantly, sidestepping Sasuke and entering the apartment. "Iruka's coming as well, he's waiting on the…"

"You cheap, freeloading…"

"Sasuke, shut up!" Sakura hissed. "He'll evict us if we don't let him stay!"

Before he could shut the door on anymore unwanted guests, the tall blonde woman who was mentoring Sakura (and who'd allowed him to be unwelcomingly probed and prodded by her after the squirrel fiasco) appeared out of nowhere, with a pet pig on a leash and her harassed-looking assistant in tow.

"Hello, Uchiha, Happy Thanksgiving," Dr. Tsunade said in her booming voice. "Ah, Sakura, so nice of you to invite us!"

Sakura's smile couldn't have been more forced.

"I'm…very glad you could make it!" she replied, hugging her teacher and the brunette she'd brought with her.

Once the two women were inside, she hissed to Sasuke, "It's very possible, that instead of just inviting the people we _meant_ to invite, I emailed a mass invitation to everyone on my email contacts list."

"_Sakura,_" Sasuke hissed. "No _wonder_ all these people are coming!"

She looked mortified, blushing with embarrassment. "I know," she moaned. "But I can't very well kick them _out,_ can I? It doesn't look like they made any contingency plans for Thanksgiving."

"Well, we're gonna need some more food," she groaned. "The only thing we have to make left over is all my vegetarian shit…"

"Then get started," Sasuke muttered. "Make some eggs or something. Do we have enough turkey, at least?"

"Um…about the turkey…"

_Here we go,_ thought Sasuke with a sigh.

"You burned it last night," Sakura said flatly. "It's utterly destroyed. You guys left the heat on too high, and now it's a black, sooty pile of ass. So Kiba's bringing us another turkey from Kurenai's."

"Black. Sooty. Pile. Of. Ass?" he echoed.

"There's no time to fight about this!" she said, clearly stressed. "I'm gonna start making some more food, just…just try and keep everybody entertained in the meantime!"

The fun didn't end there. Sasuke opened the door to a set of siblings he'd never seen before: a redhead with a tattoo, a blonde with four pigtails who kept demanding to see Shikamaru, and a brunette in a hoodie who kept demanding to see Ino so they could work things out. After the Sabakus were all situated, in came Juugo, Sakura's lab partner and Suigetsu's best friend, and the Morino brothers; Ibiki was one of Sakura's teaching assistants, and his younger brother Idate, one of the best runners on their university track team, was one of her many admirers. Sasuke spared him a glare as he strutted inside like he owned the place, but didn't have time to throw him out before Sakura's boss Kurenai, arrived with an infant in her arms and her husband (Sakura's tennis coach) in tow.

_This is unbelievable,_ he thought, thinking of all the property violations they were committing by having so many people over at once, but at least they wouldn't face eviction, since their landlord was among the crowd. He was about five seconds from locking the door when Kiba and Ino _finally_ arrived with a giant box that _had_ to be the turkey.

They were maybe the _only_ guests he was comfortable allowing inside, because of their gift of holiday bird.

He locked the door after that, then took a good hard look at his living room.

Packed to bursting, wall to wall with people he'd met and begrudgingly befriended since coming to Konoha University, Sasuke thought, _Well, I always wanted a family Thanksgiving._

_Be careful what you wish for, I guess._

* * *

_This is a NIGHTMARE,_ Sakura thought, groaning as yet another droplet of hot oil hit her square in the face from the frypan. _My turkey is burnt, my apartment is full, and I am making bacon for Thanksgiving._

How had everything gone so wrong? She sent an email invitation to nine people: Kiba, Ino, Shikamaru, Karin, Suigetsu, Tenten, Neji, Hinata, and Naruto. But apparently that wasn't true; she must've accidentally made it a public notification, which meant that every single person on her contacts list received an invitation to their tiny two-bedroom apartment with the promise of delicious food.

An innocent mistake, of course, but one with potentially catastrophic consequences. She'd made enough food for eleven people, but she could still hear everyone continuing to filter inside. Including her coach. And her _teacher _and her _landlord_ and her _boss _and…

"SAKURA!" Ino shouted from the kitchen doorway.

"Oh thank Christ you're here," Sakura exhaled in relief. "Where's the turkey?"

"Where's the _turkey?_ Is that all you care about?"

"Ino this is a national emergency!" Sakura hissed. "Give me the goddamn turkey, or do you not see everyone out in the living room?!"

"I DO see everyone out in the living room!" Ino snapped. "The _problem_ is I see everyone out in the living room! How could you do that to me? We're supposed to be _friends!_"

"_What are you talking about?_"

"KANKUROU! You invited my _ex-boyfriend_ to Thanksgiving?! What's _wrong_ with you?"

Sakura blinked before cussing colorfully under her breath. "Bitchass motherfucker," she groaned. "Ino, I _swear_ it was an accident! I was only supposed to have like, ten people over but I fucked up, I sent an invite to everyone in my contacts list by mistake! I swear I didn't mean to, and I damn sure didn't think he'd come all the way from _Suna_ just to…"

"Here's the turkey!" Kiba declared triumphantly, a heavy box in his hands as he joined them in the kitchen, setting it on the overcrowded counter. "Wow, Sak, that's a hell of a lot of Fruit Loops…hey, what's wrong with you two? The big hero's here with the turkey!"

"Sorry, Kiba," Sakura sighed heavily. "I fucked up the invite list, and Ino's ex-boyfriend showed up here. Thanks for the turkey, you're a lifesaver."

"Wait, your ex-boyfriend's here?" Kiba rounded on his girlfriend, brown eyes angry. "That dickhead who kept messing you around? I'll beat the shit out of him."

"No you won't," Sakura said harshly. "This is Thanksgiving, you'll leave it alone!"

"The hell he will!" Ino snapped. "You're fuckin right you're gonna beat the shit out of him, Kiba! Assert your masculinity!"

"Ino, there can't be any fighting today!" Sakura exploded. "Don't you see what I'm going through trying to get everything perf…oh my Christ. Oh God, Kiba. You can't be serious."

She had just opened the lid to the heavy box, expecting to find a scrumptious, thoroughly-cooked, glistening golden turkey waiting for her.

Instead, inside the box was thirty pounds of…

"You got me deli meat," Sakura whispered. "I asked for turkey, and you bring me…"

"Hey, it's turkey, ain't it?" Kiba asked, blissfully unaware of how badly he'd ruined everything. "You didn't specify which kind you wanted."

"_You think I wanted sliced turkey deli meat on Thanksgiving?!_"

"Can we talk about this a little later, Sak? I gotta go beat Kankuree's face in to defend the honor of my woman."

With that, he stomped out of the kitchen, and Sakura burst into tears.

Any irritation Ino had been feeling towards her best friend thoroughly evaporated, and in a rush of blonde hair and cloying perfume, she was seized up in a tight hug.

"Sakura, don't cry!" Ino said quickly. "It's okay, everything's gonna be fine."

"All I wanted was t-to give S-Sasuke a p-p-perfect Thanksgiving," Sakura whimpered, feeling pathetic as she sobbed into Ino's dress. "But I r-r-ruined everything! I invited everyone by accident, including your ex-boyfriend, and now he and Kiba are g-g-gonna fight, and the turkey's b-burnt and I have thirty p-p-pounds of deli meat to serve as the c-c-centerpiece and I don't even _eat_ meat and I don't have enough f-f-f-food for everyone, I barely have enough for N-Naruto and Chouji, so I'm making cereal and b-bacon and and and…WHY CAN'T I DO ANYTHING RIGHT?"

The door banged open and in stepped Iruka, the maintenance man.

"Turkey's here!" he declared happily, a gigantic cooked bird on a silver platter in his hands.

Sakura's jaw dropped.

"You…you made a _turkey?_" she gasped.

"That's why I'm late," Iruka said. "This thing took _forever_ to cook all the way through. But I figured you might need a back-up, what with all these people you're having."

"I could just _kiss you,_" Sakura said reverently. "Our first turkey is a burnt pile of suck, and Kiba brought me thirty pounds of turkey deli meat like that's gonna help out _at all,_ but here you come, with this glorious meaty turkey I won't eat because I only like vegetables, and…"

"See, Forehead?" Ino said cheerfully. "Everything will work out. Now we have a perfect turkey, and…"

Iruka chose that moment to slip on a handful of spilled Fruit Loops and drop the turkey directly into the soapy dishwater.

Sakura, _fuming,_ turned to Ino and hissed, "_You were saying?_"

* * *

By Sasuke's count, he and Sakura were playing host to a total of 26 people, and one pig. Well, 24 people, one actual pig, and two pig-like humans in Naruto and Chouji. But seeing Kiba _and _Iruka swing inside, both carrying big fat turkeys, he figured they would be all right. At least he'd get _some_ of the Thanksgiving feast Sakura was preparing.

But they simply did not have enough food to go around. Even with all the Cream of Wheat she was whipping up like a maniac out in the kitchen, there just wouldn't be enough for everyone.

He was pissed. He was frustrated. But he was also very, very guilty.

_She went to all this trouble for me,_ he thought glumly, glaring at his chatty company in naked fury. _So I could have a nice Thanksgiving. And they come and cock it all up._

The thing with the email invite list was an easy mistake to make, but it was looking more and more like a fatal one. Really, he would have been plenty happy to just have a nice dinner with Sakura. Maybe Naruto, too, since he would insist on coming, but it didn't need to be anything big.

_I barely even helped her cook,_ he thought, looking back on his early morning gym run and his late-night drinking binge with regret. _In fact, the only thing I DID cook was that fucking turkey._

What could he do, to show his gratitude for all the work Sakura was putting into this Godforsaken holiday?

Suddenly, he stiffened. From his standing position in the living room, he couldn't help but feel like he was being…watched, somehow. That scratching sound from the hallway was sounding louder than ever, and PTSD or not, he needed to investigate.

_I won't live in fear in my own goddamn apartment,_ he thought, sneaking away from his loud-ass company to check what was going on. _And this Thanksgiving is seconds from falling apart entirely. Like hell will it be because of my paranoia._

He wasn't necessarily expecting to find a squirrel. He hadn't had any trouble with squirrels since the night of the fiasco. Things had been quiet.

Too quiet.

Suspiciously quiet, like the calm before a storm.

No one noticed him sneak away from the (nightmare) throng of people, surreptitiously arming himself with a baseball bat as he did so.

* * *

Sakura approached many things in her life like they were missions. Like she was a secret agent ninja-type a la Lara Croft. And one of the first things you learn about when taking up the Tomb Raider mantle is to abandon ship while you still can.

Unfortunately, Sakura never really quite grasped that lesson.

The smart thing to do would be to just explain what had happened. Her friends were understanding people, no one would really be upset, right?

…

Okay, so that plan was thrown out the second she thought of it. It was too late for anything but a pulled-right-out-of-her-ass holiday emergency recovery.

She threw Ino and Iruka out of the kitchen after the third attempt at having a nice turkey sunk underneath dirty dishwater with a disgusting gurgle. _If I didn't hate meat before this,_ she thought furiously, _I sure as hell do now._

She seized Kiba's stash of deli meat from out of the box, and began arranging it neatly on the silver platter Iruka's turkey had flown out of. It looked absolutely horrific, but her asshole friends would just have to suck it up. If they wanted hot turkey, they knew how to use a microwave.

_Pleasepleaseplease don't hate me for this, Sasuke,_ she thought with a groan, as she lifted up the massive platter of sliced deli turkey and called out, "Time to eat, everybody!"

She swung the door open and headed out to the living room, and it was then, over the noise of her talkative guests, that she heard Sasuke's warning shout from the hallway.

"IT'S BACK!" came his frightening bellow; Sasuke almost _never_ raised his voice, so to hear him shout had the baby hairs on the back of her neck standing on end in full-on alarm. "SAKURA! IT'S HAPPENING _AGAIN!_"

Everyone fell silent, their attention caught by the ruckus Sasuke was making in the hallway. Sakura's eyes widened as she heard that same scratchy sound from earlier, getting louder and louder and…

"NOOOOO!" she screamed, as what, of all things, but the _same fucking squirrel_ from all those months ago sprinted out of the hallway directly into the living room. It ignored her thirty-some guests, all of whom let out shrieks and hollers of shock and horror and were scrambling out of its way. It ignored the simmering feast stacked up on the card tables. It ignored a white-faced Sasuke chasing it with his high school baseball bat.

It ignored everything, and made eye contact with Sakura. Its hackles rose, and it took a soaring leap from over the sofa…

Landing directly on the deli meat platter she was carrying.

"THIS ENDS HERE!" Sasuke roared, while she eyed her imminent destruction in numb terror. Fearlessly, the squirrel bared its buck teeth at her, just as Sasuke sprinted back into the living room, swinging his bat. "Sakura, hold still!"

She registered in a split second what Sasuke meant to do. With a shriek of terror, she threw the meat platter – squirrel and all – as far as she could away from her body. Sasuke's swing missed her by inches; the squirrel let out a bloodcurdling screech as it flew, airborne, right towards the card tables set up with food. There was a horrible CRASH, as every single thing Sakura had cooked over the past two days was struck by thirty pounds of sliced turkey and three pounds of hairy terror. The card tables buckled and the legs snapped, sending everything – every plump dinner roll, every golden ear of corn, every slice of cold cranberry – crashing onto the carpet.

Sakura let out a yelp of anguish and took a diving leap for her ruined feast, slipping on an upended bowl of mashed potatoes and flying directly into the mess, like a stressed-out, pink-haired missile.

Everyone in the room gasped, as Sakura stood up, fuming, breathing heavily, her dress ruined, her hair covered in gravy, her face splattered with butter and potatoes. There was a heavy silence, as she faced the squirrel that put the nail in the coffin of her Perfect Fucking Thanksgiving, and then she released a snarl that sounded more animal than human.

"_You,_" she thundered, pointing at it; it stood on its hindlegs on top of the deli meat, thoroughly unhurt and clearly pleased with itself. "_You. Fucking. ASSHOLE!_"

She reached for it, hellbent on snapping its neck, when she was seized from behind by Sasuke.

"Watch it!" he snapped. "You'll get blood on the carpet!"

_This was all his fault,_ she realized, eyes widening with the revelation.

"YOU!" she roared. "YOU WERE GONNA SMASH MY HEAD IN A SECOND AGO JUST TO GET THAT FUCKING SQUIRREL!"

"Sakura, calm do-"

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, LOOK AT MY APARTMENT! LOOK AT THIS!"

He was holding her too tightly for her to get a good swing in, she instead, she looked around desperately for something to hit him with. She dug her hand into what remained of the cranberry sauce and let it fly behind her.

It hit him square in the face, and in the moment's confusion, he released her, staggering backwards.

For a moment, she was so shocked at what she had done that she just stood there, forgetting the squirrel entirely.

Sasuke's expression was _priceless._ Absolutely beautiful. Gorgeous face dripping with fuschia-colored cranberry sauce and numb shock, he just stared at her, before his eyes narrowed with the promise of retribution.

"Overdramatic little bitch," he snarled. "You just stay right there."

"Where are _you_ going?" she demanded, petrified but trying not to show it.

"I'm gonna get a hot dog."

"What do you need a hot dog for?"

"I told myself the next time you pissed me off, I was gonna hold you down and make you eat hot dogs. Just stay right there."

"SASUKE NO!"

"Sakura!" Ino shouted. "Behind you!"

She whirled around, eyes wide, and saw that the squirrel was making its next move. Right towards the window.

"No!" she yelled. "This ends today! I will not live in fear anymore! Someone catch that shit and kill it!"

With that, she seized a glob of creamed corn from off her perfectly-vacuumed carpet and hurled it at the squirrel.

It moved at the last second, and the creamed corn splattered instead directly into the face of Naruto Uzumaki.

Unlike Sasuke, who was calm and rational and all the more terrifying about his revenge, Naruto never once stopped to think that it was an accident, or that he shouldn't retaliate. Instead, he roared, "IT'S ON NOW!" and snatched the salad dressing, fully intent on squirting it at Sakura.

She let out a shriek and ducked behind the sofa, as Catalina dressing sprayed all over the clothes and faces of her other horrified guests, soaking into her ponytail as she flung herself out of the way. Ino caught a faceful and let out a hellish scream, rounding on Kankurou.

"YOU RUINED MY BEST FRIEND'S THANKSGIVING!" she bellowed. "_AND_ MY WHOLE LIFE! KIBA, SIC HIM!"

Kiba, apparently, needed no more invitation than that. On all fours, he soared over the upended card tables and tackled Kankurou around the waist, both of them crashing backwards into the sofa.

Kakashi chose that moment to smile at everyone and say, "Thanks for the lovely time!" before hastily leaving. He was quickly followed by Kurenai, Coach Asuma, and their baby, just as Sasuke returned with a packet of uncooked hot dogs and hellfire in his eyes.

What followed can only be described as pure chaos.

Sasuke chased Sakura around their wrecked apartment, determined to make her eat hot dogs while she screamed and cried and dodged him; every scrap of the food Sakura slaved over for the last two days found its way into the 30-man food fight; Karin and Suigetsu were apparently so turned on by all the chaos that they retreated to Sakura's bedroom to take care of the problem; Tonton chased the squirrel right out the window while Tsunade got into the alcohol; Ino demanded a manlier fistfight from her ex-boyfriend and her current boyfriend while sobbing about her dressing-soaked hair.

A complete and utter disaster.

* * *

It was with a grim resolution that Sasuke chased down his roommate.

Just because things went wrong didn't give her the right to throw cranberry sauce in his face. She had to learn that for every action, there was an equal and opposite reaction.

In other words, he was going to sit on her and make her eat hot dogs till she choked.

She was craftier than he gave her credit for. Always climbing on top of furniture and sneaking away from him whenever he thought he had her. They didn't have a very big place, but it was full of so many people that whenever he thought he could grab her by her potato-drenched ponytail, she ducked between somebody else. Food was flying through the air, smacking into the TV, on all the pictures, the tables, the walls, soaking into the carpet. It was madness of an unholy degree.

"Sasuke don't!" Sakura shrieked, when he'd chased her into her bathroom. She hopped up onto the toilet seat like she was avoiding a sneaky rat running across the floor. "Sasuke stop! Don't you _dare,_ you put those hot dogs down right this instant!"

Sasuke ignored her. He would concede that she made a _hilarious_ picture, covered head to toe in Thanksgiving food and standing on a toilet seat, but now wasn't the time to laugh at her. He set the hot dogs on her sink, knocking aside a bottle of cinnamon mouthwash, a lime green toothbrush and an array of makeup to make room for them, and reached out, seizing his slippery roommate by the waist.

She twisted and writhed and shrieked and hollered, flailing her legs around while he tried to put her back on the floor. Her foot hit the lightswitch, plunging them both into darkness, and now, thrown off-kilter, blinded by darkness, and laden down with a twitchy, spastic little _skank,_ Sasuke stumbled over the rim of the bathtub and landed inside. Sakura, still screaming, reached out desperately and ripped down the shower curtain, landing hard on his lap.

"Damn it, Sakura!" Sasuke shouted, trying to right himself; not paying attention and unable to see even if he was, he reached for what he thought was the spigot but was actually the faucet. Ice cold water exploded from the showerhead, drenching them both instantly.

"You idiot!" Sakura howled, as water soaked right through her potato-splattered sweaterdress. "You ruined everything!"

"I did not!" he protested. "Just…"

"No you didn't, _I _ruined everything!"

Now _really_ wasn't the time to discuss things, but Sakura's weight pinned him in place and she seemed to be on the verge of an emotional breakdown. "What do you mean, you ruined everything?" he demanded.

Sakura twisted around to look at him with big green eyes full of big wet tears, and he froze, his determination to forcefeed her her last favorite food melting instantly. He _resented_ how much control she had over him, but couldn't do anything to take it back.

"I w-w-wanted to give you a p-perfect Th-Thanksgiving!" she sobbed, tears falling at last. "So I m-manipulated y-you into having it h-h-here because I w-wanted everyone to b-be together. But I can't c-c-cook turkey and n-neither can you so the f-f-first one got burnt and, and, and I told K-Kiba to get another but he c-c-came back with _d-deli meat_ because he's _worthless_. Then I-Iruka brought a t-t-turkey just in c-case but it f-f-f-f-f-fell in the _dishwater._ And I accidentally invited e-e-everybody in K-Konoha and that _fucking_ squirrel got in here and you were gonna hit me with a _bat_ and and Sasuke I'm _so_ sorry!"

With that, she flung her arms around his neck and broke down completely.

"Damn it, Sakura," Sasuke sighed, spitting icy water out of his mouth and wrapping one arm around her for comfort.

_She almost killed herself to give me a good Thanksgiving,_ he thought, touched at her devotion, if not a little stunned by it. _And all hell breaks loose._

"Why can't we do _anything_ right?" Sakura groaned into his soaked button-down shirt.

That was a good question.

She chose that moment to adjust herself in his lap, her ass brushing against his…guest of honor. He stiffened at the contact; with their romantic interactions becoming more and more frequent lately, he still wasn't entirely used to them, and Sakura had a nasty habit of catching him offguard. You would think sex would be the last thing on his mind with the pair of them in a dark, freezing wet bathtub covered in food, but…

"Sakura?" a voice called from outside the bathroom. "Are you in there?"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT," Sakura shouted in unearthly tones.

"The cops are here!" Naruto called back cheerfully. "They're asking for the renters to come out please. Something about a noise violation?"

"Of course," Sakura sighed. She climbed off of Sasuke, dripping wet, and stomped out of the bathroom, leaving him where he lay. Furious with Naruto's intervention and every single person currently destroying his apartment, Sasuke reluctantly followed.

Two policemen were waiting in the wrecked living room, every single one of their guests food-splattered and guilty-looking on all sides. Sakura, with remarkable dignity considering how wet she was, the fact that her hair was so badly saturated with Catalina dressing that she looked like a redhead, and the generous amount of Ranch dressing soaking into her tights, strode up to both of them and said stiffly, "My name is Sakura Haruno. I'm one of the renters here. Is there a problem, Officers?"

Sasuke joined her at her side, folding his arms like he wasn't soaked to the bone and his apartment wasn't in a shambles. He avoided the eyes of all of their asshole Thanksgiving dinner guests and merely eyed the cops expectantly, like they were there to sell something, rather than to arrest them.

The cops just stared back, apparently too stunned by the sight of the absolutely annihilated living room and the food-covered guests to think clearly. Finally the older one mumbled out, "We've been getting several complaints from your neighbors. Said they heard what sounded like domestic violence?"

Sasuke thought back to the way he'd nearly taken Sakura's head off with a baseball bat trying to kill a squirrel in her arms, then to the cranberry sauce facial she'd given him, then to the wrestling match in the bathroom where he'd had all the intention in the world of feeding her bad meat until she choked to death…

"No, sir," Sakura replied. "Just a…really awesome dinner party."

"I see," the officer said, his eyes narrowing. "You look a little familiar, young lady."

Sakura stiffened beside him.

"Matter of fact…there was a girl who looked an _awful_ lot like you we almost nailed for underage drinking at a party awhile back."

"Who, me?" Sakura squeaked. "I never drink. No way. I'm a premed major, Dr. Tsunade's my teacher, she can vouch for me!"

_Idiot,_ Sasuke thought. Everyone knew Tsunade was an alcoholic and absolutely the worst possible person to speak on Sakura's behalf.

"Nah, that ain't right, Kotetsu," the other officer said, laughing. "That girl, the one you're talking about, the one who screamed shit like, 'I am the law?' Nah, she had pink hair. This one's a redhead."

No one said a _word_, and Sasuke wondered if sheer luck, Sakura's pink hair dyed a temporary fire engine red by the dressing, was going to save them from being hauled off to jail.

Kotetsu didn't look entirely convinced, but he sighed.

"All right, looks like everything's…er…fine. Just keep it down, folks. You aren't the only ones who want to have a good time today. Any problems, give us a call. Let's go, Raidou."

"Yes, thank you, Officers," Sakura said stiffly.

"There won't be anymore trouble," Sasuke mumbled.

"Thanks for coming, cops!" Naruto said cheerfully.

The cops, still shaking their heads, left the apartment, followed by a ringing silence. Sakura was quiet, thoughtful for a few seconds, before she said, "I have a lot of cereal in the kitchen if anyone is hungry. And some bacon."

* * *

They had enough floor space for all of their honored guests, just enough Styrofoam disposable bowls and plastic silverware to go around, and a decent-sized TV so they could all watch football.

Sakura decided to worry about the clean-up later, and tuck into a bowl of Cheerios in between Naruto and Sasuke. Not one single word was spoken about the ruined dinner, the squirrel, the police, or anything else besides football, for that matter.

Sasuke just smirked into his cereal, washed a bite down with a swig of vodka. There weren't many girls who would do everything for him (or at least, attempt to do everything for him) that Sakura had done today. Not many girls willing to risk imprisonment just to give him a happy holiday.

Not many girls who looked cute as a button with dressing-dyed hair and a sweaterdress full of gravy.

Surrounded by all of his friends, laughing and arguing and cheering for Konoha's pro football team, passing around liquor and milk and cereal boxes, and enjoying each other's company, Sasuke could safely say that for all the nonsense and fuckery that had occurred here today…

This was the best Thanksgiving. Ever.

* * *

**note..** here you go :) thank you all so, so much for all the wonderful feedback. you guys know by now that i only write for fun, i'm not looking to improve (despite all the thousand ways i can get better), i just write for my enjoyment and hopefully yours as well. so i appreciate you all respecting that about me. and i hopehopehope you enjoyed thanksgiving at c-17, because i had a good time writing it.

see you soon!

xoxo daisy :)


	21. Mission: Compromised

Sasuke's newly-discovered interest in Sakura was something he was learning – slowly – to adjust to. There were times, for example, when it was the easiest thing in the world to like her. How _couldn't_ you like someone who near killed themselves trying to give you a perfect Thanksgiving? How _couldn't_ you like someone whose happy laugh made the corners of your mouth twitch like you wanted to smile right along with her? How _couldn't_ you like someone who always remembered how you took your coffee in the morning, and which drink was your favorite at parties?

But there were also _other times_. _Other times_ when liking Sakura was the last thing on his mind, around his complete and utter hatred for her.

Namely, when she demanded the morning after Thanksgiving that he clean up their destroyed living room on his own while she went Black Friday shopping. He'd gone along with it then – she'd cooked the entire wasted dinner, it was only fair that he scrub it out of the fibers of the sofa – but looking back, how unfair was that? It wasn't like he'd even gotten to taste one bite of the food she'd labored over. She should have helped him.

It wasn't just things like that, though. There were little things, little things that built up into big things. He supposed much of it was simply status quo arguing between two people forced to live in the same space for such a long period of time. He knew they were bound to have their disagreements every now and then.

One such little thing was the problem of hot water.

They lived in a fair-sized apartment complex with a decent amount of other boarders. This meant that, inevitably, hot water was a precious commodity; having to share with so many people, you were lucky if your shower didn't ice over midway through. And Sasuke enjoyed his showers hot to the point of scalding, and since he'd moved in with Sakura, he had yet to experience one decent shower where the water stayed hot the whole way through.

This frustration had been building and building for the past few months. It was especially irritating for someone like Sasuke, who had had his own place back in Oto, _alone._ All the hot water in the world at his disposal. No one he had to share with, so if he wanted to take an hour-long shower at the hottest temperature, he had that fucking opportunity. This was something he hadn't quite counted on, having his quality time stripped from him by a five-foot-nothing little _monkey_ who insisted on using all the hot water, and _singing_ while she did it.

Things came to a head on Saturday. Two days since Turkey Terror had gripped the nation (his apartment), one day since he'd been forced to beat gravy stains from his curtains (like a _maid), _and the day of the final football game of the season found Sakura and Sasuke in their respective bathrooms, preparing to go root, root, root for the home team, or whatever. Konoha's football team hadn't made it to the playoffs, unfortunately, but they were still going to watch the game along with their friends, even though Sasuke didn't particularly care for the sport. Many things he didn't care for, he'd been forced to participate in. It was one of the _many_ drawbacks to having friends like Naruto and Sakura.

_I deserve this,_ he thought as he stripped off his clothes, already heaving a sigh as he pictured the feel of the hot water on his aching muscles. _I spent all yesterday bent over the goddamn floor like a WOMAN. I didn't get a TASTE of Thanksgiving turkey. Soccer championship game is next week, Finals are two weeks out, I hate my fucking job and my friends are assholes and my roommate is…SAKURA. I DESERVE this hot-ass shower._

He turned the tap to the desired temperature (lava-magma-Mars hot) and stepped into his bathtub.

"Motherfucker."

The water that soaked him head to toe wasn't hot.

It was ice. Fucking. Cold.

His famous temper, much closer to the surface these days with all the stress he was under, flared as he stood, trembling, under a constant spray of arctic slush. This was all _her_ fault. Even without trying, he could make out the sounds of her doubtlessly-lovely shower, coupled with the screeching warbles of her gratingly-awful singing. Tone-deaf and loud, she belted out old boy band songs he couldn't stomach, fully cognizant of the fact that she couldn't carry a tune in a bucket and singing out anyways, he knew she had to be having the best shower of her _life._

All while he stood in his own shower and suffered.

This would not stand. He would not let this go. Too long had he stood by and let Sakura steamroll his life. She'd taken his pride, his dignity, his privacy, his space, his apartment, his tea, his attention, and she was threateningly close to taking his heart as well. But this? If nothing else, _Sasuke would have his hot water._

He snatched a navy blue towel off the towel rack, stomped out of the shower and budgeted _just_ enough time to tie the towel around his waist before he let out a shout that shook the entire C Building.

"SAKURA!"

No response besides her atrocious singing. He stalked into the hallway and saw clouds, _clouds_ of steam rolling out from underneath her bathroom door. Seeing physical evidence of Sakura's glorious shower in stark contrast to the ice water he'd been forced to bathe in drove him over the edge.

In two steps, he was in front of her bathroom door, pounding on it like an ape. "SAKURA! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!"

He heard her shriek and then, predictably, came the swearing.

"Sasuke?! What the fuck is wrong with you? Get the fuck out of here, you fucking yeti, I'm in the goddamn shower! Jesus Pete!"

Walking in on a girl in the shower – a girl who he was technically NOT dating, anyway – was expressly forbidden. No man's land. It was inappropriate. It was indecent. It was disrespectful.

"Lady Godiva motherfucking asshole!" she shouted.

Oh, who was he kidding. So was Sakura.

He tried to open the door, but discovered it was locked, another thing that fucking irritated him. Sakura systematically forgot to lock their front door. Almost every single time she left the apartment. It drove him crazy; as the owners of the only good television in their entire year, he knew that he had to jealously guard what was his, lest it be stolen from him.

With great TV comes great responsibility.

So Sakura felt perfectly comfortable leaving them both susceptible to home invasion by forgetting _every single day_ to lock the door, but she had enough sense to lock herself in the bathroom?

"You'll have to get up earlier than that to sneak a peek at ME!" she called victoriously, hearing him struggle with the door.

"Don't flatter yourself!" he snapped back nastily, even though the thought was occurring to him more and more often lately. Now was not the time to succumb to his hormones. "Get out here right this minute."

"What the fuck for? Can't you comprehend that I am _enjoying_ myself? This is a delectable shower right here."

"Sakura I broke down a goddamn door before and I'll do it again."

"You are easily the creepiest person in the _universe._ Hang on a minute you _gorilla._"

He listened as she fumbled around turning off her perfect stupid showerhead, heard her cuss a little as she hunted for a towel, then had the sense to back up before she threw open the door and yelled, "WHAT'S YOUR MALFUNCTION?!"

To his credit, he was only momentarily distracted by the impressive display before him. Sakura hadn't had time to dry herself off, and was soaking wet in her little pink towel, her green eyes angry and suspicious as she confronted him in the near-nude.

"Having a nice shower?" he sneered at her.

"I _was,_ before your stupid ass interrupted me to ask creepy questions!" she snapped back. Ignoring her, he pushed his way into her bathroom, squinting through the hot steam left in the wake of the water, and turned her tap back on.

"Just as I thought," he snarled, as hot water gushed from the spigot, warm enough to redden his hand in seconds. He rounded on her in naked fury. "I'm supposed to just suck it up and endure some cold-ass fucking shower while you get _all the hot water in Konoha_ all to your selfish little self. Is that right?"

"To clarify: you stormed out of your shower, threaten to break my goddamn door down and invade my personal space, just because you ran out of hot water?"

No. She was twisting his words. Said like that, he sounded like he was in the wrong, when it was most definitely her fault. Every step of the way, it was her fault.

"It's not _just_ the hot water!" he shouted, angry that she would try and reduce his righteous rage to something petty and insignificant. Aware that he very, very rarely raised his voice and seemingly only _ever_ around Sakura, he decided to let go of everything he'd held onto over the past few weeks. "You _constantly_ leave the door unlocked. You drink all my goddamn tea and don't replace it. You walk around the entire place whenever you get a phone call all loud and shit and I can't _concentrate_ and you don't _care._ You can't sing for shit, you can't drive for shit, you talk to yourself all the time and don't even realize how fucking eerie that is for everyone else around you, you bite your nails and spit them all over the rug, you drink orange juice out of the carton like a fucking _hillbilly,_ and you flirt with every delivery guy who comes to the door!"

Sakura's jaw dropped at his vicious assessment of her character. Apparently, hearing him string so many words together all at once was even more shocking than what he was actually saying, judging by the fact that she had yet to reply. And he refused to admit that he found her sexier than ever right now, dripping wet, barely-dressed, mouth agape, because that was just another thing to add to his list of things about her that got right under his skin.

"_You are the most annoying roommate in history,_" he declared in ringing tones.

At the word 'annoying,' Sakura seemed to come back to life. Her green eyes sharpened into two deadly slits of promised pain, and she got right up in his face. Or as close as she could get to it, without her heeled boots.

"And you think _you're_ some _picnic_?!" she bellowed back. "Newsflash, dickhead: you're not so easy to live with yourself!"

"You're kidding," he scoffed. Surely she was bluffing. Grasping at straws. Who could ever insinuate that Sasuke – innocent, quiet, on-time-bill-paying, responsible Sasuke – was anything but a _dream_ to live with? He was exactly the kind of roommate he would like to have himself. Sakura was just trying to get in his head.

"I wish I was!" she spat back. "Let's go down the list, shall we? You leave your jacket and your backpack and your _frilly girly apron_ lying all over the place. You eat your weight in food around here and just expect me to cook for you. You _always_ leave your videogames plugged in even though you _know_ I can't watch my Netflix since I don't know how to change the settings. You _giggle_ in your sleep at night, did you know that? Creepiest thing in the universe." As she recited each of his faults, she ticked them off on each mean little finger in her nasty little hand. "You breathe really, really heavy whenever you play Call of Duty, you buy whole milk even though you _know_ I only like soy, you _never_ check the dishes when you take them out of the dishwasher so they always have food still caked on them when you put them away. And that's IF you remembered to switch the settings to Pots 'n' Pans! Which you don't! And don't even get me _started_ on the way you –"

"I'm getting in that shower," he said flatly, refusing to hear her utter one more syllable impugning his honor. "Get out of the way or I'll _get_ you out of the way."

"I'll get _you_ out of the way once and for all!" she screeched back. "I know people, Sasuke! I know people who can make you _disappear._ It would take _one phone call! One phone call_ and then _no one_ will ever see or hear from you _again!"_

Ignoring Sakura's near-daily threats about her nonexistent mob connections, he grabbed her by her upper arm and, tuning out her squeal as she quickly straightened her sopping pink towel, strong-armed her out of her own bathroom. "SASUKE!" she screamed from the hallway, but he merely slammed the door shut and locked himself inside.

Now soaking up all the hot water he could possibly desire, he found that Sakura's howls of fury from behind the door were sweeter music than any song she could sing.

* * *

"Dude," Naruto said, sounding baffled, as per usual. "Did you…have a fight with Sakura?"

"Shut up," Sasuke returned smoothly.

"Uh…she keeps…_not_ looking over here at you. And she's kind of sitting in a specific…not-looking-at-you kind of way. But it's the way girls sit when they want you to look at them and know they're pissed at you."

"Get that a lot, huh, idiot."

"Dude, what happened?"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. They were at the football game, in the stands with all of their friends and thousands of Konoha University fans and supporters, cheering against the Kusa College Gophers (stupidly named, in Sasuke's opinion) decked out in green and gold, but he had never felt more devoid of school spirit. Ever.

He strongly suspected it was the residual effects of arguing with his bitch roommate, but he refused to acknowledge that she had that much sway over his emotions. He'd rather eat dirt than let her know how much she affected him.

So he settled for sitting with Naruto and Kiba and Shikamaru and the other guys, and putting as much space between himself and Sakura as he could. But even though they weren't speaking to one another, it was plain as day to anyone observing them that something was off; the tension between them was stifling.

"Look, man, you already admitted you guys hooked up at Halloween," Naruto said, elbowing him in the ribs. "We all know _something's_ going on."

"We're. Just. Friends," Sasuke bit out, and it was true. Technically, it was true. Had they made out a few times? Sure. But they were making a concerted effort, both of them, to take things slow. So officially, they were just friends.

Officially, Sakura was a bitch crazy asshole from hell personally dispatched to destroy him.

"So what was it, then?" Naruto pressed, whiskered face painted half-green, half-gold in support of their college. "Did y'alls have a fight? Did you say something stupid? Well, clearly. What did you say to fuck up your chances with her?"

"I didn't _fuck up my chances with her,_" Sasuke bit out angrily, then, realizing what he'd said by the way Naruto's painted face lit up in glee, he huffed into the collar of his hoodie and said nothing else.

What a waste of a day. He could be using this free time to study for his exams coming up, rather than spending it with his nosy friends and the girl who was making his life miserable, at some stupid football game that didn't even _count_ because their football team sucked ass. He didn't have to stay here and take this. He could easily abandon this stupid game and get back to his stupid apartment. Maybe even change the stupid locks so stupid Sakura couldn't find her stupid way back inside.

If he was lucky, some large, carnivorous birds would feast on her on her way home.

Smirking, he stood up abruptly, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Dude, where are you going? Are you getting snacks? Get me some chocolate-covered pretzels. Or ramen, if they have it."

"Go fuck yourself with a rusty railroad spike," Sasuke said smoothly. "I'm outta here."

Ignoring Naruto's shout of protest and the curious looks from the others, he prepared to leave everyone and get the hell out of there. He was almost to the end of the row when…

"Hey, Sakura, is that you?"

Hearing Sakura's name uttered from a decidedly male voice always rankled his nerves. It was one of the many unfortunate side effects to having a legitimate crush on a girl, the accompanying jealousy. Sasuke paused on his way to the gates to listen.

"Oh. Hey, Idate!" Sakura's voice was bright and vibrant, lacking every bit of the animosity she'd shoved right down his throat like a bulimic's finger. "How are you?"

"Good, good. This seat taken?"

"Uh, no. Not at all."

Sasuke hesitated. He could leave right now. He had a hot date with a polemics textbook and three hundred vocabulary terms to memorize within two weeks, and a rare moment alone at the apartment to take full advantage of it. No annoying friends, no annoying roommate, nothing but perfect quiet and delightful concentration.

But.

Chancing a glance at the scene behind him, he saw stupid Idate wearing his stupid track jacket, taking a stupid seat next to stupid Sakura. And stupid Sakura was too stupid to notice how stupid Idate was looking less at the game taking place on the field, and more at the way her chest filled out the Konoha University hoodie she was wearing.

_Damn it,_ he thought, even as his feet swung back the way he came. Ignoring Naruto's smirk and Neji's raised eyebrows and Kiba's grin, he took a seat on Sakura's opposite side like nothing was wrong.

Predictably, she flung a glare his way, along with a little boiling hiss like the volcano she was. "What are _you_ doing here?" she demanded.

"Watching the game," he returned.

"You're not gonna throw me out of my seat, are you? I know sometimes you like to just barge in places where you're not welcome and throw people out."

"I haven't ruled it out yet," he snapped. To Idate, who was looking at them both like they were crazy, he added, "Beat it, doofus. We're busy here."

Idate took the hint and with a quick goodbye to Sakura, moved further down the row to sit with other people. Sakura's girlfriends scooted away from them as well, leaving them isolated with one another. He sighed, and turned his attention back to the (scoreless) game.

Sakura was frosty for a few minutes and silent beside him, pointedly ignoring the fact that he was sitting next to her. Her huffy breath escaped her nose in loud, irritable puffs, and she refused to so much as look at him.

Guilt, of all things, started to well up inside him.

He'd been unfair. That much was obvious. The whole hot water thing, that wasn't really Sakura's fault that she'd lucked into the shower that actually _worked._ And yeah, she had a lot of annoying habits, but apparently, so did he. He didn't really have the right to shove them all in her face.

Being roommates was about compromising. Being _friends,_ or _whatever_ they were, was about meeting halfway. Give and take. And Sakura, for as much as she had taken from him, had given him back twice as much.

"I'm…" He wouldn't say 'sorry.' "I'm not used to living with anybody else," he finished stiffly.

Sakura looked at him at last, eyebrows raised high up under her bangs. "Excuse me?"

He huffed in annoyance, GOD was she annoying, before clarifying, "I'm not used to having to share hot water. Or tea. Or…whatever. I lived alone before I knew you."

There was a ringing silence that drowned out the screaming fans that surrounded them on all sides. Sakura gasped lightly as she realized what he was saying without actually saying it: he'd been alone for so long, he hadn't had the practice in sharing a house with somebody. This was all new territory for him.

Then, she smiled.

"I promise I'll get my own orange juice and drink out of that carton," she said quietly, resting her green-gloved hand on his knee. "And I'll stop spitting my fingernails all over the carpet."

"…I won't leave my shit lying around all the place," he chimed in.

"Okay, then we're squared," she said firmly, and just like that, their petty argument vanished into thin air. "Er, well, for the record…I made up the part about you giggling in your sleep."

He scoffed. "'Course you did."

"To be fair, you did it _once._ I'm not really sure _why_ but you _did._ And it was fucking bizarre. But I made it out like you did it all the time but it was just that one time."

"Little bitch," he murmured, fondly.

She giggled and scooted just a bit closer to him, sharing his body heat. In the last few weeks of November, temperatures were getting colder and colder, and he was glad to have someone (gorgeous) to warm up with on these freezing cold stadium seats.

"So can you explain this shit to me?" she asked, gesturing to the field. "I never really watched football. My dad always said it's the sport of neanderthals."

"He's right," Sasuke snickered.

"Oh, he called last night and asked about you, by the way. He doesn't know why you haven't visited him yet."

"It pisses you off, huh."

"What does?"

"That your dad likes me more than he likes you."

"It creeps me out, honestly. He's like obsessed with you. But seriously, how's this game work?"

"Eleven guys on either team. The point is to take the ball to the endzone, and…"

"LOOKS LIKE ROMEO AND JULIET MADE UP!" Naruto's shrill, obnoxious shout erupted from further down the row. Sasuke flung a filthy glare at his best friend, who was laughing along with the others. "SAKURA AND SASUKE SITTING IN A TREE, K-I-…"

"C-K-I-N-G YOUR ASS!" Sasuke finished, and everyone laughed at Naruto instead.

Sakura giggled from beside him before leaning in to whisper in his ear. "Oh, and about the whole shower thing…I think there's a way we can _both_ get exactly the right amount of hot water. At the same. Exact. Time."

He felt his entire body go rigid at that.

* * *

**note..** first. i want to thank every single one of you for putting this story over 1,000 reviews. you've made my little daisy dreams come true :) since i'm about roughly halfway through this jawn...please sir, could i have (a thousand) more? i'm like a kid in a candy store over here, you have no idea.

and. if you're going to leave me spiteful "reviews" on my stories that are basically you just listing all your problems with my no-concrit policy, all my character flaws, and how you don't want to meet me in real life because of whatever, at least have the decency to log in beforehand. i think it's a bit cowardly hiding behind an anonymous review. (please be advised: if you think i can't handle concrit, think again. i'm a dancer and a med student. i get criticized for a living.) if you really want to discuss it, by all means shoot me a PM. i think you'll find i'm a lovely person to talk to (i certainly do.) otherwise...just move on. okay? no one's making you read this. get that through YOUR thick skull ;)

thanks again for helping close encounters join the mile high club, so to speak. it means a lot :) when you wish upon a star (whore yourself out), your dreams come true. LOVE YOU GUYS, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

xoxo daisy jane :)


	22. Bangin'

Sakura knew she was playing with fire, teasing Sasuke the way she was, taunting him with an unspoken shower invitation, but once she started, she couldn't stop.

It reminded her of the time she was six and alone in the kitchen; she _knew_ that putting a marshmallow Peep in the microwave was a bad idea, but she physically couldn't stop herself from doing it anyway. She had to push it, had to see how far she could go with it, before the entire thing blew up in her face.

Or, in her mother's microwave. Whichever.

Same basic concept.

It got to be a habit over the next few days, starting with the shower comment and continuing with a few more not-so-innocent salacious suggestions. For example, in the library:

"Sasuke, would you mind getting me that book off the top shelf? To reach it I'd have to contort my body into some unnaturally flexible position."

At brunch with their friends:

"Sasuke, d'you want some of this hummus? It tastes so good in my mouth that I just can't get enough."

Christmas tree shopping:

"Sasuke, it looks like you don't even need help carrying that one, you're so strong I bet you could keep it up for hours."

Working on his car:

"Wow, Sasuke, I never realized before how good you are with your hands."

And each and every time, Sasuke's attention would snap right to her, his expression suspicious but his gaze heated. She was waving a red flag in front of his face, and she knew, sooner or later, he was going to charge.

The problem was, Sakura didn't think she was _ready_ for that to happen.

She was still a virgin. A bit more experienced than Sasuke, as she'd been kissed by boys before, but in that one regard, she and Sasuke were on the same level. Both of them had had plenty of opportunities, but she was waiting for something – someone – special, and she was starting to have a very, very good idea on who that special someone would be.

But it was still a scary concept. Besides sharing a few electric makeout sessions and a couple of not-quite-confessions, she still wasn't entirely sure on where she stood with Sasuke. With what he wanted. 'Taking it slow' could just be his way of 'letting her down gently.' Or maybe he was just in it to bang her and leave it at that, and Sakura knew that for her first time, she deserved better than that.

Saying these sexy things around him was her way of feeling him out, but she also knew how dangerous it was to dangle something like sex in front of a healthy, amorous young man. She was becoming the proverbial cock tease of their generation and she didn't know how to turn it off.

Coffee with Ino one chilly December morning, a couple weeks before Christmas, seemed like a good opportunity to explain herself. Ino's visits to Konoha were becoming more and more frequent, what with her boyfriend living there, and her transfer from Suna was imminent. And Sakura was glad; Karin and Tenten and the other girls she'd befriended were great, but Ino was her best friend, and there were things she could tell Ino that she couldn't tell anybody else.

Namely, why she was teasing Sasuke Uchiha with sex she didn't think she was ready for.

"So when did you and Kiba first hook up?" she asked, without any preamble, as they sat down at a small table by the frosty window to tuck into their cappuccinos.

"What the hell brought that on?" Ino asked, surprised.

"I'm just curious."

"We waited like…I don't know, maybe a week. Why?"

Sakura hesitated, then blurted out the whole thing. "Well me and Sasuke have been kissing every now and then mostly around the holidays and now it's got me thinking about what comes next because you know I wanted to be in love before I banged somebody for the first time and I don't _know_ if I love Sasuke or if I just really really like him but I think he wants to bang me and I definitely want him to because I know he can kiss so he's got to be really good at the other stuff, right? Only what if I'm not good at the other stuff and we DO bang but he's like 'oh shit you're awful at this, bye girl' and then I'm sad and I don't know what I'm supposed to do all these things because I don't know if he likes me all like that or if he's just in it to tap this admittedly sexy body of mine and INO WHAT AM I DOING because I keep teasing him on purpose and then running away and UGH."

Ino blinked a few times, then burst out laughing.

"Oh, _Forehead,_" she wheezed, wiping tears of her laughter from her eyes. "That's _outstanding._"

"It's not funny," Sakura snapped. She yanked her snow beanie off her head in sheer annoyance. "Plus my hair _sucks_ and it's almost Christmas and I think I need to not be a virgin anymore."

"Now hold it right there," Ino said harshly. "You've held off this long despite all the opportunities you had back in Suna – need I remind you of the betting pool all the guys had in high school on who'd be lucky enough to nail you the first time? But you did it because you wanted it to be special, not because you wanted to get it over with. You and Sasuke aren't even dating, shouldn't that come first?"

Sakura sighed. "Typically, yeah. But Sasuke…we're not _typical,_ at _all._ He's like the opposite of a human being. And I like him so, so much, I really do want it to be him."

"Then go for it!" Ino encouraged. "What's stopping you? Definitely not Sasuke, I've seen the way he looks at you."

"…but what if I'm bad at it?" Sakura asked, her voice a whisper as she felt her cheeks heat up.

"Bad at what? _Sex?_ No way you could be, not with the way you can split."

"Not just that," Sakura sighed, shoving her gloved hands in the pockets of her little cream coat. "Everything. Like if we _do_ have a relationship…what if I'm a terrible girlfriend? I already drive him crazy, I know that. And I'm obsessed with school and I study all the time and I'm busy every minute of the day, and I've never really had the time to sit down and think about what kind of girlfriend I'd be. And maybe, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. Because Sasuke's never said he wanted to be my boyfriend. Maybe he just likes me for my body, and I'm just reading way too much into this because I want to see something that isn't there. I'm just so _confused._ And I feel like if I knew at least where he stood with this, I'd know what to do."

It felt kind of nice to get all her insecurities on the table, instead of bottled up inside her. She didn't like feeling like she had no control over her life, but this situation with Sasuke, bubbling and boiling and about to explode, was exactly that. She felt like she didn't have a foothold in this pseudo-relationship, and whenever she and Sasuke attempted to talk about it, or continue it, or take things further…

She got cold feet.

It was a vicious cycle.

"Sakura," Ino began, hesitating, and as it was a rarity for Ino to call her by her given name, she instantly had her attention. She was playing with the end of her blonde French braid, looking reluctant. "If I told you…something…that might change how you feel about, like, this whole thing…"

"What do you mean?" Sakura demanded, eyes narrowing. "You know something about this?"

"I told Sasuke I wouldn't tell you," Ino huffed. "And that I'd let y'alls figure it out on your own, but this is taking _forever_. And you're psyching yourself out thinking that he's not into you or whatever for no reason."

Sakura's eyes widened.

"Wait…you mean…"

"Yeah, genius. Sasuke admitted he liked you."

"What?! When?!"

"Your Halloween party. You should've seen him. Like a little kid, pouting about the whole thing because he didn't know what to do about it. It was adorable."

"You knew since _Halloween_ and didn't _tell me?_"

"I thought for sure he'd man up and tell you himself, in some pissy, romantic way," Ino sighed, shrugging off Sakura's agitation and taking a sip of her caramel cappuccino. "But it's been almost two months since then and beyond y'alls two making out every now and then and never talking about it because you're 'taking it slow,' nothing's happened. And you're freaking out because you think he just wants your body and he's too much of a pussy to tell you himself that it's more than that, but seriously, Sakura. He's serious about you. He told me himself."

Sakura was both elated and terrified by this news. Her heart was hammering in her chest, and her grip on her coffee was trembling as she attempted to process what she had just heard. She was irritated that Ino had held onto crucial information like this for so long, but more than that, she was _exhilarated._ From Sasuke's own mouth to her most trusted best friend, he was legitimately into her. As more than just the shallow attraction they'd both admitted to in the past.

So now what?

"What do you think I should do?" Sakura asked hesitantly, resenting how naïve she sounded, but you're allowed to be a pathetic, clueless twit to your best friend.

Ino smiled.

"I think you should keep doing what you're doing," she said simply. "Let Sasuke figure out how he wants to tell you, and when. Oh, and stop teasing him."

"That could take _forever,_" Sakura groaned. "What should I do in the meantime?"

Ino reached across the table and ran a hand through Sakura's shaggy side bangs. "A haircut, for starters," she said dryly. "You're overgrown, like moss in a swamp."

"I know, I gotta get my bangs trimmed and angled. Maybe I'll do that today."

"Do something different. Ooh, get a fringe instead! Like trim those split ends before I cut 'em off myself with this biscotti knife, but get like, straight bangs. That'd look amazeballs."

This was why Sakura loved Ino so much. She listened to her best friend's problems, dispensed some pretty decent advice on top of some really exciting information, then made a kickass haircut suggestion to round it all off.

"Yeah, go take care of that on your day off," Ino said, standing up and grabbing her purse. "I gotta meet Kiba at the ice rink. You're shopping today, right?"

"Uh, yeah," Sakura replied with a wistful sigh. "I work the rest of the weekend and finals start on Monday, so this is about the only time I can, I guess."

"Well, text me later. Bye, bitch."

"See you, have fun."

* * *

The outlet mall was only a short walk from the salon. Sakura's freshly-cropped bangs now reached her newly-waxed eyebrows, and she was feeling considerably lighter about her tenuous romantic situation with Sasuke, following a quick beautification and a nice conversation.

The whole teasing thing had to stop. Ino was right. She was pushing Sasuke's buttons, dangling sex in front of him, when they weren't ready for it.

But when would they be?

_Maybe I AM ready,_ she thought, looking up at the overcast sky and snuggling a bit tighter into her coat as the wind whipped her shortened bangs in and out of her eyes. _I mean we don't necessarily have to wait to be an official ITEM, do we? Because technically, I guess we've been…well…seeing each other for months now. At least that's when we started…occasionally kissing._

The whole thing was confusing, but at least now it didn't feel so overwhelming. Ino's revelation that Sasuke liked her (for real) was empowering. Now that she wasn't crippled by self-doubt, it was easier to feel optimistic that they could work something out of their indefinable relationship.

_I'll figure it out,_ she thought with a smile, pausing at a crosswalk with the other pedestrians while they had a red light. _Sasuke's…he's weird. He's special. If he really does like me like Ino says, he'll let me know in his own special way._

She was going home for Christmas, that much she couldn't get out of. Not only did she miss her parents (of course), but after missing her for the Thanksgiving holiday, they'd patently refused to let her skip out on their Christmas celebration. And she more than understood; she was their only child after all, and the holidays were a lonely time of year to spend without your family.

Her father immediately invited Sasuke, in one of the creepier Skype chats she'd ever had with her parents. After informing his daughter that he'd already purchased two train tickets for her to return home, he let her know in no uncertain terms that the other ticket was for Sasuke. Remembering the entire fiasco of a discussion made her smile as she waited for the green light:

"You'll really let him come with me?" she said, eyes shining happily; she couldn't believe how quickly (almost scarily quickly) Kizashi and Mebuki Haruno had accepted her (slightly-more-than-a-) roommate into their lives, but she'd be lying if she said she was upset by it.

"Your mother's already got the guest room fixed up for him," Kizashi replied gruffly.

"Why can't he just stay in my room?" Sakura teased her father onscreen, watching his skin pale.

"Because over my cold dead goddamn body am I gonna listen to the two of you fornicate in my own house," he replied, just as Sasuke chose that particular moment to walk behind the couch, where Sakura sat with her parents on her laptop onscreen. "Oh, is that him? Let me talk to him."

"Hello, Sasuke, darling!" Mebuki called, while Sakura, sighing, adjusted the laptop so Sasuke could see the Harunos and vice versa. "How are you?"

At Sasuke's raised eyebrows, Sakura muttered, "They're gonna invite you to stay with us for Christmas. Say yes, or my dad might kill you."

"Good, ma'am, how are you?" Sasuke replied, in his politest tone, which was still a bit standoffish, but Sasuke was Sasuke.

"Fine, dear, thanks for asking," Mebuki said with a girlish blush that completely irritated her daughter. "Your hair's getting longer, sweetheart."

"I know, I should probably get it cut," Sakura began, but her mother shushed her.

"Not you, I meant Sasuke. It looks wonderful, dear."

"Thanks," Sasuke replied with a smirk, ignoring Sakura's scandalized expression.

"Anyway, you'll be coming here with Sakura for the holidays, correct?"

"'Course he is," Kizashi answered before Sasuke could answer.

"Oh, wonderful, darling. You'll _love_ Suna. It's warm all yearround! It's got to be a nice refreshing break from how _cold_ it gets out in Konoha in the winter. I saw they're calling for a huge blizzard over Christmas out there, hopefully it passes by before you guys need to travel. But you be sure that you stay with our daughter the whole time, she has a tendency to wander off in big places like train stations by herself, and get lost."

"Does she?" smirked Sasuke, clearly amused, and Sakura _glared_ at him, mouthing the words, _I'll slit your throat in your sleep and bathe in your blood._

"Yes, once at the airport she made her way to the wrong terminal on one of our family vacations. We meant to go to Kusa and my husband and I made it their ourselves, but poor Sakura wound up all alone in Iwa, crying to complete strangers, 'I can't find my mommy and daddy.'"

While Sasuke laughed his quiet, nastily amused laugh along with Kizashi's boisterous one, Sakura glared at her mother.

"There's nothing funny about a lost child," she sniffed.

"Oh, lighten up, darling," Mebuki giggled. "You were seventeen at the time."

The red light flicked to green as Sakura shook her head, recalling that bizarre Skype conversation with a mixture of irritation and amusement. She was looking forward to heading back home to Suna, Sasuke in tow, even if it _did_ seem like her parents preferred him to her.

_I'll need to get him something REALLY special for Christmas,_ she thought, wandering across the street and along the rows of different outlet stores without a particular destination in mind. _Even if he IS coming home with me, the holidays have to really be tough on him, what with his family situation and everything. At least if I get him something really awesome, he'll know that somebody really, really cares about him._

Content with that plan, she made a beeline for the jewelry store, sweeping inside with all the confidence of an eighteen-year-old girl who knew the sun was shining specifically for her.

So what should she get him? Maybe…a nice watch?

_Does Sasuke even wear a watch?_ She thought, eyeing the watches on display critically. _I don't think he does. Would he, if I got one for him? How much are these bad boys anyway?_ Seeing the price tag, she whistled through her teeth. _Oh, yeah, right. He WISHES I liked him that much!_

"May I take anything out for you?" the shopkeeper, a teenage boy with bad acne, asked with an unmistakably salacious grin.

Sakura sighed. When you got sexy ass bangs, you had to expect the repercussions.

"No thanks," she replied flatly.

"Shopping for your boyfriend?" he pressed. "Pretty girl like you?"

"She said she doesn't need any help," a baritone voice snapped from her shoulder; surprised, Sakura looked up and saw the very person she was shopping for, dressed in a college hoodie and a perennial scowl, glaring at the spotted, besotted cashier with purest loathing.

"Oh, hey, Sasuke!" she said brightly, as the cashier skittered away nervously. "What're you doing here?"

"Hn. Shopping." He glanced at her, then frowned. "You look different."

"I do? Oh, I cut my bangs. You like?"

The slow darkening of his eyes was more than enough confirmation, and the swirl of butterflies in her stomach had her questioning if maybe _right now_ was the right time to take things further with Sasuke. She didn't know if she was ready for that, or if he was ready for it, or if they were ready for a relationship, but boy did he make her _want him_ with every bone in her body.

"I gotta get some stuff for my parents today," she went on, not waiting for his verbal response. "You wanna help me?"

"Hn. Your dad told me he wants a new baseball bat."

"Wait, he told you that?"

"Yeah," Sasuke replied, stuffing a white plastic bag into his pocket. "Texted me this morning."

"My dad talks more to _you_ than he does to _me,_" she muttered, irritated. "What's in the bag?"

Sasuke had the decency to blush just a little bit, then turned away from her. "Nothing. There's a sporting goods store down the way, let's get going before it gets busy."

_I'll have to get his present another day,_ she thought with a shrug, waiting as he held the door open for her and fell into step beside her, his quiet presence buoying her up even more. She didn't even notice that he steered her away from the crowd of people doing their rushed Christmas shopping, down a side alley, until they were alone.

"What's the big idea?" she demanded. "That baseball bat ain't gonna buy itself, you know!"

But he silenced her with a heated look from under his dark fringe, one that made her blush fiercely.

"You attract trouble everywhere you go," he murmured, half-scolding, as his gaze dropped to her lips then back to her eyes. "Every time I run into you outside of home, there's always some dopey-eyed dipshit panting all over you."

"Well, thank God I've got you to stalk my every move, right?" she replied breathily, standing on tiptoe in her high-heeled boots so she could kiss him, their first kiss in a couple of weeks. Bolstered by the fact that Ino confirmed his feelings for her, she was more confident that her kiss would be welcome.

And indeed it was. Sasuke released a strangled groan into her mouth, followed immediately by his tongue, as his hands locked around her waist, pressing her back against the wall with startling urgency. Dizzy with desire and drunk on her roommate, she sealed her hips against his, _loving_ the way he pulled back to catch his breath and stare heatedly into her eyes.

"Be more careful," he ordered, panting slightly, looking more gorgeous than ever with the icy wind in his hair. "And yeah," he added, with a chaste kiss to the corner of her mouth, followed by a tiny but sincere Sasuke smile. "I like your bangs."

* * *

**note..** because a conversation with your best friend will always make you feel better. so now ino let the cat out of the bag and sakura knows but sasuke doesn't know she knows. kind of a transition chapter, but i think (hope) you might like what i've got planned for christmas...;)

oh, and if you're only following this story hoping for a gratuitous sex scene, sorry i'm not sorry. i include sexuality in nearly all my stories about relationships because yes, it is a very huge, crucial component to a relationship, but i don't write them explicitly, since MA ain't allowed on this site. most of it is gonna be implied.

i love y'alls more and more every time. :) oh, and can someone explain what "plot bunny" is? i swear, i feel like such a noob on this site sometimes. i come across these terms, have no fucking idea what they mean because i use made-up words like 'jawnpiece' and 'vaingloriously,' and i'm sure i'm missing out on some ancient ffnet secret in all my naivete.

leave some love, much obliged :) but y'alls are great about that. enjoy your weekend! i know i will. making my triumphant return to the bars. if y'alls are out at frankford hall and see a tiny blonde alcoholic trying to get everyone to sing lady gaga by the bonfire, don't be shy, come say hi! have fun, be safe!

xoxo Daisy :)


	23. Shit-mas part one

Well, his finals were all turned in. Sasuke's first college semester was officially over.

It was impossible not to feel at least a little bit smug about that. He was reasonably confident that he'd done well in all of his classes, but now that everything was over, he was exhausted more than anything else. The past few days, he'd been studying nonstop: in his apartment with Sakura, at the library with their friends, on the quad alone. He'd lost sleep over it and in his stress, snapped off at a few customers down at Akimichi's Grocery, but now that it was all said and done, he felt like he was experiencing the tail end of an adrenaline rush.

He wanted nothing more than to sleep.

The problem was, however, there were only six days left until Christmas. Konoha University was the kind of shitty school where the semester cut late into December; his old friends who'd gone to Oto University were already two weeks into their winter break and his was just starting. Of course, the upside was, their break extended long into January, well after everybody else was already starting in on the spring semester. Either way, Sasuke was looking forward to a month of full decompression.

He trekked the familiar path home, the winter wind pulling through his hair and even coaxing a tear from his eye, which he irritably brushed away. This would be the last trip he'd make from KU back to Shady Leaf for an entire month; just knowing that thirty entire days of relaxation now awaited him made him all the more excited to get back inside the warmth of his apartment.

Sakura had gone all out on the Christmas decorations. After getting plastered at Halloween and the overall fiasco that was Thanksgiving, she seemed determined to deliver on just one important holiday, and so far, everything was going smoothly. They'd picked out a Christmas tree no muss, no fuss, and they'd hung tinsel and holly (the cheap kind) all around the living room and on their front door. They had two stockings, but with no fireplace to hang them over, Sakura had merely taped them to the refrigerator like the hillbilly she was.

All in all, though, it was going a lot better than their other holidays. There was something really…_pleasant_ about returning to a home every day that was warm and inviting. Sakura kept the place well-stocked with cinnamon coffee and spiced apple tea to keep the holiday theme, and she'd taken to baking cookies lately so it was impossible not to associate his apartment with all the warmth and grandeur of Christmas.

He shoved his hands further into his pockets against the biting cold as he headed up the familiar walkway to Building C. They would be leaving for Sakura's parents' house in five days, and the thought was both exciting and terrifying.

In his heart of hearts, he really did miss the whole family Christmas thing. He hadn't had a proper one of those in over ten years, and he knew that Sakura's parents both liked him (her dad to an almost creepy degree.) They would make him feel welcome at their celebration, for sure, and he knew he would have a great time.

But.

This felt a lot like a girlfriend introducing her boyfriend to her parents for the first time.

His situation with Sakura hadn't been this serious when her parents first met him, but now he was starting to think scary words like "Girlfriend" and "Commitment"; would Kizashi and Mebuki Haruno revoke his good standing, now that he was frighteningly close to telling Sakura how he felt about her?

Was this too much, too soon? Having a full-on Christmas celebration with Sakura and her parents?

Then there was the whole matter of buying a present for her, which, frankly, had been nothing short of a nightmare. She was impossible to buy for. He wanted her to have something nice, because even if she drove him crazy, he really did care about her and if he gave her something pretty, she would hopefully be more inclined to make him bacon. He'd stressed about it for weeks, not having had someone to Christmas shop for in years, and eventually decided on a bracelet from the jewelry shop at the outlet mall.

It was simple, white gold and not overly flashy, and it seemed just Sakura's style. She was the kind of girl who was stylish without trying too hard, who knew how to buy cheap clothes and dress them up to look expensive; she wouldn't want some gargantuan jewel, gawdy and flashy the way Ino or Karin would (demand) prefer. This seemed more up her alley.

But now he was second-guessing himself. What if he was writing her off as down-to-earth, when really she wanted something huge and flashy? What if she opened his present and was so dismayed at its simplistic design, that she stopped making out with him every few days?

Irritated with his incompetence in this regard, Sasuke shook his head in frustration and unlocked the front door to his apartment. Abruptly, the warmth and welcoming air in their little two-bedroom hideaway disarmed him, loosened his annoyance until he felt comfortably drowsy. Sakura had clearly just finished brewing some spiced apple tea judging by the pleasant aroma; he could hear her bustling about in the kitchen as he kicked off his shoes and closed the door behind him.

_No sense in stressing out about it,_ he thought, with a conciliatory smirk. _It's Christmas, ain't it?_

_And Christmas is about telling someone how you feel._

* * *

"It's really getting bad out here, isn't it?" Sakura remarked nervously, staring out the passenger's side window as they made their way to the airport.

"Aa." Sasuke usually drove very casually, one hand on the top of the steering wheel, the other lazy on his gearshift. But with the way the snow was picking up and how slick the streets were becoming, he was driving like an old grandmother, hands at 10:00 and 2:00 and his eyes locked on the road ahead of them.

"You don't think they're gonna cancel the flight, do you?"

"Don't know."

"Well this is just fucking fabulous, isn't it. I _told_ you we should've flown out earlier this week, but _no._"

"Don't blame this on me, you're the one who bought the damn tickets for Christmas Eve!" he shot back, annoyed. "We don't know if it's canceled or not, don't get your panties in a twist."

"Did you _seriously_ just say that to me?" But far from sounding angry or scandalized by his mentioning her unmentionables, Sakura merely laughed. One of the things he liked most about her was how easily amused she was; it didn't take much at all to make her laugh. "Sasuke it's _Christmas._ Maybe stop fantasizing about my panties for two _seconds._"

She was teasing him, but Sasuke found himself daydreaming about Sakura's panties more often than he would have liked to admit. Doing his laundry last week, he'd come across (purely by _accident_) a tiny scrap of raspberry lace masquerading as underwear. He'd blushed like a motherfucker and hid them in the bottom of his laundry basket so no one would think he was some type of deviant rooting through his virginal roommate's underwear drawer, and now that he knew that Sakura was a lacy kind of girl, it didn't do anything to curttail his endless fantasies about her.

He sighed. At least now they were heading to her parents' house for the holiday. Kizashi Haruno was the world's best boner kill. Hopefully he wouldn't be plagued by this incessant daydreams while he was staying with the Harunos.

He turned off the freeway slowly, windshield wipers working furiously as he tried to make out the enormous airport in the distance. He hated nothing more than driving in snow. It was slippery, it was dangerous, and on his very bald tires, it was suicidal.

It had started snowing that morning, a gentle, pretty dusting, but rather than disintegrating as the day went on, the temperatures dropped and the precipitation picked up. Sasuke didn't want to broach the uncomfortable subject to Sakura, who was very much looking forward to seeing her parents, but he doubted that anything would be taking off in this mess. And if it did, he doubted that any plane would be able to weather the weather without crashing into a building and killing everyone inside.

Grimacing, he pulled into a parking spot as close to their terminal as he could get. Stupid Sakura had chosen (like a fucking idiot) to order plane tickets for Christmas Eve, which meant that Konoha International Airport was packed to bursting with holiday travelers. He was not looking forward to baggage claim, but even before that, he'd have to get inside the damn building. And the howling wind and fat snowflakes slamming into his windshield did not endear him to the idea of leaving the warmth and safety of his car.

"All right, we gotta make this quick," he said to Sakura. "I'll get the bags, you run inside and figure out which gate we're leaving from."

"I'll help you," she insisted. "It's a fucking nightmare, Sasuke. And I know for a fact my suitcase weighs a ton."

"Typical girl," he scoffed.

"It's full of Christmas presents, you ass," she snapped, jamming a woolen snowcap on her head over her ears, then tightening her scarf around her neck. "All right, let's go."

Half-annoyed with her attitude, half-admiring her spunk, Sasuke nodded curtly and together they threw open their doors.

Instantly, he was slapped in the face by a gust of icy wind. "Jesus Christ," he hissed, turning his collar up against the cold as snow stung his cheeks. He cast a nervous glance at Sakura, who weighed about six pounds and was liable to blow away in the storm, and saw that she'd already reached their bags in the trunk. Seeing her skinny legs in a pair of too-thin nylons and too-high heels, he could only shake his head and run back to help her.

"This is an _abomination!_" she cried, her voice almost lost over the shrieking wind as she kicked the wheels out on her suitcase to drag behind her. Sasuke tossed his own bag over his shoulder and locked his car, squinting his eyes against the bitter wind, and nearly slipped and fell on his ass when Sakura, blown back by a particularly fierce gust of wind, smacked into him.

"Why the fuck are you wearing _heels_ in a _snowstorm?_" he demanded angrily, as she slipped and tried to find her balance. "Oh for the love of _God._ Sakura pick up your suitcase."

"What?" she shouted, unable to hear him properly.

"_Pick up your suitcase!_"

"_NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO PICK UP A FRUITCAKE! THIS IS THE ACTUAL APOCALYPSE!"_

Certain that they were both going to die in the frozen, snowy parking lot of Konoha International Airport, Sasuke cussed under his breath, snatched Sakura's suitcase up off the ground, shoved it into her arms, then in one effortless movement, slung her across his free shoulder. She let out a predictable shriek of surprise and clutched her suitcase as Sasuke took off at a sprint for the airport.

The automatic doors slid open to admit them and the resulting rush of warmth was welcoming on his face. Panting slightly in relief and exhaustion, he let a struggling Sakura slide down his front and land on her impractical heels, her eyes wide and her cheeks flushed with cold.

"That was…kind of awesome," she said with a bright smile. "Thanks, Sasuke!"

Stupid, impractical, _annoying_ little…

"Excuse me, sir," Sakura said to a security guard. Sasuke watched the older man eye her up like candy and scowled. Did this have to happen _everywhere_? "Is flight 623 to Suna still taking off?"

"They haven't made any announcements yet saying otherwise, Miss," he replied with a grin. "I'll let you know if anything changes."

"Thank you!" Sakura sang with that annoying smile of hers that seemed to dazzle everything male within a hundred foot radius. "Sasuke, come on, let's check our bags and try and get through security quickly."

"Why do you always fucking do that?" he snapped at her, as they wove through the hordes of holiday travelers blocking their way to baggage claim.

"Do what?" she asked innocently.

"That thing you always do."

"Oh, I _love_ this game," she scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Either start to make sense or shut your mouth, I've had a long day."

"That sweet, innocent little smile you give everybody, you lead these guys on, Sakura."

"I asked a _security guard_ a _question_ about our _flight schedule._ On what _planet_ is that me leading him on? Certainly not one in the Andromeda galaxy, that's for sure. Besides, you do the same fucking thing!"

Pausing in line behind her, he shot her his best glare. "Same thing?! What the hell are you talking about?"

"Whenever we get hoagies delivered and that stupid girl with the nose ring drops it off for us, you always give her a huge, enormous tip."

"And that's me leading her on," he snorted.

"Yes it is! Because I know for a _fact_ you never tip the pizza delivery guy anywhere _near_ as much!"

"That's because he ate a piece of our pizza the last time we ordered!" he argued. "I'm not paying for him to share in our pizza and give us what he didn't get a chance to finish in the _ten fucking minutes_ it took him to drive over."

"Please. You just like girls with nose rings. Admit it, you philandering sack of…"

"NEXT!" called the baggage checker, and Sasuke, too aggravated by Sakura to even bother hearing what she was about to call him, merely pushed her forward to take her turn in line. The headache descending behind his eyes wasn't even remotely a surprise.

* * *

Sasuke exhaled in relief.

They'd successfully checked their bags and survived airport security. And they'd made no announcement regarding any changes in the flight schedules, which meant in just a few short minutes, he and Sakura would be boarding a plane to warm, sunny Suna for Christmas with her parents.

Traveling was always exhausting. Traveling with Sakura was doubly so. But now that they were just sitting together in the airport Starbucks, cinnamon coffees in their gloved hands and a drama-free holiday in their near-future, he was able to relax a bit. It was a two-hour flight to Suna, and once they were there, he could get some sleep and wake up in time for Christmas.

"Well see, that wasn't so bad," Sakura said from across the table, a smile on her face as she sipped her coffee. "Though I admit you're right: next time, we'll try and avoid the holiday rush. Jesus, this is a nightmare."

The airport was absolutely packed. Screaming babies, squabbling children, irritated adults all stumbling over each other trying to get where they needed to be. An airport was always busy, but on Christmas Eve, it was ridiculous. At least now they could learn from their mistakes, and next time make arrangements well beforehand.

"So," Sakura said conversationally, a mischievous smirk taking the place of her smile. "What'd you get me for Christmas?"

He thought back to the bracelet in his luggage, and smirked right back. "You'll get it on Christmas itself," he taunted. "What'd you get me?"

"Absolutely nothing," she said, then giggled. "I'm not telling you if you don't tell me."

"Hn. That won't bother me."

These were the times he liked Sakura best. When it was just the two of them, away from all the pressures of school and work and the near-constant presence of their aggravating friends, teasing each other without any real venom. She kept conversation going without expecting too much from him, and seemed to genuinely enjoy spending time with him.

He was starting to like her more and more.

"Are you okay, coming with me?" she asked, looking suddenly nervous. Her newly-cropped bangs fell into worried green eyes, and Sasuke smirked.

"You mean, am I comfortable dealing with your dad's bromance advances for the rest of the week?" he countered, amused.

"You know what I mean. I sort of…didn't leave you an option, coming with me…I just figured you'd rather, like, I don't know. Not be alone, for Christmas. And since my parents really won't hear of me not going home for Christmas…I don't know, I feel like I kind of forced you into this."

"Sakura, relax. You know I don't do anything I don't want to do."

Sakura giggled. "Arrogant son of a cow."

"**ATTENTION, ALL PASSENGERS,**" a booming, pleasant female voice sounded over the intercom. Sasuke sighed, knowing exactly what was coming. Of course. A quick glance out the window at the rapid snowfall confirmed his suspicions. "**A STATE OF NATIONAL EMERGENCY HAS BEEN DECLARED FOR KONOHA AND THE SURROUNDING AREAS. AS A RESULT, ALL FLIGHTS FOR TODAY, DECEMBER 24****th****, HAVE BEEN CANCELED AND EVERYONE IS ORDERED TO REMAIN WHERE THEY ARE UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. THANK YOU, AND HAVE A PLEASANT DAY.**"

"What?" Sakura cried. "Oh, _no!_"

Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation. He really should have seen this all coming.

After holding Sakura's hair back on Halloween, and nearly getting arrested on Thanksgiving, it would only make sense that they would be stranded, on Christmas Eve, at a crowded Konoha airport. Sakura was fucking Murphy's Law.

What _else_ could go wrong?

(Famous last words, Sasuke.)

* * *

**note..** hey, everybody :) this is part one to my sasusaku christmas. hope you'll like part two! let me know if you liked it.

oh, and because this is fucking cool, **arch-nsha** made a fanart for my story lespedeza, called "flowers." there's a link to it on my profile and you guys need to tell her how awesome she is because she's got crazy awesome talent and i'm so so excited she used it on my stories. my very first fanart! (you guys can't see it but i'm cheesin.)

love y'all!

xoxo daisy


	24. Shit-mas part two: Ho Ho Hos

It was on Christmas Eve, at a crowded airport in the middle of a blizzard, sitting at the café counter of an overpriced Starbucks that Sakura Haruno realized nothing in the world was fair.

Because of some shitty-ass planning (all her fault), she now faced the inevitable prospect of spending Christmas at the Konoha International Airport with approximately sixteen million other would-be holiday revelers, and her pain in the ass roommate who was wearing that infuriating, "I knew this would happen," expression on his gorgeous face.

"Here's what I'm gonna do," she said with a sigh. "I'm gonna stop celebrating holidays. Because whenever I try, it blows up into this toxic shitstream of incomprehensible shittery. And nobody deserves that. So this is me, swearing off holidays for the rest of my life. This is all my fault."

"Can we get that notarized?" Sasuke quipped dryly, barely looking up from his coffee, like he expected every flight to be canceled and was accepting it as status quo.

Normally, she would bitch at him for being spectacularly unhelpful, say something vicious and pick a fight and whatever, and normally, she would feel entirely justified in doing that.

But today, she felt nothing but gut-churning guilt at her third consecutive failure to deliver a holiday that Sasuke Uchiha would enjoy.

_This was my big chance,_ she thought miserably. _To give him a nice family Christmas, since he hasn't had one in so long. And I know he was looking forward to it, too, or he never would've agreed to come back to Suna with me. And because I didn't have the common fucking sense to book this stupid flight in advance, now he's stuck here on Christmas Eve with all these assholes and me, the biggest asshole of all, the one who ruined everything. If it wasn't for me, he could be back at our apartment, nice and warm and..._

"I'm so, _so_ sorry, Sasuke," she said, her voice tiny, and to her horror, she felt tears burning in her eyes, so she quickly looked down into her café au lait so he wouldn't see. Great. Now she was stranded, guilty, AND feeling sorry for herself, when really, she had no right to feel pity for anybody but Sasuke.

"Tch," he murmured. "You can't control the weather."

"Not the _weather._ I should've looked at the reports beforehand, or gotten us tickets earlier than last minute. I should've put an ounce of common sense into this but I didn't, I never do. And everything always goes so _wrong,_ and I always want to make sure you have really nice holidays but every time I try and make it happen, it all falls apart."

Sasuke was quiet, and she was terrifyingly close to crying, so she hopped up off her stool.

"I'm gonna run to the bathroom," she murmured, before taking off at a sprint out of the café. He called her name as she fled, but she didn't look back, entirely unable to hold herself together.

She made it all the way to the nearest bathroom before locking herself in a stall and bursting into tears.

They weren't the dignified, ladylike tears, complete with gentle handkerchief patting that nobody could really hear. No, this was Sakura and nothing ever went right, so she found herself wailing and sobbing at a frighteningly loud volume, her eye makeup streaking down her cheeks and tangling in her eyelashes, her nose running, her chest heaving. She shuddered to imagine all the other women in the bathroom and how they might interpret her collossal breakdown, but she couldn't help it.

Everything always went so _wrong._

This was supposed to be her big opportunity to give Sasuke the family moment he'd always wanted. Instead, like everything else, it was shaping up to be one catastrophic disappointment after another, and this time, her poor planning and Mother Nature being a real bitch landed them both isolated in an airport with millions of other disappointed, enraged travelers who would never reach their Christmas destinations.

And Sasuke hated crowds more than anything. So this had to be his idea of a nightmare, and she was responsible for it.

_I'm such an awful person,_ she thought, wallowing in misery. _And at this rate, any feelings he might have for me – allegedly – are gonna turn into complete fucking hatred. How can you not hate someone who literally sabotages every major holiday you've ever had at the most important moment? He's got to think I'm doing this on purpose, intentionally making his life miserable. I should save him the hassle and just cut him loose. God knows he's gonna never make out with me again, after this. You don't kiss the holiday killer._

Sakura was fully content to remain locked in this foul-smelling airport bathroom stall for the rest of her life. When they found her years later, dust and bones, they might skip the trouble of burying her and just say, "Good riddance, bitch ruined Sasuke Uchiha's life anyways."

But a few minutes passed and soon her sniffling subsided, and she had a moment to think about what she could do to potentially salvage their first (maybe last) Christmas. It wasn't TOO late, was it?

_Maybe I can still turn it around,_ she thought, trying to think herself into a better mood. _I mean, at least we're together, right? And I still have his present with me in my carry-on, so at the very least I can give him that at least. If he doesn't hate it, like everything else I do._

She was being pathetic, she realized. There wasn't anything she could do about the weather, and surely Sasuke had to understand that as well. He was an asshole, but he wasn't a jerk. Surely he wouldn't hold that against her. He didn't even seem angry when the announcement was made about the snowstorm grounding all flights. Maybe she wasn't giving him – or herself – enough credit.

All that she could do now was try to make the best of it, for both of them. If they really _were_ going to be stuck here on Christmas Eve, then she could at least do her best to make it enjoyable.

Bolstered by this new perspective, she straightened her sweaterdress and smoothed out her tights, tossed her hair back and exited the stall, ignoring all the other women looking round at her with curiosity; not seconds ago, she'd been caterwauling like a howler monkey.

With all the dignity she could muster, she washed her hands and tried to restore some semblance of order to her appearance; a quick flourish of her mascara wand and a slick coat of lip gloss, a fluff of her bangs and a spritz of perfume later, she was a new woman.

_I'll give Sasuke Uchiha one good holiday if it kills me,_ she thought with determination, storming out of the bathroom determined to do just that.

(And at the rate things were going, he was going to kill her anyway.)

* * *

Sasuke wasn't waiting for her at Starbucks. Most likely, he was too pissed to even deal with her and had gone off somewhere to sulk. She could accept those terms; if their positions were reversed, she would probably be annoyed with him, too. If he needed a minute, she could give him one.

She shouldered her carry-on more securely and went to find a place to sit down. There weren't many seats available, since every single flight had been grounded, which meant hundreds of people were crammed into the airport in varying states of aggravation. She eventually gave up looking around their terminal and leaned up against the wall instead, to wait for him to find her.

_Okay, let's see what I can do,_ she thought, deciding to use this time away from Sasuke to make plans for their airport Christmas. _There's a lot of trees set up so we can exchange presents near one of them and pretend we're at home, and I can maybe get Mom and Dad on a video chat on my phone to wish him Merry Christmas…and I'll buy a ton of bacon burgers from Wendy's and take the bacon off and give him the bacon because he loves bacon and maybe if I give him bacon he'll love me, too…_

She had to give herself credit for that one. She was finally starting to feel optimistic about this situation.

Until she spotted Sasuke.

Sitting on a comfortable-looking chair by the Brookstone.

Talking to a very tall, very busty, very attractive older woman.

Abruptly, every happy thought she ever had, every remaining shred of holiday cheer, every desire she'd ever possessed to give Sasuke Uchiha the Christmas he deserved, vanished into thin air. White hot fury exploded inside her, jealousy filling her up to the brim, as she clenched her gloved hands into fists and hissed, "_OH HELL NO._"

Hating her for ruining Christmas? Understandable.

Flirting with another woman, right in _front_ of her? UNFORGIVABLE.

* * *

Sasuke cursed his good looks for maybe the millionth time.

It brought him nothing but trouble, this supermodel face and perfect physique. He couldn't go anywhere without being hounded by dozens of drooling females. (That's why he liked spending so much time with Sakura; when he was in the constant presence of an equally attractive female, it kept the hordes of horny hoes at bay.)

But Sakura chose that particular moment to rush to the bathroom, presumably to throw an unnecessary tantrum about how useless and incapable she was, leaving him wide open for the artless seductions of any airport chick.

He'd left the Starbucks because, without Sakura, the two beady-eyed baristas behind the counter felt thoroughly comfortable slipping him napkins with crude poetry written on them. He'd tried to wait by the women's bathrooms for her to come out, but there were an awful lot of women there, too. Plus it was creepy waiting by the women's bathrooms.

So he'd found himself a seat by the terminal they were supposed to fly out of…

Only to have the seat beside him, one he was saving for Sakura, taken by a woman with ridiculously long hair and a ridiculously low-cut top.

"Well hey there, handsome," she breathed in his ear, in what he guessed was her best come-hither voice. Rolling his eyes, he ignored her.

"What's a big strong thing like you doing here all by yourself?" she tried again, apparently not getting the hint.

"Waiting," he muttered. _Go away, you old broad._

"…for a woman like me?"

"For my girlfriend."

He didn't mean to say it. It just slipped out. But once it did, Sasuke felt like he'd revealed something indecent. Sure, Sakura had used him as a fake boyfriend in the past to ward off unwanted sexual advances, but he didn't think it carried the same clout, not now that they were maybe two tiny steps away from being in a full-blown relationship.

Still, though, it seemed to do the trick. The woman let out a huff of offense and stormed off, and right on cue, Sakura appeared in front of him.

"Took you long enough," he muttered, only to freeze at the expression on her face.

She'd gone into the bathroom morose and contrite –

And now stood before him with her green eyes narrowed under her curtain of bangs, her arms folded, her lips curling in blatant disapproval.

Maybe she'd heard him call her his girlfriend?

That wouldn't warrant this kind of anger, though, right? Sakura looked every bit the woman scorned, the way she was glaring at him; he doubted she'd be this pissed just because he'd called her his girlfriend to get an overzealous admire to fuck off, right?

Of course, Sakura DID work in mysterious ways.

"What's your problem?" he demanded.

"_You're_ my problem!" she hissed, before spinning on her heels and stalking off down the hallway.

He had to give it to her; she really had a knack for making a dramatic departure. But hell if he was going to let her bitch at him for no good reason, on Christmas Eve, in this busy ass airport. Steadily losing his temper, he jumped up out of his comfortable seat and followed.

"What the hell's wrong with _you?_" he snapped at her retreating back. She merely picked up the speed, and he couldn't help but admire how quickly she could move in those high heeled boots of hers. (He also couldn't help but admire the way they made her legs look, but that was neither here nor there.)

"_You're_ what's wrong with me!" she spat over her shoulder, flipping her long pink hair for dramatic effect as she stalked down the crowded hallways to get away from him.

Too bad her hair color was too obnoxious to miss. She stuck out like a tiny, infuriating sore thumb and was remarkably easy to track.

She showed every sign of wanting to storm back into the bathroom she'd just vacated, but he was having none of it. Ducking around a family with five crying children, he snatched Sakura's elbow and yanked her around to face him.

"What's the matter with you?" he demanded.

"_You're_ what's the matter with me!" she shouted, trying to pull her arm back uselessly.

"Stop blaming me for everything! What happened to you?"

"_YOU HAPPENED TO-_"

"Sakura, knock it off! You're acting crazy!"

They were attracting a ton of attention now, and he didn't like it one bit. Because it always looked bad when a tall, muscly guy was harassing a tiny, innocent-looking girl. No one ever stopped to wonder if maybe the tall, muscly guy just wanted to help, and the tiny, innocent-looking girl was actually a demonseed from hell sent to earth to destroy everything. He needed to calm her down, but apparently calling her crazy was the _wrong move._

"OH, SURE!" she screeched. "Just typical Sakura being _crazy,_ right, _Sasuke?!_ Just typical Sakura overreacting. Well at least _I'm_ not the one _fornicating_ with airport skanks!"

His jaw dropped, and the crowd gathering around them began to chuckle.

"_Fornicating?_" he echoed, dumbfounded. "What the _hell…_"

"I saw you, Sasuke!" she screamed. "I saw you philanthroping!"

"I think you mean _philandering,_ you _maniac._"

"THAT WAS A TEST! AND YOU FAILED! YOU ADMIT YOU WERE PHILANDERING!"

"I'm gonna admit nothing, except _you_ into a _psych ward._ Now calm the hell down. You didn't see anything."

"Oh, so now I'm _blind _on top of being _crazy,_ huh?" Sakura's eyes were wide, her teeth bared in the universal sign of aggression, and he had a feeling she wanted nothing more than to tear his throat out with her painted fingernails. She _was_ crazy, driven there by irrational jealousy. She'd seen the old broad flirting with him, and that was why she was reacting so badly.

It all clicked into place, and he couldn't help but smirk.

He'd been planning to wait until the next day, but now was as good a time as any, right?

"If you saw anything, it was me telling her to buzz off, since I had a girlfriend," he said smugly.

In his head, this was an extremely smooth way of asking Sakura out, tacitly confessing his feelings for her at long last. In his head, her eyes would well up with tears of joy and she would enthusiastically accept his offer, throw her arms around him and kiss him and then let him do amazing things to her in a hidden corner of the airport somewhere. In his head, this was a very suave, debonair, Uchiha-worthy way of securing himself a girlfriend.

But this was also _Sakura._ And Sakura, brilliant, clever, genius-IQ Sakura, never missed an opportunity to _completely_ misunderstand him.

"Oh. I see. So you're fornicating with that old bitch, you're plowing the stupid delivery girl you always tip huge, you're making out with me whenever you feel like it and on top of all that, you've got a _girlfriend?_ Sasuke Uchiha you slutty piece of shit, as God as my witness I'm gonna expose you for the _Ho Ho Ho_ you are! Merry. Fucking. CHRISTMAS!"

With that, she let out a howl of rage and wrenched her arm free of his grip, then lifted her knee with the express intent of driving it between his legs.

But Sasuke, Sakura's roommate of four months, had finely-tuned, Sakura-centric reflexes and was now more than prepared to protect himself from her towering temper. Quick as a shot, he blocked her knee with his hip and, ignoring the crowd behind them, slammed her up against the nearest wall, his hands cast-iron around her waist.

She gasped in shock, but he didn't miss the darkening of her eyes at his bold move; he got the sense that little Sakura might just like it rough, a piece of information he decided to tuck away for later.

"You're crazy, blind, _and_ stupid," he murmured, keeping his voice very low, half so their unwanted audience wouldn't overhear him, and half because Sakura seemed to be reacting to the volume in a most pleasant way; her eyes, vengeful and angry, kept snapping to his mouth, signaling what she wanted him to do. "I was talking about _you._"

"Huh?" she managed dumbly.

"I was gonna ask you out tomorrow at Christmas," he grumbled. "But since everything went up in flames like it always does, I was gonna ask you tonight at midnight. Near the stupid Starbucks because of how much you like the smell of coffee. But since that didn't work out because you're jealous for no goddamn reason, I'm asking you out _now._"

Sakura was a really strange creature. She had a way of getting him to speak in a way nobody else ever could; she pushed him to his limits and then frustrated him so much, he said every single thing that was on his mind.

Well, now it was all out in the open.

Sakura's anger vanished, replaced by wide-eyed shock.

The audience around them all let out 'oohs' and 'ahhs,' now that the atmosphere had changed from 'abusive guy about to beat on his girlfriend' to 'adorable guy about to get himself a girlfriend.' He ignored that, though, and focused instead on the soundless words Sakura was uttering from glossy pink lips.

Was she seriously, _seriously_ talking to herself? Now, of all times? Did she have _any_ idea how creepy he found it, that she talked to herself?

"You…you want to like…date me? And be my boo?" she managed.

"If you ever call me that again, I'll drown you."

"You want to be my boyfriend? Seriously, Sasuke? This isn't a joke?"

She looked so taken aback that he instantly felt his frustrations ebbing. How could he be mad at something so hilariously cute? Her emotions were wide-ranging; not five seconds ago, she'd hated him from the depths of her soul for his alleged fornication with another woman, but now that he'd spilled his guts, she was as docile as a lamb.

Crazy little bitch. (He liked her so much.)

"I think you owe it to me," he muttered, loosening his grip a little on her hips, but not letting go, now that she seemed like she wasn't going to disable him from the dick up.

Her shock transformed to amusement, and she let out a surprised little laugh.

"You think I owe it to you, to go out with you?" she giggled.

"You're fucking nuts," he reminded her, with a slow smirk. "And you never make my bacon crispy enough and you're obsessed with homework and you drink too much. You fuck up every holiday and you flirt with too many guys, it pisses me off. You're manipulative and half the time, I think you should be studied for science."

"All that, and you want to date me?"

"I'm not repeating myself," he snapped, out of patience. "You owe me this much, so it's done."

He wasn't going to give her the option of refusal. After all of the torture Sakura inflicted on him, the very least she could give him in return was herself. Sweet and spicy, caring and crazy, innocent and sexy, he wanted, no, _deserved_ all of it.

So this wasn't even a question, really. He was being courteous in informing Sakura of her new relationship status. It was a formality, if anything.

"Well you know what, Sasuke," Sakura giggled, "I think that's perfectly fair."

And with that, Sakura surrendered at last, accepting her redefined role in his life with a sound, solid, sweet kiss; their unwanted audience erupted into cheers, and Sasuke smirked against her lips.

As usual, at the last minute, when the bases were loaded and there were two outs and a full count, they'd done the impossible and pulled off a grand slam.

* * *

"It's absolutely gorgeous, Sasuke," Sakura breathed, the candlelight from the nearby Christmas tree shining in her eyes as she admired her new bracelet. He smirked, pleased with himself, as she immediately clasped it onto her wrist and cooed over it in that unique, creepy female way. "I mean, seriously. Like, this is _almost_ as good as what I'm giving _you._"

He raised an eyebrow, amused, taking a sip of his decaf and thoroughly skeptical of Sakura's controversial claim. What could _she_ have to give _him_ that would rival his gift to her?

It was two minutes to midnight, and it was dark in the airport. Everyone was camped out all over to wait out the storm, which didn't seem to be letting up in the slightest; they'd found themselves a nice cozy corner behind one of the umpteen Christmas trees, next to a large window showing off the nasty blizzard that had them stranded here in the first place. But Sakura had a blanket for them to share and as far as holidays went, this one wasn't as terrible as it could have been.

He'd had worse.

"Yeah right," he murmured, one arm slung lazily across her shoulders.

A mischievous smile twisted her lips as she reached into her carry-on bag, pulling out a small box with a ribbon around it, and a gift tag addressed, "To Sasuke, Love Sakura."

Frowning a little in curiosity, he took the box from her and unwrapped it, then lifted the lid. He felt his cheeks _burn_ as he made out what was inside, and wild heat pooled in his stomach like lava.

"Oh, sweet shit," he breathed, sucking in air through his teeth.

Sakura grinned.

Inside the box was the reddest, laciest, skimpiest bra he'd ever seen, coupled with the reddest, laciest, skimpiest thong he'd ever seen, folded neatly and nestled beneath a single, impossibly significant condom and a note that read, "I'll wear THIS," with an arrow pointing to the slutty lingerie, "if you wear THIS," with an arrow pointing to the condom. He met Sakura's smoldering eyes and realized he'd never been turned on so quickly before, in all of his life.

And Sakura made him plumb forget about this disaster Christmas, forget that they were stranded in a stupid airport while a stupid snowstorm ruined their stupid plans, forget his own name, even, by leaning in close to whisper hotly in his ear, "Merry Christmas, Sasuke."

Oh, no doubt about it: he was in _love._

* * *

**note..** heyyyy. yeah so i'm starting to wonder if i'm losing my touch; i'm hearing from less and less and less of you lately. IS IT SOMETHING I DID?

but for those of you who still bother with me, thank you. i love you very much.

and yup, it took 24 chapters but now they're actually dating. so no more problems, right?

wrong. next story arc will be about them trying to find the right time and place and temperament to do _it._ but it looks like sakura got the ball rolling, huh? i did this once for my husband's birthday sophomore year of college. gave him lingerie and a condom in a box at a phillies game, which in his eyes made me the best girlfriend in the universe. it ended well for us, so...

talk to me, dollbabies. i miss you. and i'm inspired for a lot of my stories, even the ones i haven't touched in awhile. so let me know if you liked this :)

xoxo daisy :)


	25. She Gets It From Her Daddy

"So just to clarify," Sasuke said darkly, the back of his neck on fire, "you were planning to give me _this_ on Christmas morning, in front of your _parents._"

He gestured to the little box in his lap, which contained the (best) raciest set of lingerie he'd ever seen, a condom, and a lewd suggestion in lieu of a Christmas card. Getting that through security had been sufficiently humiliating, but nothing next to the prospect of Kizashi Haruno seeing it himself. He knew Sakura was out of her mind in many respects, but this seemed excessive even for her.

"Oh, Sasuke, you're _blushing!_" she giggled, pointing to his flushed face like a bitch.

His eyes narrowed. What he wouldn't give to put her out of his misery. Would anyone notice if she mysteriously went missing at 30,000 feet?

The snow had let up overnight enough to allow flights to take off early in the morning. Which normally would be a huge relief (they'd get to have Christmas with the Harunos after all), but now that he knew Sakura's sexual intentions for him? He was more than ready to scrap their holiday plans and retreat to the safety and solitude of their apartment, to make sure that he was given what he was promised.

There was something distinctly unsexy about visiting your brand new girlfriend's parents. Specifically, her bodybuilder-esque father. That definitely put a damper on the festivities alluded to in Sakura's sexy Christmas gift. How was he supposed to cash in on his present if Mr. and Mrs. Haruno were constantly hovering over them?

"I wasn't going to give it to you right in front of them," she laughed, drawing his attention again.

"But you _are_ gonna give it to me," Sasuke said wickedly, and he was rewarded with the sight of a fierce blush spreading across Sakura's cheeks instead of his own. She quickly turned away, suddenly deeply interested in the SkyMall magazine no one ever really read.

Despite the fact that he could now truthfully call Sakura his girlfriend to ward off creepy admirers instead of falsely doing it, nothing really felt momentously different between them. Maybe it was because they hadn't yet slept together. Either way, they teased each other and argued just like always, only now, there was the not-so-subtle promise of some serious action at some point, now that they'd made it official and now that she'd slipped him her panties in a Christmas box. If anything, it made the cat-and-mouse chase between them all the more thrilling, knowing what was at the end of the rainbow, but still unsure when they would reach it.

How in hell was he supposed to keep his hands to himself? This was _awful_ timing. They had had a million opportunities to dig into each other over the past few months. Why _now,_ when they were headed back to the house she was _raised_ in, jealously guarded by her terrifying father, did she feel it was appropriate to give him the go-ahead?

Tease. _Bitch._

"We'll land in Suna in a few minutes," Sakura said, checking her watch. "Mom and Daddy said they'd be waiting at our terminal to pick us up, they're really _really_ excited."

"You still call your father 'Daddy?'" Sasuke sneered.

"We've been over this. Girls don't have to outgrow calling their fathers 'Daddy.' So fuck off, you Smurf."

"Only little babies say 'Daddy.' So I guess that makes you a little baby."

"And you're sexually attracted to me," she retorted without missing a beat, not even looking up from her nails. "So what does that make you?"

"Tch. Are they pissed about the delay?"

"Daddy's raging," Sakura sighed. "Mom told me she had to keep him from driving up to Konoha overnight to make sure we were alive. But they're happy we're still going there for a few days. It's better than nothing. Oh, and you'll get the guest room; it's even nicer than my bedroom. Mom's been cleaning it out all week, and nagging the shit out of me trying to figure out what foods you like while you're with us."

Sasuke felt a twinge of guilt burgeoning beneath his sudden swell of happiness. Here he was, focusing on all the ways his inconvenient sexual green light would interfere with his holiday celebration, when he now had the opportunity to spend time with a real, true family on Christmas, one who had readily and wholly welcomed him in without knowing shit about him. He was being ungrateful for this opportunity, when he should really be soaking every minute of it in.

_They're going to all kinds of trouble to make me feel like one of them,_ he thought, unable to suppress his small Sasuke smile at the thought of a mother and father figure waiting for him at the airport. _And that's…that's pretty awesome._

He wasn't sure how receptive they would be to the news that he and Sakura were, as of Christmas Eve, officially dating. Perhaps their acceptance of him was contingent upon his relationship with Sakura never venturing past the realm of 'platonic.' The thought made him uneasy.

Almost as uneasy as the fact that he actually, truly, and genuinely craved their approval. When he'd met them weeks ago, he'd introduced himself out of respect and would have been more than happy ignoring them forever after that; but after spending time with them, and talking to them on the phone (Kizashi was surprisingly chatty), and seeing how much their daughter adored them, he couldn't help but, albeit selfishly, want in on that dynamic.

It occurred to him, as unappealing as the notion was, that maybe he might consider asking their _permission._

_What a stupid idea,_ he scoffed, folding his arms. _I don't need their permission to do anything. I'm a grown ass man, aren't I?_

"So how d'you think we should tell them about us?" Sakura asked, maybe reading his mind in that creepy, terrifying way of hers. She looked frustratingly relaxed about the whole situation. Maybe he was the only one stressing about it because he was the only one at risk for a complete penis-ectomy if Kizashi disapproved.

"Who says we have to?" he asked, like a true coward, but the mental image of what her father would do to him if he decided he didn't want him with Sakura was petrifying.

"What's the word I'm thinking of?" Sakura mused. "It starts with 'P' and rhymes with 'wussy'…incidentally it means the same thing…ummm…"

"No way they'll let me date you," Sasuke said flatly, ignoring her nasty little remark. "So we just pretend like nothing's happening."

"You realize that will never work, right? I'm sure they already know."

"How would they?"

"How many girls bring home a teenage boy for Christmas without actually dating them?"

"Tch. You did. None of this even started till last night, as far as you knew, we were just friends."

Sakura's expression became surprisingly sweet as she said, uncharacteristically shyly, "I don't think we were _ever_ just friends, Sasuke."

He smirked. Okay, maybe she had a point.

* * *

"DADDY!" Sakura squealed, dropping her bags to the floor without a care in the world. Sasuke rolled his eyes and picked them up for her as she sprinted with astonishing grace, considering the three-inch heels she was wearing, across the terminal, catapulting herself into her father's arms. "Hi, Daddy, Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas to you, too, Princess!" returned Kizashi with a booming laugh, spinning his daughter around in the air like she was three.

Okay, Sasuke knew he was an uptight dickhead most of the time, but that was easily one of the most adorable things he'd ever seen and he felt no shame in admitting that to himself.

"Thank goodness you're all right, dear!" added Mebuki Haruno, seizing Sakura into a bone-crushing hug the moment her father released her. "What terrible weather you had to face. Just a nightmare. We're so glad you could make it, though! And you, too, Sasuke! Welcome to Suna!"

She flung an arm and snatched Sasuke by the collar of his jacket, hauling him into their hug. Surprised by the overly-affectionate gesture, he stumbled a bit and returned the embrace a bit awkwardly. Even more so, when Kizashi threw his arms around all three of them.

A group hug. A family hug. A…

_Suffocating_ hug.

"Thanks," he mumbled when they all broke apart. "Nice to see you again," he added, remembering his manners.

"You too, dear," said Mebuki warmly. "Merry Christmas! We have everything all ready for you back at the house, I hope you'll feel comfortable in the guest room. It's really warm here, I hope you're prepared for that, our winters are always very mild. If you two get bored, you might be interested in the pool out back…"

"You have a pool?" Sasuke asked, his jaw nearly dropping. From what he knew of Sakura, she came from a middle-class family, not the kind of people who would be wealthy enough for a swimming pool.

"Oh, it's not ours," Mebuki laughed. "We share a fence with Ino's family. _They_ have a pool. But what're we doing just standing here? Come on, come on, let's get home! We'll get some breakfast in you. Tell me all about your semester, you two! How were your finals?"

It was easy to see where Sakura got her motor mouth from; her mother certainly could talk. But Sasuke was in such good spirits all of a sudden, he didn't mind in the slightest. Instead, he shouldered Sakura's bags in addition to his own and followed the Harunos out of Suna Airport.

Instantly, he was struck by the humidity outside. It was the last thing he'd been expecting, even knowing that Suna's temperatures were warm yearround; it hit him in the face like a bowling ball. In the leather jacket and jeans he was wearing, he suddenly felt overdressed.

"Don't worry, kid," said Kizashi with a wink. "We've got air conditioning at home."

_Fuckin hope so,_ Sasuke thought, squinting against the sun as he followed Sakura and her parents to their car. _Jesus. It's hot as hell here._

It was nothing like the freezing, snowy, dismal weather in Konoha, which he had now adjusted to. The prospect of stealing a swim in Ino's family pool was starting to look a whole lot more appealing.

They managed to fit all their luggage in the trunk of the unpretentious powder blue Accord parked in the parking lot and Sasuke slid in the backseat beside Sakura, who was chattering away at a million miles a minute all about her first semester.

"And my internship, it's _amazing,_ Dr. Tsunade is _amazing_ and she teaches me all this _amazing_ stuff and I'm learning so much and my job, it's really not that amazing but it's amazing how much money I can make in one night, like, you have no idea, it's…"

"Amazing?" offered Sasuke dryly.

"Exquisite," Sakura corrected, and he rolled his eyes.

"And how about you, Sasuke?" asked Mebuki warmly from the front seat, catching his eye in the rearview mirror. "How did your classes go?"

"Oh, fine."

"Look at what Sasuke got me for Christmas!" Sakura said giddily, thrusting her arm between the front seats to show off her bracelet. "Isn't it _gorge?_ It's not like typical terrible boy-bought, heart-shaped jewelry. Sasuke's got excellent taste. He only goes for the best."

Sasuke smirked; arrogant little bitch.

"Oh, it's _lovely!_" Mebuki whistled, admiring the white gold. "Look at it, dear, isn't it beautiful?"

"I'm _driving,_ Mebuki."

They sounded so much like himself and Sakura – him concentrating sullenly on the road, Sakura distracted by absolutely everything – that he almost couldn't believe it. Sakura was so much like her mother personality-wise, and even if he wasn't sure where she got her looks from (she didn't seem to look anything like either one of the Harunos), he could tell from a mile away that she was her parents' daughter.

"So here's the plan, kids," said Kizashi cheerfully from the driver's seat, turning down a cute little road peppered with palm trees. "We'll get you guys settled in, have some breakfast, and open our presents. I hope you paid attention when Daddy told you what he wanted, Princess."

"I did, I did," Sakura giggled.

"What did you get Sasuke for Christmas, sweetheart?" asked Mebuki. "Hopefully something nice, considering how much money he must've forked over for that bracelet of yours…"

Sasuke thought to the scarlet lingerie in a box in one of his bags, and pointedly avoided looking at _anyone._

"A sweater," Sakura replied without missing a beat. It was a little unsettling how well she could lie. "And a few other things I'm sure he'll like."

He felt her fingers brush innocently against his knee, and twisted away from her, fighting to tamp down the rush of adrenaline that always seemed to accompany her touch. This was _absolutely_ not the time for her to be teasing him.

But she wouldn't be Sakura if she didn't do all the right things at all the wrong times.

* * *

Sasuke's smirk was as close as it ever was to a smile.

He was sitting in the living room on a well-worn, overstuffed cream-colored sofa, surrounded by a thousand presents from Mr. and Mrs. Haruno. Clearly Sakura had been pumping them full of gift ideas for weeks, because they'd known his exact shirt size, his favorite color, which brand of baseball cleats he'd been eyeing, and a freezer full of frozen meat, with the somewhat guilty explanation that they knew Sakura wouldn't ever buy meat for him willingly, and it had to come from somewhere.

It was very different from the Christmases he'd spent with his own family way back when. The Harunos were much louder, teased each other ruthlessly, played Christmas music during the present-opening ceremony, called back and forth and laughed like crazy; the Uchihas, he recalled, were much more formal about the whole affair. They went to church first thing in the morning, and when they came back home, they opened their presents in a neat, orderly fashion, no loud noises or sudden movements or anything.

He wouldn't compare them because they were two very different families, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't find the loose, comfortable atmosphere at the Haruno household refreshing.

"Sasuke and I got you this one, Daddy!" said Sakura happily, handing over a long, thin box and returning to her seat on the floor, drowning in a sea of her own presents.

"This better be what I asked for," said Kizashi with exaggerated sternness. "Oi, Mebuki, hand me a cookie, will you? This present calls for a cookie."

"Spoiled rotten brat," giggled his wife, passing over a plate of fresh-baked cookies. "Eat some, Sasuke! You look emaciated."

Typical mother, Sasuke mused fondly, reaching for a cookie even if he didn't really jive with sweets, just to appease her.

Kizashi sat in his favored plush red armchair as he was handed his next present, and he ripped the paper like an animal, eager to get to the treasure inside. When he saw what it was, his eyes lit up like a child's, and he held his brand new toy aloft for all to see.

"Damn good job, both of you!" he thundered. "Exactly the bat I've been looking for."

Sasuke smirked and returned Sakura's giddy high-five. He'd picked the bat out himself, knowing his dopey roommate would get the wrong thing.

"See this, Mebuki? _This_ is a _man's_ baseball bat. Wood finish, good strong handle, nice bindings. Good for a lot of things. Smashing the covers off balls, for sure. But do you know why I like this kind of bat, Sasuke? Do you know why this kind of bat is my favorite?"

"No, why?" he asked.

Kizashi's warm, friendly smile evolved into something _menacing_ in the span of an instant. He shared his daughter's frightening temper, as his smile vanished and his eyes narrowed into slits of pure malice.

"This bat is for beating the brains out of anyone who hurts my little girl," he said coldly.

Sasuke's blood turned to ice, and he nearly choked on the oatmeal raisin cookie Mebuki guilted him into eating. The atmosphere in the room changed completely as Sasuke realized what was going on.

Kizashi had gotten him to buy a baseball bat as a gift, when really it was going to be a weapon used against him.

_That's fucked up,_ he thought, glancing at Sakura out of the corner of his eyes to gauge her reaction. _So that's where Sakura gets it from. That's like back in olden days, when the dad would make a bad kid go outside and find a bunch of sticks, then he'd have to give the sticks over and the dad would beat him with 'em. Jesus shit._

"Make no mistake here, kid," Kizashi said darkly. "I'm a father first and a friend second, and if you so much as _think_ about making my daughter cry, I'm gonna take this bat – it's a fine one, by the way, great choice – and I'm gonna smash the shit out of your skull until there's nothing left of you. Do you understand me?"

"Y-Yes sir," Sasuke choked, humiliated at how terrified he sounded but unable to do anything about it.

"Daddy!" Sakura gasped.

"Kizashi, knock it off," Mebuki snapped. "You know he's not gonna hurt Sakura. _Right, _Sasuke?"

"Right."

"Just making sure," said Kizashi, and then he smiled again, and the menace in the room was nothing more than a memory. "So you ready for baseball season this year? Looks like Coach Izumo's got his hands full with such a young team. New blood. Hard to train."

"I think…it'll be a great season," Sasuke said slowly, trying to relax his racing heart. "We're young, but we're good. Lot of good prospects. I'm dating your daughter."

Silence again. All eyes turned to Sasuke, shocked at what he'd just admitted, but none more so than Sasuke himself.

_Are you serious?!_ He thought, furious with himself for blowing the whistle. _ARE YOU SERIOUS?!_

"I…I mean…"

"Sasuke what are you doing?" squeaked Sakura, eyes wide.

Sasuke sighed, then tried again. At least if Kizashi killed him, he'd die happy on Christmas Day, surrounded by a family and all the frozen meat he'd been deprived of since August.

"I mean, I asked Sakura to be my girlfriend last night. And…and I realize this is all kind of out of order and it's got to be…I mean…look, you guys are really nice people and I want to be upfront with you, because your daughter's crazy but I still really like her and I hope you're okay with her being with me."

There.

That was as close to gentlemanly as Sasuke was ever going to get. It wasn't so much requesting permission from Sakura's parents to date her – if he were asking her to marry him, it might be different – but he was also acknowledging that he liked both of them, and wanted them to be happy with the arrangement.

Mebuki spoke first.

"You mean…you _haven't_ been dating all along?"

"No, ma'am," Sasuke replied, a bit surprised that _that_ was what took her so off balance.

"Took you long enough!" laughed Kizashi, and Sasuke just stared with his mouth open. Really? They were shocked not that he'd made it official with Sakura, btu because it had taken him so long to do so?

"Of _course_ we're okay with it, silly boy," cooed Mebuki, dancing over to where he sat and kissing him fondly on the forehead. "You think we go to all this trouble for any random boy who sniffs around our daughter?"

"Shoulda seen her back in high school," chuckled Kizashi, leaning back in his armchair and taking a sip of cocoa. "Had to peel the boys off her with a shovel. She's been a real fucking nightmare to live with, how many douchebags she attracts."

"I know the feeling," Sasuke muttered with a sour glare in Sakura's direction.

"And up till now, no guy's had balls enough to look me in the eye and tell me his intentions. So far as I can tell, you look out for my girl, you take care of her and you don't let her get away with all her shit the way any other dumbass kid would."

"_Daddy!_"

"Welcome to the family, kid," Kizashi said with a laugh. "No turning back now."

Sasuke sighed. _I will never be able to figure out any single one of these nutass Harunos,_ he thought, shaking his head.

* * *

"I can't believe they're so cool with it!" Sakura said, swimming up to him and pinning him against the side of the pool, her bare curves pressed tantalizingly close to his skin. "I mean, yeah, Daddy threatened your life and everything but besides that, they're so chill!"

"Yeah," Sasuke ground out, finding it hard to concentrate on anything with the way she was wrapping herself around him like a second skin.

Ino's pool was fucking great. He didn't know how he'd missed it the last time he'd been to Suna, but he'd gotten pretty wasted that time; he hadn't even realized Sakura's house was just behind Ino's. No wonder they'd grown up as best friends. Sasuke would be best friends with anyone who had a kickass pool in a hotass city like Suna.

Sakura was wearing a skimpy little bikini and seemed to have no qualms about rubbing up on him in the water, even knowing that her father (and his baseball bat) were only a few yards away. And while the cool water was a great escape from the agonizing humidity, seeing a soaking wet Sakura dressed in almost _nothing_ was making him hotter than ever.

"Do you like it here?" she asked, leaning in to kiss his neck.

Okay, now she was just being mean.

"It's hot," he managed, less about the weather and more about Sakura doing _that_ to his throat.

"_You're_ hot," she murmured, sucking on his pulse point; he hissed in response and his hands flew to her waist, digging into her hipbones.

"_Sakura I'm warning you now._"

"Does this mean you're not interested in your Christmas present?" she asked innocently, her eyes flashing a devilish fire as her lips quirked into a pout. "Sorry, Sasuke, no returns."

His eyes narrowed. Two could play at that game.

"The _second_ we get home," he snapped, "you're putting on those fucking panties, just so I can fucking take them off. But in the meantime, while we're here, with your _parents,_ if you keep this up," he referred to the subtle way she was grinding her hips against his under the water, "I'm gonna shoot you."

Sakura didn't seem to heed his warning, at all. Not that she ever listened to him, really. Instead, she leaned in to whisper in his ear, "They go to sleep around eleven. I can sneak into your room after that."

_YES!_ His mind screamed.

"Absolutely not," he snarled. "Get off me, you little skank."

It was hard enough – no pun intended – to cope with his wildfire need to have Sakura while he was here with her parents. She didn't need to aggravate the situation by throwing herself at him.

"And what's this about peeling all those guys off you?" he demanded.

Sakura sighed, rolled her eyes, and stopped trying to grind up on him. "So a couple of guys came by the house tryna get with me. So what."

"A _couple?_"

"Like, no more than thirty. You're seriously overreacting."

"So you've _always_ been as _naïve_ as you were back then. Good to know."

"And you've always been as irrationally jealous so I guess we're even, aren't we? You know I didn't do anything with those guys. You know that all these goodies up in here is for you, yafeelme? I mean, I'd LOVE for you to feel me for real, but noooo. Virgin Sasuke-kins is afwaid of big bad Sakuwa's T and A."

_You have no idea how hard you're gonna pay for this later on,_ he thought grimly.

"I'm glad you're here, Sasuke," Sakura said suddenly, and her playful, coquettish attitude was replaced with one of sweet sincerity. She shook soaking wet pink bangs out of her eyes and smiled up at him. "I mean it. I really wanted you to have a good Christmas and I know my parents can't replace yours or anything, but…I'm really glad you're here with me today."

Sasuke's irritation cooled _instantly,_ and he pulled her in close enough to kiss her.

"Thank you," he murmured, not quite sure what he was thanking her for. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Sasuke," she said sweetly.

Their (rare, fleeting) moment of coo-worthy affection was interrupted by a tall, looming shadow suddenly overtaking them, blocking out the sun; Sasuke looked up and to his horror, he saw Kizashi Haruno staring down at them, a baseball bat in one hand and a familiar, tiny box in the other.

"I really hate to break up this little lovefest," he said, his voice promising _murder,_ "but would you mind explaining what _the fuck_ this is?"

He tossed the box into the water, and as Sasuke and Sakura stared with wide, doomed eyes at the damning evidence, a lacy lingerie set, a racy card, and a solitary, unused condom floated incriminatingly to the surface.

* * *

**note..** ho. lee. shit. you guys blew me right the fuck away with all the reviews for last chapter. like, where have you all BEEN all my life?! i can't even tell you how thrilled i was to hear from so many of you. made me week, it really did. (i don't suppose we can make it an encore?)

thank you all so so much for sticking around. i know i'm a pain in the ass so i appreciate you tolerating me.

holla at me! keeps me writing!

xoxoxo daisy :)


	26. Back to the Future

Sakura heard it said that in those most precious last seconds before death, your life flashes before your eyes.

She never heard it said that in those most precious last seconds before your _boyfriend's_ death, _his_ life flashes before your eyes. It was a rare, curious phenomenon, being that she had never known Sasuke Uchiha prior to his moving in with her in August, but she now found herself experiencing the last four months in a dramatic fast forward. Every moment – from their first meeting, when she decided she despised him, to the first time she hugged him after a rough day at the diner, to the time when he'd threatened to chase her down and force-feed her hotdogs – paraded through her mind as she watched the color pale from his skin.

_Wow, was I REALLY that much of a bitch to him?_ She thought, wincing as she remembered a few times when the argument could be made that _perhaps_ she'd gone a little overboard. _Yikes. Guess so. I'll need to learn how to be a little more reasonable with my next boyfriend…_

The racy lingerie set floated cheerfully on the surface of the pool, glaring, horrifying evidence that Kizashi Haruno's daughter was nowhere near as innocent as he would like to believe. And Sasuke had the decency to turn white as they both stared up at her father, who glared back with dilated pupils, a steadily reddening face, and all the rage a father feels when he meets the boy who's corrupted his sweet baby girl.

"I can explain that," Sakura squeaked, edging away from Sasuke in the water, because if her father ripped his head off, she didn't want to get any blood on her bikini. "See, what happened was…"

"I think it's pretty _damn obvious_ what happened," Kizashi snarled.

"Well what were you doing rooting through our stuff anyway?" Sakura demanded, trying a new tactic, since pleading docilely was never going to work. "You had _no right_ to invade our personal property!"

She heard Sasuke groan beside her as Kizashi purpled with incandescent rage.

"YOU WERE GOING TO LAY YOUR FILTHY HANDS ON MY IMPRESSIONABLE DAUGHTER!" he bellowed, not really caring that most of his neighbors were home and could easily hear him screaming from the Yamanakas' backyard. He pointed his finger in dire accusation at Sasuke, and Sakura was reminded of the most exciting episodes of Law and Order, when the prosecuting attorney would point at the defendant and make sure the jury sent their guilty ass to jail.

But there would be no jail for Sasuke. Because when it came to his daughter, Kizashi Haruno was judge, jury, and executioner of anyone he thought stepped out of line.

And it wasn't even his _fault._

"Kizashi what are you bellowing about?" a fourth voice interrupted, sounding bored. Sakura looked up over the side of the pool and saw her mother shuffling towards them, unhurried, as if this sort of thing happened all the time.

"What am I _bellowing_ about?" Kizashi roared. "Well, for starters, _your daughter_ and _that boy_ have been…been…_canoodling_ with perverse sexuality, and…_look!_ See with your _eyes!_"

Mebuki turned her uninterested gaze on the water, where the lingerie continued to float peacefully on the surface. Sakura watched as her mother regarded the scintillating panty set with an appraising eye. Then, a slow smile spread across her face and she folded her arms.

"Well, that spoils the surprise, then," she said, shrugging.

"Surprise?" Kizashi demanded. "It's _no_ surprise. That this…this…this _Disney prince_ would attempt to seduce and corrupt our naïve, innocent little darling _in our own house!_ It's what I expected _all along._ I _told_ you. I _told_ you he was just trying to butter me up with all that talk about baseball. And here we are thinking he would date our daughter and keep her pure and innocent until they were married. What a fool I was. It's okay, though. I'm going to murder him now. Would you go defrost the pumpkin pie?"

"Oh for Christ's sake," Sasuke mumbled.

"You don't understand, dear," Mebuki chuckled. "And you owe Sasuke an apology."

"AN APOLOGY?! I'LL APOLOGIZE TO NOTHING! HE'S A DEVIANT, MEBUKI!"

"_NO! I'M _a deviant!" Mebuki finally shouted. "Because _that lingerie_ was meant _for you!_"

Sakura's eyes widened as her parents glared at each other. She didn't understand what was happening here, and by the look on Sasuke's face, he didn't either.

"It was a secret gift I got for you, and I was going to give it to you later on tonight," Mebuki sniffed. "I figured you might appreciate a little sauciness this Christmas, so I wanted to spice things up a bit." She waved to the lingerie in the pool. "And I wanted it to be a _surprise,_ so I hid it in the kids' things thinking you wouldn't be _so low_ as to snoop around in their _luggage._"

Kizashi sputtered like a fish out of water.

"You…you mean…the sexy panties weren't for Sakura and Sasuke…they were…they were for _us?_"

"Yes, but now they're ruined," Mebuki sniffed, turning her nose up at him. "Destroyed, actually. Now, _apologize_ to Sasuke for threatening his life on Christmas. And defrost your own goddamn pumpkin pie."

Sakura could have kissed her mother. Mebuki took the fall for the Christmas panties. And judging by the remorseful look on Kizashi's face – whether from guilt at doubting Sasuke's pure intentions for Sakura, or disappointment that his sexy Christmas night was being slowly eaten away by chlorine and pool chemicals – he bought it hook, line, and sinker. She watched Sasuke's shoulders relax slightly as the tension disappeared.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke," Kizashi mumbled, like a child whose mother is making them apologize to another child. Obediently, he shuffled back across the Yamanakas' backyard to his own house, presumably to defrost a pie and try and get back in his wife's good graces.

"_Thank you,_ Mom," Sakura squeaked up at her mother. "He would have killed us with fire."

Mebuki chuckled. "I was eighteen once, too, you know," she said coolly. "But mark my words, young lady. If you don't get your _ass_ on birth control _tomorrow morning,_ then your father's wrath will look like _My Little Fucking Pony_ compared to _mine._"

Then she smiled, turned on her heel, and followed her husband back to the Haruno house, leaving Sakura shivering in the pool next to Sasuke.

A few moments' silence passed, before Sakura squeaked out, "Um…you wanna go get some pumpkin pie?"

Sasuke turned to her, looking gorgeous with the sunlight and water glistening off his washboard abs, eyes dark and a perennial scowl on his face as he muttered, "We'll discuss this when we get home."

* * *

Suffice it to say, any 'mood' that might have been brewing between Sasuke and Sakura was completely squashed for the remainder of their stay in Suna.

They slept in separate bedrooms – zealously guarded by Kizashi, who ran nightly patrols to ensure that no hanky-panky was taking place between them – and spent the majority of their time with both of Sakura's parents. Even so, Sasuke seemed to be enjoying himself. Not that his expression ever changed considerably no matter his mood, but Sakura had grown very, very good at reading him. He seemed content.

And after numerous threats to his life had been levelled against him, she figured that was as good as it was ever going to get.

"Anything in particular you want to do today?" she asked, on the last day of their stay. They were taking a walk through the bustling downtown district, soaking up a fair bit of sun while they did so. As excited as she was to get back to all her friends in Konoha, she would definitely miss the heat of her hometown.

Sasuke shrugged, his hands in his pockets. "Whatever, I don't care."

If Sakura was expecting him to start reciting love sonnets and composing romantic power ballads for her now that they'd made the shift from 'roommates' to 'relationship,' she was sorely mistaken. In fact, almost nothing had changed between them, besides feeling justified whenever she glared at a girl who was giving Sasuke the once-over. Since having sex was completely out of the question with Kizashi keeping a close eye on them, it felt like they were still friends with a little extra.

Surprisingly, this was enough for Sakura, who'd never been the type to demand overly romantic gestures from a guy anyway.

"Are you having a good time here?" she asked. "I know my parents are crazy and everything."

"They are," Sasuke agreed as they waited at a crosswalk for the light to turn green. "So are you. But this is fun. Let's get coffee."

He looked so relaxed – and distractingly handsome in a white T-shirt – that Sakura found herself suddenly reluctant to leave Suna in the first place. It was nice being at home with her parents, even nicer with the unexpected addition of Sasuke, in the warmth and sunshine. She squeezed his hand and smiled, happy just to have him there with her, grateful for this little foray away from the chaos of their daily lives.

Sasuke's typical scowl softened into a smirk, and she felt him press a quick kiss to her temple before the light turned green and they crossed the street together. What a beautiful day. What a wonderful time. No stress. No drama. No…

Sasuke's phone rang.

"Who's calling?" Sakura asked, curious; all their friends knew they were going to be away at Sakura's parents for a few days. Who could be trying to reach Sasuke?

He shrugged and pulled out his cell phone from his pocket as they headed down the block together towards her favorite coffee shop.

"It's the moron," he said boredly, reading Naruto's name on the Caller ID. "Probably broke into our apartment and destroyed something."

"Well, answer it," Sakura sighed. Leave it to Naruto to kill one of the only sweet, affectionate moments she and Sasuke would ever have. "I'll go inside and get us some coffees, talk to him out here."

Sasuke nodded and answered the call outside the little coffee shop while Sakura wandered inside. Since they would be leaving first thing in the morning, she mentally flicked through the catalog of things she would have to take care of tonight as the barista took her coffee order. She still had to confirm their flight through the airline, not to mention figure a way to load up all their Christmas presents into two suitcases. Not to mention, the rolling freezer full of meat that needed to be shipped to Konoha…

"Here you go, Miss," said the barista with a friendly smile, handing her two iced macchiatos along with her change.

"Sakura."

She turned around and saw Sasuke storming into the shop, an unreadable emotion in his eyes as he caught up with her.

"What's wrong?" she asked, not liking the way she couldn't figure out what he was thinking. "What did Naruto want?"

Instead of answering, he grabbed one of the macchiatos out of her hand and replaced it with his cell phone. Worried, she put it to her ear and asked, "Naruto? Is everything okay?"

"No, everything is _not_ okay!" he shouted hysterically, and she winced, holding the phone a few inches from her ear to avoid going deaf. "Everything is _wrong!_ This is bad! This is _monumentally_ bad! How could you let this happen?"

"Me?! Naruto what's going on?"

Everyone else in the crowded coffee shop was looking at her curiously, and she wondered if this was how Sasuke felt during her frequent, public meltdowns. Trapped, and heavily scrutinized.

This trip home was, at the very least, helping her come to terms with all the ways she made Sasuke's life infinitely harder.

"It's all _your_ fault! If you hadn't had that kickass Halloween party, then none of this would've happened!"

There was so much accusation in Naruto's high-pitched wailing that her mood switched from worried to pissed. Eyes flaming, she snarled into the phone, "All right, you little _cretin,_ either you give me some fucking answers right this _second_ or I'm gonna take an early flight in tonight, wait till you close your eyes to sleep and beat the living shit out of you with a bag of bars of soap, you understand these words? _What. Happened._"

"I knocked up Hinata!" Naruto wailed.

The phone dropped to the floor with a loud clatter.

* * *

"We have to cancel the New Years party," Sakura said flatly.

"Cancel it?" Sasuke repeated with a frown, turning off the freeway towards downtown. "It's in two days. Everyone's already coming."

"Yes, and we have to _cancel it._ Because I will not be responsible for sending yet another could've-been-perfect holiday spiraling into a vortex of assery, thank you very much. This is all my fault."

They were tired from so much traveling after so much relaxing; Kizashi and Mebuki Haruno had bid them farewell at the airport in Suna, demanding more contact with them and threatening Sasuke one last time to leave their precious baby girl 'un-sperminated.' The flight home had been smooth and drama-free, after the fiasco on Christmas Eve, and now they were in Sasuke's beloved car, heading back towards their apartment.

But Sakura couldn't even relish the enjoyment around the mind-numbing, all-consuming guilt she felt at her culpability in the sordid teenage pregnancy of Hinata Hyuuga.

"You know it's my fault," Sakura said bluntly, blowing a chunk of bangs out of her eyes in frustration. "Literally, nothing ever goes right on these stupid holidays. And it's affecting our friends now, too. Because of me and my holiday curse, Hinata's knocked up and Naruto's freaking the fuck out about it."

"That little shithead had sex in my fucking bed," Sasuke growled, hands tightening on the steering wheel. "I'm gonna lock him in the meat freezer till he dies."

"Hinata's a mess," Sakura sighed, reading another five-page text from Hinata off her cell phone. "She's gonna have to tell her father eventually."

"And he won't be understanding about it?"

"To put it lightly, Hiashi Hyuuga makes Kizashi Haruno look like a fairy princess by comparison."

"That bad, huh."

"I mean, you saw the lengths that _my _dad went to, to make sure you know not to get me pregnant."

"Yeah, some Godfather shit. Making me buy the bat he'd use to kill me with."

"Right. But Hinata's dad is super strict and so much worse than my dad. I can't even _imagine_ what she's going through."

"You don't want kids?"

It was a strange conversation to be having, Sakura realized, but not one that made her uncomfortable. She hadn't given it too much thought before this, honestly, but now that their friends were experiencing an unexpected pregnancy scandal, she was forced to confront her own feelings on the matter.

"Not right away," she said fairly. "I'd love to have kids someday. Not too many. Maybe two. But I'm not in any hurry. I want to have a career established first. Get married and everything. What about you?"

"I dunno. I guess. Whatever."

"I mean, she doesn't have to keep it," Sakura went on. "If it's really like, a life-ruining thing. She _does_ have that option. Every woman should have the right to decide what to do with her own body. But from what Naruto was screaming at us last night, and what she's saying right now…she looks pretty set on having it."

"Such a fucking stupid thing to do," Sasuke muttered.

"What, having a baby?"

"Fucking without a condom. _In my bed,_" he added furiously, turning into their parking lot. "I'm gonna have to get a new bed now. That one needs to be fumigated."

"Well you can always stay in mine," Sakura said, with a sly smile at her boyfriend, who smirked in response.

"I never did get my Christmas present from you," he retorted as he pulled into his usual parking space.

"Sure you did. Not my fault you left it floating in Ino's pool."

"Your mom said it was hers. I couldn't touch it after _that._"

Sakura giggled; Mebuki Haruno's quick intervention into Panty-Gate in Suna had saved Sasuke's life, to be sure, but he had a point. Now those particular panties were forever tainted.

"Well I have plenty more where _they_ came from," she murmured in his ear.

Sasuke chuckled darkly before he unbuckled himself and kicked open the car door. The freezing air, a huge contradiction to the hot, humid climate of Suna they'd enjoyed over the past few days, hit her in the face like a ton of bricks, and she shivered miserably in response. There was still a lot of dirty, unmelted snow in the parking lot and even on the steps leading inside the complex. The wind was harsh and biting on her skin. Already she missed the balmy warmth of Suna.

"C'mon," Sasuke said, shutting the driver's side door. "We'll get our bags later."

There was absolutely no mistaking the intent in his smoldering eyes as he crossed over to her door and ripped it open for her. She blushed at the gentlemanly gesture, and turned _scarlet_ when he pulled her out of the car and kissed her with a passion one might be surprised to learn Sasuke Uchiha possessed.

_HOW did we keep our hands to ourselves in Suna?!_ She thought, wrapping her arms around his neck, oblivious to the chill in the air as Sasuke devoured her mouth. _How?! It's like he was carved from sexual marble._

"Let's get inside," she breathed against his mouth. She rolled her hips provocatively against his, and savored the ragged groan he released in response. "Hurry up. I don't think I can wait much longer."

He pulled back to meet her eyes for a few seconds, then a chuckle that was mighty close to a laugh escaped his throat as he kissed her forehead.

"Sometimes you say the exact right thing," he murmured. Then she squeaked when he smacked her ass playfully. "Now get your ass in the building," he growled in her ear. "You owe me my Christmas present."

Thrilled and exhilarated and terrified and nervous, Sakura seized his elbow and dragged him in their building. They nearly sprinted to C-17, Sakura fumbling like crazy with her keys while Sasuke's lips moved feverishly against her neck, jaw, whatever bit of skin he could reach; finally, she managed to negotiate the lock open and they both spilled inside their apartment, nearly attacking each other in their haste to remove all semblance of clothing…

"Careful, you guys," a calm voice spoke from the living room, and Sakura _froze_ with her sweater halfway over her head. There was somebody _here?_ "That's how it starts, you know."

Sasuke let out a growl of fury and released her, stalking down the hallway into the living room; Sakura was quick to follow after making sure she was completely clothed, and to her surprise, there sat Naruto on their sofa, feet propped up on the coffee table, popcorn spilling from an overstuffed bowl in his lap. With wildfire rage, she made out the glistening stains on the armrest of the sofa, where Naruto had been carelessly smearing his buttery fingers clean. The TV was on and loud, along with every single light in the apartment.

"What the fuck are you doing in here, you dumbass?" Sasuke demanded.

"Waiting for you two!" Naruto said innocently. "I need _advice,_ man! What the hell am I gonna do?"

Sakura deflated, all the arousal that had been building up inside her vanishing in the face of this newest drama. Of course, Naruto and Hinata would find themselves in a stupid situation like this, and of course, it would be up to Sasuke and Sakura to bail them out, regardless of whatever amazing night the pair of them had planned in the first place. She sighed, pissed and disappointed and frustrated, but a good friend all the same, as she sat down next to Naruto.

"Don't panic," she said. "This isn't the end of the world. Just start at the beginning, and tell us exactly what happened."

"You wanna hear about when I put my thing in her v-"

"_No,_ you absolute _amoeba,_" Sakura snapped. "Skip that part!"

"Well that's the best part, but I guess I'll just gloss it over."

"And the world heaves a collective sigh of relief," Sasuke quipped cattily from the opposite armchair, arms folded in the universal position of _I-could-be-having-sex-right-now-but-my-best-friend -is-a-fucking-dickhead-so-I-guess-I'll-just-sit-he re._

"ANYWAY. We got really wasted at the Halloween party and we ended up totally getting it on. In Sasuke's bed, too, which was awesome, since that means I got to christen his bedsheets before he did, since I'm better than he is."

"Keep it up," Sasuke challenged, eyes narrowed. "I know where you sleep."

"_ANYWAY,_ yeah. We were hammered so we didn't think about using a condo or anything."

"You mean _condom,_" Sakura corrected, horrified. "Naruto please tell me you know what a condom is. And its primary function."

"I _know,_ Sakura, I'm not an idiot. It's a little balloon that keeps babies from being born."

_Another victim of the public school system,_ she thought, shaking her head and pinching the bridge of her nose to fight an impending migraine.

"Anyway I forgot to put on a condom and next thing I knew, bing bang boom, she's pregnant."

"And she's absolutely sure?" Sakura pressed. "She took a test, right?"

"Yeah. Came back with a little pink plus sign, so I guess we're having a girl."

"That is _not_ what that means, Naruto. Did she have an exam done yet?"

"She made an appointment with that old lady doctor with the big titties for tomorrow but she doesn't want me to go with her. I think she's embarrassed. Would _you_ go with her, Sakura? Maybe if there was somebody there with small titties, she wouldn't feel so uncomfortable."

_Just remember, he's gonna be somebody's father,_ Sakura thought, forcing her temper to calm down, even at Sasuke's smirk of amusement. _You can't let Hinata's poor baby grow up without a father. Don't rip him limb from limb, you'd regret it later._

"Of course I'll go with her," she said stiffly.

Naruto exhaled in relief, stuffing another handful of popcorn into his mouth and spraying kernels everywhere.

"Thanks, Sakura, you're the _best._ Oh, and real quick: d'you guys mind explaining why you came in making out like that?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes; Sakura giggled.

"Oh, please, like you didn't already know," she said dryly. "I bet you found out me and Sasuke made it official over Christmas, so you had to go out and one-up him by getting your girl pregnant."

It took Naruto a full five seconds to comprehend what she'd just said, before his eyes bugged right out of his head. He jumped to his feet, the bowl of buttery popcorn spilling all over the sofa, coffee table, and floor, and shouted, "_WHAT DO YOU MEAN, OFFICIAL?!_"

"You're picking up _every single piece,_ you neanderthal," Sasuke snarled.

"YOU TWO ARE DATING? LIKE FOR REAL?"

"_Yes,_ Naruto. Now keep your voice down, and Sasuke's absolutely right. You're making a fucking mess."

"Who CARES about the MESS? This is _huge!_ I'm so happy for you guys that my heart's soaring with the eagle's nest."

"That doesn't make any _sense,_ Naruto, now will you stay focused?! What are you and Hinata going to tell her father?"

"We'll worry about that _later!_ For now, we gotta celebrate!"

Naruto seized Sasuke by the arm and yanked him to his feet. "C'mon, man!" he yelled. "Let's find a bar that doesn't card, we gotta commembulate this suspicious occasion!"

"Commemorate this auspicious occasion," Sakura corrected automatically.

"Yeah, whatever. Lemme just get Kiba and Neji and Lee and all the guys on the phone. See you later, Sakura!"

"Wait, Naruto!" Sakura called, as her boyfriend was half-led, half-dragged down the hallway by an overzealous blonde father-to-be. "What are you gonna do about-?"

She didn't get a chance to finish her question, as the door slammed shut behind both boys, leaving her completely alone in the apartment. With a huff of anger, she crossed her arms and glared at the mess on the floor.

_There goes my perfect night,_ she thought angrily, considering her carefully-selected navy blue lace panty set and how it was completely going to waste underneath her sweater and jeans. _Naruto's got the attention span of a GNAT, two minutes ago he was freaking out about what he's gonna tell Hinata's father, now he's acting like me and Sasuke are getting MARRIED and they have to do this bachelor party thing, and what about what _I _wanted, huh? What about SAKURA? Poor Sakura who just wanted to get some quality smush time for once?_

Despair claimed her, and she dropped her head in surrender.

At_ this rate, I'm going to be a VIRGIN until MENOPAUSE!_

* * *

**note..** ayo! your girl daisy was at the phillies game tonight and it was AMAZING! walk-off double bitchesssss. philly's back!

now that that's out of the way...thank you all so much for the overwhelming support for this story. the last two chapters, i don't know WHERE you guys came from, but you have no idea how happy i was to hear from all of you. THANK YOU. don't ever go away from me. you give me all these wonderful reviews, i have no excuse not to keep writing.

have a good night, let me know if you liked it!

xoxo daisy jane :)


	27. False Alarms and Pulling It Off

Sasuke didn't stagger home until 7 the next morning, and when he stumbled through the doorway, it was all he could do to sprawl himself across the sofa and fall asleep. Getting plastered at Kiba's was a terrible idea, made infinitely more terrible by the fact that he could have spent this time advancing his relationship with Sakura to an entirely new level.

He knew she would be furious with him, but that could be dealt with _after_ this splitting hangover.

When he woke up a few hours later, the room spinning, a trail of dried saliva caking his chin, it was to a note written in her girlish handwriting taped to his forehead.

"Asshole,

Thanks for nothing last night! I'm taking Hinata to the doctor this morning and picking up some stuff for the party tonight. When I get back, you better have cleaned up this fucking apartment or SO HELP ME GOD.

Xoxo Sakura"

_Bitch,_ he thought, groaning as he forced himself to his feet.

He'd forgotten all about the New Years' Eve party they would be hosting that night. In all the commotion yesterday, finding out that Naruto and Hinata were going to be parents, and then celebrating his new relationship status with the rest of the guys, it had completely slipped his mind. Of course, to tell _Sakura_ something like that was the rough equivalent of sticking a pistol in his mouth and pulling the trigger. To avoid a hideous argument about his irresponsibility, lack of priorities, etc., he'd have to play along like he hadn't forgotten.

_When did I start organizing my life around a girl?_ he thought irritably, squinting his eyes against the sunlight streaming into the living room and willing his dinner to stay in his stomach where it belonged. _That little witch has me under some kind of fucking spell. And the worst part is, she's got me wanting her so bad, I don't even CARE!_

He staggered miserably into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of tap water. His mouth was dry from so much heavy drinking the night before and he knew he was dehydrated; the water churned in his stomach as he stuffed a piece of bread in the toaster, knowing he needed something to absorb the alcohol and take the edge off this hideous hangover.

He glanced around the apartment, having no intention whatsoever to clean it up, but decided that a shower was in his best interest. Especially if he wanted another shot at whatever could have happened last night, if his asshole best friend _hadn't_ completely C-blocked him, gotten him wasted, and distracted him with terrifying talks of _pregnancy._

_The moron's having a baby,_ he thought, blinking and taking another sip. The idea was surreal. Naruto, who at 18 couldn't be counted upon to so much as check the date on the milk carton before tossing it back, was going to be responsible for raising and taking care of a tiny human.

_Tch. Idiot. If he thinks I'm baby-sitting, EVER, he's out of his mind._

* * *

Sakura stormed inside a few hours later, looking hassled and irritated. Sasuke (who had been playing videogames up until he spotted her through the window, heading inside) quickly seized a pillow under the guise of fluffing it to appear like he was busily cleaning, and looked up in fake surprise.

"You're home," he remarked.

"Clearly," she snapped.

"What's your problem?"

She sighed and set a bunch of plastic grocery bags on the counter. "Sorry, Sasuke. It's just been a rough morning. I took Hinata to the doctor's, right?"

"Aa." Sasuke joined her in the kitchen, helping her unpack the groceries she'd purchased for their party that night.

"And she was _freaking out._ Like, not even stuttering, that's how scared she was. Bitch was too scared to stutter. Spazzing about her dad killing her, the school kicking her out, Naruto wanting nothing to do with her, blah blah blah. And I'm sitting there in the waiting room _trying_ to console her, but she wouldn't hear any of it. I told her it could be a false positive so there was no sense in getting worked up over nothing until a doctor confirmed it, and she _flipped out on me._ Like, screamed in my face telling me I was in denial and how dare I say she's not pregnant when she is?"

_Oh, so you don't like a hysterical female freaking out on you for no good reason,_ Sasuke thought with his eyes narrowed, thinking back to the _actual million times_ Sakura had done just that to him, but he recognized by the towering temper she was in that to speak right now was suicide.

"So Dr. Shizune tests her and GUESS WHAT. She's not fucking pregnant _at all._ It _was_ a false positive, just like I guessed. And she was worked up over nothing."

"She's not pregnant?" Sasuke repeated, surprised. "How'd you know?"

"I didn't know for sure," Sakura conceded. "She told me she was a week late on her period, but that could be because she's been spending so much time with me and Ino lately. And you know that we're alpha females and shit, so of course her body would sync up to ours and we don't get ours till next week."

Sasuke had about as much patience for period talk as any guy – absolutely none – but there was something morbidly fascinating about the way women could share cycles. Like picking up radio frequencies, or stealing someone's Wifi.

"And I told her that sometimes, especially if you only run one test, it can be inconclusive. The only way to know for sure is to get checked out by an actual doctor. The little maniac freaked out for nothing because she's not pregnant. _Then,_ she freaked out _because_ she's not pregnant! Do you believe that?"

"You mean she _wanted_ to be pregnant?" Sasuke was surprised as he pulled an impressive array of liquor bottles from two of the bags and set them in the freezer to chill.

"Well, all this stress is mostly about _Naruto,_" Sakura sighed, running a hand through her messy hair in frustration.

"_Naruto?_"

"Yeah, go figure. First, she was terrified that he wouldn't want to have the baby. Then, when she told him about it, he was so excited and it started to excite her, too, the idea of being with him and raising a baby. And now that she's not pregnant, she's worried he's gonna ditch her, now that there's nothing to connect them."

Sasuke tried to put himself in Naruto's shoes. Sure, somewhere down the road, he saw himself having kids. Again, _way_ down the road. But right now? In college? With so much of his life to sort out and figure, so many plans to make, having children wasn't even a blip on his radar.

And he was very fortunate to be dating someone who felt the same way he did: entirely closed off to the idea for years to come.

"You're on birth control, right?" he asked smoothly.

Sakura blushed, but nodded. "Of course I am."

"Good."

After all the food was unpacked and the liquor was stored, Sakura slipped out of her coat and hung it up in the closet.

"I'm gonna get a shower and get ready," she said, unaware that he was watching her innocent undressing like some kind of peeping tom. "Everyone's coming over soon, and I'd very much like this to be the one holiday that I don't completely _fuck._ You look great, by the way."

Sasuke tried to appear unruffled by her compliment, but truthfully, he'd chosen his wardrobe carefully. Sakura liked him in black, so he'd gone for a black button-up and dark jeans; knowing he was guaranteed a kiss at midnight, he thought that New Years Eve might be a good time to press his luck, and try for something more. And if that meant wearing colors he knew Sakura liked on him, so be it.

She smiled up at him and darted into her bathroom, leaving him to his filthy thoughts (and highest hopes.)

* * *

"Great party, man!" laughed Kiba, clapping Sasuke on the back.

Sasuke sighed, and smirked. He had to hand it to Sakura; she really pulled it off.

After nothing but drama for every single holiday they'd celebrated together, it was nice to see one night coming together without any massive catastrophes. Their apartment was decorated with strings of white Christmas lights, candles lit in the living room, kitchen, and hallways to add an ambiance; music blared from Sasuke's kickass stereo system and everyone there, drunk or well on their way to drunk, was having a great time.

Besides Hinata explaining to Naruto that no, she wasn't pregnant so yes, she could have some PBR, nothing was remotely out of the ordinary. There was some pretty hardcore dancing taking place behind the sofa, led by a wasted Ino; Tenten, making out vociferously with Neji on the sofa next to Karin, making out vociferously with Suigetsu. Shino, Sai, Chouji, and Shikamaru were embroiled in a high stakes game of beer pong, while everyone around them laughed and cheered them on. As far as parties went, this one wasn't half bad.

"Maybe it's too early to call it," a flirty voice breathed in his ear, "but it looks like we pulled it off, for once!"

He looked down and his smirk softened. Sakura looked even more beautiful than usual, in a short black dress with silvery spangles all over it in honor of New Years Eve. Her hair was pulled pin straight and her makeup was dark and daring; the tights and heels she wore made her legs look two miles long. He was torn between fierce arousal, and complete irritation that she could be such a distraction to him, even after four months of dealing with her beauty.

"Don't count your chickens," he remarked dryly, taking another swig of rum and coke. "It's still ten minutes to midnight. Plenty can go wrong yet."

Sakura giggled and grabbed his hand, leading him into the kitchen. "Let's do a shot together," she said. "Last one of the year, so we have to make it count."

Sasuke chuckled in response and pulled two shotglasses from the cabinet, filling them both with a liberal amount of rum. He watched the candlelight dance in her eyes as he passed her one of the shots, and tried not to succumb to his lust when she licked her lips in anticipation.

"Cheers," she said, and they clinked their glasses together before tossing the shots back.

Four months later, and his unbelievably irritating roommate had redefined herself completely. At first, Sasuke hated everything about Sakura, from her irrational temper to her nasty attitude, to the deranged way she handled herself and her complete naivete about everything. He'd written her off from Day 1, and like the wily little bitch she'd proven herself to be, she forced him to change his mind about her.

Forced him to like her. Maybe more than that.

He'd gotten to know her, the real Sakura, and as time had passed, her vindictive attitude towards him melted into genuine kindness. She welcomed him into her life and into her family without so much as a thought, was considerate of him and generous, cooked for him (sometimes even bacon, if he was good), worried about him, cared about him. Sure, her overall insanity sparked through on a number of occasions, but now, he could safely say he no longer feared her sneaking into his room at night and slitting his throat while he slept.

_I guess that's love,_ he thought, flushing at the very word.

"Countdown, you guys!" screamed Naruto from the living room. "THIRTY! TWENTY-NINE! TWENTY-EIGHT!"

"Guess we better get out there again," Sakura said dreamily, making no move to do so. Instead, she set her empty shotglass on the counter and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Guess so," he murmured in response, his hands sliding through her hair.

_I'm glad I met you,_ he thought, not the type to say it aloud, so he hoped she could hear it in his thoughts. _I'm glad we got this shitty apartment. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you stayed._

"I'm so happy I met you," Sakura breathed against his lips, while in the other room, twenty people were screaming the New Year's countdown. "I'm happy you put up with me…and I hope the next year can be as fun as the last few months were."

"EIGHTEEN! SEVENTEEN! SIXTEEN!"

She rolled her hips lightly against his and smiled at his groan; he pressed his forehead to hers and savored these last few seconds. Alone, in their kitchen, candles lit on the countertops and alcohol running warm in his stomach, knowing what was going to happen tonight between them, Sasuke wished he could hold onto this moment for the rest of his life.

"_TEN! NINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!_"

Sakura kissed him with one second left to spare in the year, slowly, sweetly, and he was nearly knocked off his feet by the amount of affection she concentrated into it. It was all he could do to stay standing, to kiss her back and hope she knew what he was thinking; when they finally broke apart, she smiled up at him, a smile full of all the adoration a girl could possess.

"Happy New Year, Sasuke."

* * *

The rest of the night passed by in a blur.

He wouldn't blame it on the alcohol, for once.

Their sweet, affectionate New Years kiss quickly evolved into something wild, something uncontrollable. Vaguely, he recalled Sakura half-leading, half-dragging him into her bedroom, weaving through all their friends to get there, never breaking the kiss. He remembered having the sense to lock the door behind them before throwing her on the bed, ripping off her pretty holiday dress while she tore the buttons off his shirt in her haste to rid him of it.

If he had to describe what happened after that – and Sasuke Uchiha is many things, but descriptive is not one of them – he would have to say that it was like nothing else he had ever experienced. There was no high to match it, no activity to compare it to. It was terrifying and inevitable all at once, the resounding climax to their four-month cat-and-mouse chase; it was a complete betrayal of his carefully-honed apathy, a total and unequivocal surrender to another person. More than just the physical connection he'd been craving, when Sakura was sighing his name and scratching his back, he felt an emotional attachment surging between them he'd never felt before.

Terrifying, but _amazing._

When it was over, Sakura, clad only in her bra and underwear (a carefully-selected black lace set that would have made him drool, if he was a lesser man), just giggled. Sasuke, offended by her reaction, spared her a glare from his side of the bed, too exhausted to sit up and smack her around properly.

"Well," she said smoothly, "_that_ was…"

_If you say 'unsatisfying',_ Sasuke thought grimly, _if you say 'unenjoyable,' if you say anything negative whatsoever, then forget how I feel about you. I'm gonna lock you in the meat freezer._

But Sakura rolled herself onto his bare chest, eyes tired but full of mischief as she said, "_That_ was how _every_ holiday should go."

For once, Sasuke found himself entirely agreeing with his (dare he say it) girlfriend.

Home. Fucking. RUN.

* * *

**note..** so i wrote this out and then i became curious and wrote a separate, rather explicit, sex scene to go along with it. MA stories aren't allowed on this site so it's not like i can publish it or anything, and if you guys have read my shit you know i always include sexuality but it's mostly implied to keep it at an M-rating. but i wanted to try my hand at it, see if i came off like someone who knows what she's talking about (and hopefully i do, as a married woman with tons of experience.) so yeah, if you wanted to read that sexy jawn, let me know in a review or whatever, i can pm it to you or something. no sense in letting it take up space in my hard drive :)

anyway, if you liked it, let me know. got some more shit planned for this story and i hope you stick around with me. you guys are fabulous.

xoxo Daisy :)


	28. Hipster Denial and Northern Lights

**note..** word of warning: this chapter is about some light recreational drug use (weed.) wrote it on 4/20. (three guesses as to what i was doing that day.) if that offends you, you can skip this chapter, but i'd appreciate it if you're gonna review, that you keep an open mind. thank youuuu. happy munchies!

* * *

Sakura stood on the patio with her coat on over her pajamas, a mug of cinnamon tea in her hands, and a dreamy smile on her face.

It was an absolutely beautiful night. There was a light snowfall and no wind, and there was no better way to start off the new year.

(Of course, she could've done without the whole aching between her legs, but all things considered, New Years Eve was a _smashing_ success.)

Her smile widened as she thought of how she and Sasuke had rung in the new year the previous night. She was no longer a virgin, and she could smugly say she'd stripped Sasuke Uchiha of his virginity as well. They'd been aggressive and demanding with each other, but she could absolutely tell that he'd held himself back a bit out of courtesy to her, which made her like him all the more.

_Yeah, okay, so I love him,_ she thought with a gusty sigh of surrender. Something she'd denied from the get-go, and it had crept up on her little by little until BAM. She was in way over her head.

But now that she had a moment on a calm, snowy night to reflect on her new status as the devirginized girlfriend of her previously puzzling roommate, the fact that she was in love with him no longer seemed to be a problem.

More like an inevitability.

Everything about him, from his bad attitude to the way he'd stretch so his shirt rode up on his abs, from the flash of teeth he'd show when he smirked to how he knew every single one of her buttons to press, all of it, she loved it and she loved him, and there was no coming back from that.

_Oh, well,_ she thought, giggling as she took another sip and gave into this horrific cliché. _I give. But like HELL am I gonna say it first, before he says it to me! Nosirree, Robert._

"You're so fucking creepy, the way you laugh like that to yourself."

Sakura blinked and turned her head, and saw Sasuke standing in the patio doorway with his hands in his pockets, watching her suspiciously.

"Ew, you're the creepy one, skulking around in doorways watching people," she bit back. "I'm enjoying the quiet serenity of a winter's night. Or at least I was, before you decided you were going to lurk around like some voye-HEY!"

Sasuke cut her off by pulling her around to face him and kissing her squarely on the mouth. Butterflies exploded in her stomach and she lifted herself on tiptoe to deepen the kiss.

Before they could get carried away, however, Sasuke pulled back and sighed. "C'mon inside," he said.

"Good idea, you wanna try your bed this time?"

He raised an eyebrow, then shook his head.

"Oh, right, Naruto poisoned it. Okay, we can go for round 2 in my room if you want, or –"

"No," he said flatly. "Not right now, anyway. The idiot's here."

"Pooooooop," Sakura pouted. "I don't understand, why doesn't he stay in his own room? I'm gonna start charging him rent."

"He brought company, too."

"By 'company,' you better mean 'alcohol.'"

Sasuke smirked. "Last I checked, he brought Ino, Kiba, and a bottle of vodka."

"Just one?" Sakura asked mildly, heading back inside with Sasuke trailing behind her. "I don't know if that's gonna be enough…"

If she was being really honest with herself, Sakura didn't mind her friends coming over all the time _half_ as much as she acted like she did. And she knew Sasuke was the same way. Maybe he wasn't the most social of people and, of course, now that they had just embarked upon their doubtlessly-eternal mission of sexuality, there were bound to be a few unwelcome interruptions. But after stressing out so much about making friends her first week of living in Konoha, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't grateful for her newfound popularity.

It definitely made life more interesting.

(Even if right now, she wished they'd all just fucking go home so she could get it on and poppin with Sasuke.)

She shrugged off her coat and tossed it carelessly into the closet before joining Naruto, Ino, and Kiba in the living room.

"Hey, moochers," she said, grinning at all of them as she threw herself on the sofa beside Ino.

"Hey, Bighead," Ino chuckled, raising a shotglass full of vodka, a chaser of what appeared to be orange juice in her other hand. "We were bored on this marvelous winter's evening and decided to grace you with our presence."

"Oh did you." Sakura rolled her eyes and snatched the shotglass out of her best friend's hand, knocking it back; it didn't mix well with the aftertaste of cinnamon tea, unfortunately. But hey, it was 11 pm on January 1st of the new year, and she'd be remiss if she was going to start off the year without a decent buzz.

"Nice PJs, Sak," laughed Kiba from his place beside Ino on the sofa. His arm was sprawled across the back and he looked to be well on the way to drunk already; they must have gotten started early, at his apartment. "Hey, can we all sleep over? I'm drunk, I can't drive home."

"You live in this complex," Sasuke pointed out, sitting in the armchair and looking irritated, most likely for the same reason Sakura was: sexual deprivation. "You don't need to drive."

"Well can someone walk me back to my apartment, then? I can bring over a party favor."

"This ain't a party," Sasuke snapped, at the same time Naruto demanded from the floor, "What kind of party favor?"

* * *

"Smells like skunk," Sakura said dryly, holding the joint in her fingers and appraising it with raised eyebrows.

"I'll have you know that's some of the best cannabis money can buy!" Kiba argued. "And if you ain't gonna take a hit off it, pass it back. That's some Grade-A THC you're burnin' up."

Sakura didn't like to feel like a square, but she'd never smoked pot before, and she wasn't _exactly_ sure how to do it. Sasuke, to her surprise, had simply taken the Ziploc bag Kiba had brought over from his apartment and one of the rolling papers, and rolled the joint they were sharing with all the seasoned skill of a professional. Then he'd let it with a match and took a long, expert drag off of it before passing it expectantly around, and now it was her turn.

_I always thought Sasuke was such a tightass prude no-drug-doing do-gooder,_ she thought, bizarrely impressed by this show of overall badassery. _Turns out I'M the noob! Go figure._

"Why are you looking at it like it's an O-Chem quiz?" Ino asked next to her, clearly impatient for another hit of her own.

"I know!" Naruto shouted, laughing as he pointed at Sakura. "Sakura's never smoked before!"

She glared at him, silently vowing to punish him for his loud mouth later on, but unable to deny the charges against her.

"You're the only hipster at KU who's never smoked pot before!" Naruto went on, reaching for Sasuke's spare videogame controller to pass the time; Sakura kicked it out of his hands and ignored Sasuke's scandalized look.

"I'm _not_ a hipster,_ Naruto,_" Sakura hissed back, as the joint continued to burn in between her fingers.

"You're only a hipster if you deny being a hipster," Ino pointed out sagely. "And Sakura I've seen the way you dress, okay, you're _definitely_ hipster."

"Yeah, them black tights?" Naruto chimed in. "Only hipsters wear black tights with shorts all the time."

"And you drink PBR whenever we go to a party," Kiba added. "Even though it tastes like actual asshole."

"Hey, I happen to _like_ PBR," Sakura snapped. "And excuse me, wearing black tights and drinking PBR does _not_ make me a hipster! My style is _bohemian,_ thank you very much!"

Sasuke did not make any attempt to defend her from hipster accusations, but he didn't join in, either, which Sakura guessed was as good as she was going to get from him. He merely settled back on the armchair and closed his eyes, looking unbelievably relaxed.

"Hey, you're on the soccer team," she pointed out. "Don't they give you drug tests?"

"Only during the season," he mumbled back. "It's after soccer and before baseball. I'm good."

"Quit stalling, Sak!" Kiba laughed, reaching around Ino to pull her hair playfully. "I know you're premed and all, so just think of this as…Mother Nature's cure-all, no-negative-effect-having miracle smoke. And you're good. Then you can call yourself a real, live hipster!"

"Oh, _whatever,_" Sakura hissed, putting the joint between her lips. The smoke in her throat bothered her at first, before she became aware of Sasuke's attention on her with a surprising intensity, considering that he was smoking something that ought to have calmed him down.

"Breathe in," he instructed, "and then breathe again."

"Look at her, holding it in between her fingers like it's a cigarette!" Ino giggled, elbowing Sakura, who glared at her. "You pinch it between your thumb and your two first fingers, come on, girl, have I taught you nothing? That's how real hipsters do it."

"_I'M NOT A HIPSTER!_" Still, though, she altered the positioning of her fingers, painfully aware of everyone's eyes on her.

"Inhale it, Sakura," Sasuke borderline-ordered, staring at the joint dangling in her mouth almost hungrily.

So she did.

She'd been expecting some grandiose, stoner-stereotype to overwhelm her. Perhaps she'd become so hungry all of a sudden for the so-called 'munchies' that she'd run to the meat freezer and tear into Sasuke's meat in some carnivorous frenzy. Or she'd lay back with bright red eyes and giggle at everything and wax philosophical like they did in movies. Or she'd have some kind of hallucination.

But nope. A few hits on the joint and she felt completely relaxed. Naruto's jibes about her hipster denial started to bother her less and less. Her pent-up sexual frustration ebbed as she refocused her attention on how comfortable the divan section of her couch was.

This wasn't bad at all, this was actually kind of nice.

"And she's _officially_ a hipster," Naruto declared, finishing the short and stubbing it out on the bottom of his sneaker. "That's good shit, Kiba, where'd you get it?"

"My sister," he replied lazily, snatching up the videogame controller that Sakura had kicked away from Naruto and turning the TV on to play. "She's got a good connection over at the vet school across town. Crazy, right? All these would-be vets are huge stoners."

"There are studies, though, that prove that marijuana use is no more harmful to you than the consumption of alcohol," Sakura chimed in, weaving her hair into a lazy braid in boredom. "In fact, it's considerably less so. And medically, it serves a host of different functions, like…"

"_Ain't it just like a hipster?"_ she heard Naruto stage-whisper to Sasuke, who was rolling another joint. "_To get high as fuck and still quote smart shit like we're in class?_"

Sakura giggled and rolled her eyes. The skunk smell that had bothered her at the beginning was now actually starting to smell good. This wasn't a bad way to spend a night, just hanging out with her best friends and her boyfriend; would her parents kill her if they knew? Probably.

But there were a great many things they didn't know, that they were better off not knowing. And if goody-two-shoes little Sakura wanted to loosen up for one night and smoke a J with her friends in the safety and privacy of her own home, then she sure as shit felt she had the right.

While Naruto and Kiba started in on a round of Call of Duty: Black Ops, she turned to Sasuke and grinned at him.

"Do _you_ think I'm a hipster?" she asked. "Because if I am, you _so_ are."

He chuckled, perhaps a residual effect of the marijuana, or maybe she just said something he disagreed with so much, he had to find an outlet for his amusement.

"How d'you figure that?" he smirked.

"All the flannel button-ups when we go to parties?" she prodded. "And the pout you give a camera when someone takes a picture of you?"

"I do _not_ pout at the camera."

"Well, granted, it's like your default expression, or whatever, but…"

"I am not a hipster, Sakura."

"You're only a hipster if you deny you're a hipster!" she pointed out, reaching over to prod his arm and laughing at his sour face. "Plus you have this whole borderline-pretentious attitude where you know so much better than everyone else and you only like seedy underground bars, and you don't like anything _mainstream,_ and…"

"Shut up and hit."

He passed her the newly-rolled joint and now, feeling a bit more confident, she took a smooth hit and blew the smoke out of the corner of her mouth. She did not miss the way Sasuke watched her lips as she did so, but before she could comment on it, Ino snatched the joint from her fingers and hit it as well.

It was on about her fourth hit of the night that she started to feel it. The whole not-sexually-frustrated thing went up in smoke (pun intended, always), as she became increasingly aware of Sasuke's attentiveness to her while she smoked. His eyes bore into hers and when she inhaled, he _actually_ licked his lips in some kind of silent, sinful promise that made her stomach muscles clench.

_I don't know if it's this weed that's making me horny or if this is just my life now,_ she thought, traitorous gaze scanning her boyfriend in open, shameless admiration, _but shit. Friends or no friends, I need it right now._

"Ooh, looks like we need another chaser," Sakura remarked, glancing at the empty orange juice jug taking up space on her coffee table. "I'll get it. Sasuke, come help?"

He followed her into the kitchen and the second they were out of sight of their friends, she grabbed his collar and yanked him down for a kiss. She could taste the weed on his breath mixed with mint and cinnamon, and it tasted _unbelievable._

"What're you doing?" he asked, even as he helped her up onto the counter, his lips attacking her sensitive neck.

"Same thing you are," she breathed back, legs wrapping tight around his waist. "You were looking at me like you wanted to have your way with me back in there, sorry I'm not sorry for granting your request."

"I like seeing you do bad things," he confessed hotly in her ear, sending a spike of desire _directly_ to her stomach, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.00.

(It would appear that Sasuke Uchiha became marginally more talkative, when they were on the cusp of some really kickass sex.)

"Bad things?"

"You're such a good girl all the time," he clarified, catching her earlobe between his teeth. "Seeing you drink," he kissed her jaw, "and _smoke,_" he kissed her throat, "and dance like a slut at parties," he kissed her lips, "makes me want you like crazy."

"Since we're apparently in the mood for confessing things, then," she gasped, amazed by the things he was saying coupled with the _things he was doing with his hands,_ "I should probably tell you that I want you like crazy all the time, every day, every minute. And whenever we're not making out, I think about ways to get you to make out with me. And now that we started having sex, I'm thinking about that now, too, and I don't understand why you even let them in the _apartment_ knowing what we could be doing instead."

"Annoying," he murmured in between kisses.

"I _love_ it when you talk dirty," she quipped.

She knew it was a bad idea to get carried away with Sasuke in the kitchen, knowing her three asshole visitors were bound to walk in on them at some point, and maybe it was just the fact that she was high for the first time in her life, but she simply didn't care about that too much. Hearing Sasuke confess that he liked seeing her loosen up every now and again, coupled with this marijuana-inspired _need_ for him, was driving her crazy.

_I'm gonna need to call some sex addict hotline,_ she thought dreamily, when Sasuke's fingers wandered somewhere she didn't particularly mind them wandering, and her back arched promptly in response, her head smacking into the cupboards behind her. _This can't be normal._

And because nothing in her life ever went _completely_ right without fucking up in some unforeseen kind of way, at that particular moment, the front door was thrown open.

"Sasuke!" Sakura squealed, as a man burst inside their apartment. "_SASUKE IT'S A KILLER! GET HIM, SASUKE!"_

He reacted a lot better than she did, anyway; he rushed the intruder with his hand cocked into a fist, ready to mete out some unbelievably kickass justice, but to Sakura's shock and horror, the intruder ducked Sasuke's punch (damn his weed-slow reflexes) and in a movement too fast to be real, had Sasuke slammed up against the wall in the hallway with his arm twisted behind his back.

"HEY!" Sakura screamed. "NARUTO! KIBA! LET HIM GO, WHAT DO YOU WANT, IS IT JEWELS? I DON'T HAVE ANY."

"Hey, buddy," Naruto yelled, joining the scene in the hallway. "You can't just come in here and _oh shit it's the cops!_"

Sakura's eyes widened in horror – if she _really_ ran, she'd have enough time to scramble out the window and leave Sasuke and the rest of them to their fate. But she remembered way back to their first week of school, and how Sasuke had risked life and limb to haul her drunk ass over a fence and away from the police. She couldn't abandon him.

"Nobody move!" one of the officers, whose badge read 'Izumo', ordered from the doorway.

The officer holding Sasuke, Kotetsu, faced the other four stoned teenagers with a smug victoriousness on his face.

"Got a call about a noise disturbance," he informed them, while they stood, wide-eyed, frozen, and _guilty._ "We came down to investigate and what do we smell but _Northern Lights, cannabis indica_ emanating from your apartment. Care to explain that, kids?"

Sasuke grunted in his grip – Sakura got the sense that no one would have been able to get the jump on him if he was in full possession of his mental faculties, but there was a decent amount of marijuana working its way through his system, not to mention the hormones he hadn't gotten the chance to release in the kitchen – and struggled lamely, apparently seeing the futility in it.

"Hey, Kotetsu!" the third officer, a man named Raidou, barked out. "Look at her! Isn't she that girl we almost busted at the frat party back in August?"

Sakura's eyes went even wider in horror; last time, she'd been able to throw them off her scent since her hair was soaked to red in Catalina salad dressing from Thanksgiving. But now…

"First drinking, now drugs," Kotetsu chuckled. "You two are _busted._"

"Oh God _please,_" Sakura sniffed, even while her heart pounded in absolute terror. "I don't go to frat parties, couldn't have been me."

"Nice try, Pinky," Raidou snickered. "We remember your hair, y'know."

"Nuh-uh. I just dyed my hair last week. No _normal _girl has _natural_ pink hair!" _And I am no normal girl,_ she thought, petrified of her immediate fate but trying not to let it show. It was common knowledge that cops smelled fear.

"True enough," Izumo shrugged, stepping inside the apartment fully. "We can't pin the underage on you, but this looks pretty damn incriminating, don't it, sweetheart?"

He entered the living room and picked up the Ziploc bag Kiba had brought, with a considerable amount of weed still left inside. Sakura bit her lip and cast a terrified glance at Sasuke. _What now?!_

"So here's what can happen now," Kotetsu said, releasing Sasuke and dusting his hands off. "Either we can arrest all five of you for possession of a controlled substance, take you downtown, have you booked and fingerprinted, let your colleges and loan officers know, probably get you kicked out of KU for good…

"Or we can confiscate _this,_" he added, snatching the Ziploc bag from his partner, "and let you off with a warning."

"Warning," chorused five desperate voices.

Kotetsu grinned and slid the bag of weed into his pocket. "All right, then. Now I hope you learned your lesson, kids. It may seem cool to smoke pot, but it's illegal in this city and we Konoha cops can _always_ sniff it out!"

"Yes, sir," Sakura, Sasuke, Ino, Kiba, and Naruto all chimed.

Raidou chuckled and clapped Sasuke on the shoulder on his way out. "Let's go, guys. And you two," he added, pinning Sasuke and Sakura with a hard glare, "better watch your step. I don't want anymore calls to this apartment, understand?"

They nodded, Sakura hardly daring to believe they were actually going to get away with something for once, and all three officers filed out as quickly as they came.

_Unbelievable,_ she thought, nearly panicking when she realized how very close she'd come to being thrown out of college. _God save those beautiful cops. So courageous. So honorable. So merciful._

* * *

"Man, this is some good shit," Izumo hissed through his teeth, passing the joint to Kotetsu.

"Yeah, these college kids always have the best connections," Kotetsu replied, chuckling as he took a hit. "And they make it so easy for us."

"You ever think we'll get in trouble for this?" Raidou quipped. "Busting kids for weed, tell 'em we're lettin' em off easy, then taking their shit and smoking it ourselves?"

Izumo laughed. "Dude, we're the cops. We're golden."

* * *

**note..** hey, y'all! kickass response last chapter. wonder why? ;) it cracks me up how many brand new shiny reviewers i got, soooo transparent, but always appreciated nonetheless. i abandoned the whole PM-the-sexy-scene idea because 150 is too many PMs, plus a lot of you left anonymous reviews wanting me to PM you but i have no idea who you are. so instead, i uploaded the sexy scene to my livejournal. jinnyskeans over there, too. there's a link in my profile, and all MA-content is gonna be posted there from now on. so enjoy, you sluts.

also, i have it in my brain-canon that in an AU setting, sakura would be the bohemian one. borderline hipster. and i love the concept of hipster-denial; lately, i don't even deny it anymore. yes, i wear black tights with shorts all year. yes, i drink PBR and smoke in dive bars. yes, i enjoy a nice joint on occasion and i have an undeserved sense of entitlement. and if that makes me a hipster, WHATEVER. lolz so i like the idea of sakura going through that same struggle.

as always, you guys, thank you SO SO MUCH for all the love. all these pretty reviews make me write faster and i appreciate you guys taking time out of your day to tell me nice things. i love you all ;)

xoxo daisy :)


	29. Good Will Hunting and a First Fight

Three weeks into their relationship, Sasuke realized he'd made a grave miscalculation.

He'd gone ahead and assumed something, ignoring the age-old tenet that dictated that those who assumed anything made an ass out of you and me. Or whatever.

He'd assumed that, after making it official with Sakura, he would no longer have to fight the uphill battle against her countless would-be suitors.

It was one of the more frustrating aspects of their dynamic; his self-appointed role to battle away any pushy freshmen assholes, any cocky frat brothers, any touchy-feely TA's who thought they had a chance with her was a difficult burden to bear. He just thought that after coming out with his relationship, perhaps it might deter some of the attention she always attracted to herself.

That, and he had a reputation around campus (deserved or no) that was fairly notorious. He had an infamously terrible temper and he wasn't known for his merciful nature. With just a glare, he could bring an entire army to its knees in most acrimonious surrender, and…

Okay, maybe that was a slight exaggeration, he mused to himself. But still.

He wasn't someone you typically messed around with. That was the main thing. And hitting on a girl who was officially, publically (unfortunately) his girlfriend was base treachery.

Granted, it wasn't usually a problem whenever he was physically _with_ Sakura. When they went out to movies or coffee in town, he'd catch a guy give her the once-over here and there, but usually the guy would register Sasuke's presence and immediately look away.

The problem came when he _wasn't_ with Sakura. They had separate jobs and didn't hang out together 24/7, so there were bound to be times when she was exposed to the elements. Elements, of course, being shithead KU students who ignored his notorious wrath and tried to put the moves on her when he wasn't there to stop them.

The realization that he was actually _jealous_ happened upon him one night when he was at dinner downtown. It was the last few days of winter break, and with a nice dusting of snow outside, he'd decided to join Naruto and the other guys at a bar and grill for some much-deserved steak. (Living with, and dating, Sakura Haruno guaranteed that he was going to die of emaciation by meat deprivation, so he was required to get his fill whenever she wasn't looking.)

Overall, it was a decent night. There was a basketball game on TV in Ebisu's Grille and the place was busy, but not overly crowded. Everyone was gathered around a table working their way through a basket of chili cheese fries and arguing about the upcoming baseball season.

"Okay, so get this," Naruto was saying, his mouth smeared with chili. "You know how I just started my new job, right?"

"Your _first_ job," Sasuke corrected boredly.

"_Whatever,_ dick! Anyway. I'm working in the English department now."

"You're _cleaning_ in the English department now."

"Yeah, dude!" Kiba chimed in, snickering. "Don't make it sound like you're not a fuckin janitor. 'Cuz you are."

"So what?" Naruto demanded. "Good Will Hunting was a janitor, too, and he was way fuckin smarter than his friends just like me. So ANYWAY. I was in the English department-"

"…with a mop…" added Neji with a smirk.

"YOU GUYS SUCK. _This is a good story._ Zip your dicks. So I'm down there today, right? And then this…"

"Oh, the girls are here," said Neji mildly, clearly paying no attention to a fuming Naruto's story as he glanced over at the door.

Sasuke looked up and saw, in a whirl of color and thrift store boots, his girlfriend enter the Grille, accompanied by her friends. His eyes drank in the oversized sweater, skin-tight leggings and combat boots, and he smirked; Sakura could call it 'bohemian' all she wanted, but the girl was a fucking hipster.

She hadn't noticed him yet. Instead she smiled brightly at the seating hostess and said, "Five please!" in reference to herself, Hinata, Ino, Tenten, and Karin; the hostess escorted them to a table in the back of the Grille.

"Dude," Kiba chuckled. "We landed, like, the hottest girls on campus. Someone tell me how that happened."

"Animal magnetism," Naruto answered immediately.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but kept them on Sakura. She set her satchel down and said something to Hinata that made her blush; all the girls laughed.

_She IS really fucking hot though,_ he thought, unable to disagree with Kiba's assessment, at least on his own end. And he could safely say now after weeks of some hard-core, kick-ass sexual exploration, she was just as hot _underneath_ all the hipster clothes she denied wearing.

Suddenly it felt much hotter in the Grille than it had ten minutes ago. And spending time here, eating chili cheese fries with his obnoxious friends, was looking less and less appealing

_When did this become my life?_ Sasuke wondered, smirking wryly at his blisteringly unfortunate circumstances. _I used to completely despise the guy who got a girlfriend and then let her become his primary focus. Now, that's exactly what I fucking am._

He made to stand up, abandon his friends, and join (snatch away) Sakura, but no sooner had he gotten off the stool than Sakura was approached at her table by a tall guy with his arm in a sling.

"Well, here we go again!" laughed Naruto, apparently seeing the same thing; Sasuke's eyes narrowed darkly as another familiar scene unfolded: naïve fucking Sakura, thoroughly unable to handle yet another pathetic, love-stoned loser who had the nerve to approach her. "Let's see how mad the asshole gets _this_ time."

Aware that his friends were snickering, Sasuke growled and sat back down, determined not to give them the satisfaction. It was bad enough that his jealousy affected him so strongly; he didn't need to gratify his asshole friends by letting his unfounded anger show on his face. Sakura was taken, he had to be calm and rational about that. She was bound to have offers; it was up to her to turn them down. And he knew she liked him, so he had nothing to worry about.

"I thought he was gonna break Idate's ass at the football game a few weeks ago," Sasuke heard Kiba stage-whisper to Shikamaru, and they both snorted into their drinks.

_Keep your head,_ he thought sharply. _Don't rise to the bait._

"Well at least Idate had the balls to flirt with her right in front of him," Naruto chimed in. "This guy doesn't even know her boyfriend's in the same room."

There was nothing wrong with finding a girl attractive, and coming onto that girl, when she wasn't standing next to a boy. This guy with his arm in a sling, Sasuke had never seen him around before so he wasn't likely from school, therefore he probably had no idea that the girl he was currently talking up had a boyfriend. It wasn't his fault. He didn't know.

Instead, shoving fantasies of himself breaking the guy's other arm to the back of his head, he watched to see how Sakura would handle herself.

None of them could hear what the guy was saying, but whatever it was made Sakura blush deeply. The other girls were giggling and listening intently, and Sasuke found himself thoroughly resenting whatever was being discussed over there. How _dare_ she blush at this kid, like he deserved something like that? How _dare_ she smile up at him and bat her eyelashes and and and…

The guy remained at her table talking to her for a full ten minutes. _Ten minutes._ In Sasuke's most generous estimation, it should have taken her a maximum of eight seconds to thoroughly reject his creepy advances, attack his character for thinking he had the right to approach her in the first place, explain that she had a terrifying boyfriend who held the deed to her heart and vagina and neither were open for business, toss in some emasculating insults for good measure, and threaten to have his other arm broken by aforementioned terrifying boyfriend if he didn't clear the hell out. Eight seconds and not a nanosecond more.

But, _noooo._ Sasuke was forced to sit with clenched muscles and vivid anger coursing through his bloodstream like a sickness as his girlfriend – his allegedly loyal girlfriend – not only refused to reject some weird creepy guy, but actually _encouraged a dialogue._ Not only that, but her bitch friends were in on it, too. Even Hinata, whom Sasuke had always thought was a one-man, one-woman kind of girl, never voiced her disapproval that Sakura was, essentially, cheating on Sasuke.

The more he thought about it, the more irrationally angry he became. Because didn't it stand to reason that a girl with a steady boyfriend – a steady, _live-in boyfriend_ – who flirted with another guy was a cheating gutterslut? Of course it did. Of course she was cheating on him.

"I'm going home," he ground out, positively irate at this point as he let his imagination run wild. Ignoring his friends' reaction to his (perhaps unreasonable) jealousy, he slammed enough money for his share of the chili cheese fries on the table and stalked out of Ebisu's.

* * *

Sakura danced home like she hadn't completely defiled the sanctity of their relationship a few hours later, as pretty and unruffled as she always was. She slipped inside, kicked off her boots, and greeted him where he sat at the kitchen table, going over his chem notes.

"Hey good-looking, what's cooking?" she said sweetly, kissing him on the cheek before flitting over to the refrigerator. "Actually, I will be in about six seconds. I'm gonna make some manicotti, that okay?"

"I already ate," he ground out stiffly, returning to his homework.

If she noticed his foul moud, she didn't acknowledge it. Instead, she pulled some ingredients out of the fridge and set them on the counter.

"Yeah, me too, this is for tomorrow. I have class, two labs, a lecture with Dr. Tsunade and work tomorrow night so I know I won't wanna cook then, but at least this way we'll have something to heat up real quick. D'you mind if I add spinach? You like spinach, right?"

He did.

"I fucking hate spinach."

She raised her eyebrows at him, clearly not anticipating his rotten attitude, but shoved the spinach back in the fridge. He did not miss the rare conciliatory gesture – Sakura _never_ missed an opportunity to argue with him – and recognized it as guilt. She was probably feeling guilty that she'd gone and slept with that guy with his arm in a sling, only to come back home to Sasuke and have to pretend nothing was wrong.

"All right, no problem."

"Where'd you eat?" he demanded suspiciously, turning his flinty-eyed gaze on her to watch her lie right to him.

She'd lie, of course. That much, he knew for sure. She wouldn't want him to know she'd been having gratuitous sex with a disabled guy in Ebisu's Grille, so she'd make up some story. _Oh, Sasuke, I was in the library studying something about science and I packed a lunch beforehand. Oh, Sasuke, I was having pancakes at the local nunnery. Oh, Sasuke, I was…_

"Oh, I was at Ebisu's Grille with the girls," she replied airily, preheating the oven.

Oh. _Oh._ So she was so remorseless about having cheated on him, that she didn't even bother to try and cover it up. The nerve. The fucking _nerve._

"Anything _interesting_ happen?" he asked coldly, resolving to hear her admit her sexual transgressions from that pretty little mouth.

"Interesting?" she echoed, frowning as she turned back to look at him. "You're acting really weird right now, Sasuke, what the hell's the matter with you?"

"It's a simple question, ain't it?" he snapped. "Why aren't you answering it?"

"Because since when do _you_ ask me _questions_ about my _day?_" she shot back, starting to lose her temper at last. "You don't care where I eat or what I did there, don't pretend like you do."

Okay, so she had a point. It wasn't that he didn't _care,_ per se, just that he wasn't the talkative type. If Sakura wanted to tell him something, then she could, but he wasn't so hard-pressed for conversation that he'd go out of his way to inquire about something as innocuous as a person's daily schedule.

Still. _Still._

"You know what, Sasuke? No. Nothing interesting happened. I had a veggie wrap and a glass of Sprite, talked with my friends, and came home. So maybe you can just fucking chill with the third degree and tell me where you left my fucking collander."

"What the hell is a collander?" he demanded, slamming his textbook closed. "Is that like a diaphragm or something?"

"A _what?!_ It's the fucking _pasta strainer,_ you _ignoramus._ Where did you leave it? You used it to make that godawful mac and cheese the other night and you didn't put it away in the right cupboard."

"_You enjoyed that mac and cheese,_" Sasuke snarled, on his feet in an instant. "And if you want the _strainer,_ then tell me you want the _strainer._ Makin' up those stupid fucking words. _Collander._"

"_What is your problem?_" Sakura yelled, apparently forgetting that, given their recent brush with the law, she should probably keep her voice down lest the police be called again on them. "You've been an asshole to me since the second I walked in, _what_ the hell is wrong with you?"

"Don't act so innocent!" Sasuke snapped. He was raising his voice again, something that almost never happened, except around Sakura. God she just made him so _angry._ "I _saw_ you there! At Ebisu's!"

"You did?" she asked, baffled.

"I was right there the whole time with Naruto and the others," he said triumphantly, finally having her cornered. Oh she was good and caught now.

"Then why didn't you come say hi?"

Okay, so she didn't exactly sound like she'd done anything wrong. The little whore was good.

"_Maybe because you were too busy fucking that guy with a broken arm and I didn't want to interrupt you._"

Sasuke made this declaration in ringing tones, thoroughly pleased with how he'd worded it. Usually it was Sakura who sniped him with the quick, sarcastic zinger that left him speechless, but this time, he was rewarded with the sight of her wide-open eyes and dropped jaw.

"Just admit it, Sakura," he sneered. "I saw you."

"You are not Sasuke. There's just no way." Sakura shook her head, clearly trying to reject the conversation that was unfolding between them.

"_Oh I AM Sasuke, baby, now admit it."_

"God help me. This is how I die. My boyfriend is a pod person sent from space to annihilate me."

"_ADMIT IT!_"

"THAT GUY IS A PATIENT OF MINE!" she screamed, flying at him and seizing his collar with her nasty, cheating whore hands. "ARE YOU CRAZY?! ARE YOU LEGITIMATELY CRAZY?"

"And I bet you service _all_ your patients like that, right?" he snapped. "Let 'em come up and hang all over you at a bar, right?"

She shook him harshly, letting an inarticulate scream of rage escape her throat.

"ARE YOU SAYING THAT I'M CHEATING ON YOU?!"

"_If the shoe fits!_"

As soon as he said it, though, all of his anger – which had, two seconds ago, seemed so justified – suddenly felt a tiny bit irrational. He had no evidence that Sakura was cheating on him, after all…just seeing some guy approach her at a bar didn't mean she was sleeping with him. He'd let his imagination run wild, and…

His head snapped to the side with the force of Sakura's enraged slap, and with a boiling hiss of fury, she stomped into her bedroom and slammed the door shut behind her. He was unsurprised to hear it lock.

They'd argued a hundred times before, so often that they couldn't even be called arguments. More like _dialogue._ But this?

Sasuke attempted to cool his temper as he processed the fact that _this_ was their first real fight.

* * *

**no**te..can i just say something.

first off, this is NOT to the 99% of amazing, lovely people who read and review my shit. this is to the .001% shithead anonymous reviewers and you fucking know who you are: didn't i say, last chapter, that if you have a problem with me mentioning weed, to skip the chapter and not to tell me about it? instead, i get six separate people telling me they think 'less' of me as a person because i, personally, have no problem with it.

you know what else i do, assholes? i volunteer at the children's hospital on the weekends. i give dance lessons to little kids whether or not they can afford it. i walk shelter dogs. i'm in fucking medical school to become a pediatrician because i want to help people. and for you to sit there and judge me as somehow _less_ than a good person because i like to inhale natural herbs every now and then? do you really think you have the right?

i try and keep shit down-to-earth and relatable on a site populated by stories about vampire CEOs signing their doe-eyed secretaries into sexual slavery. and nobody seems to have a problem with underage drinking like that's any more legal or less dangerous? and i'm not asking you to agree with my perspective. but for you to read my stories and get to know me as a person, then find out something i do that you don't do yourself, and JUDGE ME from behind an anonymous review so there's no accountability for you? and you want me to update my stories after you attack my character? because i notice all of you who came at me proceeded to then ORDER ME to update more chapters of my other stories. REALLY? REALLY?!

i delete shithead anonymous reviews. i'm not so desperate for a high review count that i'll leave shit like what i got last chapter up.

and to everyone who only reviewed this story looking for the sex scene, i told you it's up in my livejournal, there's a link in my profile, and you can go back to being silent readers who expect shit from me without having to give something in return.

PHEW. okay, thank you everybody else for listening to that, and i'm sorry to all the people who aren't fucking assholes to me. please know that my philadelphia rage is directed to a handful of dickheads, not to everyone who is a doll and a gem and a sweetpotato to me. i love and appreciate your feedback and and and 631 OH MY GOD SING IT WITH ME. i love you even though this site is pissing me the fuck off lately.

-daisy.


	30. Big, Strong, Handsome

Sakura paced back and forth in her room, stomping her socked feet on the plush carpet, trying to calm herself down.

Her high-stress lifestyle basically ensured that when she got mad, she stayed mad. _Especially_ when she had a legitimate reason to be mad. And _mad_ right now didn't even scratch the _surface_ of how she was feeling.

"I should kill him," she muttered to herself, nodding as she imagined all the different ways she could do it. "And put him out of my misery. Because he's a fucking prick and you should kill fucking pricks, yes."

How _dare_ he accuse her of _cheating_ on him? Did he have absolutely no sense? Was there anything going on in that gorgeous head of his? Anything at all?

_So he sees another guy talking to me,_ she thought, clenching her fingers tight into fists. _And automatically, without any other evidence to support it, without even the SLIGHTEST inkling of truth, he assumes that I'm SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER GUY._

It was so painfully, horrifyingly _unfair._ Sakura was making a serious, concentrated effort to be a good girlfriend. Her earlier anxieties about turning Sasuke off with her temper or inexperience were gone, because she recognized that in order for this relationship to stay afloat, she would really have to _work_ for it. And she was.

She hadn't so much as _looked_ at another guy since she'd started dating Sasuke. Well, except for the black-and-white Humphrey Bogart picture on display in their living room. Because the world's original badass deserved to be ogled even decades after his death, and Sasuke accepted that. But still.

She received offers _all the time_ from other guys. Guys in her class who would attempt to talk her up between lectures, presumptuous guys at the diner who'd write their numbers on the check, guys working out in the gym same time as her. And like a good, loyal, faithful girlfriend, she turned all of them down.

But _no._ Because _Sasuke,_ the miserable _cockroach,_ didn't fucking trust her.

Growling under her breath, she drove her fist into her pillow, imagining it was Sasuke's stupid head.

* * *

"Sakura open the door."

"You can go _fuck yourself._"

"I said open the _door._"

"Sasuke if you don't get the fuck away from my room, I'm going to call my father."

A beat of silence, then, "…you wouldn't."

"_THERE'S NOTHING I WOULDN'T DO."_

"You're overreacting."

"_I'M_ overreacting?! You saw me totally shut down a football player from Iwa who showed up in the clinic with a broken arm, and somehow turned that into _I'm cheating on you!_ Get away from my door or I'm calling Suna."

"You're bluffing, you crazy bitch. And you didn't _shut him down._ You talked to him for _ten minutes._ _Flirting,_ and _giggling,_ and doing that eyelash thing…I _saw_ you, Sakura!"

She ripped open the door so hard it nearly cracked a hinge. Furious with herself for so much as acknowledging his insufferable existence, she snarled, "If this is your way of _apologizing_ to me for being a giant _dickbag,_ then it needs some work!"

"Why should _I _ apologize to _you?_" he demanded, eyes narrowed, teeth bared in a snarl. The universal symbol of aggression. Clearly, Sasuke Uchiha did not know how to bend over and repent like a man. Nope. He intended to go out _fighting._

"_Maybe because you have nothing to be a jealous creep about?!_" she hissed.

"Oh, so I'm a jealous creep, huh."

Pleased with how angry she was making him, Sakura decided to switch to a new tactic. Her lips twisted into a sugary sweet smile, and she leaned up against the doorframe Sasuke was attempting to breach, adopting a seductive pose with one hand ruffling her hair, the other planted on her hip.

(If pissing him off was rewarding, watching the desire flash through his eyes, however briefly, was just gravy.)

"So you really wanna know about him?" she said smoothly. "About that _big, strong, gorgeous_ guy you saw hitting on me?"

"So you _admit_ something happened with him?" Sasuke demanded, and it would have been comical, all the murderous rage passing through his eyes if it wasn't so _terrifying._ Sakura was treading very dangerous territory now.

Good. He fucking deserved what was coming to him.

"Oh something _happened_ all right," she snickered, dragging her hand down her chest and over her stomach, like she was reliving some fantastic sexual experience. (And she was; she and Sasuke had had an especially satisfying marathon the night before, but like hell would she admit that she was remembering _Sasuke's_ hands running all over her body when she was so mad at him.) He watched her hand move with naked fury written all over his face.

"Sakura…"

"He's from Iwa," Sakura went on fearlessly. "He was visiting for some youth conference. But you know how most love stories start from humble beginnings…he'd hurt his arm and I was the one who was…um, fortunate enough to patch him up. And as I was running my fingers all along his _big, strong, gorgeous_ arm, he told me how beautiful I am. And you know, what a refreshing compliment, not at all some kind of unfounded accusation, but _whatever._"

"I knew it," Sasuke snarled. "I knew you were…"

"Oh, don't worry, nothing happened," Sakura proceeded.

"Nothing?"

"Nothing. Well, nothing _yet._"

Sakura never knew someone could inject lava in their eyes, but looking up at Sasuke was like looking into the mouth of an active volcano.

"Yet," he echoed quietly.

"Yet," she affirmed. "What I wouldn't give to have his _big, strong, gorgeous_ arms wrapped around me, and…"

The next second, all the air in her lungs left her in a rush. She blinked and found herself pinned to her bed by a raging-mad Sasuke, his eyes impossibly black and his teeth clenched.

"You think I don't know what you're doing?" he hissed, his grip on her wrists tightening and sending a jolt of electricity surging through her stomach. His hips pressed crudely against hers and made it difficult to pick out her next move. "You think I can't see right fuckin' through you?"

"What do you mean by that?" she asked with would-be apathy, but she was certain the way her thighs kept rubbing together that Sasuke was onto exactly how much he affected her.

"You're fucking with me. You never did anything with that asshole."

Sakura blinked, then scoffed. "Of course I didn't, shithead. Did it really take you that long to figure it out?"

"Don't call me shithead."

"Fine, _anus tart._"

"You're a conniving little bitch," he promised against the side of her throat, and she bit her lip and screwed her eyes shut to keep from kissing him, because he didn't fucking deserve it. "…but I shouldn't have reacted like that."

Sakura's eyes snapped open in shock, and she looked up at him to puzzle out what he'd just said. "You shouldn't have?"

Sasuke sighed, then rolled off of her, sitting up on his side of her bed. The anger had melted from his expression, and he looked sullen, like he'd lost all the fight in him.

"I got…carried away," he mumbled, and Sakura was stunned to see that he even had the decency to look _repentant._ "I should've known you wouldn't do anything with that guy."

"_Or anybody else,_" she said severely, sitting up as well and poking his chest hard with her index finger.

"Or anybody else," he grumbled.

"Geez, Sasuke. Is it so hard to believe that I like you and only you? And that I only want to have sex with _you?_"

He smirked. "'Course not."

"Egomaniac."

"Better than being a _regular _maniac, like _you._"

Sakura sighed, feeling all the bitterness drain from her as well. Yes, Sasuke had pissed her off and hurt her feelings, and yes, it had taken him WAY too long to apologize, but he _had_ apologized, and that was all that mattered. He wasn't the type to say sorry without meaning it, given that he only said it six or seven times a lifetime.

Plus, he looked _really, really good_ in that black V-neck, so…

"Come here, you _big, strong, gorgeous_ hunk of unreasonably jealous sexuality," she giggled, grabbing him by the back of his neck and yanking him down for a scintillating kiss.

* * *

It felt good to be the bigger man.

Woman.

Whatever.

The _old_ Sakura might have held onto her anger for a few days, dragged out Sasuke's stint in the proverbial doghouse just for revenge, but Sakura 2.0 was a changed woman.

She had the grace to move on when thoroughly wronged. But beyond that, she was compassionate enough to accept that not everybody could be as mature about relationship jealousy as she was.

Not everybody could allow their significant other to be in the presence of other opposite-gender individuals and trust that nothing suspect would happen. It took a mighty, mature, understanding heart, and Sakura proudly accepted that she was indeed in possession of one of those.

Not to mention, she knew that dating someone as impossibly attractive as she was had to be cause for concern. It wasn't every day you happened upon a ravishing beauty with natural pink hair and kickass bangs; she couldn't blame Sasuke for being insecure over their status.

She smirked to herself as she slipped into the library, laden down with books and homework, but uplifted by her own personal sense of profound maturity.

_It feels good to be so unburdened by petty, teenage emotions like jealousy,_ she thought with a content sigh, as she settled herself into a private study cubicle and got to work. _If only Sasuke could handle our relationship with such dignity._

"Can I take anything out for you?" she heard a husky female voice ask.

Instantly, she was irritated; this was the fifth floor of the library. The quiet section. Talking or noise-making of any kind was entirely frowned upon this high up. She settled for gripping her pencil a little harder in her frustration, but otherwise made no fuss.

"No," replied a familiar deep voice, and _that_ time, she looked back over her shoulder.

Sure enough, there he was. Sasuke Uchiha in all his glory, perusing a shelf of books, entirely ignorant to his girlfriend's presence or proximity to him.

Or rather, to him and the library assistant _eye-fucking_ him right between Polemics and Intermediary Political Science.

Sakura's eyes narrowed as she spied on the scene, before she caught herself.

_Hey,_ she thought sharply. _Weren't you just gloating on what a mature, dignified girlfriend you are? Don't be a Sasuke. Don't get unreasonably jealous over absolutely nothing, just because someone's flirting with him. It's only base treachery if he flirts back._

She forced her racing heart to calm down, and exhaled slowly through her nose to soothe her rising temper. There was absolutely no reason to lose her head. Sasuke was easily the best-looking guy she'd ever met; he was bound, like she was, to experience some occasional unwanted flirting every now and then. She knew better than anybody that it just came with the territory of being sinfully attractive.

But it didn't make the picture of Sasuke talking with another girl even one iota more appealing.

_Look at this thirsty bitch,_ she thought. _Nice hipster glasses, you pretentious twat._

"Well if you need anything, anything at all," breathed the girl in the hipster glasses, "I'd be happy to-"

"Hn," Sasuke interrupted, selecting a book from the shelf and shoving it into his backpack. Without another word, he sidestepped the girl in the hipster glasses and disappeared quietly into the staircase.

Sakura smiled, pleased with how well Sasuke had handled himself. It had taken one word and one grunt to shut down the girl in the hipster glasses; she couldn't ask for much better than that.

(It was funny, though. She couldn't shake the image of Sasuke and the girl in the hipster glasses out of her head.)

* * *

After a peaceful, amicable, sex-fueled week had passed since their argument about the Iwa patient, Sakura was unwilling to break their mutual armistice by bringing up what she'd seen in the library.

But it continued to eat away at her like a cancer. No matter that she had seen with her own eyes the five second duration of Sasuke's interaction with the girl in the hipster glasses. No matter that she had witnessed his innocence in the situation and knew firsthand how annoying it was to be judged based on another's unrequited in you. No matter that she had spent the last week inflating her own ego with pretty words like 'mature' and 'trusting' and 'not an obsessive Sasuke-like psychopath.'

She just couldn't stop thinking about the girl in the hipster glasses.

Was it hypocritical of her? Yes.

Was it unfair of her? Yes.

Did it matter? No.

Part of her discomfort with the whole topic stemmed from Sasuke's continued presence in the library throughout the rest of the week. He wasn't aware that she studied on the fifth floor, so he had no way of knowing that she was keeping tabs on his library whereabouts. He thought she was at home, blissfully unaware of exactly how often he frequented the library.

More specifically, the fifth floor. Where the girl in the hipster glasses worked.

She told herself it was a perfectly innocent thing, rushing to the library after classes to watch Sasuke putz around in the 'P' section. Sure as shoot, the girl in the hipster glasses was there every single day, offering, in varying tones of seduction, to help Sasuke with his studying. Directing him towards the 'anatomy' section, which was really just the tiny cubicle in the back; inviting him to post-closing study sessions every night; posing by the bookshelves whenever he got up to check a reference.

All this, Sakura watched calmly, with cold calculation, but she had yet to act on her anger.

Because yes, she could understand the girl in the hipster glasses coming onto Sasuke once. But he'd shut her down; she had no reason to keep trying at it. And he had no reason to keep going to the _library,_ when he could _easily_ study at home.

So what other reason did he have for coming here, huh? Besides getting a glimpse of whatever the girl in the hipster glasses was wearing _underneath_ her stupid skinny jeans?

Sakura knew she was swiftly becoming guilty of the same thing Sasuke had been guilty of last week – stalking her significant other, making assumptions without knowing all the facts, and letting her imagination run wild – but she didn't care. She was jealous and she knew it, and what's more, is it didn't matter. Nothing could curb her envy, so she was determined to catch Sasuke in the act.

Then, she'd put in a call to Suna, and have her father bring his shiny new baseball bat to bash his fucking head in for cheating on her.

And with a _hipster_, no less.

Completely ignoring her homework, she set up in her usual cubicle facing the bookshelves to watch Sasuke commit most egregious infidelity.

Sasuke was studying quietly to himself for twenty-two whole minutes before the girl in the hipster glasses made her grand appearance. Sakura's eyes narrowed as she watched her love rival stride sinfully into Sasuke's cubicle, wearing less clothes than anybody had any right to wear in January, and she prefaced her usual flirtation with a casual, "Hey, _Sasuke._"

_So they're on a first name basis, huh?_ Sakura thought, glaring. _You scarlet woman._

"Get out," Sasuke mumbled. "You bother me."

_He's supposed to only snap rude comments at me!_

"Why're you always so mean?" asked the girl in the hiipster glasses, not sounding remotely detracted from her goal of smashing Sakura's boyfriend. "You're single, I'm single…"

"Not single," Sasuke muttered. "Leave. Annoying."

_I'M THE ONLY ONE HE'S ALLOWED TO CALL ANNOYING!_

Sakura slammed her palms flat on her desk and rose sharply to her feet, the legs of her chair scraping loudly against the floor. Everyone else studying on the fifth floor shot her a dirty look but she didn't care. Enough was enough. Sasuke was definitely up to _something_ with that girl, and she was going to confront him about it.

She even had a killer opening line.

"So it's come to _this,_" she snapped, appearing like lightning in front of her adulterous boyfriend and his harlot mistress, hands on her hips, triumph and fury in her blood in equal measure.

"Sakura," Sasuke remarked, and then he rolled his eyes, which infuriated her.

The girl in the hipster glasses, however, snapped, "This is a _library,_ keep your _voice down!_"

"ADMIT IT!" Sakura shouted, losing her temper completely. "YOU'VE BEEN SLIPPIN' IT TO THIS THIRSTY BITCH THIS ENTIRE WEEK! ADMIT! SO I CAN SMASH HER HIPSTER GLASSES BECAUSE WHO EVEN CARES ABOUT HIPSTERS NOT ME THAT'S FOR SURE."

"Did you just say 'slipping it'?" Sasuke echoed in disbelief. "Oh, Jesus Christ, Sakura."

"Don't think I haven't seen with my own eyes what the hell you've been doing with this…this _prostitute._ You've been taking her to fuck town on the pound truck."

"Pound town on the fuck truck," Sasuke corrected smugly, and he even had the nerve to _smirk._

"So you CONFESS," Sakura snarled. "That's it. That does it. I'm calling my father and boy is he gonna smash your fucking skull. You have no idea. NO IDEA."

"Calm your ass down," Sasuke scolded, smirk still in place. "You're a fuckin' hypocrite."

"I'm only a _hypocrite_ if you're _not guilty._ But you _are._ And so say goodbye to your head, because Daddy's gonna cut it off when he's done with you and mount it on a pike in our front yard as a warning to other shithead cheater roommate boyfriends, and…"

"Nothing happened, you moron."

"OH REALLY? THEN WHY COME HERE, HUH? WHY COME TO THIS PLACE ALWAYS? WE HAVE AN APARTMENT YOU CAN STUDY AT RIGHT SO WHY COME HERE?"

"Because I thought _you_ were at home," Sasuke snapped. "And you have this really irritating habit of _mouth-breathing_ when you _study._ And I didn't want to get distracted so I came here out of fucking _courtesy,_ but it turns out all that's in vain, since you're fucking crazy, and…"

"Wait. You..you really come here just to get away from my study mouth-breathing? It's not…because you're letting the girl in the hipster glasses take a ride on your disco stick?"

"'Course not. But you sound like Brainy from Hey Arnold when you study and I can't fucking pay attention."

Sakura knew at that moment, when she threw her arms around his neck, gleeful to know that Sasuke still belonged to her (if not her mouth-breathing), that she was head over heels in love with him.

(And, of course, that they had the single most dysfunctional relationship in the history of everything.)

* * *

**note..** hey beauties.

i'm gonna save myself and everyone else a lot of stress by simply saying this: if you review this story just to start problems, save yourself the trouble and don't. thank you.

AND 632, y'all? i got a couple pm's and what-have-you's asking me what my feelings are. everyone's all hype about the possibility of sasusaku (which i believe to be canon, but that's just my opinion.) but what i like about the newer chapters isn't the sasusaku, it's the sakura. bitch is fucking great. ino kicks ass and sakura kicks extreme ass and that's just awesome. people get too swept up in this canon war, i think.

so hit me up, y'all. if this story makes it to 2000 reviews, i'll poop my pants. (and that should be super rewarding for frankford hall patrons tonight, since i'm wearing a leather mini skirt.)

xoxo daisy :)


	31. Sicko

The morning of January 31st began like any other.

Sasuke woke up in his bed fresh as a daisy. Monday mornings weren't the hassle he used to find them to be anymore. Maybe it was because he was doing well in his classes so far, maybe it was because the snow had finally let up outside, maybe it was because he was getting it on the regular from his bonerific roommate/girlfriend/succubus. He couldn't tell which.

Nonetheless, though, he woke up and decided to let Sakura, still curled up in the blankets beside him, sleep awhile longer. Doubtlessly, he realized with a smirk, standing out of bed and heading towards the shower, he'd worn her out the night before. Not that it could be helped, of course. Uchihas were known to be utterly relentless.

…professionally.

Whatever.

On the docket for today were two classes, one at 10:30 am and the other right afterwards at 1:25, followed by a 4:00 to close shift at Akimichi's. A busy day by anyone's standards, but Sasuke, for some reason, still probably high off the hormones coursing through his body, couldn't find it in him to be bothered by that.

His shower was hot and refreshing, since, for once, he made it into the bathroom before Sakura did. Though she was trying to be more courteous lately with the limited hot water by allowing him to share her showers, it was a rare treat to enjoy the heat solo every now and again. He allowed himself fifteen minutes of uninterrupted bliss before turning off the spigot, toweling himself off, and getting dressed for the day.

Sakura, meanwhile, remained a motionless lump underneath his blankets. Poor thing, he must have sapped her of all her energy the night before. Smirking widely, he said, "Oi. Get up. You'll be late for class."

Sakura missed class actually zero percent of the time. To his knowledge, she'd never even been late to a lecture, let alone blown one off before. She normally begrudgingly yanked herself out of bed, got ready and by the time she put away a mug of coffee, she was raring to go.

Today, though, she merely let out a muffled growl-type noise from under the comforter and ignored him.

Weird.

"Sakura, get up," he snapped, not wanting to be on the receiving end of her temper for letting her oversleep.

"Fuck off," he vaguely heard her grumble.

"I'm not listening to you bitch me out later for not getting you up on time," he said shortly, and with that he yanked the comforter off of her body.

The sight that greeted him was both pathetic and adorable in equal measure.

She was curled up into herself in a tiny little ball of misery, pink hair in messy disarray over the pillow. Her button nose was red and inflamed, and when she turned her eyes on him to glare at the rude blanket removal, he saw that they were glassy and out of focus.

A quick palm to her clammy forehead confirmed the obvious:

Sakura was sick.

"I feel like _ass,_ Sasuke!" she moaned, tears leaking from her eyes as she engaged in a disgusting display of self-pity. She tugged the blanket back from his hand with surprising strength, considering her current pathetic state. "Give me back my _blanket_ and go get me some _medicine,_ can't you see I have a cold?"

Sasuke's first instinct was to grieve for the state of himself, and his bed. First, Naruto and Hinata had bastardized the mattress on Halloween, when Hinata allegedly conceived their false positive. Just when he thought he'd desanitized the sheets enough, along came Sakura to sneeze and drool all over his life.

"You're gonna miss class," he said, as though that could change her mind.

"_Do you think I give a shit?_" she snarled, then paused to sneeze all over his pillow. "Just go _away_, Sasuke! I want to die, can't you see I have pneumonia?"

"You're overreacting," he said dryly, folding his arms in disapproval.

"You're underreacting!" she cried, replacing the blanket over her head. "Can't you see I have the bubonic plague?"

"Whatever, Sakura." He grabbed his backpack from his desk chair and slung it over his shoulder.

That was all the goodbye she was getting from _him._ Infecting his bed like that. Who did she think she was?

* * *

"Hey, Sasuke!"

He looked up from his contemplative walk to his second class, and found Ino hustling towards him, looking hassled.

"Ino," he greeted.

"Ugh, I'm still getting used to the campus layout here," she griped, shoving a Konoha University campus map under his nose. "I have this Psych lab in SRE building level 2. Only I don't even know what those letters mean or where the hell the building is, it isn't marked. Can you show me? I'm so late!"

"Aa. It's not SRE anymore. It's PSY. Over the bridge," he pointed, "it's the stone building by the lake."

The lake was a rather generous term for the small body of water KU had installed in the middle of the city to add a touch of nature to its urban campus. Sasuke thought a rather more accurate term would be 'dirty puddle,' but he could understand how that might not appeal to incoming students.

"Useless," Ino groaned, smacking her forehead. "How are they gonna just change the names of the buildings and not record it on the maps?"

Sasuke smirked. "Maybe if you'd started out at KU like the rest of us, you wouldn't feel like such a dumbass all the time."

Ino's blue eyes narrowed up at him, and she snatched her map back with an indignant huff. "No wonder Sakura texted me wanting me to take soup to her today."

"Huh?"

"You heard me, you twat. She has a rare strain of ebola, she said, and she mentioned that you wouldn't help her out at all. I have to head over there after this stupid dumbass lab to take care of her, since her, and I quote, 'insensitive boyfriend-type won't lift a finger.'"

Sasuke's temper flared at Sakura's wording, but he was struck by an odd pang of emotion he'd almost never felt before meeting Sakura:

Guilt.

If his girlfriend really _was_ as sick as she (exaggerated) claimed to be, all he'd done was call her names and leave her in a pathetic pile of illness on his bed. He'd felt for a fever and then left her to deal with it on her own.

"Don't bother going," he mumbled, feeling suddenly sheepish. His second lecture – Human Sexuality, a subject he felt he had a superb grasp on given the events of the last few weeks – was starting to look more and more blow-off-able. And he did get a pretty sweet discount at Akimichi's, so it wouldn't break the bank to pick up some Nyquil and chicken noodle soup on the way… "I'll go. Whiny little brat wanted me to do it anyways."

Ino's eyebrows raised. "I'm impressed. And I'll give you fair warning, Sakura's a _nightmare_ to deal with when she's sick."

"She's a nightmare to deal with all the time," he muttered.

"No, you don't understand. Like, she only gets sick maybe once a year around this time, but the way she acts, it's…it's unreal. You think she's bad on her period? It's like that times a million, plus a runny nose and sore throat mixed with a cocktail of _misery._"

"Go to your lab, Ino," Sasuke scoffed. "I can handle it."

* * *

A half hour later, he decided he fully could _not_ handle it.

Mr. Akimichi was understanding when he showed up looking for medicine and soup, explaining that his girlfriend had a cold and was incapable of taking care of herself.

"Take the night off, kid," he advised. "It'll be slow anyway, what with the snow coming in later on." _Perfect,_ thought Sasuke sarcastically. _Thought we were done with fucking snow._ "Believe me, you can either be responsible today and study and work, or you can be happy. Don't forget that. Always keep the missus happy."

"She's not my missus," Sasuke snapped. "She's my _complete and utter burden._"

"Thattaboy, Sasuke!" said Mr. Akimichi cheerfully, ringing him up for his items and shunting him out the door.

_Great,_ thought Sasuke irritably, laden down with his backpack and a few plastic bags full of shit he wasn't personally going to use. _Not only do I miss my second class today, I also have to pick up another shift over the weekend to make up for this one. So much for monster truck rally. HORSESHIT._

He stomped back inside his apartment with tears of cold in his eyes. He expected Sakura to be exactly where he left her, spreading germs on his bed with her infectuous diseases; at least then, he could quarantine her inside his room so she couldn't infect the rest of the apartment.

Instead, he found her spread luxuriously across the sofa, _his_ blankets wrapped around her like a Native American papoose, surrounded on all sides by a thousand used Kleenex, glassy eyes teary as she watched a slasher movie on TV.

"What the hell are you doing out of bed?" he demanded, slamming his groceries on the kitchen counter in annoyance. "Goddamn it, Sakura, you're gonna get your germs all over the house!"

Sakura's normal response would be something along the lines of, "You're gonna get your liver all over the house if you keep yelling at me like that, you think I won't machete your small intestine, think again, mother fucker." Again, he was paraphrasing.

Instead, Sasuke was shocked to see Sakura turn towards him, lip quivering, nose running, before she burst into tears.

"Y-You _hate_ m-m-me!" she wailed, hiding her face in his favorite blanket.

Like a sledgehammer right to the guilt bone, Sasuke was at her side in a second.

"I don't _hate_ you!" he exclaimed, bemused at her reaction. It wasn't in Sakura's aggressive nature to be so…_pathetic._ She was a sweet girl at her core, but he could always count on her to take his insults in stride. Never had she copped so quickly to his attitude.

Maybe she really _was_ sick.

"Of course you d-d-do," she sobbed, voice muffled, shoulders shaking. "Y-You came b-b-b-back to k-kick me out and it's b-b-because I'm gr-gross!"

It was like watching a baby giraffe being born: adorable and revolting all at once.

"I came back because you're sick," Sasuke argued, reaching out to stroke her hair, then thinking better of it when he remembered the incubus of viral plague his girlfriend had become. "C'mon, calm down. I'll make your soup."

"Y-you're gonna m-make m-me noodle s-soup?" she said, peeking out from under her covers.

"Chicken noodle."

"I c-can't have _ch-chicken noodle!_" Sakura sobbed, retreating yet again. "I'm a _vegetarian!_ Or d-doesn't that m-matter to y-you?!"

"'Course it matters!" Sasuke had no idea how to handle this Sakura, who was so trembly and pitiful right now he almost couldn't believe it was her. It had just been his first instinct to grab a few cans of chicken noodle soup off the shelf; chicken noodle was the gold standard in curing someone of a cold. He'd completely forgotten to take his girlfriend's irritating vegetarian status into account beforehand. A simple mistake.

Sakura's cries shook the room.

"I'll…I'll make it and fish out all the chicken pieces," he said quickly, not bothering to calculate just how much time something like that would take.

"Okay," Sakura whimpered, returning to her slasher movie.

It was on the sixteenth piece of plucked chicken that he realized he was in way over his head with this.

_Should've let Ino come take care of this shit,_ he thought, popping a piece of chicken into his mouth after it was extricated from Sakura's soup. _She's even scarier and more erratic than usual. Takes her two seconds to break down crying and I don't like the fact that she watches machete movies when no one's around._

It wasn't that he didn't care about her, far from it. He was Sasuke Uchiha, and he wasn't about to abandon his education and career (Human Sexuality class and night shift at a grocery store, respectively) for just anybody. And he _did_ really care about Sakura, and not just in a sexually-specific way, either.

But this was a side to Sakura he'd never before encountered. He had to wear kid gloves right now, because it looked like she'd break into a million pieces if he said the wrong thing. And in a relationship built almost exclusively upon saying the wrong thing to each other, this was a very dangerous balance to strike.

"Here," he said, handing her the bowl of noodle and broth, hold the chicken. She accepted it with a shaky smile, looked down at it, and burst into tears all over again.

"Jesus, Sakura, now what?"

"This…is…the…nicest…thing…anyone's…ever…done…for…m e," she choked.

"Quit it or you'll spill it all over yourself!" Sasuke snapped, reaching out to steady the bowl. "Come on, calm down and eat. You're a mess."

Wrong thing.

"I'M SO GROSS!" Sakura screeched, foregoing the soup and burying her snotty, blotchy face in his shirt instead. "DON'T LOOK AT ME, SASUKE! MY BEAUTY HAS FADED!"

"Oh for Christ's sake, it hasn't _faded,_ Sakura. You're _sick._"

He wanted to forcibly pry her grubby fingers off his shirt, lest she infect him with her bubonic plague, but so far they'd avoided skin-to-skin contact. It was the first time in six months he'd wanted to avoid skin-to-skin contact with Sakura Haruno, but he couldn't afford being sick right now, not with so much going on, and baseball starting up next week.

So he let her hold onto him, awkwardly patting her tangled hair, while she sobbed her heart out.

For as irritating and unpredictable as Sick Sakura was, Sasuke couldn't help but pity her. Judging by the heat radiating from her forehead through his shirt, her fever hadn't yet broken. He could hear the congestion in her nose, and when she coughed into her fist, he heard it there, too, seeping back into her throat.

"C'mon, Sakura. Eat. Then I'm giving you Nyquil and you're going to bed."

"But…but you have s-school. And w-work. You shouldn't be here."

"Don't worry about it," he said stiffly, not quite used to handling someone's bemused gratitude. "Here."

He shoved a spoon in one of Sakura's hands and made her grip the bowl with the other. Still crying with misery and gratefulness, she tucked into the soup with slow, sad movements. Content that she was getting some good food in her system, he extricated himself from the situation to call Dr. Tsunade, Sakura's teacher, about an appointment.

"She's carrying on like you wouldn't believe," he reported, when Dr. Tsunade asked him to describe Sakura's symptoms. "She's sneezing and coughing, her voice is shit, she can't stop crying and her fever won't break. Can you see her today? She's a mess."

"If you can get her in here, I've got just the thing."

"What do you mean, if?" he repeated, scoffing. "If I say she's going, she's going."

Dr. Tsunade chuckled on the other line. "You do know, Uchiha, that doctors make the worst patients?"

"She ain't a doctor yet. She's coming in."

"All right, then. Don't say I didn't warn you."

He hung up, entirely convinced that he had a handle on the situation as he joined Sakura in the living room again. An empty bowl of soup sat on the coffee table as she worked her way through the next box of Kleenex, looking no better than she had earlier.

"C'mon, Sakura," he ordered.

"Where are we g-going?" she sniffled.

"The infirmary."

He'd expected her to nod obediently, stand up, and let him drive her to Dr. Tsunade's office on campus. Maybe a smile of undying gratitude at all the sacrifices he was making for her today. Nothing more than strict, immediate acceptance of his commandments.

Instead, Sakura's eyes widened like he was holding her at gunpoint.

"No," she said quickly.

"No?"

"I said no. I'm not going. You can't make me."

"You're acting five years old, Sakura. Get up or I'll _get_ you up. You have to see the doctor, this could be the flu."

"I don't need to see the doctor," Sakura retorted, glassy eyes steeling over in resolution. "I need to sleep this off. I'll be fine. Go away, Sasuke. I'm not going to the doctor."

"It's just _Tsunade._ She's your boss. You really think she'll be fine with you hiding out when you could have the flu? You're a med student. You're supposed to know better."

"I do know better. That's why I'm never going to the infirmary. I know better than you. Butt out."

"Sakura don't make me carry you."

"You. Wouldn't. Dare."

When he took a purposeful step towards the sofa to do just that, she grabbed her empty bowl of soup and held it threateningly over her head.

"One more step and I throw it at you," she snapped. "I said I'm not going and I meant it."

Her pitiful crying and whining seemed to screech to a halt as she panicked about going to the doctor. And Sasuke flat-out didn't have time for any of it, which was the only reason he was pondering this next thoroughly irresponsible, entirely unethical move.

"Fine," he said flatly.

"Fine? I don't have to go?"

"You're a grown woman. I can't make you do anything. But you _are_ gonna drink some fucking tea."

"Okay," she said with a cautious smile. "Okay, yeah, I'll have tea."

_You'll have VERY SPECIAL tea,_ Sasuke thought with a wicked grin, brewing her a cup of raspberry framboise with a secret ingredient: two adult-size servings of Nyquil. He stirred it in carefully, counting on the berry taste to camouflage what he was spiking her with. Sasuke knew firsthand how deeply Sakura slept, and knew that with so much Nyquil coursing through her system, she was bound to be out like a light.

Long enough for, say, a quick trip to Dr. Tsunade's.

"Here," he said, handing her the cup and folding his arms expectantly. "Not moving till you drink it."

Sakura, knowing this was the alternative to a trip to the doctor's office, accepted the tea quickly, and drank it as fast as she could to show willing. She blinked and smiled.

"Thanks, S-Sasuke," she said sweetly, sniffling a little.

Ten seconds later, her head hit the couch pillow and Sasuke smirked.

Out like a light.

* * *

"You know, this is horribly unethical," Dr. Tsunade said as Sasuke entered her office, his sick girlfriend slung over his shoulder. She had her hands on her labcoat-covered hips, and she shook her head at the scene. "You roofied your girlfriend."

"I didn't give her a _roofie,_" he scoffed. "It's _Nyquil._"

"Essentially the same thing, you know. You could be arrested for this."

Sasuke shrugged and dropped Sakura unceremoniously onto the exam table. "She hasn't gotten me arrested yet, even trying her hardest," he said carelessly, sitting down in one of the patient's chairs with his arms folded like he'd done nothing wrong.

Dr. Tsunade just sighed and readied a flu shot.

* * *

"Glaring at me isn't gonna change anything," Sasuke said flatly.

Sakura had woken up just after being given a preventative flu shot by a disapproving but resolute Dr. Tsunade. Upon realizing that she'd been drugged and kidnapped, she proceeded to jump down from the exam table and attack Sasuke, but her equilibrium was off from being sick and she instead fell right on the floor.

Sasuke, long-suffering, helped her out of the office with a nod to Dr. Tsunade.

He was now forced to endure an icy trip home in the Jetta, one hand on the steering wheel, the other massaging his temple to fight a headache.

"You have a cold," he said shortly, pointedly ignoring the slightly demented way Sakura was glaring at him from underneath her hoodie. "Dr. Tsunade was right to give you a flu shot. You should've gotten one before. You work at a _hospital,_ for Chrissake."

Far creepier than Sakura responding, however, was her frosty silence. He chanced a peek at her and saw that with her hood pulled up over her head and her beady, glassy little eyes red and full of hate, she looked like a Sith lord. Easily the most terrifying thing in the universe.

"I did you a favor," he finished his lecture, pulling into the parking lot. "Now you're going straight to bed. _My_ bed. I'm taking yours tonight, hopefully you haven't infected that one, too."

Sakura refused to speak to him for the remainder of the night. She stomped into his bedroom and slammed the door shut behind her, which suited him fine; she could pitch a fit all she wanted to, but now she had a flu shot, some food in her system, and the rest of the night to sleep off her bad day.

Meanwhile, he set about the work he'd missed in Human Sexuality, followed by a quick dinner of Sakura's unwanted chicken bites. Then he headed with a sigh to her unoccupied bed, passing by his own bedroom with a shake of his head.

Hopefully she'd feel better in the morning, and he'd never have to do this again.

* * *

Sasuke woke up in the middle of the night, with a strange feeling, like he was being watched. Sure enough, when he rolled over, there she stood. Wearing a white T-shirt and standing over the bed, staring at him with a blank expression on her face.

This was always the kind of death Sasuke had expected, ever since signing the lease back in August. Sakura, standing over him while he slept, most likely holding a knife. Just watching him. Fear seized him and he sat up in alarm, wondering how best to disarm her, which was the most efficient attack to use to defend himself…

"You drugged me," she rasped, her voice barely audible from her sickness. "You lugged me in your car to the doctor's and made me get a shot while I was unconscious. Then you drive me back home and make me go to sleep in your bed."

_She's out of her mind,_ he thought, panicking now. _She's reading off her list of grievances against me and now she's gonna kill me. This is it._

"And do you know what I'm gonna do to you?" Sakura hissed, her face partially hidden by the darkness; he saw her lean in close. She most likely wanted a decent view of his throat when she slashed it open.

"Sakura, I…"

And then for the millionth time, Sakura surprised him. She kissed his forehead, her lips chapped and dry but warm, and he was struck by the amount of affection she poured into it.

"I love you, Sasuke," she said with a smile, and Sasuke's eyes widened even further.

_She's delirious,_ he thought, watching as she coughed a little, then climbed into bed with him. _She doesn't know what she's saying. It's the NyQuil. I used too much._

"I probably dunno what I'm saying," she murmured, curling up against him, germs and all. "You used enough NyQuil to take out a bull elephant, Jesus, Sasuke. So if I forget I told you this, remind me sometime. 'Kay?"

"O…Okay."

Whether or not she remembered confessing was none of his concern. In that moment, Sasuke decided he loved every bit of Sakura Haruno. Germs included.

Two people slept soundly with faces burning hot that night. One from a fever of 102, one with the knowledge that the girl he was not-so-secretly in love with, loved him right back.

* * *

**note..** can i just say thank you. thank you for 2000 reviews, you guys are unbelievable :)

xoxo daisy :)


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